The teen years are a time of exploration, and forming friendships and intimate relationships is a large part of the adolescent experience. While this can be a very joyful time, for some young people, what starts out as a positive relationship can turn dangerous.
February has been set aside as National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, teen dating violence includes four types of behavior:
Physical violence is when a person hurts or tries to hurt a partner by hitting, kicking or using another type of physical force.
Sexual violence is forcing or attempting to force a partner to take part in a sex act, sexual touching or a non-physical sexual event (e.g., sexting) when the partner does not or cannot consent.
Psychological aggression is the use of verbal and non-verbal communication with the intent to harm another person mentally or emotionally and/or exert control over another person.
Stalking is a pattern of repeated, unwanted attention and contact by a partner that causes fear or concern for one’s own safety or the safety of someone close to the victim.
Sadly, dating violence among teenagers is far more common than you might expect. The statistics: Nearly 1 in 11 female and 1 in 15 male high schoolers experienced physical dating violence last year, while 1 in 9 female and 1 in 36 male students were victims of sexual dating violence.
In addition, technology has made it possible for abusers to reach their victims 24/7 and abuse them on a wide scale through social media.
According to Elissa Smilowitz, Director of Triage and Emergency at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, “The goal of perpetrators of verbal and physical abuse is to make their partners feel worthless so they can be controlled,” says. “The abuser, who often has low self-esteem, is threatened by any sign of independence from their significant other, and that jealousy causes them to engage in physical, sexual, psychological and/or emotional violence.”
How is a parent to know if their child is being abused? Some signs:
Your child’s partner is extremely jealous or possessive.
You notice unexplained marks or bruises.
Your child’s partner emails or texts excessively.
You notice that your child is depressed or anxious.
Your child stops participating in extracurricular activities or other interests.
Your child stops spending time with other friends and family.
Your child’s partner abuses other people or animals.
Your child begins to dress differently.
It can be difficult to convince a teen that their partner is being abusive. “We have to help them come to the conclusion on their own that this is an unhealthy relationship and that it’s OK to seek out help,” says Smilowitz. “Through individual and group therapy, we can help give them the strength and tools to recognize that their relationship is toxic and learn what a loving, respectful relationship is like.”
Smilowitz advises parents to monitor their kids’ social media usage, and to keep an open dialogue. “If you notice changes in behavior, such as isolation and depression, ask them directly what’s going on. They need to know you are there to listen to them without judgment.”
If you are concerned that your child or teen may be the victim of abuse, call North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center at (516) 626-1971.
You can also call the 24-hour hotline at the Safe Center LI at (516) 542-0404.
When you look back on your youth, chances are that you can think of one or perhaps several people who shared their wisdom and guidance with you. Perhaps it was a favorite teacher or coach. Maybe it was a volunteer with an organization like the Girl Scouts or Boy Scouts. Or maybe your mentor was someone who helped you navigate the landscape at your first job.
When you look back on your youth, chances are that you can think of one or perhaps several people who shared their wisdom and guidance with you. Perhaps it was a favorite teacher or coach. Maybe it was a volunteer with an organization like the Girl Scouts or Boy Scouts. Or maybe your mentor was someone who helped you navigate the landscape at your first job.
However they came into your life, these mentors likely played a fundamental part in your development, setting the foundation for a successful future.
Mentors share not only their knowledge, but also their encouragement. They are your cheerleaders, letting you know not only how to succeed, but instilling in you the belief that you can succeed. Knowing that someone believes in you can change the trajectory of your life.
But mentoring doesn’t only benefit the mentee. Mentors and other types of volunteers often say they get more out of the relationship than they could have imagined, with their own feelings of happiness, well-being and purpose in life increased dramatically.
At North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, we are blessed to have many people who serve as mentors. Our Board Members all have expertise in a variety of areas, from marketing to finances, and we are thankful that they share their expertise with us.
Outside of our board, dedicated supporters such as Michael Leeds and Dan Donnelly provide us with guidance on a host of issues. And partners such as Neiman Marcus Roosevelt Field, National Grid and PSEG Long Island also make meaningful contributions as volunteers.
We’re so grateful to all of those who contribute to our mission, as their generosity plays a vital role in enabling us to provide lifesaving services to the children and families in our community.
How You Can Help
North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center counts on mentors to devote their time and compassion by volunteering for two of our programs. At our Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court, we provide care and an early learning environment to children ages six weeks to 12 years while their parents or guardians are conducting court business. Volunteers read and play with the children, and that interaction is sometimes the most rewarding time the children (and the volunteers!) have all week.
With our Learning to Learn Center tutoring program, volunteers offer to tutor students from the early grades through high school. We’re always looking for tutors with knowledge in all areas, including math, science, reading and more.
All volunteers (18 or older) have their own unique schedules and flexibility.
If you are interested in volunteering at the Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court, please contact Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust at (516) 997-2926, ext. 229, or email NTaylorWalthrust@northshorechildguidance.org.
To find out more about our tutoring program, contact Gerri Lima at (516) 997-2926, ext. 239, or email GLima@northshorechildguidance.org.
If your company is interested in creating a volunteer initiative with the Guidance Center, please contact Lauren McGowan at (516) 626-1971, ext. 320 or email LMcGowan@northshorechildguidance.org.
Help someone realize their potential. We all have unique talents and gifts. Activating the potential in someone by celebrating their talents empowers them to improve their own life, achieve their goals, and help others.
Give back to your community. The most impactful way to improve your community is to spend time investing in it. Mentoring youth in your community is a powerful way to invest in the next generation.
Learn more about yourself. Meaningful relationships are a two-way street. Learn more about your strengths, weaknesses, knowledge, experience and beliefs by sharing them with someone else.
Change someone’s life. An intentional relationship has the power to alter a person’s life – particularly youth – for the better. You may be the only stable, positive impact in a youth’s life. The ripple effect is tremendous.
Become a better leader. Investing in the life of someone else challenges your perspective, sharpens your interpersonal skills, and exposes you to different decision-making approaches. Mentoring gives you the opportunity to learn by doing.
When a child faces a mental health challenge, the entire family is impacted. But while people may sympathize with parents and siblings, they often forget that grandparents also struggle with feelings of sadness and helplessness.
North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center knows that real healing comes from supporting the entire family. That’s why we run two programs for grandparents: GASAK, for Grandparent Advocates Supporting Autistic Kids, and C-GRASP, for Caregiver Grandparent Respite and Support Program.
GASAK’s mission is to support, inform and advocate for grandparents with autistic grandchildren. At monthly meetings, GASAK participants network and share information on issues critical to families impacted by autism.
While there are many programs for parents of autistic kids, few if any address the specific issues that come up for grandparents, says Dr. Sue Cohen, Director of Early Childhood and Psychological Services at the Guidance Center.
“Sometimes the parents are overwhelmed dealing with their children’s needs,” says Cohen. “At GASAK meetings, grandparents can share their own concerns with their peers.”
GASAK member Judy Greenberg says, “A lot of times your friends can’t relate to what you’re going through, but when you walk into the GASAK group, you feel comfortable instantly. Nobody judges you.”
Guest speakers play a vital role at GASAK meetings. They include education lawyers, social workers, special education advocates and others. “When a grandparent leaves a meeting,” says Cohen, “they walk away with information that can make a huge difference in the lives of their children and grandchildren.”
But the camaraderie members experience is perhaps the most important benefit of the group.
One grandmother, who asked that her name not be used, has two autistic grandsons who were nonverbal until they were three years old. When one of them said “Mom” for the first time, the GASAK group celebrated her good news. “There is such compassion among members,” she says. “And by sharing our worries as well as our happy moments, we give new members hope.”
When Grandparents Are in Charge
For a variety of reasons—among them substance use, custodial battles or health issues—sometimes grandparents are placed in the role of primary caregiver. That’s when C-GRASP comes in.
There are many concerns for these grandparents, says Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust, Director of the Guidance Center’s Leeds Place. “They are often isolated, struggling with health and financial issues that add stress to the entire family.”
Through partnerships with a team of supportive local entities, the Guidance Center provides the grandparents with a variety of services, including respite and peer support, counseling, housing assistance and school advocacy.
“The grandparents also have the opportunity to develop a social network with other grandparents who are experiencing the same life challenge,” she says.
For the past eight years, Marie and Roger Dextra have been caring for their five grandchildren because of their daughter’s severe depression. Through C-GRASP, Guidance Center advocates go to the children’s school meetings on their behalf. They also receive food donations from Island Harvest.
Despite the many hardships, the Dextras find joy in caring for their grandchildren. “It’s such a passion for me,” Marie says. “When I see them coming, I’m happy.”
With both the C-GRASP and GASAK programs, the Guidance Center’s inclusive family approach makes a huge difference in creating an environment in which children will thrive!
To learn more about C-GRASP, call Taylor-Walthrust at (516) 997-2926, ext. 229. For GASAK schedule and info, call Cohen at (516) 484-3174, ext. 402.
When my best friend’s son was about two years old, he walked over to his great-grandmother’s caretaker and gently touched her skin. “Why is your skin so dark?” asked the young boy, who is Caucasian. “I’m from Haiti,” answered the woman, “and most people there look like me.”
My friend cringed, uncertain of what was coming next from her son’s mouth.
“Oh,” he said. “I like it! It’s very pretty!”
Not all such occasions go so smoothly. What the situation makes clear, however, is that children notice differences. As parents, we may be wary of discussing with our kids how people may be various colors, or religions, or sexual orientations, or any number of possible “differences.” But ignoring the subject is more apt to create bias.
In today’s world, with the rise in anti-Semitism, white nationalism and other forms of discrimination, it’s more important than ever to talk with our children about diversity and how it makes our world a better place.
How can you talk to your children about diversity and discrimination? Here are some guidelines from the American Psychological Association.
Don’t expect to have “the talk” about discrimination. It shouldn’t be one conversation. Rather, let the discussion be open and ongoing.
Parents often avoid talking about hard subjects (including sex, underage drinking and discrimination) because they’re personally uncomfortable. Keep talking anyway. The discussions get easier over time.
Use age-appropriate language children can understand, and don’t give kids too much information at once. The conversation will get deeper and more nuanced as they get older.
Learn to respond to children’s questions about differences and bias as they come up naturally. Help children feel that their questions are welcome, or they might come to believe that discussing differences is taboo.
Help children understand the value of diversity. A diverse set of experiences and viewpoints boosts creativity and helps kids (and adults) better understand the world around them. On the other hand, discrimination hurts everyone – not just the targets of discrimination. When people are discriminated against, we can miss an important opportunity to learn from them.
Take opportunities to raise discussions based on what you see around you – in real life, books, television shows and even video games. You might ask: “There aren’t many female characters in this video game. What do you think of that?” or “Do you think that show accurately portrays LGBT characters, or does it rely on stereotypes?”
Help kids learn how to deal with being the potential target of discrimination. Plan ahead by developing healthy comebacks or responses to hurtful discriminatory statements. For example: “What an unkind thing to say.” “Excuse me? Could you repeat that?” “I disagree with you, and here’s why…”
If you hear children say something discriminatory, don’t just hush them. Use the opportunity as a conversation starter to address their fears and correct their misperceptions.
Challenge your own assumptions and behavior. Do you laugh at racially insensitive jokes? Do you cross the street to avoid passing people of a different ethnic group? Children learn from your actions as well as your words.
Broaden their horizons. Think about the diversity of your own friendship and parenting networks and the places where you spend time. When kids are exposed to people from diverse backgrounds, they have more opportunities to learn about others and discover what they have in common.
Have you spoken to your children about the divisive nature of our current culture? Have any tips to share with other parents? Please send us your thoughts by emailing jkern-rugile@northshorechildguidance.org.
From left: Jacqueline M. Goode, Laura Schaefer, honoree Angela Susan Anton, Joanne K. Adams, Erin King Sweeney, Laura Curran, Laura Gillen, Silvia Cabana, Kimberly Bancroft, Patricia Reinhardt, Libby Imperio (Photos by Tab Hauser)
Philanthropy is of the utmost importance to Anton Media Group, particularly to publisher, Angela Susan Anton. In 2019, the charitable publisher continued her tireless efforts working to give back to the community while also attending many events and publicizing the fundraising efforts of many different important organizations.
A sellout crowd of 245 people joined together for North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center’s annual spring luncheon at Glen Head Country Club this past spring. The event, which supports the Guidance Center’s mission to restore and strengthen the emotional well-being of children and their families, was a record-breaker, raising more than $87,000.
The Elcano sails into Boston Harbor on April 26.
The joint ceremony and meeting held in Boston on Spain’s Training Ship, The Sebastian Elcano, on the weekend of April 26 was an overwhelming success with both “partners” agreeing on future plans to work and help spread exploration worldwide beyond 2019. It all began on the main deck of the Elcano at a Boston pier with all of the officers and crew on deck, along with the representatives of the Explorers Club (EC). Moving to the main mast, preparations took place to raise the flags of the Explorers Club followed by the Flag of Spain. Angela Susan Anton joined more than 100 people in conversation about the education of their ship and training.
Later in spring, the Belmont Child Care Association’s (BCCA) annual Spring Fling Hat Luncheon and Fashion Show was held on May 30 at the Garden City Hotel. The event honored Anton Media Group publisher Angela Susan Anton and the National Charity League-Garden City chapter. Guests donned colorful hats and welcome spring into their wardrobe. Honoree and publisher Angela Susan Anton wore a hat crafted of her own newspapers, designed by Anton Media Group’s art director Alex Nuñez and assistant art director Cathy Bongiorno. BCCA provides quality child care and education for all of the children of the working families of NYRA’s thoroughbred racetracks, year-round.
Guests enjoy the ‘80s exhibit.
Then, in June, Nassau County Museum of Art (NCMA) went back to the ’80s, hosting the “So ’80s” museum ball, which honored Joseph Graziose, the EVP of residential development and construction for RXR Realty. RXR also sponsored the ball, while NCMA board of trustees president Angela Susan Anton chaired the ball committee, along with co-chairs Lisa Lechleider and Melissa Stark. The black tie ball encouraged guests to wear their best ’80s attire, and they didn’t disappoint with pops of color and accessories fitting in with the theme. Proceeds support the museum’s art exhibitions, public and private programs, art classes, community outreach, family activities and programs for those with special needs including autism and memory loss.
In August, the Nassau County Museum of Art united art and science with energy in a groundbreaking exhibition titled, “Energy: The Power of Art.” Top-tier science and major art by Jackson Pollock, Alexander Calder, Jasper Johns, James Rosenquist, Julie Mehretu, Frank Stella, Joseph Cornell and Man Ray were fused into one dynamic and interactive exhibition. Working with the Brookhaven National Laboratory and the Tesla Museum, this innovative project juxtaposed masterworks in many media with images produced by the most advanced scientific instruments.
In October, Old Westbury Gardens hosted its annual Children in Bloom Luncheon, celebrating its 10th anniversary at Orchard Hill in Old Westbury. The theme was “Diamonds Are Forever” and the event honored Arlene Levine, a founding member of the Children in Bloom Council and a major philanthropist. Money raised from the luncheon support the educational and environmental children’s programs at Old Westbury Gardens and help children of underserved schools. Angela Susan Anton is a longtime supporter of Children In Bloom and its commitment to educating children.
