by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Dec 26, 2023 | Blog
It’s the most wonderful time of the year, meant to give us the opportunity to reflect on family, tradition, resolutions and… budgets. The holiday season is characterized primarily by wish lists and last-minute shopping, straying further away from the interconnectedness we all aim for during the winter holidays. When every advertisement is aimed towards getting our children the hottest new toy, kids are led to wonder less about what family members they’ll be seeing and focus more on which presents they’ll be receiving. How do we break out of this cycle? By teaching our kids the gift of gratitude.
Give to the community
Encouraging children to give back to the less fortunate members of their community can allow them to appreciate their privileges more. Suggest that, instead of asking for a toy or game, they put the money towards helping other children. Volunteering at a soup kitchen during the holidays is a great way to bond with your family while connecting to the community. Sit down with your children and figure out what causes they find meaningful, whether it be mental health, fighting hunger, supporting animal shelters, or anything in between. A collaborative conversation with the whole family will show your children the value of a dollar and allow them to realize that the best present isn’t receiving, but giving.
Watch out for overconsumption
Thanks to the advent of two-day shipping and online-only deals, shopping couldn’t be more convenient. This often leads to making purchases on things we have no real need for, simply because it’s accessible. When children see packages arriving on the doorstep multiple times a week, they learn to view spending money on material items as inconsequential and commonplace, even learning to expect new items on a regular basis.
It can be tempting to spoil your children, especially during the holidays. While there’s nothing wrong with showing love through treats and toys, try to avoid getting everything on their wish lists. Instead, begin to teach your child financial literacy and help them determine the difference between gifts that are wants and needs.
In order to keep overconsumption in the household in check during the holidays, it’s important to show kids how to decide if you really need something before purchasing it. Adopt the one in, one out method: if your child asks for a new toy or video game, explain that in order to make room for a new item, another item will get donated to charity. If they aren’t willing to part with any of their old toys or clothes, they probably don’t need something new.
Write thank you letters
Writing thank you letters during the holidays is a great way to practice gratitude. Whether addressing them to family, friends, teachers, or bus drivers, a handwritten letter is a touching way to show your love and appreciation for a person. In a fast-paced world, writing letters is a personal way to teach children to slow down and reflect on all the support and generosity they are given in their day-to-day lives.
Teaching your child the gift of gratitude is an invaluable lesson that will strengthen their relationships with family, community, and themselves for the rest of their lives. As they grow to place less of a value on receiving presents and more on spreading joy and generosity, children and families will be able to appreciate the holiday season in a rewarding and fulfilling way.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Dec 15, 2023 | Blog
The holiday season is often characterized by joy, festivities, and the warmth of family gatherings. However, for those in the role of caretaker to a loved one living with addiction, this time of year brings unique challenges that can be hard to navigate. While others celebrate, caregivers find themselves grappling with the dynamics of addiction, looking to foster compassion and hope during a time that can be trying for both the person in recovery and those aiding in their journey. As difficult as it can be, there are things you can do to make the holidays easier on you and your family.
Lessen the importance of alcohol at your function
Binge drinking is a common occurrence during any major holiday, as it’s easy to let things get out of control during a celebration. If someone with addictive behaviors is attending your function, try to de-emphasize the importance of alcohol. For some, this may mean not offering any alcoholic beverages throughout the night. For others, a variety of mocktails alongside the wine selection will make your loved one feel included without being too tempted to compromise their progress.
Keep to your usual routine
Though it can be tricky to upkeep during the holidays, a structured routine is vital when caregiving for a person struggling with addiction. Sticking to a schedule can lessen the feeling of being out of control during the holiday season, reinforcing a sense of normalcy.
Things like holiday traveling, shopping, and cooking can throw off set schedules. Make life easier on yourself and your loved one by setting alarms, meal-prepping, and choosing to stay local for the holidays.
Manage triggers and anxiety
Whether your loved one is in active addiction or recovery, it is important to understand things that trigger them in order to make family gatherings successful. 1 in 5 people with anxiety report turning to alcohol or substance use in order to cope with stress, so attempting to reduce any major triggers is key in staying on track.
Open communication is integral when managing stressors of any kind, so don’t be afraid to have hard conversations during the holidays. You may want to talk with other family members about conversation topics that are off-limits. Perhaps questions about job hunting or romantic partners are sources of anxiety for the person struggling with addiction; suggest that these inquiries are directed at others or avoided altogether.
Take care of yourself first
When caregiving for someone struggling with addiction, it’s natural to want to devote all your energy towards aiding in their recovery. However, neglecting your own needs will inevitably lead to burnout and exhaustion, impacting your ability to offer effective help to your loved one. Taking care of yourself first involves setting boundaries, both emotional and physical, to protect your mental health. Ensure you make time for self-care activities, whether it’s engaging in hobbies, seeking support from friends and family, or just taking short breaks to recharge. Remember that you are allowed to enjoy the holidays, even if a person close to you is struggling. You are not responsible for the actions of the addicted person, and it is not your problem to fix alone.
Addiction is a challenging journey, and you can only offer meaningful help when you are in a stable and healthy state yourself. In prioritizing your well-being, you position yourself to be a more resilient and supportive caregiver in the long run.
Always remember
The holiday season can be an especially challenging time for those in the role of caregiver for individuals struggling with addiction. The demands of the holidays, coupled with the complexities of managing another’s substance abuse, can create a unique set of stressors. By fostering open communication, setting boundaries, and maintaining routines, caregivers can navigate the holiday season with resilience and provide the vital support your loved ones need.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Dec 8, 2023 | Blog
By Guest Blogger Colleen Stewart
Being a parent is tons of work, so it can be easy to get overwhelmed. After all, there is a seemingly never-ending list of things to do with limited hours in a day. Thankfully, there are many cost-effective ways to stay organized as a parent, even if you have multiple kids, work full-time, and struggle to keep your home neat and tidy.
The Importance of Staying Organized
Keeping your home clean can help reduce stress and strain in many ways. According to Hope Mental Health, clutter makes you focus on things that aren’t important, taking attention away from where it’s most needed. Being disorganized can greatly reduce productivity, and we all know how it feels to get so far behind that we don’t know what the next step should be.
Tips On Staying Organized
Go Digital
Keeping digital copies of medical, school, and other records can be a lifesaver for parents. Saving these documents as PDFs makes it easier to send them to anyone who needs access to your children’s histories, such as doctors’ offices and schools. PDFs can be viewed on any device and don’t require a special operating system. There are many free PDF tools online that allow you to edit, sort, rotate, and convert your documents.
Create a Family Command Center
A family command center is a space where everyone in the house can check to find out what they have to do for the week. It could be in physical form, such as a wall calendar or bulletin board, or you could utilize your smart technology to create a list for everyone in your home.
Purge the Unnecessary
Clutter is a major cause of stress, and the best way to get rid of clutter is to donate or sell things that you no longer need. These items can be given a new life in another family, and they won’t take up space and collect dust on your shelves. The Zebra Blog offers a list of worthwhile charities to consider.
Save Time Using Meal Planning and Bulk Buying
Meal planning and bulk buying groceries are effective strategies for parents to maintain organization in their busy lives. By planning meals in advance, parents can streamline their grocery shopping, ensuring they buy only what is necessary, thus reducing waste and saving time. Bulk buying frequently used items minimizes the need for frequent shopping trips, allowing for better management of time and resources. This approach also aids in budget control, as buying in bulk often comes with savings. Furthermore, meal planning ensures a balanced diet for the family, reducing the stress of last-minute meal decisions and promoting healthier eating habits.
Other Tips
● Be creative. There is no hard and fast set of rules when it comes to being organized. The most important thing is to find a system that works for you and your family. Come up with solutions that fit your lifestyle and budget.
● Change things up. If you find that an organizational system doesn’t work, don’t be shy about changing things up. It’s okay to change course and try something new!
● Streamline your morning routine. If you have kids, your morning routine is likely hectic. By streamlining things, mornings will become that much easier for everyone in the house. Consider using a closet hanging organizer to put several days’ worth of outfits together, so that no one ever has to wonder what they’re going to wear to school, packing lunches the night before, and having backpacks set out at the front door.
Being a parent on a budget means you have to get creative in all aspects of life, and being organized is no exception. Today’s tips, from digitizing your documents to purging your home of clutter, can all help you reduce the stress caused by disorganization.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Dec 3, 2023 | In The Media, Press Releases
Published in Port Washington News on November 15, 2023
It was a night to remember at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center’s 70th Anniversary Celebration in 70s Style, held on October 26, 2023 at North Hempstead Country Club. The event raised over $230,000 to support the Guidance Center, Long Island’s premier nonprofit children’s mental health organization.
The evening’s music was provided by Peat Moss and the Fertilizers, who filled the air with a variety of disco and boogie hits from the 70s, staying true to the event’s theme and keeping guests on the dance floor throughout the night.
Carol Bottiglieri, the mother of a long-time Guidance Center client shared an emotional account of her son’s struggle with depression, anxiety, and substance use. “Without North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, our family would be broken today,” she shared with the audience. “Because of the therapy and support given to us by the Guidance Center, we remain a strong, united family, continuing to help my son achieve a healthy, happy, independent life.” Carol’s story brought guests to tears and received a standing ovation.
Guidance Center Executive Director/CEO Kathy Rivera proudly honored the rich history of the organization she now leads, which spans seven decades. “I stand on the shoulders of giants and would not be speaking to you all tonight without their invaluable contributions.” she said of her predecessors. “The reason we have been able to bring hope and healing to the community for 70 years is thanks to them, and to all of you who support our mission.”
Rivera also thanked the night’s emcee, Crystal Cranmore of Channel 7 Eyewitness News, as well as the sponsors and underwriters of the event: the Klipper Family Foundation; Americana Manhasset, the Jane & Martin Schwartz Family Foundation; the Jack & Dorothy Kupferberg Family Foundation; Maureen & John Ferrari; Andrea & Michael Leeds; and WABC.
Guidance Center Board President Alexis Siegel acknowledged the sad tragedies occurring throughout the world and thanked the Guidance Center for helping members of the community receive the emotional support needed. “Though we can’t change the atrocities that are happening around us, we do have a say in how we choose to respond,” she said. “The Center is a lifeline to so many families struggling to find peace and a way forward through the darkness.”
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Dec 3, 2023 | In The Media, Newsday
By Tiffany Cusaac-Smith, Published in Newsday, October 21, 2023
After giving birth to her son in March, Justine Hofsiss lay in the fetal position on a couch at her Franklin Square home unable to function.
Ringing in her ears, heart palpitations, sweating, shaking — those were among the symptoms she shared with her best friend, a nurse, who tried to provide remedies until realizing the salve might be mental health treatment.
“It was a very scary, very overwhelming time in my life, where I felt like I had no control of my body whatsoever,” said the mother of two who had already eschewed driving because of her emotions.
With a referral from the friend, Hofsiss in April turned to the North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, crying in an intake call but finally hearing a voice to help make sense of her feelings after a traumatic birth and pregnancy.
“I hung up the phone and just cried because I’m like, ‘OK, this isn’t going to be forever. I’m going to be OK. I’m gonna get help,’” she said.
The North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center’s maternal health and wellness program is among a handful of places on Long Island working to treat pregnant people and those who have recently given birth for mental health issues such as anxiety or perinatal depression, which is common but can impact a woman’s ability to function — and even be life-threatening.
Roughly one in eight women in the United States said they experienced symptoms of postpartum depression since the birth of their babies, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Mental health conditions are the leading cause of pregnancy-related deaths, the CDC said, citing data from 2017 to 2019. That figure includes suicides and overdoses related to substance use.
In New York, mental health issues made up 15% of pregnancy-related deaths in 2018, or the third-leading cause, the state Department of Health said.
The overall number of women in the state who asked for help for depression after giving birth has steadily increased from 2017 to 2020, moving from 7.7% to 11.3%, the Department of Health said.
Meanwhile, the number of women who said a health care provider had asked them about depression symptoms at a postpartum visit moved from 76.1% in 2016 to 82.4% in 2020, the DOH said.
Childbearing is often perceived as a joyous moment, but it is also a moment of immense physical and emotional change that can leave people in anguish, experts say.
“The expectation is this should be such a wonderful point in your life,” said Dr. Sue Cohen, clinical psychologist and a clinical director at the center.
She later added: “Everyone, maybe their parents say to them, ‘Oh, you should feel so grateful you have a healthy child,’ but they’re not feeling it.”
Barriers to getting mental health care
And while in the throes of mental health ailments, many women also face barriers to getting care, including the stigma of such illness and long waits to see providers, said Dr. Brittain Mahaffey, a licensed clinical psychologist and director of the Dialectical Behavior Therapy at Stony Brook Medicine.
In addition, some psychiatrists will not prescribe medication to people who are pregnant or breastfeeding out of fear of harming the child. Other times, women will forgo their prescriptions while pregnant.
The North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center maternal program seeks to be a bridge for women seeking care, taking referrals from OB/GYNs, pediatricians and word-of-mouth.
They then do a screening call to ensure the women don’t need to be taken to a hospital. Within a week of that call, the parent is seen.
“We treat it like an emergency because these moms are at risk, and the babies could be at risk,” said Cohen, later noting: “We need to make sure everyone’s safe.”
Cohen said many of the program’s clients have had a traumatic birthing experience. A depressive or anxious history is sometimes the case.
The patients go into individual therapy or with a partner. A staff psychiatrist works to provide care for women who are pregnant or have just given birth. Parents can bring their children if they come in for visits, as evidenced by the toys and children’s artwork in the offices.
The sessions usually take place over a year but can last longer.
“Some women just need a little support to get through this period and you know, are grateful that they’ve gotten this, and they can go back to their level of functioning,” Cohen said.
Anxiety after difficult delivery
While pregnant with her son, Hofsiss was hospitalized multiple times because her blood pressure spiked. During delivery, the baby’s heart rate dipped, and she was given oxygen.
After the birth, she stayed in the hospital for a week — away from her daughter, 5, and unable to adjust to everyday life.
“I had a full-blown anxiety attack because I was afraid that my blood pressure was not going to get better. It was constantly going to be high. I was never going to go home. We have this new baby now, we need to get adjusted. And my anxiety just got bigger and bigger.”
She reached out to the North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, where she was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety.
There, she met a therapist who gave her strategies to promote her care and mindfulness. One of the tools that she holds close is the idea of kintsugi. The Japanese technique mends broken pieces of pottery but still shows the seams, demonstrating both beauty, imperfections and endurance.
“It’s a different version of what you were, but it’s going to be a better version. And it’s OK that it’s different than what you were used to,” said Hofsiss, who is also on medication.
Mahaffey said the stress that mothers experience before they become a parent is one of the most important predictors of depression and anxiety.
Young parents may have more stress because of financial difficulties and mothers who have had a traumatic pregnancy could be also more prone to anxiety.
“I want people to know that mental health problems don’t just magically start in the postpartum; it usually starts during pregnancy and then worsens into the postpartum,” she said.
Depression deepens during pregnancy
After struggling to get pregnant, Dhipinder Walia said she felt “embarrassed” when depression crept back up while she was pregnant.
“I always just sort of felt like something was wrong with me because it is something I was asking for. So why, why couldn’t I just figure it out?”
Walia, 35, of Lynbrook, eventually told her OB/GYN that she was depressed, only for her to be given providers who had a long waiting list.
Meanwhile, she said, her feelings of depression were stronger and deeper than when she was a teen and in her 20s.
“Whereas before I just felt like I was unable to, like, find joy in things and like, I just needed help and getting there,” she said. But this time, “it was like, physical and mental pain.”
She got mental health care only after her child was born, after she mentioned her feelings to the child’s pediatrician, who called a social worker and put her in contact with the program.
Once in therapy, Walia said she learned how not to lean into distorted thoughts or how to set herself up for a good cry when she was feeling weepy.
By 18 months into therapy, she had better structures in place, aiding her overall health and giving her a clearer sense of her purpose.
“My purpose is to, you know, be a good mom and to support folks who need support,” she said. “But, I also feel like I’ve gained a lot of confidence and … understanding — all these abilities that I didn’t ever think I could have.”
