By Kelly Christ, social media intern at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center
The death of 46-year-old George Floyd after being arrested in Minneapolis has rocked the United States. Floyd’s death exemplifies the disparities in victims of police brutality, as black men are at a higher risk of being killed by police.
In response, protests have taken place in major cities across the country demanding justice and an end to racism and intolerance in America.
With this heightened awareness of racial injustices, parents can use this time to teach valuable and necessary lessons to their children about the value of diversity and the need for empathy.
Parents play a crucial role in shaping their children’s prejudices and racial biases from a young age. As touched on in an earlier article on our blog, children naturally notice differences between themselves and others, which gives parents an opportunity to have important conversations with their children about what these differences mean.
Though we may think that very young children do not have the capacity to understand such a heavy topic, research has shown that racial biases can be internalized by children by ages two to four years old.
In order to make meaningful change, parents must raise their children not to be blind towards others’ differences but to celebrate them. The systemic underpinnings of racial injustices in America will not be undone overnight. It will take a generation of Americans who are accepting and empathetic to make strides toward equality.
Literature can be an incredibly important resource for children to learn about the plight of Black Americans. For young children, it is important that parents present them with picture books and other forms of entertainment that represent diversity in a positive light. For some ideas, Time Out has compiled a list of children’s books celebrating diversity and inclusion.
As children get older, parents should look to help their children understand the history of racism in the United States. This can supplement their education in school, perhaps by having discussions about the implications of historical events such as the Civil War that have impacted racial dynamics in the country. Doing so allows children to understand the larger-scale issues at hand in moments of racial prejudice.
Additionally, children should feel comfortable talking to their parents about such troubling instances of intolerance or prejudice. This could be the bullying of the child or a peer due to their race or seeing headlines in the news like the death of George Floyd. While parents may feel apprehensive embarking on these discussions, their importance cannot be overstated. By beginning an open dialogue about race, children will learn the value of listening and developing a sense of empathy for the experiences of others.
Inclusive literature is just as important, if not more so, for older children, teenagers and young adults alike. Modern young adult fiction novels such as Angie Thomas’s The Hate U Give and Nic Stone’s Dear Martin can help teenagers take a deep look into the experience of racism in America.
For white children, these stories can further develop the sense of empathy. Inclusive literature is also incredibly valuable for children of color who do not see characters who look like themselves often enough. These stories will equip them with the knowledge that they are capable of being the hero of their own story.
Historically, young people have played major roles in social movements. From the civil rights movement in the 1960s to the March for Our Lives in 2018, young people have proven to have the intellectual capabilities and the strength to be leaders who can influence the hearts and minds of adults.
Though this movement has been motivated by tragedy, it is important that parents underscore the positive elements of the moment. Young people are standing up for what is right, taking a stand against injustice, and proving that their generation will continue to pave a path toward equality.
As I write this on the morning of May 25, 2020, I’m struck by what a different Memorial Day this is compared to what we have become so accustomed to. For the most part, there are no large gatherings on the beach; no parades led by high school bands; no throngs of people lining the streets, standing shoulder to shoulder and cheering on our war veterans; no big blowout shopping sales for furniture, home décor, cars and lawn equipment; and no family and friends’ barbecues without masks and social distancing (for those committed to practicing safety and sanity over vanity).
Yet Memorial Day remains the one day each year that we as a nation explicitly honor the more than one million Americans who died defending the United States beginning with the Revolutionary War of 1776, all the way through recent wars launched in response to the Sept. 11, 2001 attack on America.
For the uninitiated, I learned firsthand after my father died in 1994 that funeral flags are presented to the next of kin of deceased veterans who served honorably in the U.S. Armed Forces to honor their military service to his or her country.
It is a tradition among the family members to preserve their loved one’s flag for display. This year and every year on Memorial Day, in honor of all those who made the ultimate sacrifice, I display the burial flag that I was presented at my dad’s funeral in 1994.
I imagine my father, who was a part of what has become known as the Greatest Generation, would be proud to know that his flag, now faded from years of use, has been displayed again this year, at a time when the term memorial has additional meaning for hundreds of millions of Americans.
According to MilitaryTimes.com, “The fatality rate among Veterans Affairs patients continues to rise, with a significantly higher percentage of veterans stricken with the illness eventually succumbing to the disease than in the rest of the general public.”
Let me be clear that most of those who are dying and were lost to the pandemic, including our brave front-line medical personnel, are not casualties of armed conflict and their losses should not be conflated with the sacrifice of the war dead. Yet who can help but not think about them today, if even fleetingly.
Death is in the air.
Their loved ones have suffered a traumatic loss as have our Gold Star families, compounded by the fact that many could not be at their loved ones’ bedside in the end or partake in routine customs and rituals that typically follow a loved one’s death.
A variation of a line attributed to Joan Didion comes to mind: When a single person dies, the whole world is empty.
Grief is in the air.
Traumatic loss refers to the traumatic reaction an individual may have after a sudden and unexpected death or even a death that was expected. It involves both the yearning generated by the deep distress of separation as well as the disbelief and loss of hope that traumatic stress can generate.
Grief never goes away. Which is why days like Memorial Day that affirm it are so important, even though such days are never quite enough.
Each year this national day of mourning brings us together in body, mind and spirit, close up or six feet apart, to talk about and remember those who sacrificed everything. It is a day that offers the bereaved communal support and helps to reaffirm and re-establish a sense of community that is so critical to restoring a sense of hope.
Although there are the familiar social rituals that can help to support mourners through the process of normal bereavement, there is no custom or common ritual that recognizes the mourning that follows traumatic life events like armed combat, a terrorist attack, a natural disaster or the invasion of a microscopic mass killer.
Memorial Day alone is not enough to remember and honor our fallen heroes.
Remember them every day.
And whenever the day comes that we look back and remember those who perished in the pandemic of 2020, it will not be enough for a national holiday to incidentally evoke their memories.
Get a head start. Say a prayer or meditation for them today and every day.
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, the leading children’s mental health agency on Long Island. The Guidance Center is seeing new and existing clients via telephone and video during the COVID-19 crisis. To make an appointment, call (516) 626-1971. Visit www.northshorechildguidance.org for more information.
Roslyn Heights, NY, May 14, 2020—When a group of longtime Syosset friends decided to come up with some fun ways to hold virtual get-togethers, the idea popped into their heads with one word: BINGO!
The couples—Alex and Leslie Arker, Jen and Neil Gallow and Ian and Karen Weiskopf— sent the word out through their social media networks that they were going to host a weekly bingo night on Zoom, called Bingo for a Cause, which would not only be great entertainment but also support nonprofit organizations involved in COVID-19 relief efforts, along with local businesses.
Its inaugural game was attended by more than 140 families, who donated $10 per bingo card. The winner received a gift card to an area restaurant or other retailer.
“After week one, we wanted to figure out a way to keep it interesting, so we asked Josh Lafazan to be the game caller for our second week,” said Leslie, whose daughter Emily interns for the Nassau County Legislator. “Everybody in Syosset knows Josh because he’s so great for our community.”
Lafazan recommended that the nonprofit to benefit from week six’s proceeds should be North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, Long Island’s preeminent not-for-profit children’s mental health agency, headquartered in Roslyn Heights.
“I learned about the Guidance Center from my mother, who proudly served on the board of directors,” said Lafazan. “Since I was inaugurated as legislator, the organization has made an enormous contribution to my community, helping to support mental health initiatives and community wellness programs. When Alex reached out about supporting a local program providing child adolescent health services, I was proud to recommend the Guidance Center!”
In the weeks following, the three couples and some of their friends reached out to their connections and were able to get two Syosset-born celebrities to act as game callers: Academy Award winner Natalie Portman and WNBA star Sue Bird, who played basketball for Syosset High School.
As of mid-May, Bingo for a Cause has raised $33,500 for local nonprofits, with the Guidance Center receiving more than $4,300.
Leslie Arker was pleased to have the Guidance Center as one of the game’s charities. “The work that the Guidance
Center does to support kids’ well-being is phenomenal,” she said. “It’s important every day, but now more than ever before with everyone’s life being so disrupted.”
Andrew Malekoff, Executive Director of the Guidance Center, expressed gratitude to the Arkers and all of the families who take part in Bingo for a Cause, as well Josh Lafazan for recommending the organization as a beneficiary. Said Malekoff, “The pandemic is causing major mental health challenges for children and their families, and we are proud to be there to help them heal during this unprecedented time.”
As the preeminent not-for-profit children’s mental health agency on Long Island, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is dedicated to restoring and strengthening the emotional well-being of children (from birth – age 24) and their families. Our highly trained staff of psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, vocational rehabilitation counselors and other mental health professionals lead the way in diagnosis, treatment, prevention, training, parent education, research and advocacy. The Guidance Center helps children and families address issues such as depression and anxiety; developmental delays; bullying; teen pregnancy; sexual abuse; teen drug and alcohol abuse; and family crises stemming from illness, death, trauma and divorce. For more than 60 years, the Guidance Center has been a place of hope and healing, providing innovative and
compassionate treatment to all who enter our doors, regardless of their ability to pay. For more information about the Guidance Center, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 626-1971.
I celebrated my birthday on May 14 in the year of COVID-19.
My wife Dale and I usually go out with friends for our birthdays. Obviously, that wasn’t happening this year. So, we ordered in from one of our favorite Italian restaurants. I had baked ziti and Dale had seafood over pasta. We had a seven-layer cake for dessert.
It was a beautiful day all day, sunny and in the fifties. Some would say too cool for the spring, but perfect for me. After working remotely all day I took an hour-long walk.
Of course, walks now involve masks and neighbors dodging one another as if we all have some kind of disease. Then again, that’s the point. Maybe we do.
For my birthday, I assigned myself a research project.
I thought it would be interesting to get further perspective on current circumstances, by conducting a country-by-country, worldwide comparison of confirmed COVID-19-positive cases, against the New York Metro area numbers of the same.
Worldwide there were 4,294,101 confirmed cases of infection on May 14. My study includes only countries with more than 10,000 confirmed positive cases, interspersed with numbers from a few nearby places that we are all familiar with.
The United States leads the way with 1,420,000. But, before any other country enters the mix, I discovered that New York State at 340,661 cases leads the next country on the list, which is Russia at 242,271, followed by Spain, the United Kingdom and Italy at 221,216.
To be clear, I’m not including a population comparison or accounting for underreporting or variable rates of testing. Just raw numbers.
Next on the list is New York City (all five boroughs combined) – I want to be a part of it New York, New York – at 188,545, beating out Brazil and Germany, both in the 170,000s and topping the State of New Jersey – ba da bing – at 141,560 barely topping Turkey and then followed by France, Iran and the People’s Republic of China.
China reports 84,464. How can that be right?
Less than 10,000 behind China is Long Island at 75,892. We’re less than 10,000 behind? How did that happen?
Close behind Long Island is India at 74,281, followed by Peru and Canada. Just topping 70,000. Before we get to the next country – Belgium, Queens, comes in at 57,748, which is followed by Brooklyn at 50,667 – Fuhgeddaboudit.
Saudi Arabia and the Netherlands are in the low 40,000s just before Nassau County which is at 38,587, a few strides ahead of Mexico and, followed by Suffolk County at 37,305.
Among the countries that follow Nassau and Suffolk Counties, all with more than 10,000 and in descending order, are Ecuador, Switzerland, Portugal, Sweden, Qatar, Belarus, Singapore, Ireland, United Arab Emirates, Bangladesh, Poland, Israel, Ukraine, Japan, Austria, Romania, Indonesia, Colombia, South Africa, Philippines, Dominican Republic, Kuwait, South Korea, and Denmark.
I thought it was astonishing that after the United States, which tops the list, that New York State, New York City and New Jersey were among the top 10; Long Island and Queens in the top 20; and Brooklyn, Nassau and Suffolk Counties all in the top 26 worldwide.
Happy birthday to me.
Andrew Malekoff
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, the leading children’s mental health agency on Long Island. The Guidance Center is seeing new and existing clients via telephone and video during the COVID-19 crisis. To make an appointment, call (516) 626-1971. Visit www.northshorechildguidance.org for more information.
