Kids are under pressure more than ever—and at an earlier age—to get into the right school, get good grades and take part in a whole host of extracurricular activities. While none of this is bad in and of itself, what may get lost in the mix is how important it is for kids to enjoy learning—and also to create lasting bonds!
“We know from experience working with young children that reading together is a powerful bonding experience for parent and child,” says Andrew Malekoff, Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center. “Think about your own childhood, and you’ll likely have warm memories of cuddling up with a book and your mom or dad.”
While it’s easy to understand that reading aloud with your children will create loving connections and will also help them develop language and literacy skills, there’s more good news: Family reading time also helps decrease behaviors such as aggression, hyperactivity and difficulty with attention, according to a study by the New York University School of Medicine.
Reading is the centerpiece at the Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court, a Guidance Center program that offers a safe and enriching environment for children ages 6 weeks to 12 years while their families are conducting court business. Each child who comes to the program leaves with a new or gently used book to bring home.
In addition, as part of our Good Beginnings for Babies program, which provides support and education to your mothers at our Leeds Place location, we emphasize the importance of early reading to our clients.
“Positive social and emotional development is a huge benefit of family reading time,” says Malekoff, adding, “Parents should begin reading to children from infancy.”
November is designated as National Family Literacy Month, but reading to your child is something to enjoy every day of the year. Here are a few tips to help this become one of your favorite family traditions:
Set aside a little time for reading every day, even if it’s only for 15 minutes.
Go through both old and new books, and set some of your favorites around the house. They make cute decorations, and maybe one of the kids will pick one up and start reading!
Take regular trips to the library.
Read your child the book version of their favorite movie. If they can read on their own, encourage them to read it!
Start a book club with friends and family.
Participate in a book drive and donate old or used books you no longer need. This will help families in need read to their kids.
Helping Our Youngest Clients
North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center welcomes the contribution of your new or gently used books to use at our Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court. To learn how to donate, contact Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust, NTaylorWalthrust@northshorechildguidance.org, (516) 997-2926, ext. 229.
A representative from makeup company lilah b. helps a Guidance Center client enjoy a day for self-care.
All moms deserve some pampering, but when you’re a mother who is experiencing postpartum depression, a day out dedicated to your wellbeing is a much-needed healing experience. This fall, the place of healing was Neiman Marcus in Roosevelt Field. The renowned retailer, which is a dedicated partner and supporter of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, offered a “Beauty Master Class” for several moms who are clients of our Diane Goldberg Maternal Depression Program.
The mothers were treated to a personalized makeup application from two representatives from lilah b., a natural line of beauty products made in Italy. “The lilah b. reps were just wonderful,” said Vanessa McMullan, supervisor at the Guidance Center’s Marks Family Right from the Start 0-3+ Center in Manhasset. “They talked to the moms and helped them choose the right makeup for their skin.” The mothers also went home with a gift bag of products from lilah b. McMullan also expressed her gratitude to the staff at Neiman Marcus, which has partnered with the Guidance Center for the past four years, offering a variety of beauty events and also a mentoring conference for some of our teen girl clients. “Neiman Marcus had a special room set up just for us, with extra help to care for the babies that came,” said McMullan. “All of the moms loved being together and getting some TLC. It was a perfect day!” “One of the pillars of our company is supporting the communities where Neiman Marcus stores are found,” said Neiman Marcus Roosevelt Field Vice President, General Manager Doris Wilshere. “We are thankful for the relationship that we have built with North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center over the four years since our store opened. We applaud the Guidance Center for the support they provide to the many Long Island families that rely on resources like the Maternal Depression Program to live happier and healthier lives.”Neiman Marcus will be hosting more events for our Guidance Center’s maternal depression clients later this month and for the foreseeable future. To find out more, contact Vanessa McMullan at vmcmullan@northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 484-3174, ext. 415.
Roslyn Heights, NY, November 19, 2019 — All moms deserve some pampering, but when you’re a mother who is experiencing postpartum depression, a day out dedicated to your wellbeing is a much-needed healing experience.
This fall, the place of healing was Neiman Marcus in Roosevelt Field. The renowned retailer, which is a dedicated partner and supporter of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, offered a “Beauty Master Class” for several moms who are clients of our Diane Goldberg Maternal Depression Program. The mothers were treated to a personalized makeup application from two representatives from lilah b., a natural line of beauty products made in Italy.
“The lilah b. reps were just wonderful,” said Vanessa McMullan, Supervisor at the Guidance Center’s Marks Family Right from the Start 0-3+ Center in Manhasset. “They talked to the moms and helped them choose the right makeup for their skin.” The mothers also went home with a gift bag of products from lilah b.
McMullan also expressed her gratitude to the staff at Neiman Marcus, which has partnered with the Guidance Center for the past four years, offering a variety of beauty events and also a mentoring conference for some of our teen girl clients.
“Neiman Marcus had a special room set up just for us, with extra help to care for the babies that came,” said McMullan. “All of the moms loved being together and getting some TLC. It was a perfect day!”
“One of the pillars of our company is supporting the communities where Neiman Marcus stores are found,” said Neiman Marcus Roosevelt Field Vice President, General Manager Doris Wilshere. “We are thankful for the relationship that we have built with North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center over the four years since our store opened. We applaud the Guidance Center for the support they provide to the many Long Island families that rely on resources like the Maternal Depression Program to live happier and healthier lives.”
Neiman Marcus will be hosting more events for our Guidance Center’s maternal depression clients later this month and for the foreseeable future. To find out more, contact Vanessa McMullan at vmcmullan@northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 484-3174, ext. 415.
A representative from makeup company lilah b. helps a Guidance Center client enjoy a day for self-care.
About Us:
As the preeminent not-for-profit children’s mental health agency on Long Island, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is dedicated to restoring and strengthening the emotional well-being of children (from birth – age 24) and their families. Our highly trained staff of psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, vocational rehabilitation counselors and other mental health professionals lead the way in diagnosis, treatment, prevention, training, parent education, research and advocacy. The Guidance Center helps children and families address issues such as depression and anxiety; developmental delays; bullying; teen pregnancy; sexual abuse; teen drug and alcohol abuse; and family crises stemming from illness, death, trauma and divorce. For more than 65 years, the Guidance Center has been a place of hope and healing, providing innovative and compassionate treatment to all who enter our doors, regardless of their ability to pay. For more information about the Guidance Center, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 626-1971.
By Jenna Kern-Rugile, Director of Communications, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center
My daughter Maya is now 19, but the questions and puzzled looks still arise at times. When I recently took her to a new doctor, for example, he walked into the office and, in a somewhat surprised tone, asked, “Are you her mother?”
Yes, I am her mother. True, she doesn’t look like me. She arrived at JFK and in our lives on November 24, 2001 when she was 16 months old. Maya was born in Guatemala, and we are blessed that her birth mother placed her for adoption. (See “Airborne to New Motherhood” to read more.)
From the very start, strangers asked questions. At the library, one woman said, “Is she yours?” At the park, another said “Are you her real mother?”
When she was a little girl, it wasn’t uncommon for other children to ask why we didn’t look the same. I’ll never forget one day in the playground, when Maya was about three years old and a child said, “That can’t be your mom!” Maya was confused, hurt and angry.
The truth is, the vast majority of people—and especially young children—mean no harm when they say such things. As an adoptive interracial family, we grew accustomed to it; we answered most questions by simply saying, “Yes, I’m her real mother. Families are made in all different ways, and ours was made through adoption.”
Still, when Maya was young, these episodes stung. Now that she’s a young adult, the questions don’t come up as often—probably because she spends more time out with friends than with me!
Regardless, I still see and hear language surrounding adoption that ranges from the misinformed to the inherently biased. Why, for example, would a newspaper story write something like, “Jane Smith is the mother of three children and one adopted child?” when adoption has no relevance to the content?
The bottom line: Education about adoption language is always a good thing. November is National Adoption Month, and in the spirit of sharing knowledge, here are some do’s and don’ts from Healthychildren.org:
DO: Use the words “birth child” and “adopted child” only when they are relevant to the discussion; otherwise simply use “child.” DON’T: Refer to a child born to his parents as the parents’ “real child,” “own child,” or “natural child.” A child who was adopted is very real and not at all unnatural; she is very much her parents’ “own child.”
DO: Use the words “birth parents” or “biologic parents” only when asking about them is relevant. DON’T: Refer to the child’s birth parents as his “real parents” or “natural parents.” Adoptive parents are very real and natural.
DO: Treat siblings who joined families by birth or adoption equally. They are loved equally by their parents and experience all of the joys and trials of any sibling relationship. DON’T: Distinguish between children who were adopted into the family and children who were born into the family unless it’s relevant.
DO: Describe birth parents as choosing “to make an adoption plan for the child” or “to place the child for adoption.” DON’T: Refer to a child as being “put up” or “given up” for adoption. Most birth parents have thought long and hard about their decision to place a child for adoption. It is very important to a child’s self-esteem to know that her birth parents loved her and worked hard to reach a decision that they felt to be in her best interest.
DO: Recognize that families come in all shapes and sizes. Some families may have a single adoptive parent or permanent legal guardian and no other legal parent. Others families have same-sex parents. DON’T: Assume that the child has two opposite-sex parents.
DO: Recognize that a child understands adoption gradually as she grows, just as with all other developmental tasks. DON’T: Ask, “Are you going to tell your son that he’s adopted?” Adoptive parents are encouraged to talk freely and honestly about adoption from the time their child is very young so that there is never a time in the child’s life when this information comes as shocking news.
DO: Be sympathetic with the long and sometimes arduous path that parents have traveled to become parents. Some may be experiencing significant financial stresses after the adoption, some may still be grieving infertility losses, and some may be coping with extended family members who do not accept the new member of the family. Recognize that even though the child may not be a newborn, the adults may be new parents. Recognize that post-adoption depression exists and is similar to post-partum depression. DON’T: Ask, “How much did you pay for your daughter?” Children are not bought. Fees go to pay social workers and attorneys, to complete court and government paperwork, to cover travel, medical, foster/orphanage care, and other expenses, not to “buy children.”
Do you have advice or a story to share? Contact Jenna at jkern-rugile@northshorechildguidance.org.
If my count is accurate, I was one of just three men (aside from the tech guy) who attended the Maternal Mental Health Conference on Oct. 2, at the Morrelly Conference Center in Bethpage. Yet the message of this conference was as germane for men—fathers, brothers, grandfathers and coworkers—as it was for mothers.
The conference was led by a terrific panel of health professionals, health educators and advocates. In the comments to follow, I will not cite any one in particular but I credit all five—Pauline Walfisch, Dr. Ariela Frieder, Vanessa McMullan, Sonia Murdoch and Phyllis Kaufman—who are all champions for pregnant and parenting moms.
We must begin with understanding the false ideal imposed upon many new moms. The ideal is that when a woman becomes pregnant, delivers a child and becomes a mother who cares for that child, everything is supposed to perfect.
Undoubtedly, some moms are able to acknowledge that being a mother is messy. They can adjust their sights, recognize that the ideal of perfection is a fantasy and adjust to the new reality of their lives. Naturally, it helps enormously to have the consistent support and understanding of their partner, family members and friends.
For some moms, though, messiness is harder to tolerate, especially when they experience what used to be known exclusively as postpartum depression and is now known as perinatal mood or anxiety disorders (PMADs for short). The latter term broadens the focus by recognizing that depression can occur during pregnancy as well as after giving birth, and that anxiety may also be a part of the picture. In other words, postpartum depression, the term most well-known by the lay public, is just one type of PMAD.
It is important here to pause and explain the difference between baby blues and clinical depression. The term baby blues represents the normal and characteristically mild ups and downs that new moms might experience for a few weeks after giving birth. Postpartum depression, on the other hand, can be the result of a confluence of stressors including the shifting of reproductive hormones following the delivery, sleep deprivation, poor nutrition, isolation, inadequate partner support, poverty and health issues of mom or baby, for example.
When you couple all this with the myth of perfect maternal bliss, the result is that many moms living with PMADs suffer in silence. Anything other than 100 percent perfection evokes feelings of stigma and shame.
Some mothers who are clinically depressed live with the belief that they should just “suck it up.” Others are advised to “pray it away.” Moms are very hard on themselves; they can begin to feel hopeless and harbor the feeling that things will never get better.
The good news is that there is help. The better news is that you can help. As one of the panelists advised, just ask the question. In other words, ask how mom is doing. The focus is most often on how the baby is doing, totally disregarding the mom, which just reinforces the idea that moms should be happy, holding their own and thrilled to be a new mother.
Whether you are a partner, parent, friend or colleague—female or male—asking the question is the first step toward eliminating stigma and shame. It can make all the difference in the world for a new mom who is suffering in silence. Ask the question.
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center. To find out more, including information about the Guidance Center’s Diane Goldberg Maternal Depression Program, call 516-626-1971 or visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
