The headline read: “Student activists prevail.” It was a story by Joie Tyrell published earlier this year that told the tale of a group of high school students who were researching the international issue of access to feminine hygiene products.
In their research, the teenage girls found that New York State legislation called for the provision of feminine hygiene products in the restrooms of all school buildings at no charge to students. Yet the Lindenhurst High School girls found that in their school such products were only available in the nurse’s office.
The girls addressed the issue with a school administrator and district officials. The authorities responded to the girls’ advocacy and the situation was remedied.
Some years ago, I worked in a high school where I encountered a situation that also involved a high school bathroom. In this case the problem was the fact that there were no doors on the stalls in the boy’s bathroom.
A group of boys, who were members of a school-based mental health counseling group, raised the issue. As one of them said, “Do you think they have any idea how humiliating it is to go to the bathroom with no doors on the stalls? There’s no privacy; it’s embarrassing.” The group decided to present their concern to school authorities. During a group meeting they rehearsed what they would say. Soon after they requested a meeting with the principal, and sometime after that their “demand” was met.
What these two stories have in common is young people identifying problems, having a vision, organizing and taking steps to ensure they receive the respect and dignity that they deserve.
As we approach the beginning of another school year, it is worth noting that young people have power and, when they exercise it and receive support, they can make a difference. Roger A. Hart, a professor of environmental psychology, has devoted much of his life’s research to children’s development in relationship to the physical environment. To that end he created a “ladder of participation” that differentiates the degrees to which young people might initiate change.
Following is an elaboration of the ladder of participation by Adam Fletcher, an internationally recognized expert on youth and community engagement. Fletcher starts with the top rung of the ladder.
Young people-initiated, shared decisions with adults: Projects or programs are initiated by young people and decision-making is shared between young people and adults.
Young people-initiated and directed: Young people initiate and direct a project or program. Adults are involved only in a supportive role.
Adult-initiated, shared decisions with young people: Projects or programs are initiated by adults but the decision-making is shared with the young people.
Consulted and informed. Young people give advice on projects or programs designed and run by adults. The young people are informed about how their input will be used and the outcomes of the decisions are made by adults.
Assigned but informed. Young people are assigned a specific role and informed about how and why they are being involved.
Tokenism. Young people appear to be given a voice, but in fact have little or no choice about what they do or how they participate.
Decoration. Young people are used to help or “bolster” a cause in a relatively indirect way, although adults do not pretend that the cause is inspired by young people.
Manipulation. Adults use young people to support causes and pretend that the causes are inspired by young people.
Understanding the ladder of participation can help those of us who care about kids to know when to lead, follow or get out of the way. In any case, making decisions that support young people becoming active participants in community affairs is a win-win, particularly when it supports them in blazing a path and making a difference in areas where we have failed.
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
Recent headlines have revealed an alarming rash of suicides among police officers and veterans. But adults are not the only ones at risk.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), suicide is the third leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 14, and the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 15 and 34. One in 12 high school students attempts suicide.
It is far more rare—though not unheard of—for children younger than 10 to commit suicide, but it does happen. About four out of every 500,000 children below the age of 12 commit suicide annually, reports the CDC.
At North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, 20 percent of all admissions come to us as crisis situations, including kids who talk and act as if they don’t want to live.
Both children and teens are at risk of depression and suicide when they experience traumatic events in their lives, such as divorce, death of a loved one, abuse or illness, according to Elissa Smilowitz, LCSWR and Coordinator of Triage & Emergency Services at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center.
Smilowitz emphasizes that parents must acknowledge that the risk of suicide is real and that it’s very dangerous to view their child or teen’s behavior as a normal part of adolescent melodrama. “Parents say, ‘Teenagers are supposed to be moody, aren’t they?’,” she says. “Yes, but it is the severity of the mood that parents need to look at.”
Here are some of the warning signs that a child or teen might be suicidal, from the Mayo Clinic:
Talking or writing about suicide — for example, making statements such as “I’m going to kill myself,” or “I won’t be a problem for you much longer”
Withdrawing from social contact
Having mood swings
Increasing use of alcohol or drugs
Feeling trapped or hopeless about a situation
Changing normal routine, including eating or sleeping patterns
Doing risky or self-destructive things
Giving away belongings when there is no other logical explanation for why this is being done
Developing personality changes or being severely anxious or agitated when experiencing some of the warning signs listed above
So, what do you do if you suspect your child or teen may be suicidal? The first step is to consult a mental health professional. The Guidance Center has a Triage & Emergency Services program that offers a rapid response to psychiatric emergencies. Our team will assess if the situation appears urgent and will make an appointment to see the child within 24 to 48 hours (if it’s deemed extremely urgent, we do advise you go to the Emergency Room).
It’s very important that you communicate your concern to your child in a loving, non-judgmental way, says Smilowitz. “Talking about suicide will not make your child more likely to act upon it,” she says. “The opposite is true. Also, let them know that you believe that getting help is not a weakness, but rather shows their strength.”
If you or a member of your family is in crisis, call North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center at (516) 626-1971. You can also call the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
When I was a child, almost every Sunday morning after bagels, my father drove me to the bar and grill he managed in Newark, NJ. It was called the P.O.N., which stood for the Pride of Newark. One of the things I remember about the P.O.N. is its jukebox. My father gave me coins and I played my favorite song, over and over, week after week. The song was Lloyd Price’s “Personality.”
My only public solo musical performance as a child in the 1950s was at a “swim club,” also in Newark, a place with a huge pool and activities for adults and kids. I attended a day camp there. My counselor was a dancer who decided that his campers would put on a dance show for the entire membership of the club, a few hundred parents and kids. I didn’t want to participate in the dance project. Instead I convinced the counselor to let me give a solo performance of Jerry Lee Lewis’ “Great Balls of Fire.” I practiced and practiced, listening to the song over and over on a 45 vinyl turntable record player, performing in front of my mother, who helped me to transcribe the lyrics from the 45.
Music is an unforgettable part of our family life, and it brings back great memories, from growing up into adulthood.
Now I am a father of two boys, young men today, who played instruments in school and garage bands throughout all of their teenage years. There was never a time I can recall them not listening to music.
Jamie, my older son, played trumpet in jazz and Dixieland bands. My younger son, Darren, played the drums. He, together with a few classmates, formed a punk rock band, D.I.Y.-style. Because Darren was the drummer and we had the drum set, the band practiced for many years on the first floor of our house in Long Beach.
One autumn day, when Darren was about 14 years old, he asked my wife and I if his band and some fellow bands could have a concert in our side yard. We conferred and then said, “Sure,” providing he sought and received consent from our neighbors.
On concert day, scores of kids flocked to our yard, spilling out into the street. My wife, Dale, a high school art teacher, and I served as “security” for the concert. One neighbor (there’s always one) called the police. A uniformed police officer rolled up in a cruiser and told me that we had to “shut it down.” I offered to approach the complainant and make an appeal to him. I cajoled him into backing off and rescinding his complaint. The neighbor told me, “Just ask them to turn down the volume, my house is shaking.”
I promised the neighbor, but then as I turned to walk back down the street to my house, a van pulled up in front and some older teenage boys proceeded to cart out a set of speakers four times the size of the ones that were already in use. Needless to say, it was a memorable Sunday afternoon.
In Bruce Springsteen’s autobiography Born to Run, he discusses many aspects of his life, from early family experiences to his love of music to his first steps as a musician to forming a band to becoming a rock star, husband and parent. He also talks about his ongoing battle with depression. Music was the constant in his life, whether in good times or in bad.
In a new book titled Handbook of Music, Adolescents and Wellbeing, for which I wrote the foreword, Tia DeNora writes, “To the extent that it is always possible within music to be ‘young,’ music affords connection and reconnection with all of our aged-selves, all our days.” Springsteen epitomizes that in his music and writing.
My friend and music therapy scholar Katrina McFerran stated, “The pairing of music and emotions is natural and to a certain degree, unavoidable.”
Although I rarely talk about the musical memories I’ve shared here, each carries deep meaning for me. From supporting my boys’ appreciation of music to singing along with “Personality” on the jukebox in the bar with my dad to practicing “Great Balls of Fire” with my mom, I relish the way music has captured precious moments of time. Let the band play on.
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
They couldn’t be more wrong. Not only is it dangerous, it turns out it is potentially deadly.
The New York Times reported the following on August 23, 2019:
“A patient in Illinois is the first to die of a mysterious lung illness linked to vaping, public health officials announced on Friday.
The death occurred as doctors and hospitals nationwide report an increasing number of vaping-related respiratory illnesses this summer: 193 cases have now been reported in 22 states, including 22 cases in Illinois.
Until recently, these cases have been off the radar of most doctors and public health officials, who were already struggling to stop youths from vaping standard e-cigarettes. But cannabis liquids and oils have become more widely available online and in many stores. And because the ingredients may not be disclosed at all, unsuspecting consumers may be exposed to a cocktail of hazardous chemicals.”
Sadly, the use of e-cigarettes among teens is increasing dramatically. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, teens report a dramatic increase in their use of vaping devices in just a single year, with 37.3 percent of 12th graders reporting “any vaping” in the past 12 months, compared to just 27.8 percent in 2017.
Unlike with tobacco, the makers of e-cigarettes are allowed to use sweet flavorings like vanilla or other candy and dessert flavors, clearly an attempt to hook younger users on their product. Since studies show that e-cigarette use is higher than the use of regular cigarettes, it appears that the marketing is working, and that the mistaken idea that these products are safe has taken hold.
So what is a parent to do? First, let your kids know that e-cigarettes are not safe alternatives to cigarettes. The studies increasingly show that they can cause:
Damage to the brain, heart and lungs
Cancerous tumor development
Preterm deliveries and stillbirths in pregnant women
Harmful effects on brain and lung development, when use occurs during fetal development or adolescence
Another point that’s important for kids to know: the additives, heavy metals, ultrafine particles, and other ingredients in e-cigarettes are toxic carcinogens—hardly a safe alternative to regular cigarettes.
In addition, according to a Yale study, nearly one in five e-cigarette users has also used e-cigarettes for marijuana, or marijuana byproducts like hash oil. Some teens are also using these devices to vaporize opiates and forms of “synthetic weed” such as K2 and Spice.
Hopefully, your kids will heed your message and stay away from this new form of substance abuse. But if you discover that your kids are vaping, take it seriously. Contact the Guidance Center at (516) 626-1971.
September 2019 marks the 50th anniversary of my freshman year in college. I attended Rutgers University in New Brunswick, N.J. I was a student-athlete.
Since football is a fall sport and 1969 marked the 100th anniversary of college football, on day one I learned that Rutgers was the birthplace of college football. The first college football game was played at Rutgers in 1869.
Being a member of the football team in 1969 was an honor. There was much history to learn. I don’t mean to suggest that my coaches spent time on teaching history, but if you were on campus you couldn’t escape it.
There were special centennial magazines, newspaper articles, booklets, parades, television and radio appearances, all devoted to the centennial celebration.
The senior football captains and coach appeared on the popular and nationally televised Ed Sullivan Show which, five years earlier in 1964 featured the Beatles for their first appearance.
It was in the fall of 1969 that I heard a name – Paul Robeson, for the very first time.
I never read about him in my high school textbooks and no teacher mentioned his name as best as I can recall. Robeson figured prominently in Rutgers football history and much more than that. This year represents the 100th anniversary of his graduation from Rutgers in 1919; leading to another centennial celebration.
Robeson, the son of a runaway slave, was the first black football player at Rutgers and the third African-American student to attend the school.
In addition to his athletic prowess, which included 12 varsity letters in football, basketball, baseball and track, he was an accomplished scholar, artist and human rights advocate.
He attended Rutgers on a four-year academic scholarship. He is, perhaps, the most accomplished of all Rutgers graduates since its founding in 1766.
A two-time football All-American and member of the College Football Hall of Fame, after graduation, Robeson earned a law degree.
Nevertheless, as reported in a recent profile by the university, he decided to use “his artistic talents in theater and music to promote African and African-American history and culture. He achieved worldwide acclaim as a vocalist and actor on stage and screen.” In London, Robeson became internationally renowned for his lead role in Othello.
Rutgers president Robert Barchi spoke of Robeson’s role in the struggle for human dignity, democratic rights, and economic justice: “He could have made a fortune [and] been celebrated in every aspect of his life, whether as a professional athlete or a singer or a scholar, but he chose to be an activist, to stick up for causes that he believed in, although they were not popular at the time.”
In fact, Robeson became an activist during a time in our nation when segregation was legal, and African-Americans were being lynched in southern states.
Among my lasting freshman memories was discovering Paul Robeson for the first time and wearing the same colors he wore on the football field some 50 years earlier. More importantly, I came to appreciate that what he accomplished beyond athletics in the fight for human rights, is his most enduring legacy.
We could sorely use another Paul Robeson today.
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
