With the holiday season upon us, chances are you’re spending a lot of time shopping for toys for the children in your life.
“Toys offer wonderful opportunities for children to learn and explore their surroundings,” says Dr. Sue Cohen, Director of Early Childhood and Psychological Services at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center. “They provide a great opportunity to develop motor and cognitive skills—plus, playing with your child will create lasting bonds.”
Playing with toys also sparks a child’s creativity and helps them develop emotionally, says Dr. Cohen. “When they use toys to role play, they have a chance to express their feelings, practice managing them and explore different social scenarios.”
Whether you shop online or in stores, it’s important to keep safety in mind when choosing that new board game, baseball, bike, blocks—whatever is on your list!
Each year, an estimated 217,000 children are treated at hospital emergency rooms for toy-related injuries. The majority of those injuries are incurred from riding toys such tricycles and non-powered scooters, which account for more than 40% of toy injuries to children 5 through 17 years of age.
Another big danger is choking, since children under three love to put everything in their mouths. You can guard against this danger by getting a simple small parts tester and also follow the age guidelines on the toy packages.
Following are some toy safety tips from the American Academy of Pediatrics:
Select toys to suit the age, abilities, skills and interest level of the intended child. Toys that are too advanced will frustrate your child and may pose safety hazards for younger children.
When choosing gifts for babies and toddlers, consider toys that will build developmental skills. Toys that can be manipulated, such as shape sorters, stacking blocks and baby-safe puzzles, are great for developing fine motor, cognitive and perceptual skills.
If you are considering a digital device for a child or teen, such as a tablet, smartphone or game system, think about the purpose of the device and the rules you want to set around its use. For more information, see these tips on healthy digital media and technology use.
Children can have serious health problems from swallowing button batteries or magnets. Keep them away from young children and call your health care provider immediately if your child swallows one.
To prevent burns and electrical shocks, do not give children under age 10 a toy that must be plugged into an electrical outlet. Instead, buy toys that are battery-operated.
Children can choke or suffocate on broken or uninflated balloons. Do not allow children under age 8 to play with them.
Remove tags, strings and ribbons from toys before giving them to young children. Watch for pull toys with strings that are more than 12 inches long, because they could be a strangulation hazard for babies.
Warning labels give important information about how to use a toy and what ages it is for. Be sure to show your child how to use the toy.
Parents should store toys in a designated location, such as on an open shelf or in a bin, and keep older kids’ toys away from young children. If you use a toy box, choose one with no lid or a lightweight, non-locking lid and ventilation holes.
Dr. Cohen adds, “When possible choose toys that spark imagination and creativity.”
Are you concerned about what can happen when your teen gets behind the wheel or is a passenger of a teen driver? You have good reason. Motor vehicle crashes are the number one killer of teens.
A big part of the problem: Drinking and driving. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), one in 10 high schoolers drinks and drives. They also report that high school students drive intoxicated about 2.4 million times each month. In addition, teen drivers are 17 times more likely to be involved in a fatal car crash when they have alcohol in their system as opposed to when they are sober.
The same holds true for marijuana and other drugs. A report from Liberty Mutual and SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions) found that one in five teens admit driving under the influence of marijuana, and one in four say they would take a ride from a driver impaired by alcohol or prescription drugs.
These statistics paint an alarming picture. So, what is a parent to do?
Here’s some advice from the CDC:
Parents can:
Understand that most teens who drink do so to get drunk.
Recognize the dangers of teen drinking and driving and that teen drivers are at much greater risk of crashing after drinking alcohol than adult drivers.
Provide teens with a safe way to get home (such as picking them up or paying for a cab) if their driver has been drinking.
Model safe driving behavior.
Consider tools like parent-teen driving agreements to set and enforce the “rules of the road” for new drivers. Safe driving habits for teens include the following:
Never drink and drive
Wear a seat belt on every trip—and that includes everyone in the car.
Limit nighttime driving
Set a limit on the number of teen passengers
Never use a cell phone or text while driving
Obey speed limits
Teens can:
Choose to never drink and drive.
Choose a designated driver.
Refuse to ride in a car with a teen driver who has been drinking.
Follow “rules of the road” in their parent-teen driving agreement.
Wear a seat belt on every trip, no matter how short.
Obey speed limits.
Never use a cell phone or text while driving.
Call Us for Help:
If your child or teen has a substance use problem, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is here to help. For more information on our chemical dependency treatment services, call (516) 997-2926, ext. 229 or 231. To make an appointment for an assessment, call (516) 626-1971, ext. 318 or 338.
The law to require mental health education in New York schools is a good step [“LI Schools’ New Focus on Mental Health,” News, Nov. 28]. However, almost half of all children in the country with a mental health disorder did not receive necessary care from a mental health professional in 2016, according to the Journal of the American Medical Association.
We educate children to spot signs and symptoms and find resources – and then, in a cruel twist, many cannot access care.
Federal law requires insurers to treat mental health benefits the same as medical benefits, and to provide enrollees with timely access to a sufficient number of suitable mental health providers. This is known as network adequacy.
Too often, this does not happen, especially for middle-class and working-poor families, because health insurers pay substandard rates of reimbursement for the mental health care, thus depleting the networks. When families call for help, they are too often told, “I don’t accept your insurance.”
The health insurance industry does not comply with federal parity, and New York State does not adequately enforce the law. The state mandates mental health education in schools and lets the health insurance industry slide.
What do our kids learn? Once stigma is lifted, discrimination kicks in.
Andrew Malekoff, Long Beach
Editor’s note: The writer is executive director of North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center, a children’s mental health center in Roslyn Heights.
Do you think today’s kids are ungrateful? Entitled? Spoiled?
Well, in reality, that’s a complaint that adults have had since time immemorial. Young people today are probably no more or less grateful than they were a generation ago, or the generation before that, and so on.
But gratitude isn’t necessarily an inherent trait. As the classic song from South Pacific says, “You’ve got to be carefully taught.”
It’s important that we foster feelings of appreciation in children from the time they are very young. And, while saying “thank you” is a great start, there are many more ways to instill a sense of gratitude in your kids.
Here are 15 tips from Big Life Journal:
1. Say please and thank you.
Our manners show that we do not believe we are entitled to anything, and that in fact, we appreciate whatever comes our way.
2. Help someone less fortunate.
This could be your neighbor down the street, grandma or someone you know who is in a tough spot.
3. Volunteer.
Help out at a homeless shelter, soup kitchen or non-profit.
4. Look for awe-inspiring moments in your day.
If the sunset is particularly beautiful, comment on it. If the sound of the baby’s laughter warms your heart, tell your children. Encourage them to look for their awe-inspiring moments and share them with you.
5. Share your gratitude at bedtime.
Take five minutes at the end of the day to ask your child what he or she is thankful for that day.
6. Share your gratitude at the dinner table.
Take a moment at dinner time to share what you are thankful for. Go around the table, allowing each family member a chance to vocalize their gratitude.
7. Compliment others.
Encourage your children to do the same. Share the things you appreciate about another person.
8. Keep a gratitude journal.
This can be in any form that works best for your child’s age, skill level and desire. Some kids will want to spend time writing their thoughts down. Others may be more apt to express their gratitude through drawing or painting.
9. Give someone a gift.
Help your child earn the money and purchase the gift. Or make a gift together.
10. Always look for the positive.
Find something positive in frustrating situations and discuss it.
11. Practice turning complaints in to praises.
Coach your children to reword their complaint into something that they appreciate instead.
12. Create a gratitude jar.
Encourage your kids to add to it anytime they are feeling grateful for something or someone.
Nonprofits serve people in need and at this time of the year they are always looking for basic necessities, meals and gifts to give to those in need.
14. Take gratitude walks.
While you walk, look for the simple pleasures in the day, such as the warm sun or the birds singing and express appreciation for them. Use this time to ask your kids what they are grateful for.
15. Work through envy.
Help your child work through any feelings of jealousy he/she may have. Envy can come when we are not feeling thankful for what we have, and are focusing instead on what others have.
Misunderstanding and fear are common among people who have incorrect ideas about mental illness. The result: Young people suffering with mental health issues feel isolated, believing that there’s something innately wrong with them that can never change.
In 2018, public schools in New York State were mandated to begin educating students about mental health. Among the goals are to recognize when help is needed and to learn how to find help. This initiative was the result of long-overdue legislation signed by Governor Cuomo in 2016.
But offering instruction aimed at advancing emotional wellness and reducing stigma is not the norm everywhere. For example, trouble is brewing in a school system in Raleigh, North Carolina regarding a program that was initiated to support students’ emotional well-being.
A group of Raleigh parents who identify themselves as “Parents for the Protection of Students” hired an attorney to advocate for them against the school system’s use of “Community Circles” to build a sense of belonging and friendship.
I obtained a copy of the attorney’s letter, which was addressed to the Apex Middle School principal and which lays out the parents’ concerns. Although the school initiative in the Raleigh schools was not mental health instruction per se, it was, in essence, an effort to support the mental health of students.
Following is a portion of their attorney’s five-page letter:
“I represent PARENTS FOR THE PROTECTION OF STUDENTS, an unincorporated grassroots association of concerned Wake County parents who have been disturbed by recent actions taken by the Wake County Public School System.
“The specific concern addressed by this letter is a practice that has been instituted at Apex Middle School and perhaps other schools in the system as well – ‘the Circle’ . . . As described by our parents and their children, as well as the school’s own materials about the Circle, it is expressly intended to address ‘difficult emotions and difficult realities.’ Moreover, this activity effectively compels disclosure of highly sensitive and personal information from students, including the following [partial list]:
• What it means to “listen from and speak from the heart.” • Answering, “If you were a kind of weather today, what would it be?” • What it feels like to be “bullied.” • Talking about a “high point” and a “low point” in the student’s past week. • Describing “friendship” for the student. • Aspirations for who the student wishes to be. • Describing the student’s family. • Experiences of being “hurt” and “angry.”
“The program makes clear that its purpose is to ‘talk about [the student’s] feelings’ and furthermore that there is ‘no hiding behind a desk.’ These are not academic topics; they are topics for a group therapy session.
“Group therapy, like other forms of traditional psychological treatment and counseling, can bring great benefit to many people. But it is not within the purview of a school to conduct such treatment during the school day, without parental consent, and outside of the supervision of duly-trained and licensed psychological and counseling professionals. Therefore, we call for the immediate discontinuation of this activity.”
In researching the implementation of the Circle, what I discovered is that although school staff members were trained in implementing the Circle program, an important step was missed in planning these groups.
In my role as a licensed clinical social worker, I have worked with children and teenagers in groups since the early 1970s. I have written extensively on the subject, including the textbook, Group Work with Adolescents: Principles and Practice, now in its 3rd edition.
In the case of the Wake County School System, I believe parents are rightfully upset. From what I have been able to gather, the parents were not adequately informed about the Circle program or told that they had a choice to opt out.
Balancing the tenuous relationship among parent, child and school should be paramount when a program like the Circle is being considered. This requires foresight and careful attention, particularly before rolling out a program that is not academic in nature.
Forging a working alliance with parents of children who participate in mental health-oriented groups in a school system is essential. For a group-oriented mental health program like this to succeed in a school, this important element of planning cannot be overlooked.
Although it will require extra work to fully engage parents, in the end it will be worth the effort to implement a successful program and prevent the kind of fallout that the school system in Raleigh is now experiencing.
Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
