When I was a child, almost every Sunday morning after bagels, my father drove me to the bar and grill he managed in Newark, NJ. It was called the P.O.N., which stood for the Pride of Newark. One of the things I remember about the P.O.N. is its jukebox. My father gave me coins and I played my favorite song, over and over, week after week. The song was Lloyd Price’s “Personality.”
My only public solo musical performance as a child in the 1950s was at a “swim club,” also in Newark, a place with a huge pool and activities for adults and kids. I attended a day camp there. My counselor was a dancer who decided that his campers would put on a dance show for the entire membership of the club, a few hundred parents and kids. I didn’t want to participate in the dance project. Instead I convinced the counselor to let me give a solo performance of Jerry Lee Lewis’ “Great Balls of Fire.” I practiced and practiced, listening to the song over and over on a 45 vinyl turntable record player, performing in front of my mother, who helped me to transcribe the lyrics from the 45.
Music is an unforgettable part of our family life, and it brings back great memories, from growing up into adulthood.
Now I am a father of two boys, young men today, who played instruments in school and garage bands throughout all of their teenage years. There was never a time I can recall them not listening to music.
Jamie, my older son, played trumpet in jazz and Dixieland bands. My younger son, Darren, played the drums. He, together with a few classmates, formed a punk rock band, D.I.Y.-style. Because Darren was the drummer and we had the drum set, the band practiced for many years on the first floor of our house in Long Beach.
One autumn day, when Darren was about 14 years old, he asked my wife and I if his band and some fellow bands could have a concert in our side yard. We conferred and then said, “Sure,” providing he sought and received consent from our neighbors.
On concert day, scores of kids flocked to our yard, spilling out into the street. My wife, Dale, a high school art teacher, and I served as “security” for the concert. One neighbor (there’s always one) called the police. A uniformed police officer rolled up in a cruiser and told me that we had to “shut it down.” I offered to approach the complainant and make an appeal to him. I cajoled him into backing off and rescinding his complaint. The neighbor told me, “Just ask them to turn down the volume, my house is shaking.”
I promised the neighbor, but then as I turned to walk back down the street to my house, a van pulled up in front and some older teenage boys proceeded to cart out a set of speakers four times the size of the ones that were already in use. Needless to say, it was a memorable Sunday afternoon.
In Bruce Springsteen’s autobiography Born to Run, he discusses many aspects of his life, from early family experiences to his love of music to his first steps as a musician to forming a band to becoming a rock star, husband and parent. He also talks about his ongoing battle with depression. Music was the constant in his life, whether in good times or in bad.
In a new book titled Handbook of Music, Adolescents and Wellbeing, for which I wrote the foreword, Tia DeNora writes, “To the extent that it is always possible within music to be ‘young,’ music affords connection and reconnection with all of our aged-selves, all our days.” Springsteen epitomizes that in his music and writing.
My friend and music therapy scholar Katrina McFerran stated, “The pairing of music and emotions is natural and to a certain degree, unavoidable.”
Although I rarely talk about the musical memories I’ve shared here, each carries deep meaning for me. From supporting my boys’ appreciation of music to singing along with “Personality” on the jukebox in the bar with my dad to practicing “Great Balls of Fire” with my mom, I relish the way music has captured precious moments of time. Let the band play on.
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
They couldn’t be more wrong. Not only is it dangerous, it turns out it is potentially deadly.
The New York Times reported the following on August 23, 2019:
“A patient in Illinois is the first to die of a mysterious lung illness linked to vaping, public health officials announced on Friday.
The death occurred as doctors and hospitals nationwide report an increasing number of vaping-related respiratory illnesses this summer: 193 cases have now been reported in 22 states, including 22 cases in Illinois.
Until recently, these cases have been off the radar of most doctors and public health officials, who were already struggling to stop youths from vaping standard e-cigarettes. But cannabis liquids and oils have become more widely available online and in many stores. And because the ingredients may not be disclosed at all, unsuspecting consumers may be exposed to a cocktail of hazardous chemicals.”
Sadly, the use of e-cigarettes among teens is increasing dramatically. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, teens report a dramatic increase in their use of vaping devices in just a single year, with 37.3 percent of 12th graders reporting “any vaping” in the past 12 months, compared to just 27.8 percent in 2017.
Unlike with tobacco, the makers of e-cigarettes are allowed to use sweet flavorings like vanilla or other candy and dessert flavors, clearly an attempt to hook younger users on their product. Since studies show that e-cigarette use is higher than the use of regular cigarettes, it appears that the marketing is working, and that the mistaken idea that these products are safe has taken hold.
So what is a parent to do? First, let your kids know that e-cigarettes are not safe alternatives to cigarettes. The studies increasingly show that they can cause:
Damage to the brain, heart and lungs
Cancerous tumor development
Preterm deliveries and stillbirths in pregnant women
Harmful effects on brain and lung development, when use occurs during fetal development or adolescence
Another point that’s important for kids to know: the additives, heavy metals, ultrafine particles, and other ingredients in e-cigarettes are toxic carcinogens—hardly a safe alternative to regular cigarettes.
In addition, according to a Yale study, nearly one in five e-cigarette users has also used e-cigarettes for marijuana, or marijuana byproducts like hash oil. Some teens are also using these devices to vaporize opiates and forms of “synthetic weed” such as K2 and Spice.
Hopefully, your kids will heed your message and stay away from this new form of substance abuse. But if you discover that your kids are vaping, take it seriously. Contact the Guidance Center at (516) 626-1971.
September 2019 marks the 50th anniversary of my freshman year in college. I attended Rutgers University in New Brunswick, N.J. I was a student-athlete.
Since football is a fall sport and 1969 marked the 100th anniversary of college football, on day one I learned that Rutgers was the birthplace of college football. The first college football game was played at Rutgers in 1869.
Being a member of the football team in 1969 was an honor. There was much history to learn. I don’t mean to suggest that my coaches spent time on teaching history, but if you were on campus you couldn’t escape it.
There were special centennial magazines, newspaper articles, booklets, parades, television and radio appearances, all devoted to the centennial celebration.
The senior football captains and coach appeared on the popular and nationally televised Ed Sullivan Show which, five years earlier in 1964 featured the Beatles for their first appearance.
It was in the fall of 1969 that I heard a name – Paul Robeson, for the very first time.
I never read about him in my high school textbooks and no teacher mentioned his name as best as I can recall. Robeson figured prominently in Rutgers football history and much more than that. This year represents the 100th anniversary of his graduation from Rutgers in 1919; leading to another centennial celebration.
Robeson, the son of a runaway slave, was the first black football player at Rutgers and the third African-American student to attend the school.
In addition to his athletic prowess, which included 12 varsity letters in football, basketball, baseball and track, he was an accomplished scholar, artist and human rights advocate.
He attended Rutgers on a four-year academic scholarship. He is, perhaps, the most accomplished of all Rutgers graduates since its founding in 1766.
A two-time football All-American and member of the College Football Hall of Fame, after graduation, Robeson earned a law degree.
Nevertheless, as reported in a recent profile by the university, he decided to use “his artistic talents in theater and music to promote African and African-American history and culture. He achieved worldwide acclaim as a vocalist and actor on stage and screen.” In London, Robeson became internationally renowned for his lead role in Othello.
Rutgers president Robert Barchi spoke of Robeson’s role in the struggle for human dignity, democratic rights, and economic justice: “He could have made a fortune [and] been celebrated in every aspect of his life, whether as a professional athlete or a singer or a scholar, but he chose to be an activist, to stick up for causes that he believed in, although they were not popular at the time.”
In fact, Robeson became an activist during a time in our nation when segregation was legal, and African-Americans were being lynched in southern states.
Among my lasting freshman memories was discovering Paul Robeson for the first time and wearing the same colors he wore on the football field some 50 years earlier. More importantly, I came to appreciate that what he accomplished beyond athletics in the fight for human rights, is his most enduring legacy.
We could sorely use another Paul Robeson today.
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
Garden City residents were well represented at the Guidance Center’s Trivia Night. Pictured left to right: Paul Vitale, Lauren McGowan, Jane McGowan, Jack McGowan, Michael McGowan, Danielle Lalehzar and Maria Arianas.
It was a night filled with friendly competition, great conversation and lots of fun as North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center held its first-ever Trivia Night!
The event, which was held at Gino’s Trattoria and Pizzeria of New Hyde Park, raised money for the Guidance Center, the leading mental health non-profit organization on Long Island. The Guidance Center’s mission is to promote the emotional wellbeing of children and their families all across Nassau County.
Many of the people who took part in Trivia Night were Garden City residents, including Danielle Lalehzar and Maria Arianas. “It was a super fun night, but what was most important is that the funds raised support the Guidance Center’s work to help young people who are experiencing issues like depression, anxiety and other mental health challenges,” says Lalehzar, who has been a committee member on several Guidance Center events in the past. “It’s a real blessing to have this incredible resource.”
Another Garden City resident who attended and spoke at Trivia Night was Paul Vitale, the president of the Guidance Center’s Board of Directors. “Many years back, when I first learned that one in five children or teens will experience a mental health issue, I was stunned,” says Vitale. “It’s crucial that we get the message out that there is help for these kids that truly can be lifesaving.”
The Guidance Center clients, who come from every Nassau County community, range in age from newborns to 24-year-olds and their families. The organization’s long list of services include help for children and teens who are experiencing bullying, substance use, divorce, school refusal, suicidal thoughts, depression and trauma of all kinds. Mothers with postpartum depression also find healing through the Guidance Center’s programs.
“When one child or family is helped, the entire community benefits,” says Lauren McGowan, a Garden City resident and Director of Development at the Guidance Center. McGowan brought her husband and two teenagers to the event, and everyone enjoyed the spirited competition. “It was a terrific night, and we will definitely do this again next year,” she says, adding, “We are grateful to all those who support our work, which makes the difference in thousands of lives each year.”
I know that I am not alone. When I write about the fact that I have cancer, it is not my intention to suggest that I am in any way unique. Although when I was first diagnosed in 2010, I did feel special, and not in a good way.
At first, I thought I had a hernia. But the surgeon said no. It took almost two months for the biopsy of the lymph node that he extracted from my body to be definitively identified. I don’t know why it took so long. They said it was a good sample. They sent it to Bethesda for further analysis. Still no answer. I then had a second biopsy.
I received the phone call from the oncologist while I was at work on a Friday afternoon nine years ago. Hearing the words was surreal. What does this mean?
In the intervening years I’ve had radiation and several rounds of combined immunotherapy and chemotherapy, all aimed at killing the bad cells and stimulating my immune system. That is how I understand it.
I was fortunate enough to stay active—I exercised normally and hardly took a sick day, except when I had an all-day infusion. I had side effects: fatigue, constipation, rashes, neuropathy, alopecia and more. Of course, there is an emotional impact as well, particularly when death and dying are closer to consciousness than ever before.
When I was diagnosed, the first question I asked my doctor was, “Am I dead man walking?” She told me no. I was a bit self-obsessed for a period of time. I soon realized that my diagnosis had a profound impact on my family as well. Although they didn’t have to deal with the physical aspects of treatment or contend with immediate thoughts of their own mortality, caretakers and loved ones bear a burden that cannot be underestimated or ignored.
My father had cancer. He eventually died as the result of his spreading cancer invading his vital organs. My cancer is different than my father’s, but both are in the blood disease family. When he died, he was 74 years old. I slept in his hospital room for several days and watched him take his last breath.
I asked my doctor how long I could expect to live. I threw out a number and asked if I would make it that far. She said, we have lots of really good treatments.
In the intervening years, after several treatments, I learned that my cancer is not resistant to treatment, but it is persistent. In other words, it comes back much faster after treatment than they would like to see.
When I decided to write this, I didn’t want it to come across as self-indulgent. And, as I said at the top, I am not unique. When I read obituaries, I have noticed a common expression, so-and-so died after a long battle with cancer. Will my obituary say that?
Why am I writing this? It is to thank the researchers, the scientists who are hard at work discovering new treatments and cures every day—lots of really good treatments.
What I know today is that I owe the last nine years of my life to you and the health professionals who diagnose and administer care.
Thank you, one and all.
Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
