The Sutherland Springs, Texas, killing of 26 innocents, including eight children and a pregnant mom, is a grim reminder and prelude to the fifth anniversary of the Sandy Hook shootings [“Church massacre,” News, Nov. 6].
At the same time, as President Donald Trump paid his respects to the fallen, ordering flags flown at half-staff, he was quick to label the tragedy as a mental health problem. This is despite the fact that he advocated for a repeal-and-replace national health insurance policy that would strip away insurance coverage parity for mental health care.
When the president advocates for limiting access to care, it compounds the public health challenges of mental illness.
Think about it: After the Sandy Hook shootings, there was not one parent who was able to escape the tyranny of imagining his or her child being killed in the neighborhood school. Now, Sutherland Springs affirms that the 2015 church shooting in Charleston, South Carolina, is not isolated.
Our leaders can support the constitutional right to bear arms while taking steps to prevent gun violence and passing legislation that supports the emotional well-being of all of our citizens.
Andrew Malekoff, Long Beach
Editor’s note: The writer is the executive director of the nonprofit children’s mental health agency North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center in Roslyn Heights.
WOODBURY – Facebook’s first president Sean Parker said Wednesday that the social media giant was designed to exploit “human vulnerability.”
“We needed to sort of give you a little dopamine hit every once in a while because someone liked or commented on a photo or a post or whatever,” Parker said at an Axios event in Philadelphia. “It’s a social validation feedback loop. It’s exactly the kind of thing that a hacker, like myself, would come up with because you’re exploiting a vulnerability in human psychology.”
He went on to say the “[The inventors] understood this, consciously, and we did it anyway.”
Parker says he now wonders about the consequences of Facebook on future generations.
“God only knows what it’s doing to our children’s brains,” he said.
Mental health experts say it’s having a negative impact. Andrew Malekoff, of the North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center, says those overly absorbed in the site often become isolated, anxious and disconnected.
Malekoff says parents should consider putting limits on the time their children spend on social media.
Anton Media’s Long Island Weekly, Parenthood Plus by Andrew Malekoff
In New York it is illegal to use a handheld cellphone while driving. Although drivers have the option to use hands-free devices, studies show that talking or texting on any cellphone while driving is so mentally distracting as to suggest it is a serious safety hazard. Nevertheless, not a day goes by that I do not see drivers talking on both hand-held and hands-free devices. Safety aside, what does all this chatter in the car portend about one’s ability to be alone?
More than 50 years ago Clark Moustakas, a psychologist and the author of the existential study Loneliness, wrote, “Being alone, for me, usually means an opportunity to think, imagine, plan. I choose to be alone because I desire to be quiet for awhile to consider aspects of my life. It is usually a tranquil time of self-expression and self-renewal.”
Can you remember a time when a solitary ride in the car offered such an opportunity, to simply be alone with your thoughts, feelings and sensations—maybe with your favorite soundtrack playing in the background?
We now live in an era when, because we are plugged in 24-7, the simple pleasure of being alone is something that we avoid. For many people, young and old, aloneness is a source of discontent. Why? Are we afraid that it might lead to loneliness?
Loneliness is not just about a lack of companionship but an inner sense of being alone, regardless of the external circumstances—of feeling lonely even when with friends or family.
I believe that the recent popularity of mindfulness—a mental state achieved by directing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly noticing and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts and bodily sensations—is a counterforce to the busy-ness of our perpetually plugged-in lives.
As if to foreshadow the current era of mindfulness, Moustakas said, “Loneliness anxiety is a widespread condition in contemporary society. The individual no longer has an intimate sense of relatedness to the food he eats, the clothing he wears, the shelter which houses him.”
According to Maria Gonzalez, an author and corporate executive whose most recent book is Mindful Leadership, 9 Ways to Self-Awareness, Transforming Yourself, and Inspiring Others, “The daily commute is a great opportunity to train the mind.” She recommends practicing simple techniques, repeatedly, to train the mind in three areas:
1. To be more focused and better able to concentrate;
2. To experience more clarity in our thinking and decision-making; and
3. To approach all of life with a sense of balance, whereby we can “go with the flow” when a situation cannot be changed in the moment.
“The idea,” Gonzalez says, “is that you are continuously aware of three things: your body, what you see and what you hear. This is what it is to be mindfully present as you drive. Do your best to stay present for the entire commute.”
Although it seems elementary, it’s not as easy it sounds. As your mind wanders you may have the impulse to check your phone, or give in to some other distraction. When that happens, intentionally pull yourself back.
Like all things worth mastering, being mindful takes practice. As you do this you are preparing yourself to be present, to be at ease in your own company and, at the same time, you’re making the road a safer place for us all.
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. Visit www.northshorechildguidance.org to find out more.
From left, Andrew Malekoff, Regina Barros-Rivera, Russell and Marilyn Albanese, Carol and Andrew Marcell, Nancy and Lew Lane. (Photo courtesy of North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center)
North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center was proud to announce that its annual gala, “Under the Stars,” raised more than $430,000 to support the Guidance Center’s work to restore and strengthen the emotional health and well-being of children and families on Long Island.
More than 220 guests attended the event, enjoying a wonderful evening of delicious food, musical entertainment provided by New York, New York Dueling Pianos, a silent and live auction.
The honorees this year were Marilyn and Russell Albanese. Marilyn, a new member of the Guidance Center’s Board of Directors, has been volunteering for the Guidance Center for several years, working to support and educate young mothers at the Leeds Place location.
Both Marilyn and Russell hold the mission of the Guidance Center close to their hearts. They shared the story of when they had a teen girl from Haiti who needed surgery and who was staying at their home. “The Guidance Center had someone who spoke Creole, and she was a tremendous help to our entire family and our guest,” said Marilyn.
The Albanese family
“We are delighted that the Guidance Center’s ‘Under the Stars’ gala was a grand fundraising and friendraising event,” board president Nancy Lane said. “The Board of Directors is thrilled that Marilyn and Russell Albanese agreed to be our 2017 honorees. This year’s co-chairs, Carol and Andy Marcell, pulled out all of the stops to help make this year’s event a real standout.”
The money raised at the event will help the Guidance Center continue its many innovative programs and services, with no one ever turned away for inability to pay.
“The financial success of the Gala is essential to our continuing to extend the Guidance Center’s reach to thousands of children and families that call on us in their hour of need,”executive director Andrew Malekoff said. “It was a fun and festive evening and a prime example of neighbor helping neighbor to bring hope and healing to vulnerable children.”
From left, Frank and Rita Castagna with Chris and Jack Bransfield. (Photo courtest of North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center)
Senator Elaine Phillips recently attended the North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center’s 2017 “Under the Stars” Gala.
“The North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is an essential resource in our community for children struggling with mental health conditions,” Senator Elaine Phillips said. “I applaud the Center’s committed staff for working tirelessly to help restore and strengthen the emotional well-being of children. Thank you to the Center for inviting me to this year’s wonderful “Under the Stars” Gala, and congratulations and thank you to this year’s honorees, Marilyn and Russell Albanese, for your gracious support of the community’s children.”
The North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center helps children and families address issues such as depression and anxiety, developmental delays, bullying, teen pregnancy, sexual abuse, teen drug and alcohol abuse, and family crises stemming from illness, death, trauma and divorce.
In New York it is illegal to use a hand-held cell phone while driving. Although drivers have the option to use hands-free devices, studies show that talking or texting on any cell phone while driving is so mentally distracting as to suggest it is a serious safety hazard. Nevertheless, not a day goes by that I do not see drivers talking on both hand-held and hands-free devices. Safety aside, what does all this chatter in the car portend about one’s ability to be alone?
More than 50 years ago Clark Moustakas, a psychologist and the author of the existential study Loneliness, wrote, “Being alone, for me, usually means an opportunity to think, imagine, plan. I choose to be alone because I desire to be quiet for awhile to consider aspects of my life. It is usually a tranquil time of self-expression and self-renewal.”
Can you remember a time when a solitary ride in the car offered such an opportunity, to simply be alone with your thoughts, feelings and sensations—maybe with your favorite soundtrack playing in the background?
We now live in an era when, because we are plugged in 24-7, the simple pleasure of being alone is something that we avoid. For many people, young and old, aloneness is a source of discontent. Why? Are we afraid that it might lead to loneliness?
Loneliness is not just about a lack of companionship but an inner sense of being alone, regardless of the external circumstances—of feeling lonely even when with friends or family.
I believe that the recent popularity of mindfulness—a mental state achieved by directing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly noticing and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts and bodily sensations—is a counterforce to the busy-ness of our perpetually plugged-in lives.
As if to foreshadow the current era of mindfulness, Moustakas said, “Loneliness anxiety is a widespread condition in contemporary society. The individual no longer has an intimate sense of relatedness to the food he eats, the clothing he wears, the shelter which houses him.”
According to Maria Gonzalez, an author and corporate executive whose most recent book is Mindful Leadership,9 Ways to Self-Awareness, Transforming Yourself, and Inspiring Others, “The daily commute is a great opportunity to train the mind.” She recommends practicing simple techniques, repeatedly, to train the mind in three areas:
1. To be more focused and better able to concentrate;
2. To experience more clarity in our thinking and decision-making; and
3. To approach all of life with a sense of balance, whereby we can “go with the flow” when a situation cannot be changed in the moment.
“The idea,” Gonzalez says, “is that you are continuously aware of three things: your body, what you see and what you hear. This is what it is to be mindfully present as you drive. Do your best to stay present for the entire commute.”
Although it seems elementary, it’s not as easy it sounds. As your mind wanders you may have the impulse to check your phone, or give in to some other distraction. When that happens, intentionally pull yourself back.
Like all things worth mastering, being mindful takes practice. As you do this you are preparing yourself to be present, to be at ease in your own company and, at the same time, you’re making the road a safer place for us all.
Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org
Despite feeling blindsided, many of us now know that we are living in the midst of an unprecedented drug epidemic. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, since 1999, the rate of overdose deaths including prescription pain relievers, heroin and synthetic opioids such as fentanyl, nearly quadrupled.
In the intervening years, many steps have been taken to help save lives. These include improving prescribing practices and expanding access to medication-assisted treatment and the use of Naloxone.
Medication-assisted treatment combines behavioral therapy and medications such as methadone or buprenorphine to treat opioid addiction. Through affordable, accessible and quality care people can recover and go on to live productive lives.
Naloxone is used to treat a narcotic overdose in an emergency situation by reversing the effects of opioids, including slowed breathing or loss of consciousness.
Notwithstanding the increased attention to lifesaving measures, there is relatively little focus on the devastating impact of addiction on children living in families where a parent is addicted to drugs or alcohol.
There are more than 8 million children under 18 years of age that are growing up in homes with alcohol and other drug-abusing parents. These young people are likely to become alcohol or drug abusers themselves without intervention.
Parental alcoholism and drug addiction influence the use of alcohol and other drugs in several ways. These include increased stress and decreased parental monitoring that contributes to adolescents’ joining peer groups that support drug use.
Children who grow up with an addicted parent learn to distrust to survive. When unpredictability dominates one’s life, he or she is likely to be wary, always sensing disappointment lurking nearby.
Children growing up with an addicted parent become uncomfortably accustomed to living with chaos, uncertainty and unpredictability. When a child grows up under these conditions, they learn to guess at what normal is.
Denial, secrecy, embarrassment and shame are common experiences of children who live with an addicted parent. Even seeking help outside of the family might in itself be seen as an act of betrayal, a step toward revealing the family secret. The stigma of addiction can leave chemically dependent persons and family members feeling utterly alone in the world.
Children who grow up with an addicted parent live with the unspoken mandate – don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel.
Growing up with an addicted family member leaves children with little hope that things will ever change. I am reminded of a parable about the small village on the edge of a river.
One day a villager saw a baby floating down the river. He jumped in the river and saved the baby. The next day he saw two babies floating down the river. He and another villager dived in and saved them. Each day that followed, more babies were found floating down the river. The villagers organized themselves, training teams of swimmers to rescue the babies. They were soon working around the clock.
Although they could not save all the babies, the rescue squad members felt good and were lauded for saving as many babies as they could. However, one day, one of the villagers asked: “Where are all these babies coming from? Why don’t we organize a team to head upstream to find out who’s throwing the babies into the river in the first place!”
Mobilizing resources to pull babies from the river, while neglecting the ones left behind makes no sense.
Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health and chemical dependency services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
This article appeared in the Behavioral Health News, Volume 5, Number 2, Fall 2017, p. 20, under the title: Context Counts in Caring for Chemically Dependent Kids and Families
North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center Lets the Light Shine In With Tour of Historic Whispered Wishes Headquarters
Also announces capital campaign for major windows renovation project
Roslyn Heights, NY, October 5, 2017 — The past came to life on October 3rd as North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center hosted a luncheon at its Roslyn Heights headquarters, known as “Whispered Wishes,” featuring a visit by one of the home’s former occupants.
Whispered Wishes today, which is the Guidance Center’s main headquarters.
Mary Jo Balkind, the granddaughter of one of the building’s early owners, financier and industrialist Charles C. Auchincloss, lived in the Guidance Center’s headquarters during WW II when she was a young girl. She enthusiastically shared many stories of those years with the luncheon’s guests, which included board members, donors and New York State Senator Elaine Phillips.
“It was a working farm,” said Balkind, who lived in the home with her grandparents, mother and siblings. “We had pigs, cows and chickens, along with a tennis court and stable. It was a great place to live.”
Another interesting point of history: Balkind’s sister Rosie was best friends with future First Lady Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy, who visited the home often as a young girl.
Buck and Leslie Balkind with Buck’s mother Mary Jo Balkind and her drawing of the original estate’s layout.
The history of the building—one of the oldest in the East Hills area—is quite fascinating, said Howard Kroplick, Town Historian for the Town of North Hempstead. Whispered Wishes, formerly named “Builtover” by Charles Auchincloss when he purchased the home in 1905, was originally part of a 46-acre property owned by the Willets and Taber families, early settlers of Long Island.
Well-known architecture firm Peabody, Wilson and Brown was hired by Auchincloss to update the original home and turn it into a 25-room Georgian Revival mansion. He also hired the famed Olmstead Brothers, who designed Central Park, as architects for the grounds in 1917.
Kroplick stated, “This is a building that does so many wonderful things for the community. It should be cherished and preserved.”
John Grillo, Senator Elaine Phillips, Guidance Center Executive Director Andrew Malekoff and Board President Nancy Lane.
Gold Coast historian Paul J. Mateyunas gave the audience a tour of the home, pointing out its numerous original features, from fireplaces to sconces to cast iron heating grates to a call box for the servants. “This is an amazing example of preservation,” said Mateyunas.
Since the Guidance Center purchased the home in 1983, preserving its beauty and structural integrity has been of utmost importance. Executive Director Andrew Malekoff told the luncheon guests that the Guidance Center is embarking on a crucial renovation project to keep the “warm and welcoming” feeling for all of the Guidance Center’s clients.
“We’re very grateful to Senator Phillips for helping us secure $100,000 toward the windows project from the Dormitory Authority of New York State,” said Malekoff, noting that the cost to replace all 120 windows will be approximately $1.2 million.
Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy with Rosie Balkind in front of the home’s barn.
For her part, Mary Jo Balkind is thrilled that her former childhood home is a place where helping children and families in need of mental health services is paramount. “I’m so thankful that the Guidance Center has preserved the beauty of this house. They’ve also preserved the spiritual essence of the building. There is the most wonderful atmosphere here; from the moment you walk in you can feel it. It makes me so happy that the Guidance Center is here.”
To learn more about the windows renovation project, please contact Director of Development Lauren McGowan at LMcGowan@northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 626-1971, ext. 320.
New legislation signed by Governor Cuomo in 2016 requires that public schools in New York State begin providing instruction in mental health on or after July 1, 2018. The legislation was co-sponsored by Senator Carl Marcellino (R-Nassau) and Assemblywoman Kathy Nolan (D-Queens).
The new legislation adds mental health education to areas of learning that were already required by law, including education on the use and misuse of alcohol, tobacco and other substances and the early detection of cancer.
According to Glen Liebman, CEO of the Mental Health Association in New York State, “By ensuring that young people are educated about mental health, we increase the likelihood that they will be able to recognize signs in themselves and others that indicate when help is needed and how to get help.”
Why is this legislation so important? One in five adolescents ages 13-18 is diagnosed with a mental health problem, yet only 40% get help. The average time from onset to seeking help is eight to 10 years.According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one in 12 high school students attempt suicide, the third leading cause of death for 10 to 24 year olds.
Teaching about mental health in schools and educating to reduce stigma is long overdue. There is great misunderstanding and fear among many who have erroneous ideas about people with mental illness. Consequently, young people suffering with mental illness walk around school feeling isolated, believing that there’s something inherently wrong with them that will never change.
These children and teens often feel shunned, unlike their peers who have a physical health problem and who have others rally around them. I can vividly recall a news report and photo of a middle school boy afflicted with cancer who was receiving chemotherapy. In the photo he was surrounded by his teacher and a smiling group of his classmates, all of whom shaved their heads in solidarity with him.Imagine if instead of cancer he was depressed and suicidal. There would be no such image of public support, only one of isolation, shame and despair.
A caring school community can offer a young person a safety net of meaningful and helpful connections. It is not unusual for a teenager to feel defective when struggling alone with a mental illness. Mental health education in schools can begin with mental wellness practices for children as early as four or five years old, for example, by teaching social skills and how to manage angry feelings.
As children grow they can learn about the concept of wellness including self-care and personal responsibility. They can learn to recognize the signs and symptoms of developing mental health problems, how to manage crises such as the risk of suicide and self-harm and how to identify appropriate services and supports for treating and maintaining recovery from mental illness.
I can already hear those voices that will decry using educational resources for addressing the emotional needs of kids. If that is your view, I ask you to consider that approximately 50% of students age 14 and older who are living with a mental illness drop out of high school. Youngsters’ mental health and their ability to learn and become productive citizens in the community and workplace go hand-in-hand.
We owe it to our children to support this vital new legislation by encouraging schools to incorporate meaningful education into the curriculum that reinforces the idea that mental health is an integral part of wellbeing. Our children need to learn that there is help that can lead to recovery.
Bio: Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director and CEO of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
Guidance Center Executive Director Andrew Malekoff, Children’s Center volunteer Allison Cacace, event co-chair John Zenir, Leeds Place Director Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust and event co-chair Bob Mangi attended the Sept. 19 fundraiser. (Photo courtesy of North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center)
North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center hosted Sept. 19 a fundraiser for its Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court. The event at Tesoro’s Ristorante Cucini Italiana at 967 Old Country Road in Westbury featured entertainment by musician and soul crooner Paul Loren, along with cocktails and a delicious buffet.
The event raised over $12,000 for operating the Children’s Center, which provides care and early learning to almost 2,000 children annually, ages 6 weeks to 12 years, while their parents or guardians are conducting court business.
“The Children Center is not a babysitting service,” Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust, Director of The Leeds Place, explained. “It is an early learning center. Often this is a child’s first exposure to an early learning environment. Every aspect of the Center promotes learning by which the children can explore new things in a safe, structured and professionally supervised setting.”
Dr. Taylor-Walthrust also thanked all of the Children’s Center volunteers. “We have only two full-time staff members, and we are required to have two adults present at the Center for it to be open. We could never provide the level of service that we do without these dedicated volunteers.” She also acknowledged Laurie Joseph-Yehuda and Rene Joseph, the daughter and widow of the late Honorable Burton S. Joseph, founder of the Children’s Center, who were also in attendance. Laurie is a new member of the Children’s Center Advisory Council and Rene painted a beautiful mural on the wall of the Children’s Center many years ago.
Andrew Malekoff, executive director of the Guidance Center, thanked event co-chairs Bob Mangi, Esq. and John Zenir as well as Allison Cacace, a volunteer for the Children’s Center who was instrumental in coordinating the event for the second year in a row.
“This fundraiser is critical for the Children’s Center, as funds for it have been drastically cut over the years, though we have been able to keep it open full time,” Malekoff said.
The fundraiser was sponsored by an array of local law firms and other businesses, including Abrams, Fensterman, Fensterman, Eisman, Formato, Ferrara, Wolf & Carone, LLP, DiMascio & Associates, LLP, Gassman Baiamonte Gruner, P.C., Mangi & Graham, LLP, the Pessala Family, and In Memory of Hon. Burton S. Joseph.
North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center’s Under the Stars gala is 6 p.m. Oct. 26 at Garden City Hotel. (Photo courtesy of North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center)
Marilyn Albanese stumbled upon the North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center when she needed it most.
After taking in a child from Haiti named Caila, Albanese learned the girl needed surgery but she was unable to communicate with Caila in Creole or French. Her son Anthony was volunteering with the Guidance Center and suggested she call for help.
There, she met Executive Director Andrew Malekoff and quickly became a volunteer with the center, working with its young mothers program, then a board member, and now the annual Under the Stars gala honoree along with her husband, Russell.
“It makes me feel really proud and honored because we so believe in the organization, having seen both sides of the experience, benefiting from their services as well as having volunteered myself and my sons,” Albanese said. “It makes us feel very proud to be associated with the organization.”
Gala co-chair Carol Marcell said the annual gala will have a different format this year, moving away from the past Dancing with Our Stars theme to Under the Stars with a new entertainment format with Dueling Pianos. The gala will also be moved to a Thursday night, held at 6 p.m. Oct. 26 at the Garden City Hotel, instead of a typical Saturday night affair.
Tickets for the event as well as journal advertisements are still available.
“It will be more appropriate for the Thursday evening instead of the big ballroom dance format,” Marcell said. “We felt like this year, it was time to mix it up. We’re excited.”
Malekoff said the gala is the Guidance Center’s largest fundraiser of the year and helps provide a number of mental health and chemical abuse services to the community, including the daily child care program available for those attending Nassau County Family Court so parents who can’t afford sitters for children from six weeks to 12 years old don’t have to bring children into the courtroom.
Malekoff said while the center gets some funding from the government, that funding has been at a standstill for the past 30 years and the center relies on fundraisers to keep services running.
“In order for us to continue to provide services at the level of quality that we do and turn no one away for the inability to pay, we have to raise a significant amount of funding each year in order to make up the difference between, say, what we might be reimbursed from a commercial insurance company and what it costs us to provide the service,” Malekoff said.
Founded in 1953, the Guidance Center was the product of a grassroots movement of mothers who saw a gap and decided to fill it, Malekoff said.
Since then, the stigma of mental health issues still plagues the country, and many people, Malekoff said, don’t seek treatment for years, if they do at all.
“The stigma is still a major issue, so asking for help when you have a child with a physical health problem like asthma or diabetes or cancer, they won’t hesitate for a moment to call a provider to get help,” Malekoff said. “With mental health, because of the stigma and shame it generates for some, they will wait hours, days, weeks, months, sometimes years to call.”
Albanese said in her time on the center’s Board of Directors, she said she has seen accountability and support across the organization, from Malekoff trickling down to his support staff and volunteers.
“He has a gift of being both very educated and very aware of what needs to be done, but also being able to educate the people getting involved and facilitate the things that need to get done,” Albanese said of Malekoff. “He seems to have a real heart for young people and all people with mental health issues.”
The center has three offices, a headquarters in Roslyn Heights and two branches in Manhasset and Westbury, but they serve a greater population than anyone would guess, Marcell said.
“People from Nassau County, without knowing they know, know many people that have been helped by the center,” Marcell said. “It is a center that is understated, but it’s helped our community serve families, and because it’s mental health, it’s not as publicized. We can’t showcase our clients. We can’t say, speak to this family, their daughter was suicidal.
“We can’t showcase a lot of these specific issues and names, but they’re so prevalent and we serve so many. They are probably friends with people we’ve supported. They’ve done a lot to improve our community without always being the face of that.”
Daniel Gale’s Gail Holman, Guidance Center Board Member Tracey Kupferberg and Guidance Center Board President Nancy Lane
Roslyn Heights, NY, September 22, 2017 — On Tuesday evening September 19th, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center hosted a fundraiser for its Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court.The event, which was held at Tesoro’s Ristorante Cucini Italiana at 967 Old Country Road in Westbury, featured wonderful entertainment by musician and soul crooner Paul Loren, along with cocktails and a delicious buffet.
The event raised over $12,000 for operating the Children’s Center, which provides care and early learning to almost 2,000 children annually, ages 6 weeks – 12 years, while their parents or guardians are conducting court business.
“The Children Center is not a babysitting service,” explains Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust, Director of The Leeds Place (under which the Children’s Center operates). “It is an early learning center. Often this is a child’s first exposure to an early learning environment. Every aspect of the Center promotes learning by which the children can explore new things in a safe, structured and professionally supervised setting.”
Guidance Center Executive Director Andrew Malekoff, Children’s Center volunteer Allison Cacace, event co-chair John Zenir, Leeds Place Director Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust and event co-chair Bob Mangi.
Dr. Taylor-Walthrust also thanked all of the Children’s Center volunteers. “We have only two full-time staff members, and we are required to have two adults present at the Center for it to be open. We could never provide the level of service that we do without these dedicated volunteers.” She also acknowledged Laurie Joseph-Yehuda and Rene Joseph, the daughter and widow of the late Honorable Burton S. Joseph, founder of the Children’s Center, who were also in attendance. Laurie is a new member of the Children’s Center Advisory Council and Rene painted a beautiful mural on the wall of the Children’s Center many years ago.
Andrew Malekoff, Executive Director of the Guidance Center, thanked event co-chairs Bob Mangi, Esq. and John Zenir, Esq., P.C., as well as Allison Cacace, a volunteer for the Children’s Center who was instrumental in coordinating the event for the second year in a row. “This fundraiser is critical for the Children’s Center, as funds for it have been drastically cut over the years, though we have been able to keep it open full time,” says Malekoff.
The fundraiser was sponsored by an array of local law firms and other businesses, including Abrams, Fensterman, Fensterman, Eisman, Formato, Ferrara, Wolf & Carone, LLP, DiMascio & Associates, LLP, Gassman Baiamonte Gruner, P.C., Mangi & Graham, LLP, the Pessala Family, and In Memory of Hon. Burton S. Joseph.
By Andrew Malekoff, Executive Director, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center and Long Beach resident
My family lives in a high ranch in a section of Long Beach known as “the canals.” The houses sit close together, sometimes just yards apart. One warm August afternoon many years ago, one of my neighbors lit his fireplace. Our windows were wide open and in no time our house filled with smoke. We appealed to our neighbors to wait until the weather was a little cooler. Later that evening, we were again invaded by smoke.
After one more attempt to address the problem civilly, it became clear to me that our neighbors did not appreciate that their pleasure was our pain. Drawing on my knowledge of nonviolent tactics to resolve conflict, I went door to door on the street to enlist support and called local officials. Some neighbors spoke up about the problem. The fireplace problem was soon resolved.
Years later, I was out for an early morning bike ride on East Park Avenue in Long Beach when I was run down by a driver who subscribed to the now-popular practice of turning right on red without coming to a full stop. The irate driver exited his car, pointed up and hollered, “I had green!” He backed off when I corrected him, loudly, from my prone position underneath my mangled bicycle. I survived with a few bumps and bruises. When he saw the shape of my bike, he threw a $50 bill at me and said, “This is for your bike.”
Most people I talk to agree that civility is on the decline. Everyone seems to have his or her own horror stories, whether it is inconsiderate neighbors or co-workers, aggressive driving or just plain rudeness. There are books on the subject. Titles include “The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct” and “A Short History of Rudeness.” Another is “The Duel in Early Modern England: Civility, Politeness and Honour.” Ah, yes, those were the days.
We have become all too familiar with the epidemic of F-bombs that pepper civic discourse, pervasive public cellphone calls and drunkenness at sporting events. We live in a time when every movie theater begins with a public service announcement stating ground rules for being considerate.
Highways have become the Wild West. Hardly anyone comes to a complete stop for a stop sign. The yellow traffic signal has evolved from its original meaning, slow down, to speed up. And, of course, there are tailgating, middle-finger salutes and rampant road rage.
Today, there is so much talk about putting an end to bullying in schools. Yet, we live in a world of adults who don’t think twice about trampling personal boundaries through rude, intimidating and obnoxious behavior.
It never fails to surprise me, when I travel somewhere, to see drivers stop for pedestrians, and people of all ages wave and say, “Good morning.”
If we cannot reverse the trend, we can at least slow down and teach our children, after we remind ourselves, the importance of putting a pause between impulse and action. Perhaps it is somewhere inside of that sacred space that we can find our way back to a civil society.
Roslyn Heights, NY, September 12, 2017 — On Tuesday evening September 19th, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center will host a fundraiser for its Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court.The event will be held at Tesoro’s Ristorante, located at 967 Old Country Road in Westbury, and will feature entertainment by Paul Lauren, musician and soul crooner. The event, which will feature cocktails and a buffet, will run from 5:30 p.m. – 8:30 p.m. For registration info, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org/events, or email dmartin@northshorechildguidance.org or call 516-626-1971, ext. 309. Tickets are $125 each.
The Children’s Center provides care and early learning to almost 2,000 children annually, ages 6 weeks – 12 years, while their parents or guardians are conducting court business.Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust, Director of The Leeds Place (under which the Children’s Center operates), says that the Center focuses on early childhood education.
“The Children Center is not a babysitting service,” explains Dr. Taylor-Walthrust. “It is an early learning center. Often this is a child’s first exposure to an early learning environment. Every aspect of the Center promotes learning by which the children can explore new things in a safe, structured and professionally supervised setting.”
The fundraiser is co-chaired by Robert C. Mangi, Esq. and John M. Zenir, Esq., P.C. and is sponsored by an array of local law firms and other businesses, including Abrams, Fensterman, Fensterman, Eisman, Formato, Ferrara, Wolf & Carone, LLP, DiMascio & Associates, LLP, Gassman Baiamonte Gruner, P.C., Mangi & Graham, LLP, the Pessala Family, and In Memory of Hon. Burton S. Joseph.
North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center’s 21st annual Jonathan Krevat Memorial Golf & Tennis Cl
assic was the place to be on Monday, June 19, at The Creek in Locust Valley.
This year’s honoree, Garden City resident Dan Donnelly, Chief Executive Officer, Donnelly Mechanical Corporation, and longtime supporter of the Guidance Center, shares the exciting news: “It was an incredible day at The Creek, with great competition and camaraderie. I’m thrilled to announce that we exceeded our goal and raised over $200,000 to help the Guidance Center do its important work.”
Also, with the help of our outstanding auctioneer Jerry Loughran, we were able to raise an additional $15,000 for our Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court.
Donnelly, a Garden City resident, had created a new format to this year’s event, with four teams competing for the Krevat Cup: one from Garden City, with Donnelly as the team captain; one from Manhasset, with Mike Mondiello as captain; NYC captain Troy Slade; and East Coast team captain Michael Schnepper.
Our tennis players enjoyed the great courts at The Creek in Locust Valley“I’m proud to say that Team Manhasset won the Krevat Cup,” says Mondiello, “but what’s most important is that our 200-plus guests put their all into raising such a large amount for the Guidance Center. In addition, everyone had a great time playing golf and tennis and socializing during an incredible steak and lobster dinner! And we were so fortunate that Mother Nature held off her wrath until everyone was indoors for the cocktail hour.”
Event sponsors included: Diamond Sponsor Americana Manhasset; Silver Medal Sponsor Donnelly Mechanical Corp.; Bronze Medal Sponsor Jeff Krevat; Caddy Sponsor Bahnik Foundation; and Tees & Greens Sponsors Susan & Peter Braverman, Compound Contracting Corp., Hucke and Associates and Mechanical Technologies.
Jeff Krevat, Honoree Dan Donnelly, and Guidance Center Executive Director Andrew Malekoff as Dan accepts his award.The dedicated members of the Golf & Tennis Committee were: Anthony Barbiero, Jared Beschel, Jack Bransfield, John Bransfield, John R. Buran, Rita Castagna, Inge Costa, Becky Creavin, Steven Dubb, Josephine Ewing, Patricia Janco-Tupper, Larry Jones, Mike Katz, Jeff Krevat, Nancy Lane, Jeremy Shao and Paul Vitale.
Mike McGowan with a birdie on the 12th hole with Tim Krieg and Peter Samaan
September marks the start of another new school year and, for football diehards, it’s also the kickoff to a new season. The flowing together of the two brings to mind the moving story of former Florida State University (FSU) wide receiver Travis Rudolph and Bo Paske, a sixth grade boy with autism.
At the start of the school year in 2016, Rudolph and several teammates visited Montford Middle School in Tallahassee, located near the FSU campus. When Travis spotted 11-year-old Bo sitting alone in the cafeteria, he walked over with his slice of pizza, joined him, and struck up a conversation.
Travis’ simple act of kindness drew national attention when a photo of the two sitting across from one another went viral. Bo described the lunch as “kind of like me sitting on a rainbow.” Travis remarked: “A lot of people give me credit for doing what I did, even though I just see it as that is me.”
Bo told Travis that he was a big FSU fan. The two of them stayed in touch after their first encounter.
Leah Paske, Bo’s mom, wrote about it on Facebook: “Several times lately I have tried to remember my time in middle school. Did I have many friends? Did I sit with anyone at lunch? Just how mean were kids really? Now that I have a child starting middle school, I have feelings of anxiety for him, and they can be overwhelming. Sometimes I’m grateful for his autism. That may sound like a terrible thing to say, but in some ways I think, I hope, it shields him. He doesn’t seem to notice when people stare at him when he flaps his hands. He doesn’t seem to notice that he doesn’t get invited to birthday parties anymore. And he doesn’t seem to mind if he eats lunch alone.”
She went on to say, “A friend of mine sent this beautiful picture to me today and when I saw it with the caption ‘Travis Rudolph is eating lunch with your son’ I replied ‘Who is that?’ He said ‘FSU football player,’ then I had tears streaming down my face. I’m not sure what exactly made this incredibly kind man share a lunch table with my son, but I’m happy to say that it will not soon be forgotten. This is one day I didn’t have to worry if my sweet boy ate lunch alone, because he sat across from someone who is a hero in many eyes.”
Difference and inclusion are terms that are increasingly in vogue in today’s public schools. Growing numbers of children who were previously separated in special education classes and schools are being integrated into the “mainstream” in order to reduce costs and provide less restrictive environments for learning and social-emotional development.
Labeled children, particularly as they approach adolescence, are often objectified, devalued, isolated and ridiculed by their peers. Objectification robs individuals of their humanity. In such relationships the different child simply becomes “the other,” the one too often left out in the cold.
In an era when there seems to be no shortage of awful stories generating from college campuses, the story and photo of Travis and Bo is a breath of fresh air. Henry James said that “a good story is both a picture and idea, and that the picture and the idea should try to be interfused.”
The picture of Travis joining Bo at the lunch table tells us that a simple act of kindness can go a long way to making a difference in someone’s life. We learned from Travis that what it takes is just a little effort—and an abundance of heart.
Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
In a four year span during the mid to late 1990s my now-grown children lost three of their grandparents and their dog. My boys were 10 and 6 when my father died in 1994. Three years later there were three more losses. My mom died in 1997.A little more than one year later my father-in-law and dog Kirby, a cairn terrier, died on the same day in August 1998. My wife and I were in Quebec City at a music festival, at the time, on our first extended vacation away from our children when we received the news in two heartbreaking telephone calls just six hours apart.
As a mental health professional who has spent time with bereaved children and adults over many years, I had extensive knowledge about how children process death at different ages. Over the years I developed good skills in listening and gently encouraging the expression of feelings through talk and play. But I also knew that addressing the death of strangers was not the same thing as coping with one’s own losses.
Like so much that I have struggled with as a parent, I knew I had to put my credentials aside and simply do the best I could to support my family and take care of myself, as I was bereaved as well.
Soon thereafter my family and I experiencedanother death—this timewith an impact I had not expected and effects that linger to this day. In our yard was an old pine tree that had to be felled after it contracted a disease. None of the tree “experts” that I employed could bring it back to health.
It was a splendid tree of great character, oddly shaped, home to a squirrel’s nest and countless birds, and with branches sitting low enough for swinging and climbing. Its trunk was thick enough to run around to evade contact during games of tag. It was free enough of branches in one high spot to support a backboard and hoop.
It wasn’t easy to dribble on the grass but it was just perfect for endless games of H-O-R-S-E. On the warmest summer days its shade offered respite from the oppressive sun. Each fall I was left with the unpleasant task of raking pine needles. But our tree also bore pine cones that I threw into the winter fireplace for extra snap, crackle and pop that rivaled Rice Krispies.
It was our family tree, a tree for all seasons.
Today, when I look outside or sit in the yard I am flooded with memories of my old friend and the times we had together. We’ve planted a few new trees around the perimeter of the yard in the intervening years, but the hole in the center remains.
Henry David Thoreau wrote, “I frequently tramped eight or ten miles through the deepest snow to keep an appointment with a beech-tree, or a yellow birch, or an old acquaintance among the pines.”
Life is full of surprises, and it came as a surprise to me to think that I would one day be thinking about how much I really loved that old tree.
Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
About 20 percent of adolescents ages 13-18 have a mental health problem, yet only 40 percent of those get help. The average time it takes to seek help is eight to 10 years. And 1 in 12 high school students attempt suicide, making it the third-leading cause of death for 10- to 24-year-olds, according to a recent study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Almost 160,000 youth ages 10-24 receive medical care for self-inflicted injuries at emergency departments across the U.S.
These dreadful numbers will only rise if the American Health Care Act that was recently passed by the U.S. House of Representatives, or anything like it, gets approved by the U.S. Senate and enacted into law.
If the AHCA is passed, basic protections for children and youth with pre-existing conditions, including mental illness and addictions, will be eliminated. The federal requirement that mental health be included by insurers as an essential benefit will be removed.
Federal parity law requires health insurance issuers to make sure that essential health benefits such as copays and deductibles, as well as visit limits, apply equally to mental health and substance abuse treatment and to other medical benefits. In contrast, the AHCA allows states to waive certain federal protections, such as essential health benefits, which means that they would have the option to eliminate mental health parity and addiction equity in exchange plans.
The $880 billion in federal Medicaid cuts included in the AHCA will lead to an enormous reduction in mental health coverage for millions of families. Although only five percent of children ages 5-18 are uninsured, if a bill like this passes the U.S. Senate, it would be a setback for the goal of universal health care for our children – despite the fact that safety-net programs like Medicaid were created specifically to protect all vulnerable citizens.
House Speaker Paul Ryan referred to the repeal of the Affordable Care Act as an “act of mercy.” In response, U.S. Rep. Joseph Kennedy of Massachusetts said turning a cold shoulder to the mentally ill is not an “act of mercy.” It is an “act of malice.”
Passing the AHCA would mean more community-based children’s mental health agencies will close or have to significantly restrict access to care or dilute services to balance their budgets. When those organizations emphasize cost management over care, more families struggling with mental illness or addiction could find their children in emergency rooms, costly institutional settings, on the street, in jail, or worse.
The looming threat of a national health insurance policy that strips away parity and equity for mental health and substance abuse is an attack on us all. It discriminates against the most vulnerable and is a clear denial of civil rights.
Treatment is the most effective way to help.Treatment requires insurance coverage, just like any other health problem. Limiting access to care compounds the public health challenges of mental illness and addiction. The answer is not Obamacare or Trumpcare; we need bipartisan care that is affordable, effective and accessible.
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children and their families.
North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center’s 21st annual Jonathan Krevat Memorial Golf & Tennis Cl
Also, with the help of our outstanding auctioneer Jerry Loughran, we were able to raise an additional $15,000 for our Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court.
Event sponsors included: Diamond Sponsor Americana Manhasset; Silver Medal Sponsor Donnelly Mechanical Corp.; Bronze Medal Sponsor Jeff Krevat; Caddy Sponsor Bahnik Foundation; and Tees & Greens Sponsors Susan & Peter Braverman, Compound Contracting Corp., Hucke and Associates and Mechanical Technologies.
Mike McGowan with a birdie on the 12th hole with Tim Krieg and Peter Samaan
