Garden City residents were well represented at the Guidance Center’s Trivia Night. Pictured left to right: Paul Vitale, Lauren McGowan, Jane McGowan, Jack McGowan, Michael McGowan, Danielle Lalehzar and Maria Arianas.
It was a night filled with friendly competition, great conversation and lots of fun as North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center held its first-ever Trivia Night!
The event, which was held at Gino’s Trattoria and Pizzeria of New Hyde Park, raised money for the Guidance Center, the leading mental health non-profit organization on Long Island. The Guidance Center’s mission is to promote the emotional wellbeing of children and their families all across Nassau County.
Many of the people who took part in Trivia Night were Garden City residents, including Danielle Lalehzar and Maria Arianas. “It was a super fun night, but what was most important is that the funds raised support the Guidance Center’s work to help young people who are experiencing issues like depression, anxiety and other mental health challenges,” says Lalehzar, who has been a committee member on several Guidance Center events in the past. “It’s a real blessing to have this incredible resource.”
Another Garden City resident who attended and spoke at Trivia Night was Paul Vitale, the president of the Guidance Center’s Board of Directors. “Many years back, when I first learned that one in five children or teens will experience a mental health issue, I was stunned,” says Vitale. “It’s crucial that we get the message out that there is help for these kids that truly can be lifesaving.”
The Guidance Center clients, who come from every Nassau County community, range in age from newborns to 24-year-olds and their families. The organization’s long list of services include help for children and teens who are experiencing bullying, substance use, divorce, school refusal, suicidal thoughts, depression and trauma of all kinds. Mothers with postpartum depression also find healing through the Guidance Center’s programs.
“When one child or family is helped, the entire community benefits,” says Lauren McGowan, a Garden City resident and Director of Development at the Guidance Center. McGowan brought her husband and two teenagers to the event, and everyone enjoyed the spirited competition. “It was a terrific night, and we will definitely do this again next year,” she says, adding, “We are grateful to all those who support our work, which makes the difference in thousands of lives each year.”
I know that I am not alone. When I write about the fact that I have cancer, it is not my intention to suggest that I am in any way unique. Although when I was first diagnosed in 2010, I did feel special, and not in a good way.
At first, I thought I had a hernia. But the surgeon said no. It took almost two months for the biopsy of the lymph node that he extracted from my body to be definitively identified. I don’t know why it took so long. They said it was a good sample. They sent it to Bethesda for further analysis. Still no answer. I then had a second biopsy.
I received the phone call from the oncologist while I was at work on a Friday afternoon nine years ago. Hearing the words was surreal. What does this mean?
In the intervening years I’ve had radiation and several rounds of combined immunotherapy and chemotherapy, all aimed at killing the bad cells and stimulating my immune system. That is how I understand it.
I was fortunate enough to stay active—I exercised normally and hardly took a sick day, except when I had an all-day infusion. I had side effects: fatigue, constipation, rashes, neuropathy, alopecia and more. Of course, there is an emotional impact as well, particularly when death and dying are closer to consciousness than ever before.
When I was diagnosed, the first question I asked my doctor was, “Am I dead man walking?” She told me no. I was a bit self-obsessed for a period of time. I soon realized that my diagnosis had a profound impact on my family as well. Although they didn’t have to deal with the physical aspects of treatment or contend with immediate thoughts of their own mortality, caretakers and loved ones bear a burden that cannot be underestimated or ignored.
My father had cancer. He eventually died as the result of his spreading cancer invading his vital organs. My cancer is different than my father’s, but both are in the blood disease family. When he died, he was 74 years old. I slept in his hospital room for several days and watched him take his last breath.
I asked my doctor how long I could expect to live. I threw out a number and asked if I would make it that far. She said, we have lots of really good treatments.
In the intervening years, after several treatments, I learned that my cancer is not resistant to treatment, but it is persistent. In other words, it comes back much faster after treatment than they would like to see.
When I decided to write this, I didn’t want it to come across as self-indulgent. And, as I said at the top, I am not unique. When I read obituaries, I have noticed a common expression, so-and-so died after a long battle with cancer. Will my obituary say that?
Why am I writing this? It is to thank the researchers, the scientists who are hard at work discovering new treatments and cures every day—lots of really good treatments.
What I know today is that I owe the last nine years of my life to you and the health professionals who diagnose and administer care.
Thank you, one and all.
Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
With the support of same sex marriage becoming more and more popular in the United States, more confusion about these topics may hinder acceptance. If you’re the parent of a gay, bisexual or queer child and are confused about the terminology, this blog post is for you.
Here is a listing of various terms to help you understand the state of language usage when it comes to these issues.
Sexuality: refers to who one is romantically/sexually attracted to
Straight/heterosexual: one who is attracted to the opposite sex
LGBTQ+:
L (Lesbian): a woman who is attracted to other women
G (Gay): a man/woman who is attracted to other men/women, respectively
B (Bisexual): someone who is attracted to both men and women
T (Transgender): a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex. (“Transgender” is not a sexuality. Please refer to last week’s blog, “He Said, She Said, They Said: A Look at Gender,” for more information on transgender terminology).
Q (Queer or Questioning):
“Queer” is an umbrella term for someone in the LGBTQ community. Formerly used as a derogatory word for a gay person, it is now a self-described term for someone who is in the LGBTQ community.
“Questioning” refers to someone who is questioning their sexuality.
‘+’ is included to recognize the many sexualities that the acronym LGBTQ does not contain.
Some other acronyms you might see following LGBTQ+ are…
I (intersex): someone born with genitals or autonomy that is not distinctly male or female. Previously called “hermaphrodite.” (“Intersex” is not a sexuality. Please refer to last week’s blog, “He Said, She Said, They Said: A Look at Gender,” for more information on transgender terminology).
A (asexual): someone who does not experience sexual attraction
More sexualities not covered by the LGBTQ+ acronym
Pansexual: someone who is attracted to others regardless of gender identity
Polyamorous: someone who engages in consensual non-monogamy
And many more! Use Google if you’re unsure about a term.
Reclaimed Words
Reclaimed words are words/terms that were/are used to be derogatory against the LGBTQ+ community, and have since been “reclaimed” by the community. Unless someone in the LGBTQ+ community has invited you to say these words, do not use them:
Queer
Previously a derogatory term for a gay person, queer is now used by the community as an umbrella term for someone who is not straight.
Dyke
A lesbian who presents as masculine. Often used derogatorily, it has also been reclaimed by some lesbians as a positive self-identity term.
Butch
One who identifies themselves as masculine in all parts of life. Sometimes used derogatorily to refer to lesbians, but is also claimed as a positive self-identity term.
Faggot
Derogatory term referring to a gay person or someone perceived as gay. Also has been reclaimed by some gay people as a positive self-identity term
Homosexual
An outdated clinical term for a gay person. This medical term is considered stigmatizing based on its history as a category of mental illness. Use gay or lesbian instead.
Topics of gender and sexuality can be confusing. They are both fluid, and on a spectrum, ever changing based on personal preference and societal expectations. When in doubt, be patient, use Google, and if the LGBTQ+ person in your life is willing to share, ask questions. You don’t have to know it all, but as long as you’re open minded, you’re headed in the right direction.
Bio: Sydney Spilko is the social media intern at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center. She recently graduated from Syracuse University with a degree in Psychology.
I cannot recall precisely how I was feeling or what my state of mind was during my late teens and early 20s, when my life revolved around school, work and relationships. The word that jumps to mind is uncertainty, which is a more formal way of saying that a lot was up in the air.
Maybe a clue to how I was feeling can be found on my bookshelf. I saved very few books from that era, some 50 years ago. One that I did keep is entitled “Loneliness and Love” by Clark E. Moustakas. I recall that the author didn’t present loneliness as a disease but rather a universal condition.
Was I lonely at the time? I’m not sure, as there are different kinds of loneliness. I had close relationships and absorbing work. I didn’t suffer for a lack of company, although I did live alone for several years. As Moustakas wrote: “There are many, many kinds of loneliness, but each experience is unique and each represents a different moment in life.”
Did my late teens and early adult years in the 1960s and ’70s offer me a different moment than young people today?
In an essay that was published last month in the Los Angeles Times, Varun Soni, dean of Religious Life at the University of Southern California, spoke to the changing nature of questions that his students raised over the course of his 11 years there. As he recalled, a decade ago they used to ask, “How should I live?” Today, he says, they are more likely to ask, “Why should I live?”
“Where they used to talk about hope and meaning, now they grapple with hopelessness and meaninglessness,” says Soni. “Every year, it seems, I encounter more stress, anxiety and depression, and more students in crisis on campus.” Among the most frequent questions students ask today, he says, is “How do I make friends?”
A recent study by Cigna revealed that loneliness is at epidemic levels in America, with nearly half of Americans reporting sometimes or always feeling alone or left out; one in four saying they rarely or never feel as though there are people who really understand them; and about half feeling they have meaningful interactions with a friend or family on a daily basis.
Cigna found that the loneliest generation was not older Americans, as one might guess, but rather young adults between the ages of 18 and 22.
To address this, USC offers various campus activities aimed at advancing connection and a sense of belonging, including yoga classes, friendship courses, meditation retreats and campfire conversations, to name just a few.
I don’t remember activities like this being offered when I attended school, but there were intramural sports, clubs and volunteer initiatives that offered the same opportunities for connection and belonging.
But there is more to it, according to Soni. He says that this generation has become increasingly disaffiliated with organized religion and the comfort and community it provides. They’ve also been exposed to active shooter trainings and school lockdown drills for most of their lives. This combination has contributed to “a crippling sense of anxiety and alienation.”
The only equivalency I can think of in the ’60s and early ’70s was the Vietnam War, which generated widespread protests across U.S. college campuses, and the tragedy of the 1970 Ohio National Guard shooting of 13 unarmed Kent State University students who were protesting the bombing of Cambodia. Four died. It was a time of anxiety. However, widespread dissent and organized protests seemed to galvanize young people and guard against alienation.
Moustakas wrote, “In loneliness, some compelling, essential aspect of life is challenged, threatened, altered, denied.” This rings true in our increasingly divided nation. For today’s youth and young adults, there are compelling challenges that cannot be solved by attending yoga or meditation classes, although I highly recommend participation in enriching programs such as these.
The universal challenges we face today are as compelling as at any time in my life. Active participation in civic affairs that address a host of issues such as climate change or common sense gun reform is one way to prevent the loneliness of hopelessness and despair.
Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, call (516) 626-1971 or visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
Garden City resident Paul Vitale was named to the Board of Directors of the North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center.
As an Executive Vice President at The Toy Association, Paul Vitale spends his days hard at work—not, as you might think, playing with the latest game or gadget! His role is of a more serious nature as he oversees the finance and operations of this leading toy industry trade association that represents businesses that design, manufacture, distribute and sell toys for kids of all ages.
The health and wellbeing of kids and their families is a prime focus of Vitale’s life. The Garden City resident recently was named President of the Board of Directors for North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, whose mission is to provide mental health services to children and families throughout Nassau County.
Although new to the role of President, Vitale has been part of the Guidance Center’s Board for more than two decades. “There are a myriad of challenging issues facing children and teens,” he says, “but help from the Guidance Center can have a lasting effect on them and the people around them, which benefits the entire community.”
Vitale says that in today’s culture, kids face more pressures than ever before. “A lot of the same issues exist—bullying, alcohol and drug abuse, depression and anxiety—that have been around for many years, but the constant, 24/7 access to social media has made it even harder on young people,” he says. “The need for help is so great, and that’s why having a community-based agency like the Guidance Center that doesn’t turn anyone away for inability to pay is such a blessing.”
The Guidance Center’s broad array of innovative mental health and substance use services makes the organization unique, Vitale notes. “The breadth of programming is really remarkable, with programs for kids from birth to 24. We have therapists and psychiatrists in three Nassau B.O.C.E.S. schools; there’s a wilderness program for teens; and there’s even a program to help mothers who are experiencing postpartum depression. It’s such an impressive array of services and a real treasure for Long Island.”
One crucial time that stands out in his mind is the period after 9-11, when so many children and families on Long Island were traumatized. “The attacks of 9-11 impacted so many Long Islanders, and the Guidance Center’s response was such a huge help in the bereavement process,” he says.
Community and family life are at the top of Vitale’s priority list. He has been happily married to his wife Marie for 37 years, and together they have three children and two grandchildren.
“We’ve lived in Garden City for 29 years and raised our kids here,” he says. “It’s a very close knit community, and I’m proud to be a part of it.”
According to Nancy Lane, who was Guidance Center Board President until recently, Vitale is well poised for this new role on the Board. “Paul is a longtime, dedicated Guidance Center Board member,” she says. “His knowledge and understanding of the agency’s mission and financial well-being is an invaluable asset.”
Vitale is looking forward to deepening his commitment to the Guidance Center. “It’s an honor to be President of the Board for an organization that’s been around for more than 65 years and does such important work.”
