The law to require mental health education in New York schools is a good step [“LI Schools’ New Focus on Mental Health,” News, Nov. 28]. However, almost half of all children in the country with a mental health disorder did not receive necessary care from a mental health professional in 2016, according to the Journal of the American Medical Association.
We educate children to spot signs and symptoms and find resources – and then, in a cruel twist, many cannot access care.
Federal law requires insurers to treat mental health benefits the same as medical benefits, and to provide enrollees with timely access to a sufficient number of suitable mental health providers. This is known as network adequacy.
Too often, this does not happen, especially for middle-class and working-poor families, because health insurers pay substandard rates of reimbursement for the mental health care, thus depleting the networks. When families call for help, they are too often told, “I don’t accept your insurance.”
The health insurance industry does not comply with federal parity, and New York State does not adequately enforce the law. The state mandates mental health education in schools and lets the health insurance industry slide.
What do our kids learn? Once stigma is lifted, discrimination kicks in.
Andrew Malekoff, Long Beach
Editor’s note: The writer is executive director of North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center, a children’s mental health center in Roslyn Heights.
Do you think today’s kids are ungrateful? Entitled? Spoiled?
Well, in reality, that’s a complaint that adults have had since time immemorial. Young people today are probably no more or less grateful than they were a generation ago, or the generation before that, and so on.
But gratitude isn’t necessarily an inherent trait. As the classic song from South Pacific says, “You’ve got to be carefully taught.”
It’s important that we foster feelings of appreciation in children from the time they are very young. And, while saying “thank you” is a great start, there are many more ways to instill a sense of gratitude in your kids.
Here are 15 tips from Big Life Journal:
1. Say please and thank you.
Our manners show that we do not believe we are entitled to anything, and that in fact, we appreciate whatever comes our way.
2. Help someone less fortunate.
This could be your neighbor down the street, grandma or someone you know who is in a tough spot.
3. Volunteer.
Help out at a homeless shelter, soup kitchen or non-profit.
4. Look for awe-inspiring moments in your day.
If the sunset is particularly beautiful, comment on it. If the sound of the baby’s laughter warms your heart, tell your children. Encourage them to look for their awe-inspiring moments and share them with you.
5. Share your gratitude at bedtime.
Take five minutes at the end of the day to ask your child what he or she is thankful for that day.
6. Share your gratitude at the dinner table.
Take a moment at dinner time to share what you are thankful for. Go around the table, allowing each family member a chance to vocalize their gratitude.
7. Compliment others.
Encourage your children to do the same. Share the things you appreciate about another person.
8. Keep a gratitude journal.
This can be in any form that works best for your child’s age, skill level and desire. Some kids will want to spend time writing their thoughts down. Others may be more apt to express their gratitude through drawing or painting.
9. Give someone a gift.
Help your child earn the money and purchase the gift. Or make a gift together.
10. Always look for the positive.
Find something positive in frustrating situations and discuss it.
11. Practice turning complaints in to praises.
Coach your children to reword their complaint into something that they appreciate instead.
12. Create a gratitude jar.
Encourage your kids to add to it anytime they are feeling grateful for something or someone.
Nonprofits serve people in need and at this time of the year they are always looking for basic necessities, meals and gifts to give to those in need.
14. Take gratitude walks.
While you walk, look for the simple pleasures in the day, such as the warm sun or the birds singing and express appreciation for them. Use this time to ask your kids what they are grateful for.
15. Work through envy.
Help your child work through any feelings of jealousy he/she may have. Envy can come when we are not feeling thankful for what we have, and are focusing instead on what others have.
Misunderstanding and fear are common among people who have incorrect ideas about mental illness. The result: Young people suffering with mental health issues feel isolated, believing that there’s something innately wrong with them that can never change.
In 2018, public schools in New York State were mandated to begin educating students about mental health. Among the goals are to recognize when help is needed and to learn how to find help. This initiative was the result of long-overdue legislation signed by Governor Cuomo in 2016.
But offering instruction aimed at advancing emotional wellness and reducing stigma is not the norm everywhere. For example, trouble is brewing in a school system in Raleigh, North Carolina regarding a program that was initiated to support students’ emotional well-being.
A group of Raleigh parents who identify themselves as “Parents for the Protection of Students” hired an attorney to advocate for them against the school system’s use of “Community Circles” to build a sense of belonging and friendship.
I obtained a copy of the attorney’s letter, which was addressed to the Apex Middle School principal and which lays out the parents’ concerns. Although the school initiative in the Raleigh schools was not mental health instruction per se, it was, in essence, an effort to support the mental health of students.
Following is a portion of their attorney’s five-page letter:
“I represent PARENTS FOR THE PROTECTION OF STUDENTS, an unincorporated grassroots association of concerned Wake County parents who have been disturbed by recent actions taken by the Wake County Public School System.
“The specific concern addressed by this letter is a practice that has been instituted at Apex Middle School and perhaps other schools in the system as well – ‘the Circle’ . . . As described by our parents and their children, as well as the school’s own materials about the Circle, it is expressly intended to address ‘difficult emotions and difficult realities.’ Moreover, this activity effectively compels disclosure of highly sensitive and personal information from students, including the following [partial list]:
• What it means to “listen from and speak from the heart.” • Answering, “If you were a kind of weather today, what would it be?” • What it feels like to be “bullied.” • Talking about a “high point” and a “low point” in the student’s past week. • Describing “friendship” for the student. • Aspirations for who the student wishes to be. • Describing the student’s family. • Experiences of being “hurt” and “angry.”
“The program makes clear that its purpose is to ‘talk about [the student’s] feelings’ and furthermore that there is ‘no hiding behind a desk.’ These are not academic topics; they are topics for a group therapy session.
“Group therapy, like other forms of traditional psychological treatment and counseling, can bring great benefit to many people. But it is not within the purview of a school to conduct such treatment during the school day, without parental consent, and outside of the supervision of duly-trained and licensed psychological and counseling professionals. Therefore, we call for the immediate discontinuation of this activity.”
In researching the implementation of the Circle, what I discovered is that although school staff members were trained in implementing the Circle program, an important step was missed in planning these groups.
In my role as a licensed clinical social worker, I have worked with children and teenagers in groups since the early 1970s. I have written extensively on the subject, including the textbook, Group Work with Adolescents: Principles and Practice, now in its 3rd edition.
In the case of the Wake County School System, I believe parents are rightfully upset. From what I have been able to gather, the parents were not adequately informed about the Circle program or told that they had a choice to opt out.
Balancing the tenuous relationship among parent, child and school should be paramount when a program like the Circle is being considered. This requires foresight and careful attention, particularly before rolling out a program that is not academic in nature.
Forging a working alliance with parents of children who participate in mental health-oriented groups in a school system is essential. For a group-oriented mental health program like this to succeed in a school, this important element of planning cannot be overlooked.
Although it will require extra work to fully engage parents, in the end it will be worth the effort to implement a successful program and prevent the kind of fallout that the school system in Raleigh is now experiencing.
Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
Kids are under pressure more than ever—and at an earlier age—to get into the right school, get good grades and take part in a whole host of extracurricular activities. While none of this is bad in and of itself, what may get lost in the mix is how important it is for kids to enjoy learning—and also to create lasting bonds!
“We know from experience working with young children that reading together is a powerful bonding experience for parent and child,” says Andrew Malekoff, Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center. “Think about your own childhood, and you’ll likely have warm memories of cuddling up with a book and your mom or dad.”
While it’s easy to understand that reading aloud with your children will create loving connections and will also help them develop language and literacy skills, there’s more good news: Family reading time also helps decrease behaviors such as aggression, hyperactivity and difficulty with attention, according to a study by the New York University School of Medicine.
Reading is the centerpiece at the Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court, a Guidance Center program that offers a safe and enriching environment for children ages 6 weeks to 12 years while their families are conducting court business. Each child who comes to the program leaves with a new or gently used book to bring home.
In addition, as part of our Good Beginnings for Babies program, which provides support and education to your mothers at our Leeds Place location, we emphasize the importance of early reading to our clients.
“Positive social and emotional development is a huge benefit of family reading time,” says Malekoff, adding, “Parents should begin reading to children from infancy.”
November is designated as National Family Literacy Month, but reading to your child is something to enjoy every day of the year. Here are a few tips to help this become one of your favorite family traditions:
Set aside a little time for reading every day, even if it’s only for 15 minutes.
Go through both old and new books, and set some of your favorites around the house. They make cute decorations, and maybe one of the kids will pick one up and start reading!
Take regular trips to the library.
Read your child the book version of their favorite movie. If they can read on their own, encourage them to read it!
Start a book club with friends and family.
Participate in a book drive and donate old or used books you no longer need. This will help families in need read to their kids.
Helping Our Youngest Clients
North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center welcomes the contribution of your new or gently used books to use at our Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court. To learn how to donate, contact Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust, NTaylorWalthrust@northshorechildguidance.org, (516) 997-2926, ext. 229.
A representative from makeup company lilah b. helps a Guidance Center client enjoy a day for self-care.
All moms deserve some pampering, but when you’re a mother who is experiencing postpartum depression, a day out dedicated to your wellbeing is a much-needed healing experience. This fall, the place of healing was Neiman Marcus in Roosevelt Field. The renowned retailer, which is a dedicated partner and supporter of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, offered a “Beauty Master Class” for several moms who are clients of our Diane Goldberg Maternal Depression Program.
The mothers were treated to a personalized makeup application from two representatives from lilah b., a natural line of beauty products made in Italy. “The lilah b. reps were just wonderful,” said Vanessa McMullan, supervisor at the Guidance Center’s Marks Family Right from the Start 0-3+ Center in Manhasset. “They talked to the moms and helped them choose the right makeup for their skin.” The mothers also went home with a gift bag of products from lilah b. McMullan also expressed her gratitude to the staff at Neiman Marcus, which has partnered with the Guidance Center for the past four years, offering a variety of beauty events and also a mentoring conference for some of our teen girl clients. “Neiman Marcus had a special room set up just for us, with extra help to care for the babies that came,” said McMullan. “All of the moms loved being together and getting some TLC. It was a perfect day!” “One of the pillars of our company is supporting the communities where Neiman Marcus stores are found,” said Neiman Marcus Roosevelt Field Vice President, General Manager Doris Wilshere. “We are thankful for the relationship that we have built with North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center over the four years since our store opened. We applaud the Guidance Center for the support they provide to the many Long Island families that rely on resources like the Maternal Depression Program to live happier and healthier lives.”Neiman Marcus will be hosting more events for our Guidance Center’s maternal depression clients later this month and for the foreseeable future. To find out more, contact Vanessa McMullan at vmcmullan@northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 484-3174, ext. 415.
