Guidance Center client shares her journey from hurt to healing through Diane Goldberg Maternal Depression Program
This is the transcript of a speech given by Samantha Sutfin-Gray at the Guidance Center’s 2022 Sunset Soirée fundraiser, September 8, 2022.
My name is Samantha Sutfin-Gray and in June of 2021, I became a first-time mom, to a beautiful baby boy. Without the services from the Diane Goldberg Maternal Depression Program at North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center and the love and support from my husband and family, my son, Samuel, would not have a mother.
As a trained clinical social worker, I knew about Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. I knew the signs and symptoms; I knew what to look out for and I thought that my knowledge and education would protect me. I was wrong.
After having a high-risk pregnancy and a traumatic birth experience, I thought I had paid my dues and that I wouldn’t be one of the 1 in 7 women who experience Post-Partum Depression and Post-Partum Anxiety within the first year after giving birth. But I was wrong.
My symptoms started in just hours after giving birth. I was in a perpetual state of terror. I was convinced that I shouldn’t take my eyes off of my son or that he would stop breathing. It got to the point that I wouldn’t allow myself to sleep. I knew then that I needed help but when I asked for it, I was just told to take melatonin. With that sage advice, I thought that I was in this alone.
I was hopeful that once we left the hospital that my fears and symptoms would reduce, thinking naively that the hospital environment was to blame for everything. Through everything, I wanted to maintain hope that I could manage everything I was feeling on my own and being the perfect Mom that I had always envisioned being.
I muddled through for a few weeks trying to convince myself everything was ok. But things continued to get significantly worse. I knew the signs, intrusive thoughts, racing thoughts, inability to sleep despite crippling exhaustion, the feeling of inadequacy, thinking that my family would be better off without me, nightmares, and phantom cries. I thought I could beat it on my own. That if I was just a better mother that the symptoms would go away.
I obsessed over every part of Sam’s schedule, his sleeping, his feeding, how much I was pumping, even how much he was pooping, and any perceived deficiency would send me spiraling. I was never good enough because I could never control everything. From the outside perspective, I appeared to be the happy new Mom but internally, my mind was attacking me, sending me constant messages that I was never good enough. I was convinced that I was failing as a parent and that I was abusing my son because he cried, or because he didn’t finish a bottle or because he hadn’t pooped in a while and very quickly my thoughts turned to self-harm, to planning a way to kill myself or remove myself from my family because I was convinced, I was the problem.
I was trapped in the bottom of a hole that I couldn’t find a way out of.
It wasn’t until a Friday afternoon, about 6 weeks after I had given birth, where I spent the better part of the day strategizing how I could kill myself and make it look like an accident, that I came to the realization that I needed to get help.
I turned to North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center. From the beginning, they let me know that I mattered. That what I was going through was normal but that they understood that it didn’t feel normal to me. I was connected to a therapist, a psychiatrist, and a support group within days of making an initial call. I was welcomed into a community that understood what it was like to be a mom and was able to connect with other moms who had felt the same.
My therapist helped me understand that it was ok not to be Wonder Woman every day. She helped me to accept that even though I know the process, the diagnosis and definitions, I needed to ask for help and to manage my stress. She helped me to understand what I already knew that the hormones surging through my body were tricking my brain into thinking things that were quantifiably not true. And most importantly, she helped me remember that my family would not be better off if I wasn’t there.
I count myself as lucky. Because of my position in society, my understanding of mental health and the resources at my fingertips, I was able to find a program like The Guidance Center Not many women are in the same position as me. 1 in 7 women experience Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. PPD doesn’t discriminate by age, race, or class. It can happen to any parent and the effects can be devastating.
Postpartum Depression tears a person apart, it steals away the part of your soul that makes you who you are. During my darkest days, I loved my family unconditionally, but I couldn’t express it and I couldn’t see the devastation it was creating in my house. Postpartum Depression is an illness one person can have that the whole family suffers from. The Guidance Center’s Diane Goldberg Maternal Depression Program understands this. They created a treatment plan that addressed the functioning of my whole family and were able to help me repair the holes that my depression caused.
I can’t even imagine where I would be or how far my suffering would have taken me, if I hadn’t sought treatment on that Friday afternoon in July 2021, I probably wouldn’t have the pleasure to be standing here talking to you today. The Guidance Center helped me to see that there was a light at the end of a very dark tunnel, and they were with me every step of the way. For that, my family and I are eternally grateful. Every day, I get to watch my son grow and explore and learn new things and I don’t obsess about his poop nearly as much.
Pregnancy and childbirth are exciting times in a family’s life, filled with joy and awe. For some mothers, however, the situation is far more complex. While many women experience some mild mood changes during or after the birth of a child, 15 to 20 percent of women have more significant symptoms of postpartum depression and other perinatal mood and anxiety disorders or PMADs.
Fifteen to 20 percent of women have more significant symptoms of postpartum depression and other perinatal mood and anxiety disorders or PMADs.
At North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, we work with moms and pregnant women whose symptoms may include feelings of sadness, irritability, guilt, lack of interest in the baby and changes in eating and sleeping habits. Some also experience trouble concentrating, thoughts of hopelessness and even thoughts of harming the baby or herself. Research shows that the pandemic has increased the incidents of PMADs, and also heightened symptoms. One study found that the rate of symptoms of depression in new mothers amid the pandemic was nearly three times the rate of new mothers’ symptoms pre-pandemic.
The reality is that, as with so much about the virus, there are still many unknowns as to the impact of COVID-19 during pregnancy and for babies and young children, which creates enormous stress. Being a new mother can be isolating under normal circumstances, but during the quarantine and social distancing protocols, the sense of isolation has been greatly magnified. Expectant and new parents are concerned about a host of issues, from financial and job stability to the health of their babies and themselves.
The pregnancy and birth experience, especially during the height of the pandemic, was anything but normal. Many pregnant women and new moms had to go to their doctor’s appointments by themselves, and if they got bad news, they had no one with them to lean on. Most had no baby showers, no visits from grandparents, no birthday parties—even an absence of partners in the hospital before, during and after the birth. They often had very little support from friends and relatives who typically help the new parents in the days after the baby comes home, for fear of catching or transmitting the virus.
Families who have school-aged children have had to struggle with the decision of whether or not to send them back to the classroom, where they may be exposed to the virus and bring it home to the family. Even though New York has improved in terms of COVID-19 numbers since the height of the pandemic, being cautious is still important, and we have no way of knowing what the next several months will bring. And the fact that all of us will be inside more will likely present significant challenges.
The good news is that North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center has been able to serve these moms and families during the pandemic through remote therapy, either by video or phone. In addition to individual and family therapy, the Guidance Center has continued to offer remote group counseling, so parents don’t feel so alone. Our psychiatrists are also seeing clients remotely, in the cases where medication is needed.
Through our Diane Goldberg Maternal Depression Program, the Guidance Center provides:
• Screening and assessments • Individual, couple and family therapy • Crisis intervention consultation • Psychiatric evaluations and medication management, where needed • Support groups • Back-to-work family support • Help with self-care
As one new mother told us, “You’ve been my lifeline during this time when I needed connection and reassurance and support.” If you or someone you love is experiencing symptoms of postpartum depression or other perinatal mood disorders, call the Guidance Center at 516-626-1971 and tell them you are seeking help for maternal depression. We are here for you.
Vanessa McMullan, LCSW, is supervisor at The Marks Family Right from the Start 0-3+ Center at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center. She also heads up the organization’s Diane Goldberg Maternal Depression Program. Call 516-626-1971 or visit www.northshorechildguidance.org to learn more.
Pregnancy and childbirth are exciting times in a family’s life, filled with joy and awe. For some mothers, however, the situation is far more complex. While many women experience some mild mood changes during or after the birth of a child, 15 to 20 percent of women have more significant symptoms of postpartum depression and other perinatal mood and anxiety disorders or PMADs.
Fifteen to 20 percent of women have more significant symptoms of postpartum depression and other perinatal mood and anxiety disorders or PMADs.
At North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, we work with moms and pregnant women whose symptoms may include feelings of sadness, irritability, guilt, lack of interest in the baby and changes in eating and sleeping habits. Some also experience trouble concentrating, thoughts of hopelessness and even thoughts of harming the baby or herself. Research shows that the pandemic has increased the incidents of PMADs, and also heightened symptoms. One study found that the rate of symptoms of depression in new mothers amid the pandemic was nearly three times the rate of new mothers’ symptoms pre-pandemic.
The reality is that, as with so much about the virus, there are still many unknowns as to the impact of COVID-19 during pregnancy and for babies and young children, which creates enormous stress. Being a new mother can be isolating under normal circumstances, but during the quarantine and social distancing protocols, the sense of isolation has been greatly magnified. Expectant and new parents are concerned about a host of issues, from financial and job stability to the health of their babies and themselves.
The pregnancy and birth experience, especially during the height of the pandemic, was anything but normal. Many pregnant women and new moms had to go to their doctor’s appointments by themselves, and if they got bad news, they had no one with them to lean on. Most had no baby showers, no visits from grandparents, no birthday parties—even an absence of partners in the hospital before, during and after the birth. They often had very little support from friends and relatives who typically help the new parents in the days after the baby comes home, for fear of catching or transmitting the virus.
Families who have school-aged children have had to struggle with the decision of whether or not to send them back to the classroom, where they may be exposed to the virus and bring it home to the family. Even though New York has improved in terms of COVID-19 numbers since the height of the pandemic, being cautious is still important, and we have no way of knowing what the next several months will bring. And the fact that all of us will be inside more will likely present significant challenges.
The good news is that North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center has been able to serve these moms and families during the pandemic through remote therapy, either by video or phone. In addition to individual and family therapy, the Guidance Center has continued to offer remote group counseling, so parents don’t feel so alone. Our psychiatrists are also seeing clients remotely, in the cases where medication is needed.
Through our Diane Goldberg Maternal Depression Program, the Guidance Center provides:
• Screening and assessments • Individual, couple and family therapy • Crisis intervention consultation • Psychiatric evaluations and medication management, where needed • Support groups • Back-to-work family support • Help with self-care
As one new mother told us, “You’ve been my lifeline during this time when I needed connection and reassurance and support.” If you or someone you love is experiencing symptoms of postpartum depression or other perinatal mood disorders, call the Guidance Center at 516-626-1971 and tell them you are seeking help for maternal depression. We are here for you.
Vanessa McMullan, LCSW, is supervisor at The Marks Family Right from the Start 0-3+ Center at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center. She also heads up the organization’s Diane Goldberg Maternal Depression Program. Call 516-626-1971 or visit www.northshorechildguidance.org to learn more.
Having a baby can be the happiest time in a woman’s life. But for many, new motherhood can also bring risk of an increase in existing depression or the occurrence of new depression.
In a recent report on maternal depression and economic mobility released by the Brookings Institution, author Richard V. Reeves states that “about 10 to 20 percent of mothers will be depressed at some time during their lives, and one in 11 infants will experience their mothers’ perinatal depression.”
Mental health experts agree that constancy of relationships from early childhood is the single most reliable predictor of positive outcomes in later life. Promoting safe and warm relationships with parents and other caregivers is an important factor in young children’s healthy development, later success in school and prevention of intergenerational transmission of poverty and lack of economic mobility.
One young mother who was recovering from postpartum depression at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center brought her depression to life at a public event hosted by the Guidance Center. As she recalled, “I could barely lift my head off my pillow, let alone lift and hold and cuddle and care for my baby.”
Studies reveal that mothers who are poor are more likely to experience depression. When a primary caregiver (most often the mother) is depressed, it is difficult to make a positive connection with her baby or toddler, which is likely to negatively impact the child’s development. Of course, postpartum depression can strike any woman regardless of her socioeconomic status, but it can be especially difficult for people struggling to survive financial woes.
At the same time, developing the skills, confidence and aspirations needed to transcend living in poverty are byproducts of strong early bonding.
So, if poverty, poor mental health, compromised child development and worse outcomes are likely factors contributing to perpetuation of poverty, what can be done to break the cycle?
According to the Brookings report, the goals of policies necessary to intervene in breaking the cycle are: (1) Reduce poverty; (2) Reduce the impact of poverty on depression among caregivers; (3) Reduce the impact of caregiver depression on early child development; and (4) Reduce the impact of weaker early child development on later outcomes.
The Center of Disease Control in Atlanta administered a project aimed at identifying maternal depression early on. Two questions that they asked moms were: 1) Since your new baby was born, how often have you felt down, depressed, or hopeless?; and 2) Since your new baby was born, how often have you had little interest or little pleasure in doing things?
The women who answered “often” or “always” to either question were classified as experiencing self-reported postpartum depressive symptoms. Detecting the problem is the first step in getting moms and their families the help they need.
One thing we can do to help to break the cycle is to encourage primary care physicians and other health professionals to incorporate screening tools into their encounters with pregnant women and mothers of infants.
The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommends that clinicians screen patients at least once during the perinatal period for depression and anxiety symptoms using a standardized, validated tool. Screening should be coupled with appropriate follow-up and treatment when indicated.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that a woman experiencing negative feelings about her pregnancy should receive additional support from the health care team. She should be monitored for symptoms of severe postpartum depression and offered culturally appropriate treatment or referral to community resources.
They also recommend ongoing assessment soon after hospital discharge. Monitoring for continuing or worsening symptoms should occur from four to six weeks after delivery, including a review of symptoms for clinically significant depression to determine if intervention is needed.
Healthy attachments are not about children getting what they want, but getting what they need — the assurance that an adult caregiver is by their side, looking out for them, teaching them how to manage their own feelings, and learning about the give and take of relationships. All children deserve this, regardless of their family’s socioeconomic status.
If you or your loved one is a caregiver of an infant or toddler and are experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety, ask for the Diane Goldberg Maternal Depression Program at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center at 516-484-3174. If there is a teenage girl in your family who is pregnant or parenting an infant child, ask for the Good Beginnings for Babies Program, also at the Guidance Center, at 516-997-2926. We turn no one away for inability to pay.
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families.
