by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Jan 11, 2024 | Blog
While the holidays are synonymous with joy, togetherness, and celebration, the period that follows can prove to be anything but. As the boxes of decorations are moved back into the attic, it’s not uncommon for complex emotions to take over. The phenomenon known as “post-holiday blues” takes place when the chaos of the holidays has come to an end, leaving behind feelings of emptiness, anxiety, and frustration. This slump can have particular effects on mothers, who often take the lead on holiday planning and are therefore more susceptible to the highs and lows of the holiday season and beyond.
The post-holiday blues share many characteristics of anxiety and mood disorders. Sadness, loneliness, anxiety, insomnia, and disappointment are common traits, and are often confined to the winter months.
Emotional labor, expectations, and repression
Mothers often bear the brunt of emotional labor during the holidays. According to research done by the American Psychological Association, women are more likely than men to report an increase of stress during the holiday season, citing lack of time, lack of money, and pressure to give presents as primary stressors. The pressure to buy the perfect gifts, decorate the home, and prepare elaborate meals can be emotionally taxing, and mothers will frequently spend weeks planning, organizing, and ensuring that everyone in the family has a memorable and magical experience.
Social media has contributed to an unrealistic set of expectations surrounding the holiday season. As we scroll through countless posts of elaborately decorated houses and piles of perfectly wrapped presents, it’s easy to find ourselves comparing our holiday celebrations to those of others. Many mothers feel responsible to create a picture-perfect holiday atmosphere for their families, and often face a sense of letdown if they fail to meet these expectations.
The period of Thanksgiving through New Year’s is a chaotic time, and busy parents frequently spend every spare moment focused preparing for celebrations. With so much time and energy focused on others, it is easy to neglect your own mental wellbeing, pushing any negative emotions aside in order to focus on the long list of things that need to get done. January brings time to catch your breath and reflect, leading to weeks of emotions bubbling to the surface. These repressed feelings will be difficult to handle all at once, and will result feeling overwhelmed and burned out.
Manage the post-holiday blues
The post-holiday blues don’t have to be inevitable. Be sure to set boundaries with family and friends in order to avoid stretching yourself too thin, and reach out for help before you begin to feel overwhelmed. If symptoms have already set in, take time to yourself and focus on self-care. Prioritizing things that make you happy are key in escaping the feelings of loneliness and isolation that are all too frequently associated with the winter months. Focus on eating well, exercising, and staying mentally stimulated. Most importantly, be gentle with yourself and remember that, even if the holidays didn’t go as planned, you are still a great mother.
If you are a new mom and worried about how you are feeling, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Contact the North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center at (516) 626-1971 to get the necessary support you need.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Dec 28, 2023 | Ask The Guidance Center Experts, Blog
In this monthly column, therapists from North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center answer your questions on issues related to parenting, mental health and children’s well-being. To submit a question, email communications@northshorechildguidance.org.
Question: With the New Year approaching, my daughter comes home from school every day with a different resolution she declares she wants to stick to. I love that she has goals she wants to accomplish, but I want to make sure she isn’t overwhelming herself with too many expectations. How can I help her manage her long list of New Year’s Resolutions, and support her in sticking to the ones she finds important?
-Realizing Realistic Resolutions
Dear Realizing Realistic Resolutions,
As we approach the New Year, many of us are familiar with the enthusiasm our children bring home, declaring a myriad of resolutions they want to accomplish when the clock strikes midnight. It isn’t uncommon for children to overload themselves with things they would like to achieve, widely ranging from eating healthy to becoming the President. Kids need to feel a sense of mastery, and having an abundance of resolutions may make that difficult.
Support is integral in helping kids stay committed to their resolutions. It’s important to begin the conversation by expressing how proud you are of her desire to make choices that will positively impact her and foster an environment of open communication on her journey. Sit down with your child and go over the list together, picking out one or two objectives that are particularly meaningful and realistically achievable. Work together to create a reasonable timeline and break down the goals into smaller, actionable steps. Be sure to celebrate the progress along the way, making the experience enjoyable and enriching for your family. Does she want to be at the top of her class this year? Explain how often she’ll have to study to make that happen and celebrate every A on a test she brings home.
Watch out for signs that your child is overwhelmed, stressed, or frustrated. If she is falling short of her goals and expresses feelings of inadequacy, it’s essential to reassess the situation. This should be an enjoyable experience, so remind your daughter that setbacks are a natural part of growth, and that she can always adjust her resolutions to become more manageable. Always prioritize progress over perfection!
Lastly, encourage making positive changes all year long, not just on New Year’s Day. There is never a bad time to start a goal, and pushing it off until January 1st can make the task more daunting. This goes for adults, too! How often do you wait until the new year to get back into the gym instead of signing up for the membership then and there? New Year’s resolutions can be a great source of motivation, but remember that it’s up to you to make a change in your life, not a date on the calendar.
As the preeminent not-for-profit children’s mental health agency on Long Island, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is dedicated to restoring and strengthening the emotional well-being of children (from birth – age 24) and their families. For 70 years, the Guidance Center has been a place of hope and healing, providing innovative and compassionate treatment to all who enter our doors, regardless of their ability to pay. For more information about the Guidance Center, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 626-1971.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Dec 26, 2023 | Blog
It’s the most wonderful time of the year, meant to give us the opportunity to reflect on family, tradition, resolutions and… budgets. The holiday season is characterized primarily by wish lists and last-minute shopping, straying further away from the interconnectedness we all aim for during the winter holidays. When every advertisement is aimed towards getting our children the hottest new toy, kids are led to wonder less about what family members they’ll be seeing and focus more on which presents they’ll be receiving. How do we break out of this cycle? By teaching our kids the gift of gratitude.
Give to the community
Encouraging children to give back to the less fortunate members of their community can allow them to appreciate their privileges more. Suggest that, instead of asking for a toy or game, they put the money towards helping other children. Volunteering at a soup kitchen during the holidays is a great way to bond with your family while connecting to the community. Sit down with your children and figure out what causes they find meaningful, whether it be mental health, fighting hunger, supporting animal shelters, or anything in between. A collaborative conversation with the whole family will show your children the value of a dollar and allow them to realize that the best present isn’t receiving, but giving.
Watch out for overconsumption
Thanks to the advent of two-day shipping and online-only deals, shopping couldn’t be more convenient. This often leads to making purchases on things we have no real need for, simply because it’s accessible. When children see packages arriving on the doorstep multiple times a week, they learn to view spending money on material items as inconsequential and commonplace, even learning to expect new items on a regular basis.
It can be tempting to spoil your children, especially during the holidays. While there’s nothing wrong with showing love through treats and toys, try to avoid getting everything on their wish lists. Instead, begin to teach your child financial literacy and help them determine the difference between gifts that are wants and needs.
In order to keep overconsumption in the household in check during the holidays, it’s important to show kids how to decide if you really need something before purchasing it. Adopt the one in, one out method: if your child asks for a new toy or video game, explain that in order to make room for a new item, another item will get donated to charity. If they aren’t willing to part with any of their old toys or clothes, they probably don’t need something new.
Write thank you letters
Writing thank you letters during the holidays is a great way to practice gratitude. Whether addressing them to family, friends, teachers, or bus drivers, a handwritten letter is a touching way to show your love and appreciation for a person. In a fast-paced world, writing letters is a personal way to teach children to slow down and reflect on all the support and generosity they are given in their day-to-day lives.
Teaching your child the gift of gratitude is an invaluable lesson that will strengthen their relationships with family, community, and themselves for the rest of their lives. As they grow to place less of a value on receiving presents and more on spreading joy and generosity, children and families will be able to appreciate the holiday season in a rewarding and fulfilling way.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Dec 15, 2023 | Blog
The holiday season is often characterized by joy, festivities, and the warmth of family gatherings. However, for those in the role of caretaker to a loved one living with addiction, this time of year brings unique challenges that can be hard to navigate. While others celebrate, caregivers find themselves grappling with the dynamics of addiction, looking to foster compassion and hope during a time that can be trying for both the person in recovery and those aiding in their journey. As difficult as it can be, there are things you can do to make the holidays easier on you and your family.
Lessen the importance of alcohol at your function
Binge drinking is a common occurrence during any major holiday, as it’s easy to let things get out of control during a celebration. If someone with addictive behaviors is attending your function, try to de-emphasize the importance of alcohol. For some, this may mean not offering any alcoholic beverages throughout the night. For others, a variety of mocktails alongside the wine selection will make your loved one feel included without being too tempted to compromise their progress.
Keep to your usual routine
Though it can be tricky to upkeep during the holidays, a structured routine is vital when caregiving for a person struggling with addiction. Sticking to a schedule can lessen the feeling of being out of control during the holiday season, reinforcing a sense of normalcy.
Things like holiday traveling, shopping, and cooking can throw off set schedules. Make life easier on yourself and your loved one by setting alarms, meal-prepping, and choosing to stay local for the holidays.
Manage triggers and anxiety
Whether your loved one is in active addiction or recovery, it is important to understand things that trigger them in order to make family gatherings successful. 1 in 5 people with anxiety report turning to alcohol or substance use in order to cope with stress, so attempting to reduce any major triggers is key in staying on track.
Open communication is integral when managing stressors of any kind, so don’t be afraid to have hard conversations during the holidays. You may want to talk with other family members about conversation topics that are off-limits. Perhaps questions about job hunting or romantic partners are sources of anxiety for the person struggling with addiction; suggest that these inquiries are directed at others or avoided altogether.
Take care of yourself first
When caregiving for someone struggling with addiction, it’s natural to want to devote all your energy towards aiding in their recovery. However, neglecting your own needs will inevitably lead to burnout and exhaustion, impacting your ability to offer effective help to your loved one. Taking care of yourself first involves setting boundaries, both emotional and physical, to protect your mental health. Ensure you make time for self-care activities, whether it’s engaging in hobbies, seeking support from friends and family, or just taking short breaks to recharge. Remember that you are allowed to enjoy the holidays, even if a person close to you is struggling. You are not responsible for the actions of the addicted person, and it is not your problem to fix alone.
Addiction is a challenging journey, and you can only offer meaningful help when you are in a stable and healthy state yourself. In prioritizing your well-being, you position yourself to be a more resilient and supportive caregiver in the long run.
Always remember
The holiday season can be an especially challenging time for those in the role of caregiver for individuals struggling with addiction. The demands of the holidays, coupled with the complexities of managing another’s substance abuse, can create a unique set of stressors. By fostering open communication, setting boundaries, and maintaining routines, caregivers can navigate the holiday season with resilience and provide the vital support your loved ones need.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Dec 8, 2023 | Blog
By Guest Blogger Colleen Stewart
Being a parent is tons of work, so it can be easy to get overwhelmed. After all, there is a seemingly never-ending list of things to do with limited hours in a day. Thankfully, there are many cost-effective ways to stay organized as a parent, even if you have multiple kids, work full-time, and struggle to keep your home neat and tidy.
The Importance of Staying Organized
Keeping your home clean can help reduce stress and strain in many ways. According to Hope Mental Health, clutter makes you focus on things that aren’t important, taking attention away from where it’s most needed. Being disorganized can greatly reduce productivity, and we all know how it feels to get so far behind that we don’t know what the next step should be.
Tips On Staying Organized
Go Digital
Keeping digital copies of medical, school, and other records can be a lifesaver for parents. Saving these documents as PDFs makes it easier to send them to anyone who needs access to your children’s histories, such as doctors’ offices and schools. PDFs can be viewed on any device and don’t require a special operating system. There are many free PDF tools online that allow you to edit, sort, rotate, and convert your documents.
Create a Family Command Center
A family command center is a space where everyone in the house can check to find out what they have to do for the week. It could be in physical form, such as a wall calendar or bulletin board, or you could utilize your smart technology to create a list for everyone in your home.
Purge the Unnecessary
Clutter is a major cause of stress, and the best way to get rid of clutter is to donate or sell things that you no longer need. These items can be given a new life in another family, and they won’t take up space and collect dust on your shelves. The Zebra Blog offers a list of worthwhile charities to consider.
Save Time Using Meal Planning and Bulk Buying
Meal planning and bulk buying groceries are effective strategies for parents to maintain organization in their busy lives. By planning meals in advance, parents can streamline their grocery shopping, ensuring they buy only what is necessary, thus reducing waste and saving time. Bulk buying frequently used items minimizes the need for frequent shopping trips, allowing for better management of time and resources. This approach also aids in budget control, as buying in bulk often comes with savings. Furthermore, meal planning ensures a balanced diet for the family, reducing the stress of last-minute meal decisions and promoting healthier eating habits.
Other Tips
● Be creative. There is no hard and fast set of rules when it comes to being organized. The most important thing is to find a system that works for you and your family. Come up with solutions that fit your lifestyle and budget.
● Change things up. If you find that an organizational system doesn’t work, don’t be shy about changing things up. It’s okay to change course and try something new!
● Streamline your morning routine. If you have kids, your morning routine is likely hectic. By streamlining things, mornings will become that much easier for everyone in the house. Consider using a closet hanging organizer to put several days’ worth of outfits together, so that no one ever has to wonder what they’re going to wear to school, packing lunches the night before, and having backpacks set out at the front door.
Being a parent on a budget means you have to get creative in all aspects of life, and being organized is no exception. Today’s tips, from digitizing your documents to purging your home of clutter, can all help you reduce the stress caused by disorganization.
