by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Mar 20, 2020 | Blog, COVID-19
By Jennifer Pearlman, LMHC at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center
I keep waiting for this to end so I can tell my family and friends about this crazy, unrealistic movie I watched about the entire world shutting down over a contagious virus called COVID-19. And then I must remind myself that this is not a movie, it is the current reality of the entire world.
Everyone is now in a scramble, trying to adjust to the “new normal.” We are all being severely impacted by this pandemic in very real, serious ways. Loss of life, loss of jobs, loss of stability and security, loss of education, loss of business, loss of human contact and socialization and loss of control. That is a lot of loss.
While many people are making sure to take care of their physical needs (washing their hands, stocking up on food, social distancing, etc.), we need to take care of our emotional needs as well. We are in completely unchartered territory and, in a matter of days, we have gone into a state of complete uncertainty, fear and unpredictability. There is an understandable and palpable increase in people’s feelings of anxiety and depression.
The question is, how do we make sure to address our emotional needs during this crisis? Often, we go into “autopilot” mode and focus on taking care of everyone else’s needs, but we manage to let our own needs fall to the wayside. As therapists, we feel this need to take care of everyone else’s anxiety and panic, to help others through this crisis. We are wired to help people.
The anxiety and panic that people are experiencing is so real and so palpable. We have no idea how things will play out. Many of our clients are reaching out for help. Many parents are at a loss as to what to tell their children, or how to help their kids when their own anxiety levels are through the roof.
As therapists, it is imperative that we remember that in order to be able to take care of others, we must take care of ourselves as well. I’ve had so many fellow therapists reach out asking how they are supposed to help their clients through this crisis, when they themselves are falling apart and barely functioning. I am going to give a couple of suggestions that I have personally found extremely helpful.
1. NORMALIZE YOUR OWN ANXIETY: You are not superhuman and it is COMPLETELY NORMAL to be feeling a tremendous amount of anxiety over the change, uncertainty and fear surrounding this new pandemic. Trying to “get over it” or minimizing your anxiety is only going to make it worse. Think of what you would tell your clients. Just as you would validate your clients’ anxieties surrounding what is going on, make sure you are validating your own anxiety as well.
2. IDENTIFY TRIGGERS AND LIMIT THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE: The news media and social media are two of the biggest triggers that have been raising people’s anxiety, panic and hysteria. While it is important to stay up to date and know what is going on (mandatory quarantines, shutdowns, school closures and more) it is not necessary to incessantly check every single update and every new confirmed case of the Coronavirus. When the news puts up videos of empty shelves in grocery stores, it leads people to a complete state of panic where they feel the need to rush out and stock up on inordinate amounts of food. There is a lot of misinformation out there, especially being posted on social media. If you are easily triggered by these things, please do yourself a favor and limit or take a break from it for as long as you need. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that certain things are just not working for us. In fact, it can be extremely empowering and brave. Watching all these reports and seeing the barrage of messages posted on social media can be very detrimental to our mental health, and it is not productive.
3. SELF-CARE: I cannot stress this enough. Self-care is like oxygen during a time like this. We need it to survive. You may have to get a little bit creative in thinking about how to go about that (with everyone home and in tight quarters), but there are plenty of things to do that don’t involve going out to the spa and getting a massage. You can read for 30 minutes with a hot chocolate and your feet up on your couch; you can go run around the block for a jog; you can take a bubble bath and listen to relaxing music; you can Facetime a friend and just talk; you can watch your favorite movie…. Figure out what works for you and make sure to set aside some time to do it, daily!
4. FOCUS ON THE THINGS THAT ARE IN YOUR CONTROL: While there are many things that are completely out of our control, which has contributed to the fear a lot of us are feeling, there are still things that are very much in our control, and it is extremely helpful to put our energy and focus on that. We can control how much time we spend reading the news and going on social media; how we choose to use our time; how we take care of ourselves and our families; our perspective; and our attitude and behavior.
5. RADICAL ACCEPTANCE: ACCEPTING THE THINGS THAT WE CANNOT CHANGE. While difficult to achieve, this can be very liberating. We spend so much time and energy on things that are way beyond our control, which generally only increases our feelings of fear, anger and sadness. By fully accepting the way things are, we are not discounting our feelings around what is going on; we are simply acknowledging that it is beyond our control.
6. THERE IS NO ONE WAY TO GRIEVE: A close friend of mine suddenly and tragically lost a very close relative of hers. I remember going over there that night and, while there wasn’t much I could say other than just hug her and cry with her, I remember the one thing I told her family. There is no one way to grieve. Everyone has different responses to trauma and grief, and we need to accept where people are in the process. The same is true for what is going on now. There is no one way to handle a crisis. Everyone needs to figure out what works for them, and we need to be tolerant and accept people’s responses, even when they vary greatly from ours. Some people will need to talk about it a lot, while others prefer not to. Some will choose to self-quarantine out of precaution, others will choose not to. There is no one right way. Remember that. Don’t impose your opinions and beliefs on others, just be there to support each other through this really hard time. We are all in this together.
7. BE PREPARED, NOT PANICKED: There is a big difference between taking precautions and being prepared and being panicked. Panicked is going out and buying 12 years’ worth of toilet paper. Being prepared is having enough supplies in the house in case there is a mandatory lockdown or quarantine for 14 days. The panic and mass hysteria are what leads to people feeling the need to hoard items and food so there is a complete shortage of certain supplies, further increasing the panic and hysteria. Take precautions. Prepare but try not to panic.
8. STRUCTURE: Even if you are in quarantine, it can be extremely helpful to add structure to your day. Wake up, get dressed, take a walk outside, do an exercise video, get work done on the computer, make lunch….create a routine for yourself that works and try to stick to it as much as you possibly can.
9. SOCIAL DISTANCING DOESN’T MEAN SOCIAL ISOLATION: Just because we need to physically distance ourselves from others doesn’t mean we need to isolate. Pick up the phone and reach out to family and friends. FaceTime those who are close to you. It can be extremely lonely to be at home and not be able to go out. Make sure to reach out and find other ways to connect to people.
10. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME: Don’t start thinking eight months down the road and catastrophizing that your kids are never going back to school. Focus on putting one foot in front of another and taking one day at a time. You just need to get through today, and you will worry about tomorrow tomorrow. Mindfulness and meditation can be a really helpful way to train yourself to stay focused on the present moment. There are many apps available that can help you with this.
11. REACH OUT FOR HELP IF YOU NEED: There is no shame in acknowledging you need help. Almost all therapists and agencies are now offering Telehealth, so you don’t need to leave your home to get the support.
While these are extremely trying and scary times for everyone, this is going to pass. It may take some time, but we have survived pandemics in the past and we will survive this one as well. We are all in this together. Sending lots of love and support everyone’s way.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Mar 16, 2020 | Press Releases
Roslyn Heights, NY, March 2, 2020— More than 50 fans of Jeopardy and Trivial Pursuit had a terrific night as North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center hosted its second annual Trivia Night on February 27th at Gino’s Trattoria and Pizzeria of New Hyde Park.
The fun-filled fundraiser featured unlimited wine, beer, soft drinks and appetizers, along with trivia from movies, music, sports and more. Most importantly, it helped support the Guidance Center’s many programs to help kids and teens with issues such as depression, anxiety and substance use disorder.
Jeff Greenblatt, Assistant Counsel Regulatory at PSEG Long Island and co-chair of Trivia Night, was excited to play a role in the event. “Long Island is a special place,” said the Roslyn resident. “It’s where I grew up, work and raise my family. I always feel good anytime I’m able to give back to the local community. That’s why it’s such an easy decision to support an agency like the Guidance Center now and in the future.”
The event’s other co-chair, Syosset’s Josh Brookstein, Partner at Sahn Ward Coschignano PLLC, said the Trivia Night fundraiser was a terrific way to have a great time while supporting the lifesaving work of the Guidance Center: “Whether it is providing youngsters with a safe place to play while their grown-ups deal with contentious matters in Nassau County Family Court, or it is providing critical early childhood and mental health care, the Guidance Center is dedicated to restoring and strengthening the well-being of all children and their families.”
Guidance Center Board President Paul Vitale, who spoke at the event, thanked the co-chairs, attendees and event sponsors Anton Media, DG Capital, PSEG Long Island and Sahn Ward Coschignano. “Jeff and Josh did a wonderful job bringing their many friends and colleagues out to have loads of fun in a friendly and spirited competition,” said Vitale. “We are so grateful to everyone who came out to support the Guidance Center’s lifesaving work.”
The annual event will be held again next year in February and is open to the public.
About Us:
As the preeminent not-for-profit children’s mental health agency on Long Island, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is dedicated to restoring and strengthening the emotional well-being of children (from birth – age 24) and their families. Our highly trained staff of psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, vocational rehabilitation counselors and other mental health professionals lead the way in diagnosis, treatment, prevention, training, parent education, research and advocacy. The Guidance Center helps children and families address issues such as depression and anxiety; developmental delays; bullying; teen pregnancy; sexual abuse; teen drug and alcohol abuse; and family crises stemming from illness, death, trauma and divorce. For more than 65 years, the Guidance Center has been a place of hope and healing, providing innovative and compassionate treatment to all who enter our doors, regardless of their ability to pay. For more information about the Guidance Center, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 626-1971.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Mar 16, 2020 | Blog
Back in the early 1950s, when the suburbs on Long Island were rapidly expanding, very few mental health services were available, especially for children. In many families, issues such as depression and anxiety weren’t spoken about openly. In fact, they were considered shameful.
But not everyone was ignoring the reality that young people needed help.
The vast majority of the founders of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center were women. In this National Women’s History Month, we’d like to celebrate some of those who were pioneers in recognizing the need for an agency such as ours on Long Island and turning the dream into a reality.
In 1952, Annabelle Bagdon and Beatrice Cohart began a research project looking at other guidance centers around the country and trying to identify possible financial backers for the creation of a guidance center here in Nassau County.
One year later Ruth Blank, who became the first president, attended a meeting that’s come to be known as the historic start of the “North Shore Child Guidance Association.”
With the help of others, these women reached out to the community to teach them about the agency in a report called “A Year of Work is Over.” The report went far in educating the community about the need for mental health services in the new suburban climate, fighting against the stereotype that mental health problems were confined only to the underprivileged or poor.
Fundraising was a difficult task, but this group of (mostly) women were determined. By 1956, they managed to raise $20,000 – worth a lot more in 1956 than today. Mae Addelson, who would later serve as president, led the membership drive.
On March 6, 1956, the Guidance Center opened on a part-time basis as the first independent community-supported mental health clinic in Nassau County, headquartered in Great Neck.
Bea Cohart was instrumental in the launch of the Guidance Center’s newsletter, called Guidelines, which still exists to this day.
Another leader was Doris Salzberg, a board member who served as the chairperson of the Art Festival, which began in 1956. Joan Salzman learned of the Guidance Center through this festival, and later went on to become president of the board.
Ruth Blank and Laura Kaplan are two other early Guidance Center women of distinction, starting the Community Conference, mental health workshops that were popular for more than 25 years.
Another hero: Nancy Marks, a devoted donor who brought famed anthropologist Margaret Mead to speak at an overflow crowd at the Great Neck South Junior High School in 1970.
In 1974, the Guidance Center named Marion S. Levine as its director. She served in this role through 2006, helping the Guidance Center become the preeminent children’s mental health organization on Long Island.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Mar 3, 2020 | Blog, COVID-19
It’s all over the news and social media. The coronavirus—in particular, COVID19—has people of all ages understandably concerned. When a director at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention tells the public to be prepared for a “significant disruption” of their routines, it certainly raises red flags.
But how do we make sure our children aren’t overwhelmed by fear of this disease?
First, some good news to help ease your mind: So far, it appears that the virus produces mild symptoms in children. It has been serious (and yes, even deadly), but people who have died have had significant underlying health issues.
Of course, we can’t be certain what will unfold as the virus continues to spread globally. With so much still unknown, it’s hard not to let the worry train go off the rails.
Whether you are barely concerned at all, extremely worried or somewhere in between, it’s crucial that you remain calm so that you don’t burden your children with unnecessary angst.
“As a parent, you need to be very careful not to put your fears and anxieties onto your child,” says Dr. Sue Cohen, Director of Early Childhood and Psychological Services at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center. “Even if you’re feeling very anxious, you don’t want to catastrophize.”
What you choose to tell your child depends in part on their age. “Give them information in amounts they can handle according to their developmental level,” says Dr. Cohen. “There’s no need to bombard them with the whole CDC report. They need bits of information that are easily understandable.”
It’s important to clarify any misconceptions they may have, she adds. “Ask your kids what they have heard about the virus, so you’ll understand where their fears are coming from. As is the case with any situation, let them know you are available to speak to them about any concerns they might have.”
Tips on Avoiding Viruses
Finally, share with them the best hygienic practices to prevent them from catching the virus, as well as a cold or any type of respiratory illness (see below). Says Dr. Cohen, “Be their role model when it comes to handwashing and other preventive measures.”
- Avoid close contact with people who are sick.
- Avoid touching your eyes, nose, and mouth.
- Stay home when you are sick.
- Cover your cough or sneeze with a tissue, then throw the tissue in the trash.
- Clean and disinfect frequently touched objects and surfaces using a regular household cleaning spray or wipe.
- Follow CDC’s recommendations for using a facemask.
- CDC does not recommend that people who are well wear a facemask to protect themselves from respiratory diseases, including COVID-19.
- Facemasks should be used by people who show symptoms of COVID-19 to help prevent the spread of the disease to others. The use of facemasks is also crucial for health workers and people who are taking care of someone in close settings (at home or in a health care facility).
- Wash your hands often with soap and water for at least 20 seconds, especially after going to the bathroom; before eating; and after blowing your nose, coughing or sneezing.
- If soap and water are not readily available, use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer with at least 60% alcohol. Always wash hands with soap and water if hands are visibly dirty.
Sources:
https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/coronavirus.html
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/about/prevention-treatment.html
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Feb 24, 2020 | Blog
Are you concerned that your adolescent may be prone to health problems as a result of being significantly overweight?
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the percentage of children and adolescents affected by obesity has more than tripled since the 1970s.
Today, nearly 1 in 5 school age U.S. children and young people (6 to 19 years) is considered obese. When you factor in those who are considered overweight but not yet obese, the figure rises to 31%.
Why the dramatic increase? Behavior and habits are the most likely culprits. According to Dr. Sue Cohen, Director of Early Childhood and Psychological Services at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, technology plays a big role.
“Many families have become sedentary, with TV, computers and videogames as the culprits,” she says. “And it’s not just the kids; parents, too, are often modeling these behaviors.”
Of course, shaming a child for being overweight is never appropriate. From a very early age, parents should nurture a positive body image with their kids, focusing on their bodies as the miracles they are!
But if your teen’s weight has become a health concern, you can address it in a loving, non-critical way.
Dr. Cohen recommends approaching the issue as a family topic rather than focusing on an individual child. “The message should be that we all need to eat healthier and we can all start a fitness program as a family,” she says. “You don’t want to make your child feel badly about themselves, so focusing on healthy eating and activity rather than appearance is extremely important.”
Here are some things to keep in mind when broaching the subject of weight with your children, from the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics:
Encourage open dialogue. Go ahead and talk with your children about weight and encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings about body image whenever they arise. When children discuss feelings about weight with you, be sure to listen and acknowledge that the feelings are real. If you have had similar experiences, it may help to share them. Explain that people come in all different shapes and sizes and you love your child no matter what.
Don’t make negative comments. Judging your own body or your child’s can result in lasting detrimental effects to your child’s body image and relationship with food. Set a good example for children in the way you talk about your own body as well as others. Skip the lure of fad dieting yourself.
Take action. Children learn fast, and they learn best by example. Teach children habits that will help keep them healthy for life. In general, if your child is elementary age or younger and you have some weight concerns, don’t talk about it; just start making lifestyle changes as a family. The best thing you can do is make it easy for kids to eat smart and move often. Serve regular, balanced family meals and snacks. Limit the time your child spends watching television or playing video games. Look for ways to spend fun, active time together.
Avoid the blame game. Never yell, scream, bribe, threaten or punish children about weight, food or physical activity. If you turn these issues into parent-child battlegrounds, the results can be harmful. Shame, blame and anger are setups for failure. The worse children feel about their weight, the more likely they are to overeat or develop an eating disorder.
Talk with your healthcare provider. If a health professional mentions a concern about your child’s weight, speak with the professional privately. Discuss specific concerns about your child’s growth pattern and ask for suggestions on making positive changes in your family’s eating habits and activity levels.
Seek advice. Check out local programs and professionals who specialize in youth. Look for a registered dietitian nutritionist with a specialty in pediatric weight management. Many hospitals and clinics have comprehensive programs with education and activities for both kids and adult family members. Some of these options may be covered by your health insurance plan.
Finding Healthy Foods
Are you among the Long Islanders whose location and/or financial issues make it difficult to access healthy, fresh foods? Many soup kitchens and food pantries don’t have a large supply of fresh groceries, but Community Solidarity shares nutritious food to those in need, with 50% of that being fresh produce. To find out more, visit communitysolidarity.org.
Sources:
www.cdc.gov/healthyschools/obesity/index.htm
www.eatright.org/health/weight-loss/overweight-and-obesity/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-weight-and-obesity
www.cdc.gov/healthyschools/obesity/facts.htm
www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/
