by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Apr 18, 2022 | Ask The Guidance Center Experts, Blank Slate Media, Blog
This story will be published in Blank Slate Media newspapers in April 2022
Helping Your Child Through Divorce
In this monthly column, therapists from North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center answer your questions on issues related to parenting, mental health and children’s well-being. To submit a question, email communications@northshorechildguidance.org.
Question: After much discussion, including couples therapy, my husband and I have decided to divorce. We both know it’s the right thing to do, but we’re very worried about how our kids (we have two girls and a boy, 5, 8 and 10) are going to handle it. Can you offer some advice on how we can best support them during this difficult time?
— Splitting Up
Dear Splitting Up:
The rise in divorce rates in the pandemic period show that you and your husband are far from alone: In 2021, the COVID-19 crisis triggered a nearly 21% increase in divorce filings compared with the previous year.
Whenever there is a separation or divorce, there is no way around the fact that your children will be impacted in profound ways.
And, while divorce doesn’t have the same stigma it did years ago, it still is a difficult event in a young person’s life.
The dissolution of their parents’ marriage can create enormous stress for youngsters. Divorce can be devastating to the children’s feelings of safety, causing fear of abandonment and fear of losing a parent’s love. The result: Anxiety, depression and low self-esteem are common.
Guilt is often another problem, as many children blame themselves for the divorce, believing that it is somehow their fault and that if they had just been “good,” the separation never would have happened.
In addition, many parents make the mistake of talking negatively about their ex-spouse in front of their children. This upsets them because they see their parents as their caretakers, and they need to feel safe and supported by both of them.
When parents put their kids in the middle of their battles, the children struggle with issues of loyalty. Even if they are very caring parents, they may do things inadvertently that cause distress to their child, such as asking the child to talk with the ex-spouse about a change in weekend plans instead of dealing with the adult directly.
Here are some tips on how to help your children deal with divorce:
- Be supportive, reassuring your kids that both of you will always love them and be there for them.
- Encourage them to speak to you openly about all their feelings, and validate that those feelings are normal and completely acceptable.
- Learn how to co-parent the children so there is no confusion on discipline. Rules about bedtime, homework and the like should remain consistent.
- Never talk negatively about the other parent in front of the children.
- If possible, show a united front by attending events like back-to-school nights, games and other activities together.
- Let their teachers know about your separation so they are on the lookout for any troubling behaviors from your children.
- Foster the relationships your children have with your ex’s family so they don’t feel the loss of those attachments.
- Consider placing your child in a therapeutic group so they don’t feel like they are alone in their experience. Many schools have programs like “Banana Splits” offered by school-based social workers.
- Be sure to get support for yourself through this process through friends, family members and professional therapy, if needed.
Remember, the post-divorce relationship with your ex-spouse is perhaps the most important factor in how well your children handle the matter, so do your best to get along for their sake. Knowing that they are loved no matter what by both of you is the most important message. During the pandemic, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is seeing clients both in person and remotely via a telehealth platform. To make an appointment, call (516) 626-1971 or email intake@northshorechildguidance.org.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Apr 11, 2022 | Blog
By Kelly Christ, guest blogger
The COVID-19 pandemic has had a staggering impact on nearly every aspect of our lives, but one of the pandemic’s most notable and long-lasting effects has been the increasing rates of burnout in the United States. While burnout—a type of exhaustion caused by exposure to prolonged or repeated stress—is often discussed in the context of the workplace, it can affect everyone. From office employees to students to caregivers, burnout is taking a significant toll on our mental health.
Traditionally, burnout is understood in relation to stress at work. In 2019, the World Health Organization first declared workplace burnout a “stress syndrome.” The symptoms include “feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion” and “reduced professional productivity.”
But burnout in settings other than the workplace has drawn further attention in the past two years. Caregiver burnout is described as a state of “physical, emotional and mental exhaustion.” When schools transitioned to remote learning in 2020, many parents and caregivers struggled with a sense of burnout due to the added responsibilities at home. Psychology Today notes that burnout often occurs when someone “is not in control of how a job is carried out.” The lack of control that we have all experienced amid the pandemic’s unpredictability is likely a major cause of increasing rates of burnout.
School Pressures Can Create Burnout
Students of all ages are also facing academic burnout, especially alongside the challenges of remote learning and the other emotional burdens brought on by the pandemic. But it’s not a new experience. Even before the pandemic, high school students felt a heightened weight on their academic performance in the face of the college admissions process. Similarly, college students felt that their career opportunities and future success might be hindered by any academic difficulties.
One of the most troublesome parts of burnout is that we often do not recognize it when it is building within us. Caregivers are often so focused on those dependent on them that they neglect to pay attention to their own well-being, instead prioritizing the needs of others. Similarly, students may prioritize their productivity and responsibilities, even outside of the normal school day or week, and they don’t take time to rest.
However, by prioritizing our productivity and neglecting our mental and physical well-being, we often sabotage the very productivity we sought to protect. Once stress transforms to burnout, the negative impact on productivity is inevitable. For caregivers, the old adage of caring for yourself before caring for others is important to keep in mind. We must help ourselves to help others.
The Need for Self-Care
One of the most important ways to prevent burnout is to regularly engage in self-care. Though we often see self-care portrayed in the media as expensive skincare products or a rigid exercise program, the most effective methods are often the simplest. By identifying small activities that bring you the most joy, you can find simple ways to incorporate self-care into your daily routine.
This may mean choosing to listen to your favorite song on your commute to work, going for a morning run, or calling a loved one at the end of the day. The easier it is to include in your schedule, the more likely it is that you will make it a true habit.
In a similar vein, mindfulness can help to prevent burnout by reducing stress and improving boundaries between yourself and your work. Thirty-minute mindfulness exercises such as meditation or journaling can be added to a daily routine relatively easily. However, these exercises are not for everyone. Mindfulness can be incorporated, instead, into the activities in which you already engage. Mindfulness, above all, is a heightened sense of awareness and presence. To increase this, you may decide to put your phone away while eating lunch so you can focus solely on your meal or to take a walk without listening to anything but the sounds s of nature around you.
Emotional self-care, above all else, must bring you joy. It should not feel like yet another burden or responsibility to bear. Allow yourself to think outside of the box. Self-care does not look the same for everyone.
As we continue to navigate our lives amid the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic, it is important that we take this as an opportunity not to panic about the impact of burnout but instead to prioritize self-care and overall well-being. This awareness of burnout, ultimately, will serve as a time of revolution and innovation in work, caregiving, academics and all other aspects of our lives.
Bio: Kelly Christ is a guest blog writer originally from Manhasset, NY. Kelly is currently studying social work at Fordham University’s Graduate School of Social Service in New York, NY. She received her bachelor’s degree at Fordham University at Rose Hill in 2021, where she double majored in English and Psychology. Kelly is passionate about both writing and mental health advocacy.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Apr 8, 2022 | In The Media, Press Releases
Event will feature Mahjong, Canasta, great shopping and more
Roslyn Heights, NY, April 7, 2022 — North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, Long Island’s leading children’s mental health nonprofit, is thrilled to announce the return of its in-person annual Spring Luncheon, a highly anticipated event that was cancelled in 2020 and virtual in 2021 due to the pandemic.
While the 2021 online luncheon was very successful due to the dedication of longtime co-chairs Jan Ashley, Amy Cantor and Alexis Siegel, the Guidance Center’s devoted supporters are eager to be together to celebrate and raise funds for the organization’s work, which is more important than ever during these times of heightened anxiety and depression among children and teens.
We are excited to be returning to the elegant Glen Head Country Club on Thursday, April 28th from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. The day will begin with Mahjong, Canasta and Bridge, along with unique shopping boutiques from some of Long Island’s trendiest and most charitable small business owners, including Anatomie, Bonnie’s Nuts, Chintz Giraffe, Dale’s Knits, Daniella Erin NYC, DASH, Designer Sunglasses, Designs that Donate, Freida Rothman Jewelry, Funky Tykes, Roadie Couture, Simply Splendid, Tall Order and Transitions.
The jewelry and apparel are always favorites, but just as chic are the fashionable purses, accessories and housewares. There will also be plenty of opportunities to participate in raffles for luxury prizes, including a $500 gift certificate to Americana Manhasset.
The keynote speaker for the Spring Luncheon will be Legislator Josh Lafazan from the 18th District. In 2017, at 23 years of age, Lafazan became Nassau County’s youngest-ever legislator. Currently serving his third term, Lafazan has passed a record number of bills that address a variety of issues such as the opioid epidemic, caring for veterans, and being an advocate for those with disabilities.
Sponsors of the event include: Americana Manhasset; Anton Media; Jan Ashley; Blank Slate Media; Amy & Dan Cantor; Ruth Fortunoff Cooper; Fara & Richard Copell; Farrell Fritz, P.C.; Stephanie & Ian Ginsberg; Joan Grant; Dorothy Greene; Klipper Family Foundation; The Kupferberg Orlando Team at Douglas Elliman; Nancy & Lew Lane; New York Community Bank; NYU Langone Hospital – Long Island; Cynthia Rubinberg; Michelle S. Russo P.C.; Alexis & Howard Siegel; Signature Bank – Garden City; South Oaks Hospital – Northwell Health; and Zucker Hillside Hospital – Northwell Health.
Registration is now open, and sponsorships are available by visiting the Guidance Center’s website, northshorechildguidance.org/luncheon2022/ or calling 516-626-1971, ext. 309.
About Us:As the preeminent not-for-profit children’s mental health agency on Long Island, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is dedicated to restoring and strengthening the emotional well-being of children (from birth – age 24) and their families. Our highly trained staff of psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, vocational rehabilitation counselors and other mental health professionals lead the way in diagnosis, treatment, prevention, training, parent education, research and advocacy. The Guidance Center helps children and families address issues such as depression and anxiety; developmental delays; bullying; teen pregnancy; sexual abuse; teen drug and alcohol abuse; and family crises stemming from illness, death, trauma and divorce. For more than 65 years, the Guidance Center has been a place of hope and healing, providing innovative and compassionate treatment to all who enter our doors, regardless of their ability to pay. For more information about the Guidance Center, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 626-1971.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Apr 4, 2022 | Anton Media, Blog, In The Media
At North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, our mission is to bring hope and healing to children and families experiencing depression, anxiety and other challenges. Although we are a children’s mental health organization, we know that emotional well-being and physical health are inexorably tied, each deeply impacting the other.
The Guidance Center has several programs that promote the health of mothers and children. One is our Good Beginnings for Babies program, which aims to promote healthier pregnancies that will result in healthier babies and to nurture relationships between parent and child. Good Beginnings for Babies supports teen and young adult mothers prior to the birth of their child and throughout the first year of the child’s life with support, counseling and advocacy.
Through our Diane Goldberg Maternal Depression Program, we provide a rapid response and diagnosis for mothers suffering from postpartum depression and other perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, which are estimated to impact one in seven women.
As part of our educational and advocacy work, the Guidance Center partnered with Hofstra University’s Public Health Program, School of Health Science and Human Services to create Birth Justice Warriors, an initiative born out of the crippling bias and injustice faced by Black mothers in the United States in general and in Nassau County in particular.
According to the New York State Department of Health, a Black woman is up to four times more likely to die in childbirth than a white mother. In Nassau County, the infant mortality rate per 1,000 live births is 9.4 for Black babies versus the 2.2 reported for white non-Hispanic babies.
Birth Justice Warriors are volunteer advocates from many professions and backgrounds, working with community members, pediatricians, nurses, health care professionals, elected officials, members of faith-based institutions and others to bring education and awareness to this inequality. Ultimately, one of Birth Justice Warriors’ goals is to have legislation written that guarantees that this crucial information is delivered to all women of child-bearing age.
In late January, I joined with Dr. Martine Hackett, my Birth Justice Warrior co-founder and an associate professor in the public health and community health programs at Hofstra, at a press conference held by New York Senator Kirsten Gillibrand. The senator, along with Representative Alma Adams of North Carolina, are the sponsors of the Maternal CARE Act, which would provide funding for evidence-based training programs to reduce bias in maternal health and establish programs to bring health care services to pregnant women and new mothers in an effort to reduce the disproportionate rate of maternal death and other poor health outcomes among Black women and their babies.
In her statement, Gillibrand said the following: “Health equity for Black women can only happen if we recognize and address persistent biases in our health system and do more to ensure women have access to culturally competent, holistic care to reduce preventable maternal mortality.”
Both North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center and Birth Justice Warriors support this important legislation, and we hope that you will join us in spreading the word so that allwomen receive the care they need and deserve.
Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust is the Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center’s Leeds Place and is a co-founder of Birth Justice Warriors, a collaboration of the Guidance Center and Hofstra University. To learn more about Birth Justice Warriors, contact Dr. Walthrust-Taylor at (516) 997-2926, ext. 229, or email NTaylorWalthrust@northshorechildguidance.org.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Mar 29, 2022 | In The Media, Press Releases
Roslyn Heights, NY, March 29, 2022 — The Guidance Center is pleased to announce that Mary M. Margiotta, a Principal in the Ernst & Young’s Financial Services International Tax and Transaction Services practice in New York, has joined our Board of Directors. Mary, who has over 25 years assisting clients in pricing and valuation issues, with a special focus on the banking and capital markets and insurance industries, will serve as Treasurer of the Guidance Center’s Board.
“As a parent, I have seen how important mental health is for children to develop into happy and successful adults,” said Margiotta. “Especially in today’s high-stress world, children need and deserve the opportunity to have access to the life-changing and often life-saving services provided by the Guidance Center. I am thrilled to be able to help make it possible for more Long Island families.”
Margiotta earned a bachelor’s degree from the State University of New York at Albany and master’s and PhD degrees from Carnegie Mellon University. She is a past assistant professor of accounting at The University of British Columbia.
“Mary will be an incredible asset to our board,” said Paul Vitale, President of the Guidance Center Board of Directors. “Her keen insight and deep knowledge of financial matters make her the perfect person to take on the role of Treasurer.”
Margiotta and her husband, Vasu Krishnamurthy, are residents of Manhasset and are the proud parents of two college-age daughters, Nina and Mia. Margiotta previously served as Treasurer of the Manhasset Saturday Series program and currently serves on the Board of Trustees of the Andrew Carnegie Society at Carnegie Mellon University.
To learn more about the Guidance Center, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 626-1971.
About Us:
As the preeminent not-for-profit children’s mental health agency on Long Island, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is dedicated to restoring and strengthening the emotional well-being of children (from birth – age 24) and their families. Our highly trained staff of psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, vocational rehabilitation counselors and other mental health professionals lead the way in diagnosis, treatment, prevention, training, parent education, research and advocacy. The Guidance Center helps children and families address issues such as depression and anxiety; suicidal thinking; developmental delays; bullying; teen pregnancy; sexual abuse; teen drug and alcohol abuse; and family crises stemming from illness, death, trauma and divorce. For nearly 70 years, the Guidance Center has been a place of hope and healing, providing innovative and compassionate treatment to all who enter our doors, regardless of their ability to pay. For more information about the Guidance Center, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 626-1971.
