At North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, we not only provide counseling, but we also offer some very innovative programs targeted at specific needs and sectors of our local communities.
One of those programs is the Latina Girls Project, which was created to respond to the alarming rate of depression, school refusal, self-harm, sexual abuse, suicidal ideation and attempted suicides by Hispanic girls, ages 12-17. In addition to bilingual individual, family and group therapy, the program incorporates a youth enrichment component that is comprised of monthly supervised outings to places such as theaters, museums and other cultural and educational sites. These trips also offer respite to the parents who are relieved to know that their daughters are in safe hands and doing worthwhile things.
All of the trips are sponsored by our very generous donors, John and Janet Kornreich.
In celebration of Hispanic Heritage Month, here is a summary of two recent trips:
Exploring the Arts:
We had a great turnout for our trip to Muse PaintBar in Garden City. At first, some of the girls said they had no artistic talent and were a little nervous about painting. But the instructor was great, and assured them that everyone has an inner artist! The instructor told them not to feel like they should copy exactly what they saw; instead, she said it’s like handwriting, where everyone has their own individual style. The message was that you are 100% good enough just the way you are, and that you can do so much more than you thought possible.
What was so impressive was how the girls’ level of concentration was so strong. Many of them say they have trouble concentrating in school, but they were fully attentive when it came to being creative.
In addition, the girls are so respectful of the space they are in. There is no cursing, or pushing, or teasing. They even make sure the van is clean after we use it. Part of what we teach them is how to behave appropriately in the world. This goes hand in hand with developing self-respect, which is a key component to emotional well-being. Their behavior makes all of us very proud—and it rightfully makes them proud of themselves!
A Day at the Theater:
For another recent trip, we saw a wonderful musical called The Buddy Holly Story at The John W. Engeman Theater in Northport, a beautiful venue that uses professional actors directly from the Broadway talent pool.
Even though Buddy Holly lived well before their time, the girls were fascinated by his story. Buddy was a young person who went after his dreams, despite any obstacles that faced him, and that message was inspiring for the girls. He was also someone who broke tradition by playing at the Apollo Theater, which at that time featured only black performers.
There is an especially meaningful scene when Buddy gets on stage at the Apollo and both he and the audience are surprised that, as a white man, he is the featured talent. But once he began to play, it was clear that what is on the outside in terms of race and color isn’t important; the message that diversity should be welcomed was one that the girls could truly appreciate.
They also were surprised and delighted to see that Buddy married a Latina woman and also that Richie Valens, who sang the still-famous song La Bamba (which the girls knew), was part of Buddy’s tour. The girls experience racism in their lives regularly, especially in these times when immigrants are looked down upon by some people in our country. They were uplifted by this story’s very inclusive and positive message!
To learn more about the Latina Girls Project and other Guidance Center programs, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 626-1971.
In August 2019 the news was dominated by stories about the horrific mass shootings in Gilroy, Calif.; El Paso, Odessa and Midland, Texas; and Dayton, Ohio. In all, 41 died and more than 90 were wounded.
Among the dead and injured were children. As for the count of those who were emotionally impacted, that cannot be quantified. It transcends the boundaries of those locales.
In a familiar refrain, at the same time that the headlines screamed, the nation mourned and politicians took sides about causes and solutions. There was also a series of stories about efforts to institute mental health days in public schools, including in New York.
It’s not complicated to understand the value of a mental health day unless you are someone who denies that emotional health is as important as physical health. As it stands, New York schools can determine what constitutes a legitimate absence, but the proposed legislation would make a mental health issue an acceptable reason for a student missing school.
Laws like this have already passed in Oregon thanks to the leadership of a number of student activists who pointed to ever-climbing suicide rates. Utah and Minnesota have passed similar laws. Still, the proposed legislation has its detractors, many of whom dismissed the notion in a disparaging manner. Following are a few comments that were posted on social media:
“Of course there are students with serious mental health issues. This would/should already be recognized and documented by professional mental health practitioners. Why do we need legislation to allow [kids] who are too stressed over texting all night to take a day off?”
“Kids need to suck it up & go to school. I didn’t have mental health days; my parents raised me with manners, to respect others, go to school and never quit, and if I ever got into trouble I got punished! Kids today are not being disciplined, have zero manners & act like babies.”
“Snow-flakes have mental health issues. They are emotional wrecks over ANYTHING that upsets them… Yes, there are serious mental health issues, but cry rooms in college and days off because you had a fight with a BFF? Please, this is a MAJOR offense to the REAL mental issues like gun violence.”
“We just keep getting softer and softer… The greatest generation must be just heartbroken that we’ve let it get this bad.”
“I cant go to class today ‘ma im questioning my sexual identity.”
“LMFAO!! Bunch of pansies.”
Of course, not everyone took that viewpoint. As one parent put it, “I for one am glad. As a parent of a teen that has thought of suicide [and] actively self-harms, this will relieve some of my stress and anxiety.”
In reading the critical social media posts, I get where some of these people are coming from. I am a strong work ethic guy. As a former high school and college athlete, I learned early on about “sucking it up,” playing injured and keeping my mouth shut. As for discussing emotional issues, that was a no-no.
Times have changed and for the better. Having a strong work ethic is a question of values, which is not negated by saying when you are hurt — physically or emotionally. Being open about a mental health problem is not a sign of weakness or a sign that you’re a “snowflake,” implying an unwarranted sense of entitlement or being overly emotional.
On balance, the new legislation will go a long way toward reducing the stigma of mental illness and tempering the toxic masculinity that enabled me to keep concussions a secret during my teenage years.
The mass shootings? As the debate about causes and solutions advances, the level of anxiety and fear among our children is escalating. Would a mental health day following a mass shooting be justified? Or is that just another snowflake excuse to miss school? Let’s hope it’s the former because the day it is not is the day America cashes in its humanity.
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
Manhasset, NY, August 29, 2019 —Do you have any infant or toddler who has trouble getting on a regular sleep schedule? You’re not alone! Many parents aren’t sure how to help their children get the right amount of sleep—and that means the whole family is tired.
On October 3rd, 2019, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center will be holding a free Pediatric Sleep Workshop at its Marks Family Right From the Start 0-3+ Center, located at 80 North Service Road, L.I.E., Manhasset. The presenter will be Corey Wilbur, a Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant, Licensed Family Therapist and founder of Let There Be Sleep LLC.
Wilbur, a Port Washington mother of two boys, experienced the difficulties of getting her first child on a regular sleep schedule, which led her to want to help other parents facing similar problems.
“I was an exhausted and frustrated parent who had tried everything after the birth of my first son, who had colic,” she says. “I struggled to get him to sleep more than an hour or two in a row at night.”
During the day her son would only nap while being held. “I saw no relief in sight,” says Wilbur. “I wasn’t able to truly enjoy being a mom. Instead, my life revolved around trying to get my son to sleep and taking cat-naps whenever I could.”
A colleague recommended that Wilbur use a Certified Sleep Consultant, and she was glad she took that advice. After implementing the suggestions of the Sleep Consultant, in just under two weeks her son went from waking every 2-3 hours at night to sleeping 11-12 consecutive hours at night, as well as taking 90-minute naps by himself.
“It was absolutely amazing!” says Wilbur. “I couldn’t believe how much better I felt and how much more I enjoyed being a mom. I wanted to tell every tired parent how they, too, could get a good night’s rest.”
At the workshop, Wilbur will share tips for parents of young children (ages 4 months—2 years), including:
Establishing healthy sleep routines at each age and stage
Setting safe sleep spaces that also improve the quality of sleep
Reducing sleep associations
Reducing cat napping and night wakings
Vanessa McMullan, who heads up the Guidance Center’s Diane Goldberg Maternal Depression Program, says the workshop is a terrific way to help parents to get concrete tips on approaching sleep problems. “Lack of sleep is a big source of stress for many moms and dads, too,” says McMullan. “When children aren’t sleeping, their parents aren’t sleeping, so they are less equipped to handle their responsibilities. It has an effect on the whole family.”
For more information about this free workshop, please contact Vanessa McMullan at the Guidance Center, (516) 484-3174, extension 415 or email VMcMullan@northshorechildguidance.org.
About Us:
As the preeminent not-for-profit children’s mental health agency on Long Island, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is dedicated to restoring and strengthening the emotional well-being of children (from birth – age 24) and their families. Our highly trained staff of psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, vocational rehabilitation counselors and other mental health professionals lead the way in diagnosis, treatment, prevention, training, parent education, research and advocacy. The Guidance Center helps children and families address issues such as depression and anxiety; developmental delays; bullying; teen pregnancy; sexual abuse; teen drug and alcohol abuse; trauma; and family crises stemming from illness, death and divorce. For more than 65 years, the Guidance Center has been a place of hope and healing, providing innovative and compassionate treatment to all who enter our doors, regardless of their ability to pay. For more information about the Guidance Center, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 626-1971.
The headline read: “Student activists prevail.” It was a story by Joie Tyrell published earlier this year that told the tale of a group of high school students who were researching the international issue of access to feminine hygiene products.
In their research, the teenage girls found that New York State legislation called for the provision of feminine hygiene products in the restrooms of all school buildings at no charge to students. Yet the Lindenhurst High School girls found that in their school such products were only available in the nurse’s office.
The girls addressed the issue with a school administrator and district officials. The authorities responded to the girls’ advocacy and the situation was remedied.
Some years ago, I worked in a high school where I encountered a situation that also involved a high school bathroom. In this case the problem was the fact that there were no doors on the stalls in the boy’s bathroom.
A group of boys, who were members of a school-based mental health counseling group, raised the issue. As one of them said, “Do you think they have any idea how humiliating it is to go to the bathroom with no doors on the stalls? There’s no privacy; it’s embarrassing.” The group decided to present their concern to school authorities. During a group meeting they rehearsed what they would say. Soon after they requested a meeting with the principal, and sometime after that their “demand” was met.
What these two stories have in common is young people identifying problems, having a vision, organizing and taking steps to ensure they receive the respect and dignity that they deserve.
As we approach the beginning of another school year, it is worth noting that young people have power and, when they exercise it and receive support, they can make a difference. Roger A. Hart, a professor of environmental psychology, has devoted much of his life’s research to children’s development in relationship to the physical environment. To that end he created a “ladder of participation” that differentiates the degrees to which young people might initiate change.
Following is an elaboration of the ladder of participation by Adam Fletcher, an internationally recognized expert on youth and community engagement. Fletcher starts with the top rung of the ladder.
Young people-initiated, shared decisions with adults: Projects or programs are initiated by young people and decision-making is shared between young people and adults.
Young people-initiated and directed: Young people initiate and direct a project or program. Adults are involved only in a supportive role.
Adult-initiated, shared decisions with young people: Projects or programs are initiated by adults but the decision-making is shared with the young people.
Consulted and informed. Young people give advice on projects or programs designed and run by adults. The young people are informed about how their input will be used and the outcomes of the decisions are made by adults.
Assigned but informed. Young people are assigned a specific role and informed about how and why they are being involved.
Tokenism. Young people appear to be given a voice, but in fact have little or no choice about what they do or how they participate.
Decoration. Young people are used to help or “bolster” a cause in a relatively indirect way, although adults do not pretend that the cause is inspired by young people.
Manipulation. Adults use young people to support causes and pretend that the causes are inspired by young people.
Understanding the ladder of participation can help those of us who care about kids to know when to lead, follow or get out of the way. In any case, making decisions that support young people becoming active participants in community affairs is a win-win, particularly when it supports them in blazing a path and making a difference in areas where we have failed.
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
Recent headlines have revealed an alarming rash of suicides among police officers and veterans. But adults are not the only ones at risk.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), suicide is the third leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 14, and the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 15 and 34. One in 12 high school students attempts suicide.
It is far more rare—though not unheard of—for children younger than 10 to commit suicide, but it does happen. About four out of every 500,000 children below the age of 12 commit suicide annually, reports the CDC.
At North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, 20 percent of all admissions come to us as crisis situations, including kids who talk and act as if they don’t want to live.
Both children and teens are at risk of depression and suicide when they experience traumatic events in their lives, such as divorce, death of a loved one, abuse or illness, according to Elissa Smilowitz, LCSWR and Coordinator of Triage & Emergency Services at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center.
Smilowitz emphasizes that parents must acknowledge that the risk of suicide is real and that it’s very dangerous to view their child or teen’s behavior as a normal part of adolescent melodrama. “Parents say, ‘Teenagers are supposed to be moody, aren’t they?’,” she says. “Yes, but it is the severity of the mood that parents need to look at.”
Here are some of the warning signs that a child or teen might be suicidal, from the Mayo Clinic:
Talking or writing about suicide — for example, making statements such as “I’m going to kill myself,” or “I won’t be a problem for you much longer”
Withdrawing from social contact
Having mood swings
Increasing use of alcohol or drugs
Feeling trapped or hopeless about a situation
Changing normal routine, including eating or sleeping patterns
Doing risky or self-destructive things
Giving away belongings when there is no other logical explanation for why this is being done
Developing personality changes or being severely anxious or agitated when experiencing some of the warning signs listed above
So, what do you do if you suspect your child or teen may be suicidal? The first step is to consult a mental health professional. The Guidance Center has a Triage & Emergency Services program that offers a rapid response to psychiatric emergencies. Our team will assess if the situation appears urgent and will make an appointment to see the child within 24 to 48 hours (if it’s deemed extremely urgent, we do advise you go to the Emergency Room).
It’s very important that you communicate your concern to your child in a loving, non-judgmental way, says Smilowitz. “Talking about suicide will not make your child more likely to act upon it,” she says. “The opposite is true. Also, let them know that you believe that getting help is not a weakness, but rather shows their strength.”
If you or a member of your family is in crisis, call North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center at (516) 626-1971. You can also call the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
