(From left) Honorees Andrea and Michael Leeds, Congressman Tom Suozzi, honorees Rita and Frank Castagna, state Sen. Todd Kaminsky and honoree Deirdre Costa Major contributed to the success of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center’s 65th Sapphire Anniversary Gala.
Councilwoman Viviana Russell, Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust, Adriann J. Combs and Dr. Martine Hackett
On Nov. 19, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center held a special event at its Leeds Place site in Westbury entitled “World Prematurity Awareness Breakfast.”
At the event, the audience, which consisted of healthcare professionals and community members, learned that over 300,000 babies in the United States are born premature each year, and the statistics indicate a wide racial disparity.
According to the state Department of Health, a black woman is up to four times more likely to die in childbirth than a white mother. In Nassau County, the infant mortality rate per 1,000 live births is 9.4 for black babies versus the 2.2 reported for white non-Hispanic babies.
The three communities at highest risk are (in order) Roosevelt, Hempstead and Westbury/New Cassel.
“Babies — especially black babies — are dying way too soon,” said Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust, director of the Leeds Place. “Many don’t see their first birthdays. I’ve gone to way too many funerals for babies who didn’t survive.”
Dr. Taylor-Walthrust said that the goal of the Guidance Center — in particular, its Good Beginnings for Babies program—is that every mother who comes through their doors gives birth to a healthy baby. The Good Beginnings for Babies program provides support, counseling, advocacy and education for pregnant and parenting teens.
The Guidance Center, in partnership with Hofstra University, has also created a program called Birth Justice Warriors, which focuses on improving the health of black mothers and their babies through education and advocacy efforts.
Birth Justice Warriors are trained to educate the community, including women, pediatricians, nurses, elected officials and others, regarding the racial disparities in an effort to create real change. The ultimate goal is to pass legislation that guarantees that this crucial information is delivered to all women of child-bearing age.
Town of North Hempstead Councilwoman Viviana Russell shared her personal story of having given birth to a premature daughter in 1995. Russell felt that her doctors were not listening to her concerns.
Luckily, her daughter, who weighed only 1 pound and 12 ounces, survived and is now a mother herself, but the experience made Russell want to help others. “As women, we are nurturers, but we need to learn that pre- and post-natal care is as important for us as for our babies.”
Dr. Martine Hackett from Hofstra University, a co-founder of Birth Justice Warriors, pointed out that maternal mortality rates are rising in the United States, whereas they are going down almost everywhere else in the world.
She said that historical patterns of racism have affected black women even in today’s world. “While individual behaviors are important, we must also acknowledge discriminatory biases in the medical community and take steps to reverse them.”
Adriann J. Combs, clinical director of OB/GYN at Northwell Health, presented the March of Dimes Score Card on NY State Prematurity births. While the state received a grade of B, Nassau County only earned a C. “The March of Dimes goals are to ensure improved care for all races, to encourage research and conduct advocacy efforts,” said Combs.
To find out more about the Birth Justice Warriors, contact Dr. Walthrust-Taylor at (516) 997-2926, ext. 229, or email NTaylorWalthrust@northshorechildguidance.org.
Roslyn Heights, NY, November 26, 2018—On November 19, 2018, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center held a special event at its Leeds Place site in Westbury entitled “World Prematurity Awareness Breakfast.”
At the event, the audience, which consisted of healthcare professionals and community members,learned that over 300,000 babies in the United States are born premature each year, and the statistics indicate a wide racial disparity. According to the New York State Department of Health, a black woman is up to four times more likely to die in childbirth than a white mother. In Nassau County, the infant mortality rate per 1,000 live births is 9.4 for black babies versus the 2.2 reported for white non-Hispanic babies.
The three communities at highest risk are (in order) Roosevelt, Hempstead and Westbury/New Cassel.
“Babies—especially black babies—are dying way too soon,” said Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust, Director of the Leeds Place. “Many don’t see their first birthdays. I’ve gone to way too many funerals for babies who didn’t survive.”
Dr. Taylor-Walthrust said that the goal of the Guidance Center—in particular, its Good Beginnings for Babies program—is that every mother who comes through their doors gives birth to a healthy baby. The Good Beginnings for Babies program provides support, counseling, advocacy and education for pregnant and parenting teens.
Viviana Russell, Nellie, Adriann J. Combs, Martine Hackett
The Guidance Center, in partnership with Hofstra University, has also created a program called Birth Justice Warriors, which focuses on improving the health of black mothers and their babies through education and advocacy efforts. Birth Justice Warriors are trained to educate the community, including women, pediatricians, nurses, elected officials and others, regarding the racial disparities in an effort to create real change. The ultimate goal is to pass legislation that guarantees that this crucial information is delivered to all women of child-bearing age.
Town of North Hempstead Councilwoman Viviana Russell shared her personal story of having given birth to a premature daughter in 1995. Russell felt that her doctors were not listening to her concerns. Luckily, her daughter, who weighed only 1 pound and 12 ounces, survived and is now a mother herself, but the experience
made Russell want to help others. “As women, we are nurturers, but we need to learn that pre- and post-natal care is as important for us as for our babies.”
Dr. Martine Hackett from Hofstra University, a co-founder of Birth Justice Warriors, pointed out that maternal mortality rates are rising in the United States, whereas they are going down almost everywhere else in the world. She said that historical patterns of racism have affected black women even in today’s world. “While individual behaviors are important, we must also acknowledge discriminatory biases in the medical community and take steps to reverse them.”
Adriann J. Combs, Clinical Director of OB/GYN at Northwell Health, presented the March of Dimes Score Card on NY State Prematurity births. While the state received a grade of B, Nassau County only earned a C. “The March of Dimes goals are to ensure improved care for all races, to encourage research and conduct advocacy efforts,” said Combs.
To find out more about the Birth Justice Warriors, contact Dr. Walthrust-Taylor at (516) 997-2926, ext. 229, or email NTaylorWalthrust@northshorechildguidance.org.
When tragedy strikes, the grief can be overwhelming. One way that some people choose to deal with their pain is to try to make something good come out of a horrible situation. That’s what the parents of Timothy O’Clair did when their 12-year-old son died by suicide on March 6, 2001 after mental health benefits provided by their insurance company ran out.
The O’Clair family fought tirelessly for years for New York State to pass a law requiring health insurance policies to provide access to timely and affordable mental health care in the same way they cover physical illness. The legislation, called Timothy’s Law in honor of their son, was finally signed in December 2006.
Timothy’s Law helped to blaze the trail for a much broader federal law that passed two years later which requires health insurers to provide access to mental health care on par with medical and surgical care.
Now, what would you think if I told you that despite these hard-fought state and federal laws, in New York State national insurance companies are continuing to prevent children like Timmy O’Clair from accessing care and that New York State regulators are assisting them in doing so?
This is precisely the case. As health law expert Brian Hufford stated, “Timothy’s Law appears effective.
In 2009, the state reported an increase of 4.5 million people with plans promising comprehensive mental health coverage. But that number is almost certainly a mirage.” Hufford goes on to say that New York’s insurance regulator, the Department of Financial Services, has a shallow history of enforcement that suggests it lacks the interest or resources to adequately protect New Yorkers.
One year ago North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center issued the results of a groundbreaking study known as Project Access, which surveyed 650 people across Nassau and Suffolk Counties.
The results revealed conditions similar to what the O’Clair family fought against in the early 2000s and showed that discrimination against people living with mental illness and substance use disorders persist.
An immediate follow-up to the Project Access study exposed the reality: the New York State Department of Financial Service is stonewalling demands to further investigate this civil rights issue.
In a letter to DFS Commissioner Mary Vullo citing the Project Access study, state Senators Todd Kaminsky and Elaine Phillips requested a thorough investigation into the persistent problem New Yorkers were experiencing when trying to access timely and affordable mental health care.
Almost five months later Scott Fischer, executive deputy superintendent for Insurance, a division of DFS, responded in writing to the senators.
Fischer wrote: “DFS’s review of the various networks has confirmed that each of the insurance companies in Long Island exceeds the standards for mental health and substance use providers, for the purpose of the commercial products sold outside of the New York State of Health,” the official health plan marketplace.
In other words, this DFS official is stating that there is no problem and nothing more to do, which is contrary to the evidence.
Fischer’s response belies the reality that DFS does little if anything to verify reports from health insurers indicating that they have adequate networks of providers available to their beneficiaries.
I had the privilege of meeting Timothy O’Clair’s dad Tom at a National Alliance on Mental Illness event in Albany in October.
Tom was the driving force behind the passage of Timothy’s Law. We shared a stage in recognition of our mutual efforts to advocate for effective and enforceable parity laws so insurers do, in fact, cover mental health care the same way they do physical illness.
We spoke briefly. I told him that although I never met his son, I keep Timothy close to my heart in the continued fight. He responded, “Keep doing what you’re doing.”
Although it was only the two of us in this fleeting interchange, I’m sure that Tom’s entreaty was meant for all people of good will that know firsthand the devastating impact of untreated mental illness and addiction. We all must keep fighting so Timothy’s Law is a reality and not just mere words on paper.
Violence — random, sudden, illogical, and lethal — has become a fact of life. Years of social and economic injustice have resulted in large numbers of people who are frustrated and without hope for the future, people to whom bravado is everything, and anything that seems the slightest bit threatening — a put-down, a disagreement, a dirty look — demands immediate retaliation. As I write these words, this kind of violence almost seems old school to me.
I’m not quite sure when my consciousness shifted about the kind of violence we now all face. I wonder if it was during the six-year period beginning in December 1993 when the Long Island Railroad massacre occurred, followed by the Oklahoma City bombing in April 1995 and then the Columbine school shooting in April 1999. The targets: public transportation, a federal building and a public school.
I think it was during that period of time when it started to sink in that something dramatically different was happening that was more than a fluke. I remember thinking, in one of my more morbid moments, that all Americans were secretly entered into a daily national lottery that wouldn’t result in fortunes gained from pooled funds, but instead in body counts delivered at the hands of deranged strangers.
And now, as two additional decades have unfolded, churches, synagogues, concert halls, nightclubs, workplaces and more have been added to the pantheons of mass murder.
This past Election Day, during our annual staff development day, I participated in an Active Shooter Preparedness Training at North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center. It was presented by police officer Ken Murray and paramedic Rich Husch from Nassau County Police Department Homeland Security division. The training was engaging and informative.
Before 1993, I don’t believe I could have imagined participating in such a workshop. Today it is essential for workplaces, schools and houses of worship.
In a staff development day just few years earlier, the theme was mindfulness. Mindfulness, originally a Buddhist concept founded centuries ago, refers to a practice of paying attention and staying in the present, moment-by-moment, to feelings, thoughts, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment without being judgmental. Mindfulness is often taught as a meditative approach to calming or soothing oneself.
After the active shooter preparedness training I thought about the commonalities and contrasts of the two, both of which emphasize paying attention to the environment, one to luxuriate in the richness of what might otherwise pass one by and the other to be hypervigilant to threats and escape routes.
Mindfulness is taught for the benefits of stress reduction, improved focus and reduced emotional reactivity. Active shooter preparedness is taught so that, In the midst of chaos, anyone can play an integral role in mitigating the impacts of a potentially deadly incident.
On reflection, I’m struck by the emotional flexibility required to absorb both into one’s consciousness, requiring fluidity and many-sidedness. Robert Lifton is an American psychiatrist and author, chiefly known for his studies of the psychological causes and effects of wars and political violence.
In a review of Lifton’s book, “The Protean Self: Human Resilience in an Age of Fragmentation,” the reviewer sums up the concept of the protean self by stating that “life is not a straight line. Instead, it is, and ought to be, experienced as a collage.”
The sad reality today is that the collage is becoming overcrowded by images of carnage that more sensible gun regulation can go a long way to changing.
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
Photo courtesy of the North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center
On Nov. 7, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center hosted a celebration honoring John and Janet Kornreich, founders of the John and Janet Kornreich Charitable Foundation, who fund the monthly outings that are a big part of the Latina Girls Project.
The Guidance Center’s Latina Girls Project is an innovative program that employs rapid response to emergency calls, individual, group and family therapy and monthly outings and other activities, all designed to tackle the epidemic of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and suicidal ideation in young Latinas.
“In addition to individual and family therapy, monthly outings to places such as museums, theater and other cultural sites are crucial to the Latina Girls Project’s ability to transform these girls’ lives,” said Guidance Center associate executive director Regina Barros-Rivera, who heads up the Latina Girls Project. “The trips serve to boost their confidence and sense of independence. They also discover that there’s a great big world of opportunity out there for them, which allows them to feel hopeful about their futures.”
The Nov. 7 event, which featured speeches from several of the girls who’ve participated in the program, was not only a celebration of the girls’ success but also an opportunity to honor John and Janet Kornreich.
“The therapy helped my mother and I communicate and become very close, and the monthly outings showed me a world I never would have seen,” one girl said. “I felt that I wanted to be a part of the larger world. The trips gave me the feeling that I could be truly happy in my life.”
Barros-Rivera said that the Kornreiches were “angels,” explaining that John walked into the Guidance Center one day and said “tell me how I can help.”
Toward the end of the celebration, both John and Janet Kornreich told the girls that they were proud of them and that they should be proud of themselves. The couple also pledged their continued support for the Latina Girls Project.
“We are deeply grateful to John and Janet for their dedication and contribution to this very important Guidance Center program,” said Malekoff. “They make these trips possible, and the trips make the girls see wonderful possibilities in their lives.”
On Oct. 26, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center’s Executive Director Andrew Malekoff received a “Leaders of Mental Health Awareness Award” from the National Alliance on Mental Illness-New York State at its 2018 Education Conference in Albany.
“The lack of mental health parity is one of the biggest social justice issues of our time,” said Matthew Shapiro, associate director, Public Affairs, NAMI-NYS. “People living with mental illness and addiction are being discriminated against with separate and unequal treatment by insurance providers. New Yorkers are fortunate to have a strong advocate in Andrew Malekoff, who is bringing awareness to this issue and is fighting for access to recovery support services. NAMI-NYS is honored to recognize Andrew as a Parity@10 Champion.”
Parity@10 refers to a three-year campaign seeking compliance to the landmark 2008 Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act, a federal law that mandates equal insurance coverage for mental health and substance use disorders as compared to other medical benefits covered by the plan. Unfortunately, insurers are not complying with the law and enforcement has been inadequate, leaving millions of Americans at risk.
In an attempt to draw attention to these discriminatory practices, in December 2017, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center released Project Access, a year-long research study that asked 650 Long Islanders about the ease or difficulty of accessing mental health and addictions care. Some of the key findings:
Almost half of the participants said that it was more difficult finding help for mental health or substance use problems than finding help for physical illnesses, especially when they were in crisis.
Nearly 40 percent said that their insurance company did not have an adequate number of providers.
Two thirds told us that their insurance company was not helpful to them in finding a suitable provider for themselves or a loved one.
NAMI’s Shapiro called the Project Access study “eye-opening for many and a true catalyst for the reforms which are necessary to create a more mentally healthy New York State.”
Accepting the award on behalf of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, Malekoff told the audience, “The difficulty people have getting mental health and substance use care is not simply a matter of stigma —it’s a civil rights issue and often a matter of life and death.”
Malekoff also acknowledged the dedication of the NAMI members and other advocates who were present at the conference. “Every fight needs a voice, and it’s good to be in a room with so many people who are raising their voices in this most worthy battle.”
To find out more about the Guidance Center’s work, call (516) 626-1971 or visit www.northshorechildguidance.org. The website features a Project Access tab where readers can learn more about advocating for mental health parity and also share their own stories.
Roslyn Heights, NY, November 15, 2018—On October 26, 2018, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center’s Executive Director, Andrew Malekoff, received a “Leaders of Mental Health Awareness Award” from NAMI-NYS (the National Alliance on Mental Illness-New York State) at its 2018 Education Conference in Albany, NY.
“The lack of mental health parity is one of the biggest social justice issues of our time,” said Matthew Shapiro, Associate Director, Public Affairs, NAMI-NYS. “People living with mental illness and addiction are being discriminated against with separate and unequal treatment by insurance providers. New Yorkers are fortunate to have a strong advocate in Andrew Malekoff, who is bringing awareness to this issue and is fighting for access to recovery support services. NAMI-NYS is honored to recognize Andrew as a Parity@10 Champion.”
Andrew Malekoff receiving the award from Ariel Coffman, Board Member of NAMI-NYS
Parity@10 refers to a three-year campaign seeking compliance to the landmark 2008 Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act, a federal law that mandates equal insurance coverage for mental health and substance use disorders as compared to other medical benefits covered by the plan. Unfortunately, insurers are not complying with the law and enforcement has been inadequate, leaving millions of Americans at risk.
In an attempt to draw attention to these discriminatory practices, in December 2017, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center released Project Access, a year-long research study that asked 650 Long Islanders about the ease or difficulty of accessing mental health and addictions care. Some of the key findings:
Almost half of the participants said that it was more difficult finding help for mental health or substance use problems than finding help for physical illnesses, especially when they were in crisis.
Nearly 40% said that their insurance company did not have an adequate number of providers.
Two thirds told us that their insurance company was not helpful to them in finding a suitable provider for themselves or a loved one.
NAMI’s Shapiro called the Project Access study “eye-opening for many and a true catalyst for the reforms which are necessary to create a more mentally healthy New York State.”
Accepting the award on behalf of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, Malekoff told the audience, “The difficulty people have getting mental health and substance use care is not simply a matter of stigma —it’s a civil rights issue and often a matter of life and death.”
Malekoff also acknowledged the dedication of the NAMI members and other advocates who were present at the conference. “Every fight needs a voice, and it’s good to be in a room with so many people who are raising their voices in this most worthy battle.”
To find out more about the Guidance Center’s work, call (516) 626-1971 or visit www.northshorechildguidance.org. The website features a Project Access tab where readers can learn more about advocating for mental health parity and also share their own stories.
Generous donors support the organization’s Latina Girls Project
November 13, 2018
Roslyn Heights, NY, November 13, 2018—On Wednesday, November 7, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center hosted a celebration honoring John and Janet Kornreich, founders of the John and JanetKornreichCharitable Foundation, who fund the monthly outings that are such a big part of the Latina Girls Project.
The Guidance Center’s Latina Girls Project is an innovative program that employs rapid response to emergency calls; individual, group and family therapy; and monthly outings and other activities, all designed to tackle the epidemic of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and suicidal ideation in young Latinas.
Guidance Center Associate Executive Director Regina Barros-Rivera, who heads up the Latina Girls Project, describes how critical the trips are to the success of the program: “In addition to individual and family therapy, monthly outings to places such as museums, theater and other cultural sites are crucial to the Latina Girls Project’s ability to transform these girls’ lives. The trips serve to boost their confidence and sense of independence. They also discover that there’s a great big world of opportunity out there for them, which allows them to feel hopeful about their futures.”
The event Wednesday night, which featured moving speeches from several of the girls who’ve participated in the program, was not only a celebration of the girls’ success but also an opportunity to honor John and Janet Kornreich.
All of the attendees expressed their profound gratitude to the Kornreiches, who were very touched by the girls’ expressions of how profoundly the outings helped changed their lives.
As one girl put it, “The therapy helped my mother and I communicate and become very close, and the monthly outings showed me a world I never would have seen. I felt that I wanted to be a part of the larger world. The trips gave me the feeling that I could be truly happy in my life.”
Barros-Rivera said that the Kornreiches were “angels,” explaining that John walked into the Guidance Center one day and said “tell me how I can help.”
Toward the end of the celebration, both John and Janet Kornreich told the girls that they were so proud of them and that they should be proud of themselves.The couple also pledged their continued support for the Latina Girls Project.
“We are deeply grateful to John and Janet for their dedication and contribution to this very important Guidance Center program,” said Malekoff. “They make these trips possible, and the trips make the girls see wonderful possibilities in their lives.”
To find out more about the Guidance Center’s work and how you can help, please visit www.northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 626-1971.
Words matter. Today, this is no more evident than in the incendiary rhetoric spoken – and tweeted – that has contributed to American citizens being pitted against one another.
There is a growing sentiment that the mass shooting in a Pittsburgh synagogue that took the lives of 11 congregants was fueled by hate speech that ignited the shooter’s growing rage.
Although that subject is being abundantly covered in the media, it is the words associated with another kind of shocking death that I wish to draw attention to here.
When someone takes their life, they are most frequently reported to have “committed suicide.” Commit is a word that connotes a criminal act. Yet, suicide is not a crime.
Desiree Woodland, a mom who lost her son to suicide shared her experience in a National Alliance on Mental Illness publication. “My son did not commit a crime. He believed the only way to end the unbearable pain was to end his life. He died because he didn’t have the words to express the deep psychological/biological turmoil he was experiencing.”
If not a crime, is suicide an immoral, depraved or sinful act? It isn’t if it is the consequence of mental illness, unbearable stress, or trauma.
Nonetheless, family members who are survivors of suicide loss report the experience of others speaking in hushed tones around them. Some people refer to suicide as a selfish act, the result of poor parenting, a deficit in the family or all of the above.
At the same time that there is a growing demand to tone down divisive and hateful rhetoric in order to prevent interpersonal violence, there needs to be discussion about mental illness and suicide.
According to Denver psychotherapist Dr. Stacy Freedenthall, “If changing our language can help suicidal people to feel safer asking for help, then changing language can save lives.”
In academic journals there appears to be an inclination to use the term “completed suicide.” However, committed and completed are terms that advance the stigma and shame related to suicide and should be avoided.
Increasingly there is preference to the expression “died by suicide,” which avoids the judgmental undertone of “committed suicide.”
Perhaps a contributor to The Mighty, a digital health community created to empower and connect people facing health challenges and disabilities, said it best: “By shifting our language around suicide, we have the power to reduce some of the massive shame carried by survivors of suicide. If you feel scared or helpless about what to say to someone who’s lost someone to suicide, take comfort in knowing that, by changing your language about suicide, you’re offering an act of kindness.”
Honorees Michael and Andrea Leeds, state Sen. Todd Kaminsky and Guidance Center Executive Director Andrew Malekoff. (Photo courtesy of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center)
North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center’s 65th Sapphire Anniversary gala raised over $620,000 to support the Guidance Center’s mission to bring hope and healing to children and their families who are experiencing mental health and substance use challenges. The Oct. 25 gala, which honored philanthropists Andrea and Michael Leeds and Americana Manhasset’s Champions for Charity, marked the most successful fundraising event in the Guidance Center’s history.
Guest speaker Linda Beigel Schulman.
The event included speaker Linda Beigel Schulman, the mother of Scott J. Beigel, one of the teachers killed in the shooting in Parkland, Florida. Her speech brought everyone to their feet.
Honorees Andrea and Michael Leeds and Americana Manhasset’s Champions for Charity drew supporters from as close as Long Island and as far away as California.
Andrea Leeds has been a Board Member at the Guidance Center for more than 20 years. She and her husband Michael are dedicated philanthropists, and they have supported many causes both on Long Island and across the globe.
Americana Manhasset’s Champions for Charity, hosts an annual holiday shopping event that supports more than 100 not-for-profit organizations, including the Guidance Center. The event, which this year takes place from Nov. 29 through Dec. 2, has raised nearly $12 million since its inception in 1996.
Many contributed to planning the gala including co-chairs Matilde and Cliff Broder and Rosemarie and Mitchell Klipper, journal co-chairs Jo-Ellen Hazan and the recently deceased John J. Gutleber, who passed away unexpectedly in September, and auction co-chairs Deirdre Costa Major and Charles G. Chan. The Mistress of Ceremonies was News 12 Long Island’s Carol Silva.
Guidance Center Executive Director Andrew Malekoff, Americana’s Deirdre Costa Major and Guidance Center President Nancy Lane.
“We are extremely grateful to our honorees, speaker, mistress of ceremonies, donors, sponsors and all who worked so hard on the gala committee,” said Guidance Center Executive Director Andrew Malekoff. “For 65 years, we have been dedicated to providing mental health services to all children and families, regardless of their ability to pay. And because of the generosity of everyone involved, we will be able to continue to provide the best in care to the community.”
Powerful images that depict disturbing events in ways that literature alone cannot can be illuminating and healing. Following are three descriptions of different media that capture recent man-made disasters, still very close to the surface for many of us.
The first, Please Stand By, is an example of cartoon art in the aftermath of 9/11. The second, The Last Lockdown, is about a sculpture created after the mass school shooting in Parkland, FL. Both illustrate the fear-inducing paralysis of traumatic events. The last, Memorial Rock Garden, describes bereaved children painting stones to memorialize their deceased dads.
Please Stand By
In the immediate aftermath of the September 11, 2001, terrorist attack on America, several artists joined together to produce a soft cover book titled 9/11: Artists Respond. It is a collection of art, sequenced to showcase the artists’ response to the terror that befell the world.
One nine-frame piece entitled “Please Stand By…,” by Jeph Loeb and J. Scott Campbell, features a girl of about 8 years old watching cartoons on television. By the third and fourth frames, the image on the screen changes to a live feed of the Twin Towers ablaze.
As the little girl stands transfixed, stuffed animal in hand and her face less than 12 inches from the screen, the commentator announces, “We interrupt this program to take you live…”
The little girl turns away and cries out, “Mommy!” The next three frames begin with her mother dropping a basket of laundry. Then, with her face contorted in anguish, she embraces her daughter to shield her from the unrelenting televised images.
The final frame is a close up of the little girl asking, “Mommy, when are the cartoons gonna come back on?”
The Last Lockdown
The next image is a haunting statue, as described by journalist Josh Hafner, of a “small girl cowering beneath an open school desk, clutching a leg as she gazes into the distance with a look of fear in her eyes.”
The sculpture was created by Manuel Oliver, an artist who lost his 17-year-old son Joaquin in the Parkland, FL, mass shooting earlier this year.
As Oliver said, “It’s too late for us to save Joaquin from gun violence, but through art, my family and I are making sure that we protect the rest of the kids out there.”
“Talking about the trauma is rarely if ever enough,” advises noted trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk. He points to the Holocaust Memorial in Jerusalem and the Vietnam War Memorial in Washington, D.C., “as good examples of symbols that enable survivors to mourn the dead and establish the historical and cultural meaning of the traumatic events to remind survivors of the ongoing potential for communality and sharing.”
Memorial Rock Garden
In 2002 at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, a group of boys and girls who lost fathers in the attack on the World Trade Center decorated stones to be placed in a memorial rock garden.
The kids in the bereavement group sat together around a table covered with newspaper. In front of each of them was a large smooth oval-shaped stone. They decorated the stones with unique designs of paint and glitter, each one a personal remembrance of their fathers.
“Mine is painted gold,” beamed Mack. “I painted it gold because my dad is like gold to me.”
A heart framed Jenny’s design, “because my dad will always be in my heart.”
On Seth’s stone were two intertwined hands, a small one and a larger one that showed “me and my dad were best friends.”
Victoria painted a fire hat and said, “My dad is my hero.”
We might do well to remember that when funding cuts threaten to decimate arts programs in schools there is more at stake then we might imagine. The impact of the arts is not measured by standardized tests and its value is incalculable.
Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families.
I recently attended a seminar led by Dr. Cynthia Kaplan, director of Trauma Training & Consultation within the Child and Adolescent Services at McLean Hospital of Boston.
Dr. Kaplan addressed the issue of childhood sexual abuse. She incorporated the story of a young woman, Kayla Harrison, a survivor of CSA and a two-time Olympian Gold medalist in judo for the United States.
Many years ago CSA was only heard about in whispers as opposed to in-depth reports by investigative journalists. Today reports on CSA perpetrated by what seem like otherwise model citizens – religious leaders, coaches, teachers, seem commonplace.
Dr. Kaplan made a strong point about how we caution children in the strongest terms to “stay away from strangers,” yet 90 percent of children and adolescents, who are sexually abused, know their abuser.
Kayla’s book, “Fighting Back: What an Olympic Champion’s Story Can Teach Us about Recognizing and Preventing Child Sexual Abuse – and Helping Kids Recover,” co-authored by Drs. Kaplan and Aguirre, contains excerpts from Kayla’s personal journal.
She wrote about her experiences throughout the course of her abuse, including about how she was groomed by her coach.
“By the time I was nine or 10 I started traveling with the team to local tournaments. At night when the whole team would watch movies I would snuggle up next to him. He would put a blanket over us and then one day things went further and he guided my hand to touch him.”
About one in 10 children will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday.
The impact of CSA can be felt by survivors throughout their lifetime.
According to Dr. Kaplan, what complicates the healing is that CSA is not visible, not transparent. Consequently, survivors may not get the support they need and are often left to struggle and mourn alone.
When film director Steven Spielberg created the Shoah Foundation, which strives to capture the testimony of Holocaust survivors, he discovered that many of them had never told their stories before.
They often avoided doing so because they had a deep sense of shame and distress which they often believed could or would not be understood by others.
After the filming they reported feeling a sense of relief at finally having told someone. They finally felt heard.
Being truly heard requires another person to bear witness. Living with the hurt in silence can compound traumatic stress and lead to destructive and even fatal behaviors including drinking, drugging, self-harm and suicide.
Disclosures of CSA require professional support. When survivors lose their ability to control disclosures, the emotional impact can be devastating.
Even in the best of circumstances, says Dr. Kaplan, following disclosure individuals often feel more distressed and have trouble managing emotions. They may begin to lose faith in the world and can feel re-traumatized by the disclosure experience itself.
It is significantly more likely that a child will disclose if they know they are likely to be believed and do not feel blamed and also if they are helped to anticipate the potential legal repercussions of breaking their silence.
Believing that they will be protected by the adult they disclose to goes a long way. Particularly when they are able to maintain at least some control over the disclosure process, preserve their anonymity to the extent possible and sustain a level of confidentiality.
Surprising as it may seem, children also need to feel free to express their concerns about what will happen to the offender, as it is a complicated relationship with the victim having mixed feelings that survivors need time to process.
There is hope. As Kayla said, after many years and support from her new coaches, parents and mental health professionals, “I began to see my way out of the darkness and towards the light until I could again see the flame of the Olympic torch shining with my very own eyes.”
Andrea and Michael Leeds and Americana Manhasset’s Champions for Charity® will be the honorees at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center’s 65th Sapphire Anniversary Gala, which will take place Oct. 25 at the Garden City Hotel.
Andrea Leeds has been a board member at the Guidance Center for more than 20 years. She and her husband Michael have taken a leadership role in philanthropy and have been passionate, dedicated and committed supporters of the Long Island community.
Every holiday season, Americana Manhasset supports more than 100 not-for-profit organizations during its annual Champions for Charity® holiday shopping benefit, which this year takes place from Nov. 29 through Dec. 2. (Visit championsforcharity.org for free registration.) Since its inception in 1996, Champions for Charity® has raised nearly $12 million.
The co-chairs for this year’s gala are Matilde and Cliff Broder and Rosemarie and Mitchell Klipper. Journal co-chairs are Jo-Ellen Hazan and the recently deceased John Gutleber, who passed away unexpectedly in September. Auction co-chairs are Deirdre Costa Major and Charles Chan. The Mistress of Ceremonies is News 12 Long Island’s Carol Silva.
The gala will feature delicious food, live music, dancing and auction and raffle prizes. The speaker will be Linda Beigel Schulman, whose son Scott Beigel was murdered during the Parkland, Fla. tragedy.
“For 65 years, the Guidance Center has been committed to providing essential mental health services to all children and families, regardless of their ability to pay,” says Executive Director Andrew Malekoff. “The generous support of our honorees, donors and sponsors at the gala will help us maintain the highest standard and quality of care to our community.”
All proceeds will benefit the Guidance Center. To learn more about becoming a sponsor or an underwriter or purchasing tickets, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org/events, call 516)-626-1971 ext. 337 or email development@northshorechildguidance.org.
65th Sapphire Anniversary Gala to Honor Andrea and Michael Leeds,
Americana Manhasset Champions for Charity®
Roslyn Heights, NY, October 12, 2018 — North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is proud to announce that Andrea and Michael Leeds and Americana Manhasset Champions for Charity® will be the honorees at the 65th Sapphire Anniversary Gala, which will take place October 25th at the Garden City Hotel.
Andrea Leeds has been a Board Member at the Guidance Center for more than 20 years. She and her husband Michael have taken a leadership role in philanthropy and have been passionate, dedicated and committed supporters of the Long Island community.
Every holiday season, Americana Manhasset supports more than 100 not-for-profit organizations during its annual Champions for Charity® holiday shopping benefit, which this year takes place from November 29 through December 2.(Visit championsforcharity.org for free registration.) Since its inception in 1996, Champions for Charity® has raised nearly $12 million.
The co-chairs for this year’s gala are Matilde and Cliff Broder and Rosemarie and Mitchell Klipper.Journal co-chairs are Jo-Ellen Hazan and the recently deceased John J. Gutleber, who passed away unexpectedly in September. Auction co-chairs are Deirdre Costa Major and Charles G. Chan. The Mistress of Ceremonies is News 12 Long Island’s Carol Silva.
The gala will feature delicious food, live music, dancing and fabulous auction and raffle prizes. The speaker will be Linda Beigel Schulman, whose son Scott Beigel was murdered during the Parkland, Florida tragedy.
“For 65 years, the Guidance Center has been committed to providing essential mental health services to all children and families, regardless of their ability to pay,” says Executive Director Andrew Malekoff. “The generous support of our honorees, donors and sponsors at the gala will help us maintain the highest standard and quality of care to our community.”
All proceeds will benefit the Guidance Center.To learn more about becoming a sponsor or an underwriter or purchasing tickets, please visit www.northshorechildguidance.org/events, call (516) 626-1971 ext. 337 or email development@northshorechildguidance.org.
About Us:
As the preeminent not-for-profit children’s mental health agency on Long Island, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is dedicated to restoring and strengthening the emotional well-being of children (from birth – age 24) and their families. Our highly trained staff of psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, vocational rehabilitation counselors and other mental health professionals lead the way in diagnosis, treatment, prevention, training, parent education, research and advocacy. The Guidance Center helps children and families address issues such as depression and anxiety; developmental delays; bullying; teen pregnancy; sexual abuse; teen drug and alcohol abuse; and family crises stemming from illness, death, trauma and divorce. For 65 years, the Guidance Center has been a place of hope and healing, providing innovative and compassionate treatment to all who enter our doors, regardless of their ability to pay. For more information about the Guidance Center, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 626-1971.
On Tuesday evening, Sept. 24, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center hosted a fundraiser for its Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court. The event, which was held at Tesoro’s Ristorante in Westbury, featured wonderful entertainment by musician and soul crooner Paul Loren, along with cocktails and a buffet dinner.
The event raised over $17,000 for the Children’s Center, which provides care and early learning to almost 2,000 children annually, ages 6 weeks to 12 years, while their parents or guardians are conducting court business.
At the event, Nassau County Legislator Joshua Lafazan presented a citation to the Guidance Center honoring the Children’s Center program. “North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center knows that the best investment one can make is in a child,” said Lafazan. “I am proud to support their efforts as they make a difference in the lives of youths and families all across Long Island.”
Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust, director of The Leeds Place (under which the Children’s Center operates), explained that the Children’s Center is not a babysitting service but rather an early learning center. “Often this is a child’s first exposure to an early learning environment,” she said. “Every aspect of the Center promotes learning by which the children can explore new things in a safe, structured and professionally supervised setting.”
Andrew Malekoff, executive director of the Guidance Center, thanked the two full-time staff members and the valued volunteers, without whom the Children’s Center’s high level of service wouldn’t be possible.
He also acknowledged Laurie Joseph-Yehuda and Rene Joseph, the daughter and widow of the late Honorable Burton S. Joseph, founder of the Children’s Center, who were in attendance. Joseph-Yehuda is a member of the Children’s Center Advisory Council and Joseph painted the beautiful murals on the wall of the Children’s Center many years ago.
Walthrust thanked co-chairs Allison Cacace, Bob Mangi, and John Zenir for their dedication to the third annual event. “This fundraiser is critical for the Children’s Center, as funds for it have been drastically cut over the years, though we have been able to keep it open full time,” she said.
The fundraiser was sponsored by an array of local law firms and other businesses, including Aiello, DiFalco & Gianakos, LLP; Barnes Catterson LoFrumento Barnen, LLP; Casino One Limousines; DiMascio & Associates, LLP; Gassman Baiamonte Betts, PC; Mangi & Graham, LLP; Mejias, Milgrim & Alvarado, PC; Schlissel Ostrow Karabatos, PLLC; The Law Firm of Edwards & Rockmore, PC; The Law Practice of John M. Zenir; The Pessala Family; The Virdone Law Firm, PC; Vishnick McGovern Milizio, LLP; and the family of Hon. Burton S. Joseph, Founder of the Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court.
Roslyn Heights, NY, September 26, 2018 — On Tuesday evening September 24th, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center hosted a fundraiser for its Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court. The event, which was held at Tesoro’s Ristorante Cucini Italiana in Westbury, featured wonderful entertainment by musician and soul crooner Paul Loren, along with cocktails and a buffet dinner.
The event raised over $17,000 for the Children’s Center, which provides care and early learning to almost 2,000 children annually, ages 6 weeks – 12 years, while their parents or guardians are conducting court business.
At the event, Nassau County Legislator Joshua Lafazan presented a citation to the Guidance Center honoring the Children’s Center program. “North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center knows that the best investment one can make is in a child,” said Lafazan. “I am proud to support their efforts as they make a difference in the lives of youths and families all across Long Island.”
Seated: Carolyn Germany, Corinthian Sistrunk, Allison Cacace, Robert and Joan Antonik. Standing: Mace Greenfield, Judge Andrea Phoenix.
Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust, Director of The Leeds Place (under which the Children’s Center operates), explained that the Children’s Center is not a babysitting service but rather an early learning center. “Often this is a child’s first exposure to an early learning environment,” she said. “Every aspect of the Center promotes learning by which the children can explore new things in a safe, structured and professionally supervised setting.”
Lauren McGowan, Bob Mangi, Allison Cacace, Legislator Joshua Lafazan, John Zenir and Andrew Malekoff
Andrew Malekoff, Executive Director of the Guidance Center, thanked the two full-time staff members and the valued volunteers, without whom the Children’s Center’s high level of service wouldn’t be possible. He also acknowledged Laurie Joseph-Yehuda and Rene Joseph, the daughter and widow of the late Honorable Burton S. Joseph, founder of the Children’s Center, who were in attendance. Laurie is a member of the Children’s Center Advisory Council and Rene painted the beautiful murals on the wall of the Children’s Center many years ago.
Dr. Walthrust thanked co-chairs Allison Cacace, Bob Mangi, Esq. and John Zenir, Esq., P.C. for their dedication to the third annual event. “This fundraiser is critical for the Children’s Center, as funds for it have been drastically cut over the years, though we have been able to keep it open full time,” she said.
Allison Cacace and Judge Andrea Phoenix
The fundraiser was sponsored by an array of local law firms and other businesses, including Aiello, DiFalco & Gianakos, LLP; Barnes Catterson LoFrumento Barnen, LLP; Casino One Limousines; DiMascio & Associates, LLP; Gassman Baiamonte Betts, PC; Mangi & Graham, LLP; Mejias, Milgrim
& Alvarado, PC; Schlissel Ostrow Karabatos, PLLC; The Law Firm of Edwards & Rockmore, PC; The Law Practice of John M. Zenir; The Pessala Family; The Virdone Law Firm, PC; Vishnick McGovern Milizio, LLP; and the family of Hon. Burton S. Joseph, Founder of the Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court.
Three years ago on a bright September morning, my wife Dale phoned me at my office in Roslyn Heights to tell me about something disturbing that had just happened to her. It was a few days before the Jewish New Year when our family comes together.
Dale and I both grew up in New Jersey. We relocated permanently to Long Island after we were married in 1980. We raised our children here. She has been teaching art to high school students at the Hebrew Academy of Five Towns and Rockaway, a Yeshiva in Cedarhurst, for close to 35 years.
This is the story she told to me.
She had been shopping at King Kullen in Island Park, about a mile-and-a-half from our home in Long Beach. She was standing in a checkout line unloading a shopping cart full of groceries on to the conveyer belt.
A large man stepped up to wait in line behind her. He had only a few items in a smaller hand-held basket. He seemed agitated; she said she thought it was because he’d have to wait.
Trying to be helpful, she pointed out to him that a cashier had just opened another register just a few aisles away and that there was no one standing in that line.
The man didn’t react. He just stood there, muttering under his breath, appearing to be dissatisfied with the pace of the transaction in front of him.
In my wife’s basket were a number of items for cooking and baking traditional foods for the holidays: brisket, chicken, soup greens, matzo ball mix, and so forth.
Also in the basket were four Yahrzeit candles that we light each year at this time to remember our parents, three of whom died in the 1990s, all well before their 80thbirthdays. My mother-in-law Ida was the only one who made it past the age of 80.
The man continued mumbling under his breath and, finally, he said out loud: “You know the ovens are still open.”
It was a frozen moment. The checkout girl and Dale just looked at one another. It was one of those surreal moments that can leave one feeling momentarily numb.
There was no physical altercation, no yelling, no overt anger. But, in my view, it was every bit of a violent moment.
As she recounted her experience she said, “I wish you were there with me.” I thought about that. Had I been there I’m not sure what I would have done. Initiated a physical confrontation? Shouted him down? Assessed him as mentally disturbed and ignored him? Calmly asked him, “What do you mean by that?” I’ll never know for sure.
What I do know is that anti-Semitism is alive and well.
My wife’s disturbing experience, on the eve of our High Holy Days, was a fleeting yet indelibly shocking moment and reminder of how close to the surface anti-Semitism is, particularly in the increasingly divided nation our children are inheriting.
Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center.
Long Island families find challenges – and support – when life gives them a second go-round at raising children.
Brant and Eileen Brown, of East Islip, share a float with their grandson, JJ, 14, during a recent camping outing at Indian Island Park in Riverhead. At right is Brant’s son, Herbert Brown. Photo Credit: Barry Sloan
By Arlene Gross
Special to Newsday
Eileen Brown will never forget July 21, 2013.
“It’s the day our lives changed in a nanosecond,” Brown said, referring to the day her daughter was arrested and charged with armed robbery.
At that point, Brown and her husband were getting ready to retire and travel the world.
“We had a plan, and God laughed,” she said. “He gave us a different plan.”
The East Islip couple had to immediately take charge of JJ, Eileen’s 9-year-old grandson, because his father also couldn’t care for him.
After her arrest, Brown’s daughter, who has developmental disabilities and is bipolar, pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 3 years in prison.
“No one had any preparation time,” Brown said, explaining that JJ had been left at home with a babysitter and later learned that his mother wasn’t coming home and his dad couldn’t take care of him. “It was quite traumatic for everybody,” Brown said.
At first, Eileen, 60, and her husband, Brant, 74, the daughter’s stepfather, were thrown off kilter, encountering difficulties arranging for child care.
“We were truthfully feeling sorry for ourselves, a little angry, very overwhelmed,” Brown said.
Although Eileen’s daughter was released from prison in 2016, she was not awarded custody. Around this time, Eileen said, JJ was diagnosed with ADHD, autism spectrum disorder and intermittent explosive disorder — all compounded by the loss of his parents’ presence in his life.
The Browns placed their grandson in a residential program for several months, and they found support for themselves. They joined support groups — SASI for autism, CHADD for attention deficit disorders, and Grandparents Raising Grandchildren.
For the past two years, JJ, 14, has lived in Green Chimneys, an educational and clinical residence for children with special needs, where he will be for another year. He comes home to his grandparents from the upstate Brewster school many weekends and for vacations — like the family’s late-August two-week camping trip to Indian Island Park in Riverhead.
Brown observed that although JJ and her daughter have similar problems, she has found it easier to deal with her grandson.
“I’m older. I’m a little bit more experienced. There’s definitely more services out there than there were when I was going through this in the ‘80s,” she said.
Despite JJ’s parents’ love for him, Brown said, “They’re just not equipped to take care of him.”
As JJ gets older, things don’t get easier, she said. “The challenges become different. You just have to deal with them as they come along.”
According to the 2010 census, Suffolk County had the highest number of grandchildren living in households headed by their grandparents (29,591) in New York State, second only to New York City, noted Dinah Torres Castro, who coordinates the Relatives as Parents Program for the Cornell Cooperative Extension of Suffolk County.
Most people think caring for their grandkids will be a temporary arrangement, Castro said. “The truth of the matter is that most grandparents that take in a grandchild wind up taking care of that child for seven years or more.”
LOVE STRENGTHENS RESOLVE
In addition to the five grandchildren they’ve helped care for over the years, while their children were working, Marie and Roger Dextra are now raising three grandchildren.
“They always thought when they’d get older they’d move back to Haiti,” said Marmeline Martin, an outreach worker for North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center’s Caregiver-Grandparent Respite and Support Program who has worked with the family. “But they can’t, because they have to take care of their grandchildren.”
For the past seven years, Brianna, 12, Brian, 11, and Ronald, 10, have lived at the Dextras’ Westbury home because their mother’s severe depression prevents her from caring for them.
Marie and Roger Dextra, who speak limited English, take advantage of the services from C-GRASP, as the guidance center program is known. They include advocates like Martin going to the children’s school meetings on their behalf and receiving food donations from Island Harvest.
The Dextras said their abiding faith and familial love strengthen their resolve.
“God gives me the patience to raise these kids, because they don’t have anybody else to raise them,” said Marie, 73.
“These are our grandchildren,” said Roger, 79. “We have to do it — there’s no other choice.”
Despite the many burdens and hardships, the Dextras find joy in caring for their grandchildren.
“It’s such a passion for me,” Marie said. “When I see them coming, I’m happy.”
The children accept living under their grandparents’ care, though their own parents’ home is nearby, Marie said.
“They understand she’s sick, and God will take care of them,” Marie said of her daughter-in-law.
To other grandparents who are raising their grandchildren, Marie offers some words of advice: “Be patient when no one else can care for them. Be a believer in the Lord to give you the strength.”
SUPPORT FOR THE LONG TERM
About one in 10 members among the 13 Families Anonymous groups on Long Island are raising their grandchildren because the children’s parents’ drug abuse resulted in death or an inability to be caregivers, said Donna D., who has 22 years’ experience in FA and is on its World Service Board and chair of its Group Outreach Committee. The 12-step program aims to provide fellowship and support for family and friends of those with drug and alcohol and related behavioral problems. In keeping with FA’s tradition of anonymity, the Islip Town resident did not want to give her last name.
She said Families Anonymous meetings can help enlighten grandparents about ways they may have enabled their loved ones’ drug abuse; learning new behaviors can lead to treatment for the parents, enabling reunification with their children and relieving the grandparents of caregiving. “There’s no judging. There’s no advice-giving. There’s no opinions,” Donna said of the meetings.
Drug abuse, incarceration and mental illness have resulted in more and more grandparents raising their grandchildren, said Pam Giacoia, who runs the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren support group in Hampton Bays.
“The biggest challenges I see grandparents facing are finances, parenting issues pertaining to schoolwork, discipline and technology, needing support while going through legal issues, dealing with adult children, and, in general, emotional support while trying to raise their grandkids,” she said.
“They step in,” Giacoia said of the grandparents. “I’ve had people in my group that are from their 50s all the way up to great-grandparents that are raising their kids into their 70s and 80s.” The world has changed drastically from when they raised their own kids, she said.
Grandparents seeking financial assistance can contact the state Office of Temporary Disability Assistance, which offers temporary assistance for needy families. They can also contact different local nonprofit agencies, such as the Family Service League in Suffolk County and North Shore Family & Child Guidance in Nassau.
PASTA (Parenting a Second Time Around), an eight-session curriculum developed by Cornell Cooperative Extension, and Grandparents’ Support Group in Shirley, can help guide grandparents through their journey.
“Sometimes when they get custody of their grandchildren, they’re totally ill-equipped to be parenting again,” said Torres Castro, noting that advancing age or juggling full-time work with child-rearing are among potential obstacles.
“We give the space for them to feel it’s OK to resent the fact that this is what they’re doing right now, but it’s also OK to focus on the child that they need to provide love, safety and security for,” she said. “That’s what the support group does. It helps them to focus on that.”
Nellie Taylor-Walthrust, who heads the North Shore grandparenting support center, said its services help grandparents experiencing isolation and struggling with health and financial issues, which increase stress.
“They also have the opportunity to develop a social network with other grandparents that are experiencing the same life challenge,” Taylor-Walthrust said.
Brown said the advice and support her family has received over the years has helped keep her focused on guiding her grandson — and preparing him for a life independent from her.
“Going to support groups and knowing we weren’t alone in this was crucial for all of us, but especially for my grandson,” she said.
SUPPORT FOR RAISING GRANDKIDS
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
Town of Southampton Senior Center, 25 Ponquogue Ave., Hampton Bays
Meets 6 to 8 p.m., the second Wednesday of each month
Dinner and discussion, sometimes with speakers; child care provided
Contact: Pam Giacoia, 631-728-1235
Shirley Grandparents’ Support Group
Mastics-Moriches-Shirley Community Library
407 William Floyd Pkwy., Shirley
6 to 7:30 p.m. the last Tuesday of the month
Group discussion; guest speakers; must register; child care on request
Contact: Pat Mininni 631-399-1511, ext. 377
C-GRASP of North Shore Child & Family Guidance
The Leeds Place, 999 Brush Hollow Rd., Westbury
Education, respite, counseling, school advocacy, clothing, food, housing assistance and transportation for grandparents who are primary caregivers of their grandchildren
By now I imagine you’ve heard all about “The Cosby Show” actor Geoffrey Owens who was job-shamed for working at Trader Joe’s.
If you haven’t heard or just to refresh: a customer recognized him, snapped a few unflattering photos of him bagging potatoes and sold it to a tabloid news outlet that gave it a derisive can-you-believe-what-he’s-doing-now hook.
If you are a parent, this is a great story to share and discuss with your kids. If you are a young person still in school it is an important lesson to absorb, store away and preserve so you can come back to it. You might find that you will need it one day.
Although Yale graduate Owens admitted to feeling humiliated by being exposed in such a disdainful manner, he said that he was not embarrassed about having a side job at Trader Joe’s and that many working actors need to supplement their income to help support themselves and their families.
Social media picked up his cause, which led to myriad media appearances and a viral social media presence. He used the opportunity to give voice to the dignity of work.
Here is what he said about that in a Sept. 4 Time magazine video interview: “The fact that I, as the guy from ‘The Cosby Show,’ was shamed about working at Trader Joe’s, that story is going to move on, that’s gonna pass. What I hope doesn’t pass is this new recognition, this current sensitivity people are feeling about work and about people working. I hope what continues to resonate is the idea that one job is not better than another. A certain job might pay more, might have better benefits and might look better on paper, but essentially one kind of work is not better, superior to another kind of work and that we reevaluate that whole idea and we just start honoring the dignity of work and respecting the dignity of the working person.”
Ironically, Owens’ job-shaming experience led to thousands of tributes on Twitter, a new acting job with producer-director Tyler Perry and offers of cash gifts from celebrities like rapper Nicki Minaj, all of whom were so moved by Owens.
I found the story to be personally uplifting; and, not because Owens benefited with renewed notoriety and a promising new acting job, but because of his humanity and the dignity he displayed in representing working stiffs all across America, regardless of their stripe or station in life.
Bravo Geoffrey Owens. Well done!
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center.
Did you know that every day more than 290 Americans die from suicide or a drug overdose?
With proper treatment, many of these tragedies could be prevented — but despite a law that guarantees coverage, people face enormous roadblocks when they seek care.
In 2008 President George W. Bush signed the landmark Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act (Parity Act).
The Parity Act mandates equal insurance coverage for mental health and substance use disorders as compared to other medical/surgical benefits covered by the plan.
According to its new website parityat10.com, “Parity at 10 seeks to ensure that insurance carriers and state Medicaid programs comply with the law so that consumers can access the evidence-based health care they need and are entitled by law to receive.”
What does equal insurance coverage mean?
It means ending insurer discrimination against access to timely and affordable care including high out-of-pocket costs and shorter lengths of care for MH/SUD.
Parity — which is another word for equity — in this case means that MH/SUD coverage must be provided on par with coverage of medical and surgical care.
Notably, this legislation was the result of a bipartisan effort by Sens. Paul Wellstone, a liberal Democrat, and Pete Domenici, a conservative Republican. What the senators had in common were personal family experiences that motivated their tireless efforts to pass this law.
Parity saves lives. Parity law is a civil rights law that has not been vigorously enforced by the States, which have the primary responsibility for enforcement of private insurance and Medicaid.
One of the most pernicious violations and barriers to care is inadequate networks of MH/SUD providers.
North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center documented this in its 2018 Project Access Study which surveyed 650 Long Island consumers of MH/SUD care. Nearly 50 percent of respondents said that it was easier for them to access medical/surgical care than MH/SUD Care.
Nationally, patients responding to a National Alliance on Mental Illness survey reported being denied twice as often for mental health care as for medical-surgical care under the Affordable Care Act.
The actuarial firm Milliman reviewed claims data in New York and found that patients had to go out-of-network for MH/SUD care far more often than for medical/surgical care — a very expensive proposition that flies in the face of the Parity Act.
At North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, we are a proud partner of the Parity at 10 Compliance Campaign. On August 10 I attended an inaugural Parity at 10 meeting in Albany with my fellow advocates and top officials in the Cuomo administration.
Some of the details in this column were included in the policy brief provided to Gov. Cuomo. The consensus among the advocates was that insurers do everything in their power to skirt parity.
Another staunch supporter of the original legislation was Patrick J. Kennedy, a former member of the U.S. House of Representatives. Kennedy struggled with mental illness and addiction for most of his life.
In his book “A Common Struggle,” Kennedy said the battle ahead is for the law to be enforced in the face of health insurers who stand to profit by denying the full range of coverage for people living with mental illness and addictions.
Kennedy rightly frames the inequities that people with mental illness and addictions face as a matter of civil rights.
Discriminatory insurance coverage for those with mental health and substance use disorders must end. When insurers do not comply with the law and enforcement is inadequate, millions of Americans are at risk.
Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
In the aftermath of the 17th anniversary of September 11, I offer a remembrance of several groups of people—all Queens court personnel—whom I spent a day with in their courthouse, just three days after the 2001 terrorist attack.
The people I met with included individuals with missing relatives or friends, individuals with relatives or friends confirmed dead, individuals who were in the World Trade Center complex during the attack, individuals with family members who barely escaped, and individuals who witnessed the attack and collapse of the Twin Towers from courthouse windows. All were deeply affected. Most were in a state of shock and disbelief.
When I arrived at the courthouse, I learned that I would be meeting with three groups of 8 to 12 people each. I was called in by an official from an Employee Assistance Program to offer a supportive group experience. We met in a vacant courtroom. I arranged chairs around two adjacent prosecution and defense tables.
As I awaited the first group, a court officer said, “Today should be interesting.” I asked him what he meant. He said, “It’s foreclosure Friday.” He explained that every Friday they have an auction of foreclosed property and, typically, about 200 Arab-Americans participate in the auction, signaling a sense of mounting unease with people of Middle Eastern descent.
I greeted the first group, and one by one the participants revealed signs and symptoms of trauma and stress. These included numbness, shock, headaches, loss of appetite, aches and pains, frequent trips to the bathroom, sleeplessness, flashbacks, startle responses to loud noises (especially airplanes), helplessness, gruesome nightmares, anger, uncertainty, guilt and fear.
Fear was a powerful theme. Many felt that the courthouse was unsafe. During the final group meeting a female court officer walked in unannounced and searched for explosives, explaining there was a bomb threat.
At least one or two people wept openly in each group, women and men. In each group at least one person left the room to compose themselves and then came back. More than one person said, “I can’t stop crying.” And more than one said, “I can’t cry.”
Anger was a prevailing theme. There was anger at the government. “How could they let this happen?” they asked.
Many shared feelings of disbelief, saying how surreal it seems. One said, “I am in a semi-daze; I feel like I’m not even here.”
Guilt was prevalent, especially about going on with mundane day-to-day activities. A court officer said he felt insignificant, like “a grain of sand.” He said he felt helpless and wondered if he was going crazy.
One group participant’s son escaped from the 78th floor. He took the stairs. His co-workers waited for the elevator. They didn’t survive. The son’s story was retold by his mother through sobs. When he emerged from the building, she shared, he witnessed “flaming bodies falling from the sky.” Two others held her hands as she told the story.
In each group people reached out to comfort one another through physical touch and understanding words. In one group a woman who said she couldn’t understand why she hadn’t cried was brought to tears by another’s pain over a missing sister.
In closing, the participants in one group agreed that “it’s good to know you’re not alone,” and “it’s good to know you’re not going crazy.”
I found the intensity of that experience and the participants’ ability to reach out to one another moving. Although I was there to facilitate, my role was to bear witness. It confirmed for me what I was already feeling; when facing incomprehensible tragedy and overwhelming grief we must push ourselves to forgo isolation and reach out to one another.
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center.
Did you know that every day more than 290 Americans die from suicide or a drug overdose?
With proper treatment, many of these tragedies could be prevented — but despite a law that guarantees coverage, people face enormous roadblocks when they seek care.
In 2008 President George W. Bush signed the landmark Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act (Parity Act).
The Parity Act mandates equal insurance coverage for mental health and substance use disorders as compared to other medical/surgical benefits covered by the plan.
According to its new website parityat10.com, “Parity at 10 seeks to ensure that insurance carriers and state Medicaid programs comply with the law so that consumers can access the evidence-based health care they need and are entitled by law to receive.”
What does equal insurance coverage mean?
It means ending insurer discrimination against access to timely and affordable care including high out-of-pocket costs and shorter lengths of care for MH/SUD.
Parity — which is another word for equity — in this case means that MH/SUD coverage must be provided on par with coverage of medical and surgical care.
Notably, this legislation was the result of a bipartisan effort by Sens. Paul Wellstone, a liberal Democrat, and Pete Domenici, a conservative Republican. What the senators had in common were personal family experiences that motivated their tireless efforts to pass this law.
Parity saves lives. Parity law is a civil rights law that has not been vigorously enforced by the States, which have the primary responsibility for enforcement of private insurance and Medicaid.
One of the most pernicious violations and barriers to care is inadequate networks of MH/SUD providers.
North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center documented this in its 2018 Project Access Study which surveyed 650 Long Island consumers of MH/SUD care. Nearly 50 percent of respondents said that it was easier for them to access medical/surgical care than MH/SUD Care.
Nationally, patients responding to a National Alliance on Mental Illness survey reported being denied twice as often for mental health care as for medical-surgical care under the Affordable Care Act.
The actuarial firm Milliman reviewed claims data in New York and found that patients had to go out-of-network for MH/SUD care far more often than for medical/surgical care — a very expensive proposition that flies in the face of the Parity Act.
At North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, we are a proud partner of the Parity at 10 Compliance Campaign. On August 10 I attended an inaugural Parity at 10 meeting in Albany with my fellow advocates and top officials in the Cuomo administration.
Some of the details in this column were included in the policy brief provided to Gov. Cuomo. The consensus among the advocates was that insurers do everything in their power to skirt parity.
Another staunch supporter of the original legislation was Patrick J. Kennedy, a former member of the U.S. House of Representatives. Kennedy struggled with mental illness and addiction for most of his life.
In his book “A Common Struggle,” Kennedy said the battle ahead is for the law to be enforced in the face of health insurers who stand to profit by denying the full range of coverage for people living with mental illness and addictions.
Kennedy rightly frames the inequities that people with mental illness and addictions face as a matter of civil rights.
Discriminatory insurance coverage for those with mental health and substance use disorders must end. When insurers do not comply with the law and enforcement is inadequate, millions of Americans are at risk.
Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
(From left) Honorees Andrea and Michael Leeds, Congressman Tom Suozzi, honorees Rita and Frank Castagna, state Sen. Todd Kaminsky and honoree Deirdre Costa Major contributed to the success of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center’s 65th Sapphire Anniversary Gala.
