by liz@eshildebrandtinc.com | Feb 27, 2023 | Blog
By Dr. Nellie-Taylor Walthrust
Getting a driver’s license is a rite of passage that teenagers have been celebrating since the early days of automobiles. Driving makes teens feel more independent than ever before, and it can also provide a break for parents, who spend a great deal of their time carting their kids back and forth from practices and other activities.
But the celebration of this newfound freedom necessitates a crucial conversation and the drawing of a line in the sand: Let them know that driving while using alcohol, marijuana or any other substances is forbidden, and start having these conversations when they are young.
With marijuana use now legal for people 21 years of age and older, your kids may be of the mindset that it’s not a big deal. That’s far from the truth. It’s illegal to drive while under the influence of alcohol and weed or other drugs. According to the NY State Governor’s Traffic Safety Committee, driving under the influence of marijuana subjects you to the same penalties as driving under the influence of alcohol.
And there’s good reason: Marijuana impacts areas of the brain that control perception, balance, coordination, memory and judgment. It can slow reaction times, decrease attention and make it difficult to follow the road and stay in your lane.
We know you don’t want your kids to use marijuana or alcohol, period. But the reality is that many of them do. Having the conversation about safety and driving will not make them any more likely to experiment – in fact, it might have the opposite effect.
Here are some sobering statistics:
- 23% of teens admit they have driven under the influence of alcohol, prescription drugs or marijuana.
- Teen drivers 16-19 have a fatal crash rate almost three times as high as drivers ages 20 and older.
- The percent of crash deaths involving cannabis more than doubled from 9% in 2000 to 21.5% in 2018.
- 24% of teens reported that within the previous month, they had been a passenger in a car with a driver who had been drinking alcohol or using drugs.
As a parent, what can you do to minimize the risks?
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention suggests creating a Parent-Teen Driving Agreement that clearly sets expectations and limits. Sit with your teen and write down the hazards of driving while impaired and the consequences for breaking the rules. Put it on your refrigerator and update it as your teen gains experience and more driving privileges. (Visit cdc.gov for a sample agreement.)
If your teen plans to go to a party, make sure you talk to the parents where the festivities are being held. Ask if there will be supervision and if alcohol is being served—and if your teens are under 21, the answer should be a resounding no.
Despite taking all precautions, your teens may find themselves in a situation where they are being pressured to drink or use drugs. Tell them that you will be willing and able to get them at any time during the night—and that if they or their friends have been drinking or using drugs, they should contact you for a ride.
As parents, we must do all we can to educate our kids about the dangers of driving while impaired, but we also need to face the reality that even “good” kids can start heading down a dangerous path. Keep the lines of communication open, and if you suspect there may be a problem, consider contacting a professional who is trained in alcohol and substance use.
Bottom line: Let your teen know that driving requires their full attention, so marijuana, alcohol or any kind of substances are not allowed – and that means no texting, too!
Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust is the Director of at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center’s Leeds Place, which operates an Adolescent Outpatient Chemical Dependency Treatment Program. Substance use services include counseling youths who are alcohol and drug abusers, children who live in families with a parent who is suffering from alcoholism or drug addiction and youths who have co-occurring chemical dependency and mental health problems. Prevention services are offered to local school districts. Call (516) 626-1971 to learn more.
Photo credit (for the driving photo): Adobe Stock, By Habitante Stock
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Feb 19, 2023 | Blog
By Guest Blogger Emily Graham
As the parent of a child with special needs, I often find myself feeling exhausted. It can be a lot of work to meet my child’s unique needs, and there are often barely enough hours in the day to get everything done. What’s more, I often feel like I’m operating on constant high alert, always ready to deal with whatever challenges my child may face.
As a result, fatigue is a common problem for parents like me. And it’s not just physical fatigue – I often find myself feeling emotionally and mentally drained as well. It can be hard to keep up with everything, and it’s easy to feel like I’m not doing enough. But I try to remind myself that I’m doing the best I can, and that’s all anyone can ask for. Raising a child with special needs is a unique challenge, but it’s also a rewarding one.
And even on the toughest days, I know that it’s all worth it.
What’s more, I know I’m not alone here. According to research, over 3 million children in the U.S. have a disability of some kind. These kids face many challenges — and so do their parents. Parenting a child with special needs is often a full-time job, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by all the daily responsibilities. It’s no surprise, then, that many special needs parents often experience parental fatigue. Though parental fatigue can feel inescapable, this article will help you find ways to mitigate the problem.
Address Any Potential Health Struggles
If you’re not sure whether you are experiencing parental fatigue, there are a few red flags you can look for. Have you been losing sleep? Do you feel like you’re failing as a parent? Have you been struggling with depression or other mental health issues? If you answered yes to these questions, there’s a good chance you’re dealing with parental fatigue.
The latter of these symptoms — mental health struggles — is a particularly concerning issue. If you are depressed, it’s important to seek help from a psychiatric professional. You may receive a prescription for antidepressants. The medication chosen will depend on your symptoms, whether you are on any other medication, and whether you have pre-existing conditions. Although antidepressants aren’t always the right treatment, your provider can help you monitor potential side effects and gauge whether the medication is effective.
Seeking treatment for your mental and physical health is an important part of lowering your fatigue levels. You can improve both by making improvements to your lifestyle, too. Adopting a diet that’s rich in nutrients and low in processed foods has been shown to reduce the inflammation that’s associated with depression. It will also likely improve your energy levels and physical health.
Make Time for Self-Care Activities
Taking care of your physical and mental health is important, but it’s also the bare minimum. In order to effectively combat fatigue, you should truly invest in yourself — and this means creating a self-care regimen. It’s important to find a balance between parenting and self-care, though. Overindulging in self-care can leave your family feeling neglected.
One of the best forms of self-care is pursuing a personal goal. If you’ve always dreamed of going back to school, for example, there are options you can explore. Say you’re interested in learning skills to open your own business. There are various business degrees available through online universities that can help you achieve these goals. What’s more, with multiple start times and the ability to learn from home on your own schedule, you won’t have to worry about making time to attend a traditional in-person class.
Don’t Succumb to Burnout from Parenting
There are so many responsibilities to juggle when you’re a parent to a child with special needs. If you’re dealing with depression, though, it’s imperative not to ignore the problem. Similarly, if you have dreams of going back to school, you shouldn’t put them on the back burner. Ignoring your own needs will only worsen parental fatigue. Find a way to enjoy life and be the best parent you can be — that’s all you can do!
Bio: Emily Graham is the creator of Mighty Moms. She believes being a mom is one of the hardest jobs around and wanted to create a support system for moms from all walks of life. On her site, she offers a wide range of info tailored for busy moms — from how to reduce stress to creative ways to spend time together as a family.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Feb 10, 2023 | Blog
North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is so grateful to those who donate to our mission of bringing hope and healing to kids and families struggling with mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety and suicidal thinking. Without your generosity, we couldn’t provide these lifesaving services.
There are so many ways to give, in ways both large and small. Some of our donors choose to put us in their estate plans, like our dear friends highlighted on our Legacy Wall of Respect at our Roslyn Heights headquarters. Others have made substantial gifts to support our Douglas S. Feldman Suicide Prevention Project, and they are honored with beautiful brass name plaques on our Butterfly Wall.
Others contribute through a Qualified Charitable Distribution, also commonly known as an IRA Charitable Rollover gift.
Many of our supporters buy tickets and/or sponsorships to our special fundraisers held throughout the year, including our Spring Luncheon, which will be held on April 27th, our Jonathan Krevat Memorial Golf & Tennis Classic on June 5th and our spectacular Annual Gala on September 28th.
Financial support also comes to us in the form of corporate matching gifts and/or workplace giving opportunities. Check to see if your company can match your gift.
In addition, monthly donations through our $10 on the 10th program, memorial gifts and gifts in honor of a loved one are always appreciated.
But financial contributions aren’t the only way to support our work. Options include joining one of our event committees, volunteering at our Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court or connecting us with your company.
Whatever way you give back, please know that your generosity means the world to us – and to the children and families we are so privileged to serve.
We’re here for them because YOU are here for us. Thank you for your generosity!
If you wish to learn more about how to make a gift of any kind, please contact Lauren McGowan, Director of Development, at 516-626-1971, ext. 320 or email her at lmcgowan@northshorechildguidance.org
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Feb 1, 2023 | Blog
By Guest Blogger Aieshah Ashfer
As we all start to get used to the rhythm of the new year by embracing new beginnings, we may begin to feel as if we are in an unwanted emotional slump. Going back to work, school and the rigid routines we’ve formed for ourselves after a period of rest and relaxation isn’t easy. This is especially the case when bouncing back from the holiday season. The letdown we feel after the holidays can be described as the “post-holiday blues.”
What are post-holiday blues?
Post-holiday blues share many of the same characteristic symptoms of an anxiety or mood disorder: insomnia, low energy, irritability, difficulty concentrating and anxiousness. The abrupt withdrawal of stress hormones after a major event – in this case, the holidays – can greatly impact our biological and psychological well-being. Even if your holidays weren’t as merry as they could have been, the brain heavily exaggerates the realities of day-to-day life, making the return to the mundane seem profoundly more anxiety-inducing and saddening than it actually is.
What causes post-holiday blues?
The exact cause of these feelings will vary from person to person, but often they are triggered by unrealistic expectations of what the holiday season should be like. Post-holiday blues are often the result of failing to put boundaries on demands and then feeling sad about the outcome.
How do I cope with post-holiday blues?
There are several ways to cope if you feel down after the holidays. One way to do this is through a small gratitude practice. List the things you are thankful for and make that a daily practice combined with meditation; that simple act can really reframe the way that you manage your day and manage some of these stressors. Exercise can also help you deal with feelings of sadness after the holidays. Physical activity reduces stress and stimulates the production of feel-good chemicals, also known as endorphins. So can volunteering and giving back to your local community. It can also help to seek out humor, such as watching funny movies or TV shows, because laughter releases endorphins. Finding a trusted person to talk to about your feelings, such as a friend or a therapist, is especially beneficial. It can be harder to manage sadness or guilt if you keep them bottled up, but talking through those feelings can help to validate them.
Dealing with post-holiday blues isn’t easy. It is normal to feel these emotions after a big anticipated event like the holidays, but knowing that there are numerous healthy ways to cope with this letdown makes it much easier to get through it.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Feb 1, 2023 | Blog
By Guest Blogger Aieshah Ashfer
Aieshah: Can you tell me what you do daily as a High School Social Worker?
Mrs. Sheets: Every day is different. I typically have each period of the day scheduled by students who want to come in for a group session or an individual session. The framework that I use is dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and I also utilize the strengths perspective. I use DBT to help students understand and accept their difficult feelings, and learn skills to manage them. CBT is used to connect thoughts, behaviors, and emotions together. I use the strengths of each student and treat them with unconditional positive regard in our sessions. Overall, I try to destigmatize reaching out for help and I try to make the environment seem comfortable and warm for students to be able to reach out.
Aieshah: You are around students all the time. What are the main stressors in high school? Any specific ones this time of year?
Mrs. Sheets: At our school, I think there is a lot of pressure to be successful. That’s the number one stressor that I see here. I think students internalize that pressure and then what comes out is anxiety and depression, fear of failure, and perfectionism. At times I also see students neglecting their sleep, social relationships, and passions; these are all the things that make us human. I think sometimes we focus so much on being intelligent and successful, that we forget the other things that balance us out. I also feel students can’t talk to people in their lives for support and I think sometimes they feel what they’re going through is not valid. At this time of year, midterms seem to highlight students’ pressure on themselves and their need to succeed as well as the neglect of their health. These are the biggest stressors.
Aieshah: What are some ways to properly cope with the stress of finals and midterms?
Mrs. Sheets: When it comes to big tests like midterms, finals and even SATs, I feel that preparation is key. The best way to take these on is to make a schedule to study regularly weeks before. I see a lot of students at times will procrastinate and cram all their studying for the last day, and I think that builds even more pressure. Even studying for five minutes a day is better than not studying at all and cramming. Let yourself balance your activities so that you’re not sacrificing sleep and social interaction. Everything should be within balance, especially during these testing seasons. Since midterms also come after the holidays I think we’re left with a lot of mixed emotions; around the holidays can be one of the most depressing times of the year. Self-care is tuning into that and recognizing that this time of the year is stressful, and doing something that helps you; this can be listening to music or spending time talking to your friends. Have a little thing to look forward to each day, like meditating or exercise.
Aieshah: Is there a quick meditation technique you would recommend for stressed-out students?
Mrs. Sheets: I think you mentioning “quick” is very important. Students often say they can’t take the time out to meditate during the day. This is where our technology comes in and is so valuable to us. If you just go on YouTube to find a one-minute meditation tutorial, you’re able to take a short break and relax. I tell students who don’t want to compromise any time that they can meditate while they’re doing any task– for example, brushing their teeth. Put on a one-minute meditation video so you’re able to take a break. Even a small meditation break is an important one.
Aieshah: What are some resolutions students should keep to avoid academic stress and burnout for the new year?
Mrs. Sheets: I think a resolution students should set is to focus on progress, not perfection. This can be done through positive self-talk; it sounds unrealistic at times but can really bring us up from negative places. Even when it comes to homework, instead of saying “I have to do this,” start to say “I want to do this because I want to earn a positive grade.” Keeping a neutral mindset after setbacks as well can really help you in the future. But being able to talk to yourself positively is extremely important and will help you to more easily accomplish tasks. Positive self-talk and progress over perfection should be the things we bring into 2023.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Jan 25, 2023 | Blog
When a child faces a mental health challenge, the entire family is impacted. But while people may sympathize with parents and siblings, they often forget that grandparents also struggle with feelings of sadness and helplessness.
That’s why North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center (the Guidance Center) runs a free support group just for grandparents whose grandchildren are on the autism spectrum: GASAK, for Grandparent Advocates Supporting Autistic Kids.
GASAK’s mission is to support, inform and advocate for grandparents with autistic grandchildren. At meetings held on the last Thursday of each month, GASAK participants network and share information on issues critical to families impacted by autism. New members are welcome to join at any time.
While the program isn’t new, it recently returned to in-person meetings at the Guidance Center’s Marks Family Right from the Start 0-3+ Center in Manhasset after being virtual since the start of the pandemic.
While there are many programs for parents of autistic children, few if any address the specific issues that come up for grandparents, said Dr. Sue Cohen, Director of Clinical Services at Right from the Start. “Sometimes the parents are overwhelmed dealing with their children’s needs,” she said. “At GASAK meetings, grandparents can share their own concerns with their peers.”
One GASAK member said, “A lot of times your friends can’t relate to what you’re going through, but when you walk into the GASAK group, you feel comfortable instantly. Nobody judges you.”
The program occasionally features guest speakers, including education lawyers, social workers, special education advocates and others. “When a grandparent leaves a meeting,” said Cohen, “they walk away with information that can make a huge difference in the lives of their children and grandchildren.”
But the camaraderie members experience is perhaps the most important benefit of the group. Case in point: one grandmother who has two autistic grandsons who were nonverbal until they were three years old. When one of them said “Mom” for the first time, the GASAK group celebrated her good news. “There is such compassion among members,” she said. “And by sharing our worries as well as our joyful moments, we give new members hope.”
In addition, the Guidance Center provides a variety of therapeutic services for children on the autism spectrum, as well as their parents and other family members. They also provide testing for preschool-age children to young adults.
To learn more about the GASAK group and all the Guidance Center’s services, contact Cohen at 516-484-3174 or email scohen@northshorechildguidance.org.
About Us:
As the preeminent not-for-profit children’s mental health agency on Long Island, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is dedicated to restoring and strengthening the emotional well-being of children (from birth – age 24) and their families. Our highly trained staff of psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, vocational rehabilitation counselors and other mental health professionals lead the way in diagnosis, treatment, prevention, training, parent education, research and advocacy. The Guidance Center helps children and families address issues such as depression and anxiety; developmental delays; bullying; teen pregnancy; sexual abuse; teen drug and alcohol abuse; and family crises stemming from illness, death, trauma and divorce. For nearly 70 years, the Guidance Center has been a place of hope and healing, providing innovative and compassionate treatment to all who enter our doors, regardless of their ability to pay. For more information about the Guidance Center, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 626-1971.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Jan 18, 2023 | Anton Media, Blog, In The Media
By Kathy Rivera
This column appeared in January 11, 2023 issue of Anton Media newspapers
All of us have experienced unprecedented challenges in the last three years, resulting in heightened levels of anxiety and stress. So much is out of our control, and that can feel overwhelming. But there are steps you can take to safeguard your wellbeing and that of your family.
As you welcome in 2023, take the opportunity to put into place some of these eight resolutions to start the New Year off right.
- Tune in and turn off: Sure, your kids need to be told to put the phones away at the dinner table and when they’re doing homework. But they’re not the only ones who overuse the tech gadgets. When you are with your kids, be fully present. The years really do fly by.
- Be a role model: Believe it or not, your children and teens look to you as their example of how to act in the world. For your sake and theirs, eat healthfully and exercise, spend more time outdoors, and be sure to…
- Put self-care in your list of priorities: As parents, we sometimes think our job is to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of our children. But if you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll have nothing left to give them. Take the time to engage in activities that make you feel happy, confident and healthy.
- Don’t compare yourself to other parents or your kids to other kids: Facebook and other social media platforms make it look like every parent has the perfect child—the honor student, star athlete, community volunteer, etc. But these are just self-selected pieces of information and don’t paint a true picture. Every parent faces challenges, and no one is perfect.
- Don’t take the bait: Kids push our buttons, there’s no doubt about it. But when you respond to your tot’s tantrum with a tantrum of your own, it doesn’t help the situation and only creates more chaos. When they are acting up, take a deep breath and remember that the goal is to respond thoughtfully, not react impulsively. One way to hone this skill is to…
- Practice meditation. Numerous studies show that even a few minutes a day of meditation will help reduce your stress. Not sure how? Google “how to meditate” and you’ll find lots of helpful tips and videos. You can also google “meditation on Long Island” to find a group. And invite your kids to try it out, too! Let them know supercool celebrities and athletes like Selena Gomez, Lady Gaga, Lizzo, Derek Jeter and LeBron James are big meditators.
- Listen closely and talk less: When our children come to us with problems, it’s our natural inclination to try to fix things for them. But the reality is, often what they need is just to be heard. Make a promise to yourself that you will listen to your kids and not jump in right away to solve the problem. To open the lines of communication, simply ask, How are you feeling?
- Pay attention and give praise: The way you communicate with your child not only teaches them how to communicate with others, it shapes their emotional development and how they build relationships later in life. Giving your child positive attention for good behavior can boost their self-esteem, improve your relationship and help your child understand the behaviors you like and want to see more often.
Wishing you and your family a happy, healthy and peaceful New Year!
Bio: Kathy Rivera, LCSW, the Executive Director/CEO of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, Long Island’s leading non-profit children’s mental health organization. To get help for your child or to support the Guidance Center’s lifesaving work, call (516) 626-1971 or visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Jan 9, 2023 | Blog
As we welcome 2023, we are grateful for the dedicated employees who make North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center such a valuable resource to our community. We are also thankful for all of you who support our work!
Each year, we ask our staff members what their hopes and dreams are for the year to come. Here are some of their responses.
“The New Year brings in new opportunities and new adventures. Wishing everyone a safe, healthy, and prosperous new year. May the tears you cried in 2022 water the seeds you’re planting in 2023.” – Kathy Rivera, LCSW, Executive Director/CEO
Photo: Kathy (left) with colleagues Joan and Nicole at our holiday party
“My hope for the New Year is for more kindness shared around the world. My wish for the New Year is for health and happiness for my family, my friends and my wonderful colleagues. My dream for the New Year is to help people in need of support/ guidance.” – Francesca Carbone, LMSW
Photo: Francesca
“I will be spending New Year’s Eve en route to Antarctica and my hope is for a safe crossing over the Drake passage! I feel grateful for the opportunity to experience my 7th continent and am looking forward to more great travel adventures with my family in the future.” – Lauren McGowan, Director of Development
Photo: Dash McGowan
“My hope for the New Year is to continue to grow and learn.” – Diana Kutulos, LMSW
Photo: Buzz Kutulos
“My hope for the New Year is that everyone is healthy and cherishes time with their friends and families. To wake up each day and try to find peace within themselves and to spread that to those they encounter. I hope people find new friends, new hobbies, new passions that add joy into their lives. Happy New Year!” – Kate Braumuller, Research Coordinator
Photo: Kate and her grandmother celebrating the holidays
“My wish is for more happiness and peace in 2023.” – Nicole Oberheim, Development Manager
Photo: Andreas, Markus and Kiersten Oberheim
“Embracing the ‘gratitude train’ is something I want to work more on in the New Year.”
– Diane Stranieri, MS, RN
“My wishes for 2023 are good health, happiness and for the world to be a better place for EVERYONE! “ – Pascale Nerestant, Westbury Outreach Worker
Photo: Pascale
“My hopes/wishes/dreams for the new year are for myself and my family to remain healthy and to be at peace. I strive to continue being my best self.” – Dollicia M. Torres, Front Desk Coordinator
Photo: Dollicia
“My wish for the coming year is that all of the people that I care about, friends and family, find their peace, have things that bring them joy, and heal. I hope that I can create a space for that to take place, a soft place to land when in stormy seas. I want the best for everyone. May we all always have a light in the dark.” – Marisa Padgett, LCSW
Photo: Rocket Padgett
“One of my hopes is that all shelter animals find loving homes. Rescue pets are the best!” – Jenna Kern-Rugile, Director of Communications
Photo: Jenna and Lucy
“My hopes for the New Year are for us all to have as much peace as possible!
– Gillian Uhl, LMSW
“May 2023 be filled with happiness and peace for all. Happy New Year!” – Julia Bassin, LCSW
Photo caption: Piper and Lorelai Bassin
“My dream for the New Year is to start a podcast based around mental health. I want to spread awareness and be a voice for people who might not have the courage to do so. I want people to know how serious it is and how it could affect people and their families. My hope for the New Year is ending gun violence; a close family friend of mine lost a significant other due to gun violence and it’s just unacceptable. – Laisha Rivera, Support staff/front desk
Caption: Laisha
“May the New Year enhance appreciation for one’s blessings, incite deeper reflections, and pique one’s willingness to navigate intrepidly in opposition of life’s uncertainties”. -Lydiane Interdonato, MS, Community and Home-Based Services/Case Manager
Photo: Lydiane
“To lose enough weight so that ALL my clothes fit with enough room to breathe. To get closer to my higher power. Peace on Earth. Improve environmental woes all over the world. Guidance Center patients find hope and peace. Continue to build strength in the team meeting system.” – Ruthellen Trimmer, Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner and Clinical Specialist
Photo: Ruthellen
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Jan 4, 2023 | Blog, In The Media, Newsday
Newsday, January 4, 2023
Thank you for highlighting the crisis in access to mental health services among our youth as rates of depression, anxiety and suicidal thinking are at all-time highs in your cover story of December 27, 2022.
While the pandemic has exacerbated the struggles of children and teens, the difficulty in finding timely and affordable quality mental health care isn’t new. In 2017, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center conducted extensive research, spotlighted in our Project Access report, shining a light on the longstanding problem and advocating for strategies to effect change.
Throughout our 70-year history, we have been providing mental health services to the children and families of Nassau County within just days of receiving their call, and no one is ever turned away for inability to pay. Kids in crisis can’t wait weeks or months for help.
Kathy Rivera
Executive Director/CEO
North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center
Roslyn Heights, NY
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Dec 26, 2022 | Blog
By Dr. Nellie-Taylor Walthrust, this story was published in Anton Media.
Many parents worry throughout the year about their teens’ exposure to alcohol and drugs, but the concern is magnified when talk of New Year’s Eve parties enters the conversation.
While you don’t want to spoil their opportunity to ring in the New Year with their friends, especially after nearly three years of pandemic disruption, the thought of them being at parties where alcohol and possibly drugs are being used is justifiably concerning.
The biggest risk that kids face on New Year’s Eve – or any day of the year, for that matter – is being involved in a car accident. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death for U.S. teens, with eight teens ages 13 to 19 dying every day from motor vehicle crash injuries.
Additional statistics point out the risks:
- 23% of teens admit they have driven under the influence of alcohol, prescription drugs or marijuana.
- Teen drivers 16-19 have a fatal crash rate almost three times as high as drivers ages 20 and older.
- 60% of all teen deaths from car accidents involve alcohol.
- 24% of teens reported that within the previous month, they had ridden with a driver who had been drinking alcohol or using drugs.
As a parent, what can you do to minimize the risks?
If your teens plan to go to a party, make sure you talk to the parents where the festivities are being held. Your teen might be horrified at this prospect, but you have every right to discuss your expectations with the hosts. Ask if alcohol is being served (and if your teens are under 21, the answer should be a resounding no). Ask if the parents will be home at all times during the party. If they won’t, don’t be afraid to tell your teens they aren’t allowed to go.
Once you are assured that parents will be there to supervise and the party is alcohol-free, nail down the details. That means finding out who is driving them and taking them home (the safest choice is for you to take on that role). Set a reasonable curfew based on their age. Young teens don’t need to be out past midnight, and even older kids can call it quits shortly after the clock strikes 12.
Establish a plan to check in several times during the night. Make it clear ahead of time that if you call or text and get no answer, you will be heading over to get them.
Not comfortable with the level of supervision at the party? Help your teens create alternative plans. The best way to know your kids are safe and in a supervised environment is to host the gathering at your home. Give them free reign in choosing decorations, food, music and other entertainment ideas, but make it clear that alcohol and drugs are forbidden.
Despite taking all precautions, the reality is that your teens may find themselves in a situation where they are being pressured to drink or use drugs. Tell them that you will be willing and able to get them at any time during the night—and that if they or their friends have been drinking, the most important thing is for them to contact you for a ride.
As parents, we must do all we can to educate our kids about the dangers of underage drinking, but we also need to face the reality that even “good” kids can start heading down a dangerous path. Keep the lines of communication open, and if you suspect there may be a problem, consider contacting a professional who is trained in alcohol and substance use.
Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust is the Director of at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center’s Leeds Place, which operates an Adolescent Outpatient Chemical Dependency Treatment Program. Substance use services include counseling youths who are alcohol and drug abusers, children who live in families with a parent who is suffering from alcoholism or drug addiction and youths who have co-occurring chemical dependency and mental health problems. Prevention services are offered to local school districts. Call (516) 626-1971 to find out more.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Dec 19, 2022 | Anton Media, Blog, In The Media
By Dr. Sue Cohen, November 23, 2022
The holidays are here, and it’s not uncommon for people of all ages, including children, to pack on extra pounds. The sugary treats and heavy meals are abundant, and many kids tend to be less active during the colder weather.
But regardless of the season, it’s always a good time to talk to your kids about healthy eating—especially with many adults and children alike having put on weight from stress eating and inactivity due to the pandemic.
Sadly, being significantly overweight is common. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the percentage of children and adolescents affected by obesity has more than tripled since the 1970s. Today, nearly 1 in 5 school age U.S. children and young people (6 to 19 years) is considered obese. When you factor in those who are considered overweight but not yet obese, the figure rises to 31%.
Why the dramatic increase? Behavior and habits are the most likely factors, with technology playing a big role. Many families have become sedentary, with TV, computers and videogames as the culprits. And it’s not just the kids; parents, too, are often modeling these behaviors.
Of course, shaming a child for being overweight is never appropriate. From a very early age, parents should nurture a positive body image with their kids, focusing on their bodies as the miracles they are! But if your child’s or teen’s weight has become a health concern, you can address it in a loving, non-critical way.
Approach the issue as a family topic rather than focusing on an individual child. The message should be that we all need to eat more healthy foods like fruit, vegetables and lean proteins and less fatty, fried or sugary foods so we feel better and have more energy. You don’t want to make your child feel badly about themselves, so focusing on healthy eating and activity rather than appearance is extremely important.
Here are some guidelines when broaching the subject of weight with your children, as per recommendations from The Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics:
Foster open dialogue. Encourage your kids to share their thoughts and feelings about body image. When children discuss feelings about weight, be sure to listen and acknowledge that the feelings are real. Explain that people come in all different shapes and sizes, and you love your child no matter what.
Don’t make negative comments. Judging your own body or your child’s can result in lasting detrimental effects to your child’s body image and relationship with food. Set a good example for children in the way you talk about your own body as well as others.
Take action. Children learn fast, and they learn best by example. Teach children habits that will help keep them healthy for life. Make it easy for kids to eat smart and move often. Look for ways to spend fun, active time together.
Avoid the blame game. Never yell, scream, bribe, threaten or punish children about weight, food or physical activity. If you turn these issues into parent-child battlegrounds, the results can be harmful. Shame, blame and anger are setups for failure.
Talk with your healthcare provider. If a health professional mentions a concern about your child’s weight, speak with the professional privately. Discuss specific concerns and ask for suggestions on making positive changes in your family’s eating habits and activity levels.
Seek advice. Look for a registered dietitian with a specialty in pediatric weight management. Many hospitals and clinics have comprehensive programs with education and activities for both kids and adult family members. Some of these options may be covered by your health insurance plan.
An important final note: If you are among the Long Islanders whose financial issues make it difficult to access healthy, fresh foods, don’t despair. Community Solidarity shares nutritious food to those in need, with 50% of that being fresh produce. To find out more, visit communitysolidarity.org.
Dr. Sue Cohen is the Director of Director of Clinical Services at Right from the Start at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, the leading children’s mental health agency on Long Island. Learn more at www.northshorechildguidance.org.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Dec 7, 2022 | Ask The Guidance Center Experts, Blank Slate Media, Blog, In The Media
Ask the Guidance Center Experts, December 6, 2022
In this monthly column, therapists from North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center answer your questions on issues related to parenting, mental health and children’s well-being. To submit a question, email communications@northshorechildguidance.org.
Question: My son is begging my wife and me to get him a dog for the holidays. We both grew up having dogs in our homes and found it to be very rewarding. But we also know that it’s a lot of work and takes a big commitment to care for a pet – especially a dog! We are inclined to say yes, especially since the pandemic left him feeling pretty low, and we hope this will lift his spirits. Plus, he promises he’ll take on the bulk of the responsibility. What do you think we should do?
— Pet Parenting Puzzle
Dear Anxious Parents: You are wise to take this decision very seriously. Dogs, as well as other pets, do require a lot of care, and if you are lucky, they will be part of your family for many years to come.
You’re also right in realizing that pets can offer many mental health benefits for kids. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, developing loving feelings about pets can contribute to a child’s self-confidence. Positive relationships with pets can aid in the development of trusting relationships with others. And a good relationship with a pet can help in developing non-verbal communication, compassion and empathy.
Some other benefits: Having pets leads to an increase in physical activity; reduces stress; provides companionship and social support; and fosters a connection with the natural world.
Pets provide unconditional love, which is important for every child, but especially helpful for kids who are having difficulties with depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. In fact, research indicates that children with pets tend to have higher levels of self-worth compared to those who don’t have animals. They can also help children with issues such as shyness and autism with their social skills.
All kids, whether or not they have mental health challenges, benefit from their relationships with animals, but if you are considering bringing a pet into your family, here are some factors to consider:
- Kids will promise the moon and stars to get a pet, but as the adult, you are likely to be the one who does most of the caretaking, so make sure you are ready for the responsibility.
- Take finances into consideration. Caring for pets can be an expensive proposition, with estimates running from $500 to well over $1,000 each year.
- Do you have little ones in the house? Children under three or four need to be supervised with pets at all times, since they may be impulsive and risk harming the pet or themselves.
- When choosing a pet, do your research. The pet should be a good match for your lifestyle. For example, if you live in an apartment, you might want to avoid getting a highly active dog. But if you have a fenced-in yard and enjoy tossing the ball around, an energetic pup may be the right fit.
- Are you out of the house for a large part of the day? Pets require care and love, so if you and your family aren’t home most of the time, a dog or even a cat might not be the right pet for you.
- Do your kids have asthma or other allergies? Despite the hype, there really are no allergy-free cats or dogs—but there are some breeds that are less allergenic than others. Ask your vet for suggestions.
Adopting from a shelter is a great way to save the life of an animal. If you decide that you want a specific breed or your heart is set on the type of dog you had as a kid, consider a rescue or shelter pet. Either way, always make sure you speak with the shelter or breeder about the individual history and personality of your prospective pet. Everything is not always apparent when a fury creature is first introduced at a visit.
Whatever you decide, we wish you and your family a happy and healthy holiday!
North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, Long Island’s leading children’s mental health organization, is seeing clients both remotely via telehealth platforms and in person, depending on the clients’ needs. No one is ever turned away for inability to pay. To make an appointment, call 516-626-1971 or email intake@northshorechildguidance.org.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Dec 5, 2022 | Blog
At North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, our promise is to see children from birth through age 24. In the last year, we have served an increasing number of young children who have experienced enormous trauma due to the pandemic.
Thankfully, we have a dedicated team of therapists who are specially trained to work with our youngest clients, employing creative approaches that help little ones move from hurting to healing.
We wanted to share with you a beautiful letter and drawing we received from one of those youngsters, a girl named Elaina.
We’ll let her words and images tell the story.
All of us at the Guidance Center are so grateful to all of you who support our work. Because we never turn anyone away for inability to pay, we count on your generosity to help us give children like Elaina the help they need to bring joy back into their young lives.
Thank you for caring for kids!
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Nov 28, 2022 | Blog
Congratulations! You’ve survived the whirlwind of Black Friday, Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday. Phew! First, take some time to enjoy the outdoors with your family, maybe jumping in some piles of leaves with your little one!
But after that, remember that today is the day to do something to make you feel good while doing good for others!
Today is Giving Tuesday, when people across the globe join together to make the world a better place.
On this special day, please support the mental health of the children and families in your community by donating as generously as possible to North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center.
But don’t stop there!
From Thursday Dec. 1 through Saturday Dec. 3, shop at Americana Manhasset’s Champions for Charity® and designate North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center as your charity of choice! 25% of your designated full-price, pre-tax purchases will be donated back to us! Select stores at Wheatley Plaza also take part. Simply register for your Champion Number (It’s free) at championsforcharity.org and present it at the time of each purchase.
Finally, don’t forget to shop year-round through AmazonSmile at no extra cost to you. Just click on North Shore Child & Family Guidance Association here to register us as your charity of choice.
Thank you!
Why Support the Guidance Center?
Below are some comments from some of our most dedicated donors about why they spend their philanthropic dollars to support the Guidance Center’s mission.
Rosemarie and Mitchell Klipper
Rosemarie and Mitchell Klipper
The connection between Board Member Rosemarie Klipper and the Guidance Center has been a strong one for many years, as she and her husband Mitchell are always giving of their time, financial resources and creative ideas. “As you give to others, you’re helping yourself as well,” says Rosemarie. “It’s a wonderful feeling to be able to make a difference in peoples’ lives. I encourage everyone to get involved by giving to such a wonderful organization as the Guidance Center.”
Andrea and Michael Leeds
Andrea and Michael Leeds
Board Member Andrea Leeds and her husband Michael are longtime devoted supporters who continually amaze us with their dedication to our work. “The Guidance Center’s programs continue to grow to meet the needs of children dealing with difficult personal issues like depression, anxiety, bullying and so many others,” says Andrea. “The mission is more important now than ever during the COVID crisis, with illness, death and trauma having a devastating impact on the children and families in our community.”
National Grid volunteers work on our Nature Nurser
National Grid
“We know mental health is so important to all in our community, and it’s key to have places like the Guidance Center to help families and children on Long Island,” says National Grid’s Kathy Wisnewski. “National Grid is dedicated to investing in our youth, and we want to make sure we are doing everything we can to support the mental health of the next generation of leaders.”
Daniel Donnelly
Dan Donnelly
Dan Donnelly says that the work the Guidance Center does for children on Long Island is what motivates him to be such a dedicated supporter. But he also credits his admiration for the staff. “The people you have working here are such caring souls,” he says. “Life is about people and connecting. The relationships that I have with the Guidance Center staff and support team are one of the reasons why I stay involved.”
Jane and Marty Schwartz
Jane Schwartz
Our former Board President Jane Schwartz has been a dedicated friend and supporter of the Guidance Center for more than five decades. “The Guidance Center “provides a wonderful service to the Long Island community, with caring, dedicated staff members and a Board of Directors that are so devoted to helping all children and families, including those who cannot afford to pay for services.”
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Nov 22, 2022 | Blog
November is National Gratitude Month, and we asked our staff members to tell us what they are grateful for.
North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is grateful for all of you who support our work during this holiday season and throughout the year. Your generosity is the reason we have been able to bring hope and healing to the children and families of Long Island for nearly 70 years.
Thank you, and have a very Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m grateful for being able to partake in my passion of traveling to different countries again and embracing their beauty. – Kathy Rivera, Executive Director/CEO
I am grateful for many things, one being my family. When I was younger, I was diagnosed with HPV and was told I might never be able to have kids. Today I am happily married and a mother of three beautiful children. I am forever grateful to God for giving the beautiful gift of being a mother; they are my strength and fill my life with so much joy every day. I am also grateful for my husband who is an extraordinary partner and amazing father to our children. And last but not least, I am grateful for both my mother and mother-in-law who are still with us and get to see their grandkids grow. – Joselyn Alberto, Assistant to the Director of Outpatient Operations, Regulatory Compliance & Quality Assurance Officer
I am grateful for nature and overall, the fall season. November is actually my favorite month for many reasons. Some of them being trees (I take many, many pictures of them), spending time with family on thanksgiving, and it’s also my birthday month! – Evelyn Turcios, Bilingual Social Worker
I’m grateful for my family! – Holly Abro, Therapist
I’m grateful for my loving husband who is supportive, helpful, and loves me for who I am. I’m also grateful for my fur baby, Spike. Spike suffered through a severe case of Pancreatitis several months ago and we didn’t know if he was going to survive. I am so grateful for God giving me more time with my fur baby Spike. I am more appreciative of Spike than ever before after almost losing him. Spike is emotionally supportive for me and loves me more than he loves himself! He’s my best friend – he’s family! – Lucille Buscemi, Peer Recovery Specialist
I am grateful for my family, friends and supportive work colleagues. – Dr. Sue Cohen, Director of Early Childhood & Psychological Services
I am grateful for all the wonderful and talented people who make working here at the Guidance Center such a privilege! – Lauren McGowan, Director of Development
I am grateful to be a daughter/caregiver to this lovely lady who is 84 years old and blind. Doesn’t she look lovely? -Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust, Director of the Leeds Place
My 10-year-old puppy, Lucy, who greets me with such joy each day, gives me reason to be grateful every day of the year. – Jenna Kern-Rugile, Director of Development
I am grateful for my relationship with God, my boys, home, job, dancing hobby and health! – Monica Doyley, Head Teacher, Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court
I’m grateful for my siblings. – Stacy Brief, Therapist
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Nov 14, 2022 | Blog, Donor Profile
While financial donations are crucial to making our work at the Guidance Center possible, there are several other ways to contribute to our lifesaving mission.
Case in point: our wonderful community partners at National Grid, an electricity, natural gas and clean energy delivery company serving more than 20 million people across New York and Massachusetts.
Kathy Wisnewski
Kathy Wisnewski, Long Island Regional Director, Community Customer Management, says that National Grid has a long and proud history of volunteerism. “We’ve always been dedicated to having an impact on the communities where we live and work,” she says.
Project C
Though National Grid’s volunteer efforts at nonprofits, parks, businesses and other locations have been going on for many years, the utility officially launched what it calls “Project C” in 2021.
According to Wisnewski, Project C is designed to go beyond the utility’s work in the energy sector and to inspire positive change, create positive impact in our neighborhoods and strengthen communities for years to come.
In addition to volunteerism, Project C focuses on four key priorities: clean energy and sustainability; workforce development; neighborhood investment and community engagement; and environmental justice and social equity.
A dedicated group of National Grid employees (pictured here with Guidance Center staff) did an amazing job sprucing up our Nature Nursery.
Inspiring Future Leaders
The Guidance Center’s partnership with National Grid began in February 2019, when we hosted a Career Day at Nassau B.O.C.E.S. High School in Wantagh.
Juan Santiago, National Grid Customer and Community Manager, won over the students, sharing that he wasn’t that interested in academics as a youth but found his way with a little faith and hard work. “Just because someone doesn’t take a traditional route doesn’t mean they are any less motivated,” he told the audience. “There are many paths to success, and if you put your hearts and minds into it, you can do anything!”
Our next collaboration took place that March, when National Grid employees Sarah Kahrs and Paula Gendreau generously donated their time and expertise to coach students in a Mock Interview Day at Nassau B.O.C.E.S.
“This event was an incredible experience,” says Kahrs. “It was so exciting to be able to take an active role in helping these young adults prepare for their future.”
Gendreau adds, “I was impressed by all the positive energy! I was fortunate to meet some great candidates, and it was my pleasure to be part of a wonderful day.”
As spring 2019 arrived, we welcomed seven National Grid employees to our Leeds Place in Westbury, where they spent the day planting and painting our signpost, giving the building a fresh, friendly look.
Fran DiLeonardo, Director, IT Customer Service Management at National Grid, enthusiastically put his all into the project. “It was another great day making a difference in the community that we live and work in,” says DiLeonardo. “It’s always rewarding to put the time aside and make it happen; that’s why we keep coming back!”
Volunteers Bring the Energy
The Guidance Center was chosen for Project C this year by National Grid’s Alexandra Paoli, who was the onsite leader for the Day of Service at our Nature Nursery at the Marks Family Right from the Start 0-3+ Center (see cover story). She had learned of our mission through her mother, Michele Paoli, who has been with the utility for 25 years. The mother-daughter team, along with nine other National Grid volunteers, worked cheerfully and with gusto during the day-long beautification project.
“My mother knew about the great work of the Guidance Center,” says Alexandra. “When she suggested it be one of the sites of our statewide volunteer initiative, it was a natural choice.”
Making a Difference
Wisnewski credits National Grid’s staff for their devotion to the neighborhoods in which they live, work and raise their families. “Many of our employees have their own relationships with organizations in the community. Year-round, they do such remarkable things and make a real difference.”
National Grid plans to be back at the Guidance Center in 2023 for the next Project C Day of Service. “We know mental health is so important to all in our community, and it’s key to have places like the Guidance Center to help families and children on Long Island,” says Wisnewski. “National Grid is dedicated to investing in our youth, and we want to make sure we are doing everything we can to support the mental health of the next generation of leaders.”
We are so grateful to our friends at National Grid, and we’d love to partner with your company! Contact Lauren McGowan at 516-626-1971, ext. 320, to discover ways to help.
Main Photo: Our Leeds Place benefited from the wonderful volunteer efforts from National Grid.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Nov 7, 2022 | Blog
By Guest Blogger Colleen Stewart
There are pros and cons to the holiday season. It can provide a great opportunity to strengthen family bonds, reconnect with old friends, create new memories and enjoy delicious foods that only come around once a year. However, it can also be a source of intense emotional and financial stress.
Whatever experience you attach to the holiday season, there are ways to keep yourself calm and collected during the busyness of it all so that you can make the most of your time with loved ones. Here are some tips for de-stressing during the holiday season that will help keep you and your family happy and healthy.
Change your scenery
One great way to manage your stress during the holidays is to plan a getaway. U.S. News notes that a simple weekend excursion can bring big mental benefits, like reduced anxiety and stress. You don’t have to leave the city or state to have a rejuvenating vacation, either; it can be a simple trip across town. The important thing is that you give yourself a change of scenery, even if it’s just for a couple of days.
No matter where you live, you can find the perfect spot for a getaway. There are ample attractions and places to stay — even if you have to drive or fly. While a Disney trip may not seem like the most stress-free and budget-friendly way to remain calm, sites like Mouse Life Today can make putting together this sort of trip a lot easier and more affordable.
Take a breather
Another thing that can help with your stress levels is to take moments throughout each day to breathe and meditate. There are several breathing exercises that are simple and quick, and they can make a big difference in helping you stay relaxed. Also, practicing mindful meditation for a few minutes here and there can go a long way in helping you cope with stressful situations. If you struggle with making it a priority, Develop Good Habits suggests adding an app to your phone that will guide you through it and set reminders so you don’t forget.
Power up with a power nap
Long naps during the day can mess up your sleep habits. But short naps won’t do that—and they’re awesome! Taking a nap for 15 to 20 minutes in the middle of your day can make you more alert and improve your cognitive function and memory. In addition, it can also boost your mood and help you be more productive. For children, naps are a key to wellness. Check out this article for a guide to how much time is recommended,
Improve your bedtime routine
Speaking of sleep, you need plenty of it at night—seven to nine hours for adults, and more for kids, depending on their age. Otherwise, your mind and body won’t be prepared to function at full capacity each day, and you’ll be more prone to stress and anxiety.
If you find it difficult to get the sleep you need, change things up. Come up with a solid bedtime routine that helps you fall asleep and stay asleep, whether it’s taking a warm bath, listening to classical music, reading a paperback and/or doing relaxing yoga poses.
Add me-time to your morning
Along with taking a short daytime naps and getting a good night’s rest, consider waking up a little earlier than normal through the holiday season. It doesn’t have to be drastic; 30 minutes may be all you need to set positive intentions for the day. You could relax with a cup of coffee, write in a journal, read inspirational literature and/or anything else that helps you to collect your thoughts and get the day started off right.
Don’t try to do it all alone
The holidays are a busy time for most people, and sometimes there’s more stress than joy involved, particularly for those who don’t delegate well. It’s imperative that you do not take on every single holiday-related task on your own. Recruit your kids to help you with tasks you can offload, like helping to clean the house, walking the dog, etc. If you don’t already have one, now is a good time to implement an allowance system for your kids. You will feel better by having some help with holiday tasks, and your children will benefit from learning responsibility and the sense of satisfaction that comes from working to fulfill goals.
Make this holiday season the least stressful one yet. Go on a weekend getaway, practice breathing exercises and mindful meditation and take short daytime naps. Also, adopt a bedtime routine that helps you get the sleep you need, and allow yourself time to start off strong each morning. You may find that these simple tips have a profound effect on the well-being of you and your family amid the holiday bustle!
Bio: Colleen Stewart loves giving her two kids a healthy example to live by. Her passion for community and wellness inspired her and her husband to team up with their neighbors and create a playgroup that allows the adults and their kids to squeeze in a workout a few times a week. She created Playdate Fitness to help inspire other mamas and papas to make their well-being a priority, and set a healthy foundation for their little ones in the process.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Oct 31, 2022 | Blog
By Guest Blogger Andrea Gibbs
No one gets through life without experiencing one of the most difficult emotions to handle: rejection. It’s difficult watching our kids go through hard times and feeling like there’s little we can do to help them. But when it comes to rejection, it’s crucial that parents step in.
To be rejected by someone is one of the most uncomfortable feelings on earth.
Rejection can have long-lasting effects on young, developing minds. It can strongly affect a child’s self-esteem and can be linked to serious mental health issues.
Being rejected by a parent is especially difficult for a child. Parental rejection can happen in a variety of ways. Some parents simply don’t have time for their children; some are physically absent; some are distracted; and in the worst case, some are abusive.
Kids, as we all know, can be cruel, and when a child is excluded from a group of peers, it is very painful. This can be particularly difficult for children who are already experiencing mental health issues. Peer rejection can also cause stress and anxiety in children, leading to more serious problems as they age.
Children who experience peer rejection may have difficulty forming relationships with others later in life. These children tend to continue to feel rejected into adulthood.
Life event rejection occurs when a child experiences a major life-changing event, such as losing a loved one or a home. For example, if a child loses their pet, must move to another state or loses a grandparent or parent, they are likely to experience depression and anxiety.
They may also become more introverted and avoidant because they are afraid to get close to others to prevent another loss.
How Rejection Manifests
You may notice some of the following behaviors in your child when they experience rejection:
They may feel shame and be unable to admit their mistakes because they are afraid of being rejected or rejected by others. They may even feel guilty for all the negative things that have happened to them, which can lead to suicidal thoughts.
Children with low self-esteem may complain about stomachaches, headaches or other physical symptoms. They may think they are getting sick – or actually become ill – when they feel nervous or stressed.
Children who lack confidence struggle to believe in themselves and their ability to succeed. They tend to fear failure, so they give up on things before they even try, which leads them to fail in the end anyway. They are unsure of what they can do and may feel it’s not worth the effort.
A child who experiences rejection often focuses more on what others think of them than their own needs and wants. This can lead to self-harm, drug addiction, eating disorders and other dangerous behaviors.
Reduced self-care can also lead to high levels of anxiety. A child may feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of taking care of themselves, which leads to feeling too stressed to think rationally.
They may feel they are not worthy of having friends or being around other children. They may even begin to feel angry and upset because they do not have enough people who accept them as they are. This causes anger issues such as temper outbursts or aggression at others and toward themselves.
How to Help a Child Cope with Rejection
If your child is experiencing rejection, you can help them cope in the following ways:
- Encourage your child to be their authentic self
It is essential to encourage your child to be their own person. This will help them feel more confident in who they are, which will help them avoid feeling bad when they face negativity and criticism from others.
- Expectations
Make sure your child knows what you want from them and their role in your relationship. Give them responsibilities and tasks to complete that involve others in their life, such as attending a family function or volunteering at holiday time. This well also help build their self-esteem.
- Model Behavior
Your child will model their behavior after yours. If you are being kind and compassionate toward others, then they will learn to treat others the same way. If you are inconsiderate and rude to others, they will be selfish and disrespectful to others.
- Set Limits
Children need boundaries. Set limits on how they spend their time (especially when it comes to technology usage) and who they spend it with. This will help them follow your rules, as well as respect your opinions and wishes.
- Consider getting professional help
If your child is struggling with rejection, or you are having trouble helping them accept themselves, it may be time to seek out professional services from a therapist. Reach out to North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center at 516-626-1971.
Bio
Andrea Gibbs is the head of content management at SpringHive Web Design Company. This digital agency provides creative web design, social media marketing, email marketing and search engine optimization services to small businesses and entrepreneurs. She is also a blog contributor at Baby Steps Preschool, writing story time themes, parenting tips and seasonal activities to entertain children.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Oct 24, 2022 | Ask The Guidance Center Experts, Blank Slate Media, Blog, In The Media
In this monthly column, therapists from North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center answer your questions on issues related to parenting, mental health and children’s well-being. To submit a question, email communications@northshorechildguidance.org.
Question: Now that life has gotten back to some semblance of normal, my kids (ages 4, 9 and 11) are eager to go trick-or-treating this year. I’m thrilled for them, but the problem is that my little one is absolutely terrified of scary costumes.
As much as he wants to enjoy Halloween activities like his big brother and sister, he’s so frightened that I’m not sure we can take him out. He’s even said he doesn’t want to go to school that day. Any suggestions?
–Costume Conundrum
Dear Costume Conundrum: Halloween is one of the most exciting holidays of the year for youngsters. Candy, dressing up, parties at school—what’s not to love?
But your little one isn’t alone in his fear. For children around three to five years of age, and sometimes even older, the ghoulish costumes and yard displays can be overwhelming and very scary. But be assured, that’s a natural part of their development.
Luckily, most preschools and even elementary schools advise parents to avoid the scary kinds of costumes, so the schools themselves are typically safe zones. But once your son heads out to trick-or-treat, he’s likely to confront some frightening sights.
Of course, you know your son, so you’re the best judge of how scared he is likely to be. But as with all parenting issues, preparing ahead of time and anticipating any problems is the wisest strategy. Some tips:
- Let your son express his fears and reassure him in a calm voice that it’s OK to have those feelings.
- Play a game where your child scares you, and then laugh about it.
- Show him costumes online, so he’ll have an idea of what to expect.
- Do some crafts at home that create ghosts and other Halloween décor. Explain that any scary lawn displays are made of fabric and paint, just like the crafts you made together.
- Some children don’t like something like a mask covering their faces (even though they’ve had to deal with a different kind of mask for some time), so you might want to avoid costumes with masks.
- If he is frightened by costume masks on other people, put one on yourself and take it off to show him that you are still there!
- If your older kids are wearing potentially scary costumes, let your young one watch as they put on their makeup or masks, so he can gradually see how his big brother and sister transformed into the witch or warlock—and that it’s still them under the disguise.
- Make a visit to your local library and ask the librarian for books that help children see that Halloween is full of pretend things—some scary and lots of them just plain fun! One great choice: The Little Old Lady Who Was Not Afraid of Anything.
If your son loves his costume but when Halloween arrives, his mood changes and he refuses to wear it, try a compromise. Let him bring the costume to school instead of putting it on before he goes, or have him just wear part of the outfit. It’s definitely not something worth having a power struggle over, so if he refuses to wear it, let it go. It’s a perfect case of knowing when to pick your battles.
North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, Long Island’s leading children’s mental health agency, is seeing clients both remotely via telehealth platforms and in person, depending on the clients’ needs. To make an appointment, call 516-626-1971 or email intake@northshorechildguidance.org.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Oct 18, 2022 | Blog
Volunteers Spruce Up Our Nature Nursery.
Young children learn important lessons through nature, and nothing beats hands-on experiences. That’s why we were so grateful when 11 employees from National Grid came to our Marks Family Right from the Start 0-3+ Center as part of their volunteer day of service, called Project C.
The volunteers spent the entire day planting, painting, repairing and whole-heartedly doing whatever needed to be done to spruce up the Nature Nursery at the Right from the Start Center, which had been left largely unattended during the pandemic.
“We are so grateful to all the National Grid volunteers for working so hard and with such great spirits to beautify our Nature Nursery and surrounding areas,” said Dr. Sue Cohen, Director of the Right from the Start Center, where the Guidance Center serves its youngest clients and their families. “The Nancy Marks Nature Nursery continues to provide our young children and their parents with an opportunity to enjoy their natural environment using exploratory, hands-on stations and activities, such as musical instruments, water, paints and graduated steps. Having a creative outdoor space to use during therapy and group sessions allows our therapists to engage children in a different way. The youngsters who have experienced this area love all that is has to offer and look forward to regularly returning.”
National Grid’s Alexandra Paoli, who was in charge of the project at the Guidance Center site, worked side by side with her mother, Michele Paoli, who has worked at the utility for 25 years. “Thousands of National Grid employees volunteer on this ‘Day of Service,’ which takes place at locations all across Long Island, upstate New York and New York City,” said Alexandra, a recent graduate of Penn State University and Associate Analyst, Community Customer Engagement. “My mother knew about the great work done at the Guidance Center, so when she suggested it be one of the sites of our statewide volunteer initiative, it was a natural choice.”
Therese Sullivan, National Grid’s Director of Operations Enablement, has participated in both Project C Day of Service events. “I was glad to volunteer for the Guidance Center because mental health is so important, especially helping children at an early age,” she said. “It is a great resource for families, and I’m proud that our company supports these efforts.”
If your company would like to discuss opportunities to volunteer at the Guidance Center or support our mission in other ways, contact Lauren McGowan at LMcGowan@northshorechildguidance.org or call her at (516) 626-1971, ext. 320.
Photo: A dedicated group of National Grid employees (pictured here with North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center staff) did an amazing job volunteering at the nonprofit’s Nature Nursery.
About North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center:
As the preeminent not-for-profit children’s mental health agency on Long Island, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is dedicated to restoring and strengthening the emotional well-being of children (from birth – age 24) and their families. Our highly trained staff of psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, vocational rehabilitation counselors and other mental health professionals lead the way in diagnosis, treatment, prevention, training, parent education, research and advocacy. The Guidance Center helps children and families address issues such as depression and anxiety; developmental delays; bullying; teen pregnancy; sexual abuse; teen drug and alcohol abuse; and family crises stemming from illness, death, trauma and divorce. For nearly 70 years, the Guidance Center has been a place of hope and healing, providing innovative and compassionate treatment to all who enter our doors, regardless of their ability to pay. For more information about the Guidance Center, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 626-1971.
About National Grid: National Grid (NYSE: NGG) is an electricity, natural gas, and clean energy delivery company serving more than 20 million people through our networks in New York and Massachusetts. National Grid is focused on building a path to a more affordable, reliable clean energy future through our fossil-free vision. National Grid is transforming our electricity and natural gas networks with smarter, cleaner, and more resilient energy solutions to meet the goal of reducing greenhouse gas emissions.
For more information, please visit our website, follow us on Twitter, watch us on YouTube, like us on Facebook and find our photos on Instagram
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Oct 11, 2022 | Blog
The weather may be starting to turn chilly, but it’s always a great time to enjoy the outdoors—and it’s also important for a youth’s development to keep their connection to our natural world.
With teens so immersed in texting and video games and other tech-focused pursuits, they often lose both the connection to each other and to the world around them. That’s why North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center designed our Wilderness Respite Program, which provides a unique opportunity for at-risk adolescents to participate in hikes and other nature activities that foster individual growth, leadership skills, self-esteem and friendships while also promoting environmental stewardship.
Teens who take part in the program often have issues such as depression, anxiety and ADHD. Many also lack the social skills that enable them to bond with their peers.
One of our clients who has made an incredible transformation as a result of the Wilderness Respite Program is James, who first came to the Guidance Center more than two years ago, James had no one to call friend. Even before the pandemic, James was isolated and lonely. His ADHD and anxiety made his behavior off-putting to others his age.
His parents were heartbroken; they were desperate to have their child feel welcomed and supported by his peers. While he got good grades, he viewed himself as a failure. School was just another place he felt like an outsider.
After starting individual and family therapy with one of our expert mental health experts, James joined the Wilderness Respite Program, which is made possible through the support of our generous donors.
During the hikes, James bonded with other teens in the program. They understood James, because many of them had the same challenges themselves. On trips to places such as Caumsett State Historic Park Preserve and Harriman State Park, teens learn how to be independent, as well as how to work together. It’s an incredibly affirming experience for kids who rarely get praise in school or other social situations.
James is no longer a sad and lonely teen with no friends to call his own. And he no longer feels like a “loser,” which is how he referred to himself when he first entered treatment.
Here is how the parent of another of our Wilderness Respite Program teens put it in a letter to the Guidance Center:
“My son started in the Wilderness Program about two years ago. I believe the program is the best thing he’s ever had. The Wilderness Program brings kids away from all the media; they go to nature, looking at natural scenery instead of a TV or computer screen. Talking with their peers, they do real human interactions while hiking. Sometimes it’s a long hike or challenging terrain, or even cold or hot or windy weather. It trains young people in endurance skills. The leaders of the trip are kind and always encourage the young people to keep going while they’re having fun.
This program has so many benefits for kids like my son, who has problems with social skills, making friends and anxiety. But every time he comes back from hiking, even though he’s tired and his feet hurt, he feels fulfilled and excited about everything he saw during his hike. It’s a great program!”
We are grateful to all of you who support our work and make the Wilderness Respite Program, along with our many other innovative initiatives, a reality.
Please reach into your hearts today and give as generously as you can.
Thank you for caring!
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Oct 4, 2022 | Blog
It was a trendy topic a few years ago, but it’s still a great idea!
The topic? Forest bathing, a method of self-care that goes far beyond its literal meaning of taking a bath in a forest. Forest bathing focuses on becoming one with your environment and the nature that is around you.
Here’s how Time Magazine put it:
“We all know how good being in nature can make us feel. We have known it for centuries. The sounds of the forest, the scent of the trees, the sunlight playing through the leaves, the fresh, clean air — these things give us a sense of comfort. They ease our stress and worry, help us to relax and to think more clearly. Being in nature can restore our mood, give us back our energy and vitality, refresh and rejuvenate us.”
Whether you call it forest bathing, hiking or simply a walk in the woods, spending time in nature is a great idea for the mental health and well-being of you and your kids alike. You don’t need to go far to immerse yourself in nature – find a local park or hiking trail in or around your community to get started. Plan wisely and be sure to pack comfortable shoes, sun protection and water. Being outdoors has many benefits, such as clearing your mind, reducing stress and reducing your blood pressure. It’s also a great excuse for your family to bond and to get off their electronics.
As useful as forest bathing is for personal and familial purposes, it is also deeply beneficial as a mental health intervention. North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center offers a program to at-risk youth which utilizes the theories that underlie forest bathing to help adolescents cope with stressors in their lives in our Wilderness Respite Program, which provides participants with a gateway to the mastery of social skills and youth empowerment through hikes and other outdoor activities.
As one of the parents of a Wilderness Program participant put it, “Therapeutically speaking, this program teaches my son the tools to handle his negative combative thinking through hiking in various land and weather conditions. During each hike my son participates in, I have observed positive changes in his attitude and behavior which last for several days. His thinking appears clearer, his mood swings lessen. This program has definitely increased his self-esteem. The benefits of this program are endless.”
To learn more about all the Guidance Center’s programs, contact us at 516-626-1971. Our trained clinicians can help you navigate any struggles that you may be experiencing.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Sep 27, 2022 | Blog
By Guest Blogger Colleen Stewart
Keeping your children and teens busy, especially indoors, can be quite the challenge if they’re always on the go. However, you can still make sure that learning indoors is as educational – and fun – as it would be outdoors, at school or anywhere else.
DIY Science Experiments
DIY experiments are a great way to keep curious young minds entertained for hours as they create and experiment with scientific equations and material. Furthermore, it could help them become even better at math and science because they’ll be putting theories into practice as the actual results unfold before their very eyes.
Board Games are an Excellent Option
Encouraging kids both young and old to participate in board games is a winner. After all, there are just so many varieties of board games to choose from that you’re sure to find one that will suit your child’s preference for the day. Moreover, most board games are designed to encourage their critical thinking skills and problem-solving abilities too.
Encourage Them to Try Their Hand at Cooking or Baking
Of course, this is one of those indoor activities that will require parental supervision. Nonetheless, it is an excellent opportunity to bond with your child while letting their creativity run loose. Furthermore, if your child battles with reading and comprehension, reading recipes out loud can help them identify words and understand sentence structure better, as well as help to improve their math skills when they learn how to measure ingredients and convert metrics.
Coloring
Coloring is also an excellent pastime, and it’s suitable for children of all ages. What’s more, it can improve your child’s fine motor skills, help them focus better and increase their attention span if they need help in this area.
Storytelling
Most kids relish the opportunity to hear a story from their parents, especially if it means undivided one-on-one attention with just you and them. But you can also step it up a notch by encouraging them to act out roles in a story to enhance their communication and language skills.
Keeping Them Entertained When You’re Busy
Suppose you work from home and need time without interruption from your kids. In this case, you could allow them to catch up on a bit of screen time, especially if it is educational. This way, you’ll be able to get your work done while they learn to keep themselves busy. Moreover, if you limit screen time to only a specific portion of the day, they’ll probably look forward to it more.
So, if you happen to be stuck indoors due to adverse weather conditions, be sure to take advantage of activities like these. That way, your kids won’t dread being cooped up inside, and neither will you!
Board games – https://bilingualkidspot.com/2019/06/18/fun-board-games-for-kids/
Recipes – https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/top-5-easy-bakes-kids
Coloring – https://www.learning4kids.net/2015/06/22/benefits-of-colouring-in-activities/
Story – https://www.splashlearn.com/blog/amazing-short-stories-for-kids-that-teach-beautiful-lessons/
Work from home – https://www.zenbusiness.com/blog/4-tips-for-working-from-home-with-young-kids/
Screen time – https://www.commonsensemedia.org/lists/educational-tv-shows-for-kids
Bio: Colleen Stewart loves giving her two kids a healthy example to live by. Her passion for community and wellness inspired her and her husband to team up with their neighbors and create a playgroup that allows the adults and their kids to squeeze in a workout a few times a week. She created Playdate Fitness to help inspire other mamas and papas to make their well-being a priority, and set a healthy foundation for their little ones in the process.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Sep 21, 2022 | Blog
Guidance Center client shares her journey from hurt to healing through Diane Goldberg Maternal Depression Program
This is the transcript of a speech given by Samantha Sutfin-Gray at the Guidance Center’s 2022 Sunset Soirée fundraiser, September 8, 2022.
My name is Samantha Sutfin-Gray and in June of 2021, I became a first-time mom, to a beautiful baby boy. Without the services from the Diane Goldberg Maternal Depression Program at North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center and the love and support from my husband and family, my son, Samuel, would not have a mother.
As a trained clinical social worker, I knew about Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. I knew the signs and symptoms; I knew what to look out for and I thought that my knowledge and education would protect me. I was wrong.
After having a high-risk pregnancy and a traumatic birth experience, I thought I had paid my dues and that I wouldn’t be one of the 1 in 7 women who experience Post-Partum Depression and Post-Partum Anxiety within the first year after giving birth. But I was wrong.
My symptoms started in just hours after giving birth. I was in a perpetual state of terror. I was convinced that I shouldn’t take my eyes off of my son or that he would stop breathing. It got to the point that I wouldn’t allow myself to sleep. I knew then that I needed help but when I asked for it, I was just told to take melatonin. With that sage advice, I thought that I was in this alone.
I was hopeful that once we left the hospital that my fears and symptoms would reduce, thinking naively that the hospital environment was to blame for everything. Through everything, I wanted to maintain hope that I could manage everything I was feeling on my own and being the perfect Mom that I had always envisioned being.
I muddled through for a few weeks trying to convince myself everything was ok. But things continued to get significantly worse. I knew the signs, intrusive thoughts, racing thoughts, inability to sleep despite crippling exhaustion, the feeling of inadequacy, thinking that my family would be better off without me, nightmares, and phantom cries. I thought I could beat it on my own. That if I was just a better mother that the symptoms would go away.
I obsessed over every part of Sam’s schedule, his sleeping, his feeding, how much I was pumping, even how much he was pooping, and any perceived deficiency would send me spiraling. I was never good enough because I could never control everything. From the outside perspective, I appeared to be the happy new Mom but internally, my mind was attacking me, sending me constant messages that I was never good enough. I was convinced that I was failing as a parent and that I was abusing my son because he cried, or because he didn’t finish a bottle or because he hadn’t pooped in a while and very quickly my thoughts turned to self-harm, to planning a way to kill myself or remove myself from my family because I was convinced, I was the problem.
I was trapped in the bottom of a hole that I couldn’t find a way out of.
It wasn’t until a Friday afternoon, about 6 weeks after I had given birth, where I spent the better part of the day strategizing how I could kill myself and make it look like an accident, that I came to the realization that I needed to get help.
I turned to North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center. From the beginning, they let me know that I mattered. That what I was going through was normal but that they understood that it didn’t feel normal to me. I was connected to a therapist, a psychiatrist, and a support group within days of making an initial call. I was welcomed into a community that understood what it was like to be a mom and was able to connect with other moms who had felt the same.
My therapist helped me understand that it was ok not to be Wonder Woman every day. She helped me to accept that even though I know the process, the diagnosis and definitions, I needed to ask for help and to manage my stress. She helped me to understand what I already knew that the hormones surging through my body were tricking my brain into thinking things that were quantifiably not true. And most importantly, she helped me remember that my family would not be better off if I wasn’t there.
I count myself as lucky. Because of my position in society, my understanding of mental health and the resources at my fingertips, I was able to find a program like The Guidance Center Not many women are in the same position as me. 1 in 7 women experience Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. PPD doesn’t discriminate by age, race, or class. It can happen to any parent and the effects can be devastating.
Postpartum Depression tears a person apart, it steals away the part of your soul that makes you who you are. During my darkest days, I loved my family unconditionally, but I couldn’t express it and I couldn’t see the devastation it was creating in my house. Postpartum Depression is an illness one person can have that the whole family suffers from. The Guidance Center’s Diane Goldberg Maternal Depression Program understands this. They created a treatment plan that addressed the functioning of my whole family and were able to help me repair the holes that my depression caused.
I can’t even imagine where I would be or how far my suffering would have taken me, if I hadn’t sought treatment on that Friday afternoon in July 2021, I probably wouldn’t have the pleasure to be standing here talking to you today. The Guidance Center helped me to see that there was a light at the end of a very dark tunnel, and they were with me every step of the way. For that, my family and I are eternally grateful. Every day, I get to watch my son grow and explore and learn new things and I don’t obsess about his poop nearly as much.
Thank you.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Sep 13, 2022 | Blog, In The Media, Newsday
Published in Newsday, September 12, 2022, Guest Essay By Kathy Rivera
I’ve been a social worker my entire adult life. I grew up in a household and a culture where talking about mental health was not allowed and mental wellbeing was not acknowledged or supported. The stigma was strong, but it only made me more determined to shed light on these issues and let people know it is perfectly normal to seek help.
But five years ago, when my then-15-year-old son came to me and said, “I don’t want to live anymore,” I was in total shock.
Not only was he having suicidal thoughts, he had also begun to formulate a plan—a prime indicator that the danger was real and imminent.
I felt overwhelmed because my child was hurting, and I also felt a deep sense of shame. How did I not see this coming? I had all the clinical knowledge to recognize the signs. It’s not that I didn’t know he had challenges. I just hadn’t realized it had reached a crisis point.
My family’s story is all too common, especially as young people struggle with the trauma caused by the pandemic. Children, teens and young adults have experienced the losses surrounding COVID-19 in deep and potentially long-lasting ways. Studies have reported sharp increases in rates of depression, anxiety, loneliness, and suicide attempts.
Trauma in children and teens is at an all-time high, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. More than a third of high school students said they experienced poor mental health during the pandemic; 44% reported feeling “persistently sad or hopeless.” One in five considered suicide; nearly 10% attempted it.
But the youth mental health crisis pre-dates the pandemic. In 2018, suicide was the second-leading cause of death among 10-to-24-year-olds, an increase of nearly 60% from 2007. Moreover, suicide rates among 10-to-12-year-olds increased nearly fivefold from 2010 to 2020.
Studies suggest that social media use and cyberbullying in particular contribute to depression, low self-esteem and other mental health issues that influence suicidal behavior, especially in girls. Tragic events such as mass shootings in schools have led to unprecedented levels of anxiety among youth. A lack of timely, affordable mental health care, economic struggles, and the epidemic of drug use also likely play a role.
While the picture seems bleak, there is a lot you can do to keep your child safe. Watch out for common warning signs of suicide, including withdrawing from friends and family, mood swings, engaging in risky or self-destructive behavior, changes in eating or sleeping patterns, increased use of drugs or alcohol, giving away possessions, posting suicidal thoughts on social media, and talking about death and not being around anymore.
We are lucky our son chose to tell us he was suicidal. We immediately sought professional help, and today, though he is not without struggles, he strives to maintain a balance with his mental wellness every day. We keep the lines of communication open, and assure him that we are there for him.
Ask your kids how they are feeling on a regular basis, even if they seem fine. Ask directly if they are having thoughts of suicide. Talking about suicide doesn’t make it more likely that they’ll consider the idea. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.
Make talking about mental health the same as talking about any illness. We must all play a role in breaking the stigma and helping other children who may be hurting. Compassionate communication can save a life.
This guest essay reflects the views of Kathy Rivera, Executive Director and CEO of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center in Roslyn Heights.
Kathy Rivera, Executive Director/CEO of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center
