Let Them Go, Let Them Grow

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Jun 20, 2015 | Anton Media

By Andrew Malekoff

As parents, we naturally want to keep our children safe. But it’s important to remember that, while it’s a parent’s job to protect, it’s a child’s job to explore. But for mothers and fathers who came to the United States from countries in Central and South America that are rife with war, gang violence and poverty, allowing their children—and especially their daughters—to explore the world around them can be terrifying.

Regardless of their origins, it’s natural for all teens to want to be accepted by their peers and feel like they are part of American culture, but it’s understandable that the parents of first-generation Latinas are extremely overprotective. Many immigrated to America because they wanted their families to be safe, which results in a tendency to continually hover over their daughters. Many of them won’t let the girls participate in typical teen activities, such as sleepovers, dating or trips to the mall, which makes the girls feel trapped and isolated.

Even if the teens are allowed to go out with friends, they are required to have a chaperone, such as a parent or brother. In addition, they are often relegated to gender-biased roles, required to cook, clean and take care of their siblings, while their brothers are treated, as one girl said, “like princes.”

The result of these conflicts: An increasingly large number of teenage Latinas were coming to North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center with depression, self-harming behaviors and suicidal thoughts. Some had even attempted suicide.

Determined to help these girls and their families, Associate Executive Director Regina Barros-Rivera gathered a team of bilingual, multicultural counselors from the Guidance Center and created the Latina Girls Project, an innovative program that employs counseling, monthly outings and other activities designed to tackle issues such as hopelessness, poor self-esteem and school refusal (a disorder of a child who refuses to attend school or has problems staying in school).

Individual, group and family therapy are integral pieces of the program. Through therapy, the girls develop trust, learn healthy ways to deal with stress and depression and find better ways to communicate with their parents.
But the monthly outings are also a very important element of the Latina Girls Project. During one trip to Manhattan, the girls took part in a workshop led by female artists, dancers and poets, all accomplished and confident Latina women. This was a huge adventure for the teens, because they were so often stuck in their home communities—and also stuck in feelings of low self-esteem, shame and self-consciousness.

At first, the girls couldn’t say anything positive about themselves; they had no access to such self-affirming feelings. But they gradually spread their wings, bit by bit, and took part in art, dance and writing. The teens were uplifted by witnessing the confidence and compassion of these powerful role models, who told the girls to look in the mirror and see their own strength and beauty.

This workshop, along with other trips to historical sites, artistic venues and nature settings, help the girls shift from feelings of helplessness to hopefulness. Over time, they find their voices and discover the inner strengths that had eluded them.

By participating in family therapy and also witnessing the transformation their daughters experience, the girls’ parents become more compassionate and understand that they need to let their teens separate in healthy, age-appropriate ways. As one girl put it, “My parents learned that I just wanted them to be there for me and listen. They learned that it doesn’t help to question why I feel the way I do but to accept it and support me.”

Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit ww.northshorechildguidance.org.

Additional Information: View Website Link

Help Your Kids Blossom

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | May 20, 2015 | Anton Media

Finally, what seemed like the longest winter in memory is over. I’m grateful to spend time soaking up the sun, walking and biking along the boardwalk in my Long Beach neighborhood.

But during my excursions, it saddens me to see how many young people are isolated and clueless about the beauty of the world surrounding them. Most are staring down at their phones as they text or scroll through their Instagram feeds.

For other kids, their tech device of choice doesn’t even make it out of the house. It can be a perfect spring day and these youngsters prefer to stay indoors, playing video games or glued to some other electronic device. Regardless of their protestations otherwise, a number of these children and teens are not only lonely and miserable, they’re also at risk of a host of problems.

Here are just a few: We all know that obesity is an epidemic in our culture, and a big reason is that our kids’ addiction to gadgets means they’re not outside running around and playing. When kids spend all their time on Facebook instead of face-to-face with their peers, they feel isolated and alone. Research suggests that nature-deprived kids are prone to anxiety and depression.

Here at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, we’ve seen firsthand how children blossom when they “get back to the garden.” At our Roslyn Heights headquarters, groups of children and teens water, seed and weed our organic bed, and they are filled with joy when they see the vegetables grow. Moreover, since much of the produce they harvest is donated to local food pantries, they experience the pride that comes from helping others.

Through their work in the garden, kids who were shy and insecure developed self-confidence and made new friends. They learned leadership and team-building skills. Tending the garden and watching it grow intensified their sense of wonder and curiosity.

Gardening helps kids connect to the earth, to each other and, yes, even to their parents. Young children will be in awe as you show them the fruits (and vegetables) of your joint labor. If your teens are reluctant to work with you, expose them to tools that they can begin to master—and don’t be surprised if they end up joining you in the garden.

Another plus: Gardeners achieve a natural state of calm and focus called “mindfulness.” Though people often associate it with meditation, mindfulness doesn’t require hours of prayerful silence or chanting mantras. Mindfulness at its core is about staying in the present, moment by moment, to feelings, thoughts, bodily sensations and the surrounding environment.

Mindfulness is an inherent part of the experience of gardening; it gives kids new ground to stand on, both literally and figuratively, embracing their senses of sight, smell, sound, touch and taste. Mindfulness in nature calms the brain, allowing for reflection and healing and it’s also great for the body.

If gardening isn’t up your alley, not to worry. Being outdoors—whether hiking, biking or swimming—restores the spirit. There’s bound to be an activity your kids will enjoy.

So, whether you are 8 or 80, take advantage of the beautiful weather and find your bliss. It’s right outside your door.

Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

Additional Information: View Website Link