By Andrew Malekoff
As parents, we naturally want to keep our children safe. But it’s important to remember that, while it’s a parent’s job to protect, it’s a child’s job to explore. But for mothers and fathers who came to the United States from countries in Central and South America that are rife with war, gang violence and poverty, allowing their children—and especially their daughters—to explore the world around them can be terrifying.
Regardless of their origins, it’s natural for all teens to want to be accepted by their peers and feel like they are part of American culture, but it’s understandable that the parents of first-generation Latinas are extremely overprotective. Many immigrated to America because they wanted their families to be safe, which results in a tendency to continually hover over their daughters. Many of them won’t let the girls participate in typical teen activities, such as sleepovers, dating or trips to the mall, which makes the girls feel trapped and isolated.
Even if the teens are allowed to go out with friends, they are required to have a chaperone, such as a parent or brother. In addition, they are often relegated to gender-biased roles, required to cook, clean and take care of their siblings, while their brothers are treated, as one girl said, “like princes.”
The result of these conflicts: An increasingly large number of teenage Latinas were coming to North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center with depression, self-harming behaviors and suicidal thoughts. Some had even attempted suicide.
Determined to help these girls and their families, Associate Executive Director Regina Barros-Rivera gathered a team of bilingual, multicultural counselors from the Guidance Center and created the Latina Girls Project, an innovative program that employs counseling, monthly outings and other activities designed to tackle issues such as hopelessness, poor self-esteem and school refusal (a disorder of a child who refuses to attend school or has problems staying in school).
Individual, group and family therapy are integral pieces of the program. Through therapy, the girls develop trust, learn healthy ways to deal with stress and depression and find better ways to communicate with their parents.
But the monthly outings are also a very important element of the Latina Girls Project. During one trip to Manhattan, the girls took part in a workshop led by female artists, dancers and poets, all accomplished and confident Latina women. This was a huge adventure for the teens, because they were so often stuck in their home communities—and also stuck in feelings of low self-esteem, shame and self-consciousness.
At first, the girls couldn’t say anything positive about themselves; they had no access to such self-affirming feelings. But they gradually spread their wings, bit by bit, and took part in art, dance and writing. The teens were uplifted by witnessing the confidence and compassion of these powerful role models, who told the girls to look in the mirror and see their own strength and beauty.
This workshop, along with other trips to historical sites, artistic venues and nature settings, help the girls shift from feelings of helplessness to hopefulness. Over time, they find their voices and discover the inner strengths that had eluded them.
By participating in family therapy and also witnessing the transformation their daughters experience, the girls’ parents become more compassionate and understand that they need to let their teens separate in healthy, age-appropriate ways. As one girl put it, “My parents learned that I just wanted them to be there for me and listen. They learned that it doesn’t help to question why I feel the way I do but to accept it and support me.”
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit ww.northshorechildguidance.org.
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