AR-15 rifles are displayed on the exhibit floor during the National Rifle Association (NRA) annual meeting in Louisville, Kentucky on May 20, 2016. Photo Credit: Bloomberg/Luke Sharrett
In the wake of the mass shootings in Texas and Ohio, we heard a White House narrative that focused attention on the role of mental illness.
Although people living with mental illness have been targets of discrimination for centuries, studies show that they are disproportionately the victims and not the perpetrators of violence.
All people of goodwill must continue to fight against stigma and discrimination and also for the elimination of race and ethnic-based fear and intolerance.
Andrew Malekoff,
Long Beach
Editor’s note: The writer is executive director of the North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center in Roslyn Heights.
Urbach–Wiethe disease in skin biopsy with H&E stain. (Image by TexasPathologistMSW via Wikimedia / CC BY-SA 4.0)
Can you imagine what it would be like to feel no fear regardless of circumstance? I am not referring to being courageous or resolute in the face of grave danger. Rather, having no physiological response to perceived threats to one’s survival. Would you like to have that capacity? Sounds like having superpowers minus the ability to bend steel with your bare hands or leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Believe it or not, there is a condition, Urbach-Wiethe (UW) disease, that creates the no-fear effect.
In UW disease, which is incredibly rare, calcium deposits take over the amygdala, the part of the brain that is responsible for emotion and survival instincts. The result is the complete absence of fear.
A few years ago, Washington Post reporter Rachel Feltman wrote an article titled, “Meet the Woman Who Can’t Feel Fear.” She wrote about a woman that she refers to as SM who has been diagnosed with UW disease.
Feltman was able to get an interview with SM, who shared a personal example of what it is like to feel no fear. “I was walking to the store, and I saw this man on a park bench. He said, ‘Come here please.’ So I went over to him. I said, ‘What do you need?’ He grabbed me by the shirt, and he held a knife to my throat and told me he was going to cut me. I told him, ‘Go ahead and cut me.’ And I said, “I’ll be coming back, and I’ll hunt you [down].’ I wasn’t afraid. And for some reason, he let me go. And I went home.”
SM also reported being held at gunpoint on two occasions and said she did not feel the need to contact the police. After all of these incidents, she experienced no signs of trauma. She said that none of the threats to her life bothered her in the slightest.
It’s not that SM didn’t realize the grave danger she was in. She is intelligent enough to know that being held at gunpoint could lead to her death, but she lacks the acute stress response that everyone else feels when they are exposed to danger.
How would someone with UW—if they were a parent—respond to a threat of danger to their child? I imagine that if SM were a parent, when a fight-or-flight response fails, she would rely on her intelligence and her fearlessness to protect her child.
Reading about UW disease made me wonder: Are there other human conditions in which there is a profound absence of fear?
For example, people with personalities that are characterized by antisocial behavior tend to have shallow emotions and a weak conscience. Such people don’t experience anxiety or sadness like most of us do, but that doesn’t make them immune to fear in the face of mortal danger.
What they do seem immune to is shame.
There have been only about 400 cases of Urbach-Wiethe disease since it was first discovered in 1908. So there are not many people walking the earth today who experience a complete lack of fear. As for a lack of shame, I’m sad to say that it seems to be rapidly on the rise.
Thousands of children have been ripped from their mothers’ arms at the border. Many asylum seekers are living in inhumane conditions, lacking basics like food and water. Journalists, some of whom risk their lives to expose criminal and/or immoral behaviors in their search for truth, are being denigrated, threatened and even killed. Regulations protecting us and our children from toxins in the environment are being tossed out at an alarming rate.
I imagine you have other shameful things to add to that list.
For the majority of us who feel both fear and shame, it’s time to speak out—even if it can be a scary thing to do. It would be a real shame if we remain silent.
Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
If you’re a parent, and you’ve heard these terms before, you may be confused about what they mean. As a larger understanding of gender among young people has increased over the past few years, topics, terms and ideas have emerged, and you can be sure that your kids are talking about it. In next week’s blog, we will be talking about sexuality; that is, the ways people are sexually and romantically attracted to others. For now, though, we will be talking about gender identity.
Below is a Q and A about the topics related to gender identity.
What is sex?
Sex refers to the gender someone is assigned at birth, usually a penis for men, and a vagina for women. Someone who identifies with their gender assigned at birth is referred to as cisgender.
What is gender?
Gender refers to how one experiences and expresses attributes associated with being a man or a woman. The gender binary is the classification of gender into two distinct, opposite and disconnected forms of masculine and feminine (exclusively male or female). Modern theories of gender reject the gender binary and see gender as a spectrum, not a fixed binary of male and female. This allows for more freedom and fluidity when thinking about gender.
What does it mean to be transgender?
Transgender people are those whose gender identity is different from the gender they were thought to be at birth. “Trans” is often used as shorthand for transgender.
When we’re born, a doctor usually says that we’re male or female based on our genitalia. Most people who are labeled male at birth turn out to identify as men, and most people who are labeled female at birth turn out to identify as a woman. But some people’s gender identity (their innate knowledge of who they are) is different from what was initially expected when they were born. Most of these people describe themselves as transgender.
For example, a transgender woman lives as a woman today, but was thought to be a male when she was born. A transgender man lives as a man today, but was thought to be a female when he was born. Some transgender people identify as neither male or female, or a combination of both. These people may describe themselves as non-binary, or genderqueer.
Furthermore, everyone—transgender or not—has a gender identity. Most people don’t think about their gender identity, however, because it matches their sex at birth.
The best way to understand what being transgender is like is to speak with transgender people and listen to their stories.
How does someone know they’re transgender?
Realizing one is transgender is different for each person. Some people “just knew” at an early age, while others may have come to realize it over years. Recognizing who they are and deciding to start thinking about their gender can take a lot of reflection. Because transgender people are often discriminated against, harassed and made to feel unsafe, it may take many years, and a lot of courage, to open up about their gender identity.
What’s the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity?
In our next blog, we will dive into the many different sexual orientations, which can be defined as who one is attracted to. Gender identity is separate from sexual orientation. Gender identity refers to your internal knowledge of your own gender, such as the knowledge that you’re a man, woman or other gender. Like non-transgender people, transgender people can have any sexual orientation. For example, a transgender man may be primarily attracted to other men (and identify as a gay man); may be primarily attracted to women (and identify as a straight man); or have any other sexual orientation.
What’s the difference between being transgender and being intersex?
Intersex people have a reproductive anatomy or genes that don’t fit typical definitions of male or female, which is often discovered at birth. Being transgender, meanwhile, has to do with your internal knowledge of your gender identity. While it’s possible to be both transgender and intersex, most transgender people aren’t intersex, and most intersex people aren’t transgender.
What is the difference between being transgender and being gender non-conforming?
Being gender non-conforming means not conforming to gender stereotypes. For example, someone’s hair, clothes and hobbies might be more “feminine” or “masculine” than what’s stereotypically associated with their gender. Gender non-conforming people may or may not be transgender. For example, someone who identifies as a woman may have short hair, which may be considered masculine to some.
What does it mean to have a gender that’s not male or female?
Most transgender people are men or women. But some people don’t neatly fit into the categories of man or woman. For example, some people may have a gender that blends the elements of being a man or a woman, or a gender that is different than either male or female. Some people don’t identify with a gender. Some people’s gender fluctuates over time. People whose gender is not male or female may use different terms to describe themselves. One of those terms is non-binary, which is used because the gender binary refers to the two categories of male and female. Others may use the terms genderqueer or genderfluid. If you don’t know what term someone uses to describe their gender, you should ask them politely.
Why don’t transgender people get counseling to accept the gender they were assigned at birth?
Counseling aimed at changing someone’s gender identity, sometimes known as conversion therapy, doesn’t work and can be extremely harmful. Telling someone that a core part of who they are is wrong or delusional and forcing them to change is dangerous, sometimes leading to depression, self-harm, substance abuse and even suicide. However, many transgender people find it helpful to get counseling to help them decide when and how to tell the world they are transgender.
What does “gender transition” mean?
Transitioning is the time period during which a person begins to live according to their gender identity, rather than the gender they were thought to be at birth. This may include changing clothing, appearance, name or the pronoun people use to refer to you (like she, he or they). This also may include legally changing their name on their driver’s licenses, passports or other documents. Some people undergo hormone therapy or other medical procedures to change their physical characteristics as well. Transitioning can help many transgender people lead healthy, fulfilling lives. No specific steps are necessary to “complete” transition; it’s different for each person. Furthermore, all transgender people are entitled to the same dignity and respect, regardless of which transitioning steps they have taken.
What medical treatments do some transgender people seek when transitioning?
Some, but not all, transgender people undergo medical treatments. Some of these treatments include hair growth or removal procedures, hormone therapy and various surgeries to make one’s face, chest and anatomy more in line with one’s gender identity.
What is gender dysphoria?
For some transgender people, the difference between the gender they are thought to be at birth and the gender they know themselves to be can lead to serious emotional distress that can negatively impact their health and everyday lives. Gender dysphoria is the medical diagnosis for someone who experiences this distress.
Why is transgender equality important?
Transgender people should be treated with the same respect as anyone else, and be able to live, and be respected, according to their gender identity. However, there are many ways that transgender people are discriminated against, including violence and harassment. Some examples of discrimination that transgender people may face include:
Being fired from or denied a job
Facing harassment and bullying at school
Becoming homeless or living in poverty
Being denied housing, shelter and critical medical care
Being incarcerated or targeted by law enforcement
Facing abuse and violence
Bridging the gap between you as a parent and your child whose gender is unclear may be frustrating and difficult. However, there are many resources online and in person to help you to further understand. When in doubt, ask questions, use resources and be respectful. Listen to the stories of transgender people, and try to be inclusive as much as possible.
How to be a transgender ally:
Do:
Politely ask what pronouns and name a person prefers when referring to them. “What would you prefer to be called?” “What pronouns do you use?”
Respect the rights of transgender people to define themselves.
Ask questions respectfully; understand it takes a lot of energy and courage to answer such questions, and that they are justified in not answering any questions that may make them uncomfortable.
Challenge gender assumptions and transphobia whenever possible.
Incorporate transgender issues and individuals into your conversations at work by using trans-friendly language, such as he, she or they.
View transgender as a positive identity rather than a tragic or confused situation
DON’T
“Out” a trans person without their expressed permission.
Assume an individual’s sex or gender based on their appearance.
Ask transgender people about their body, genitalia or sex lives in any situation in which you would not ask a cisgender person about their body, genitalia or sex life.
Place labels on individuals; mirror their language and self-identification instead.
More terms to consider
Trans: an abbreviation of the word transgender. Often used to describe a transgender person.
Transexual: identifies psychologically as a gender other than the one they were assigned at birth. They often wish to transform their bodies hormonally/surgically to match their inner sense of gender.
Medical Transition: may include hormone therapy, sex reassignment surgery.
Queen: may refer to a drag queen or an effeminate gay man. Usually reserved for self-identification.
Sex Change: referring to a sex-change operation inaccurately suggests that a person must have surgery in order to transition.
Tranny, She-male, he/she, it: these words dehumanize transgender people and should never be used.
Feeling sluggish? Kids stuck to their phone or tablet? The first week in August is National Exercise with your Child Week, so it’s a great time to get moving and get healthy!
When you have young children, getting in your daily exercise can be challenging. But by including your children in your exercise routines, you’ll stay on track and teach them how to be healthy and take care of themselves, all while having family time together. Here are a few suggestions:
Yoga is a great way to relax and work on flexibility together. Show your children some simple poses and stretches, and allow them to figure out the poses on their own or make up new ones. Precision isn’t important; what matters is that everyone is having fun together! Through yoga, children learn to be patient with themselves. They also learn focus, self-acceptance and healthy calming techniques such as deep breathing.
Dancing together can be fun for both you and your kids. Put on your children’s favorite movie soundtrack, or introduce them to classic Motown, rock or whatever gets you in the mood to move. Your kids will love the chance to let their guard down and be silly with you. Create dance moves together or just freestyle, and have fun!
It’s still summer for several weeks, so take advantage of the beautiful beaches on Long Island, or a community or backyard pool. Learning to swim, swimming laps, or just splashing around together is a great full-body workout, as well as a way to beat the heat.
Dining together as a family is very important. You can extend family time with pre/post dinner walks. Walking is the best way to engage your body in exercise with little effort, and you can include the whole family.
Last, consider a family sport/game night. Designate one day or more days a week to playing a sport, doing a relay race, shooting hoops or playing catch. Make exercise something to look forward to instead of another chore.
Whatever activities you and your family choose to do, exercising together teaches your children about lifelong health and provides family time and fun!
Summer is in full swing, and Long Island is packed with activities for you and your family. If your children aren’t in camp or daycare, it might be stressful trying to figure out what to do on hot summer days. Whether inside or outside, in the water or at a museum, there are many places for the entire family to explore. From kid cafés to baseball games, check out the list below for something for everyone to enjoy!
This spacious facility features 75 air and spacecraft from a hot air balloon to an actual Apollo Lunar Module. And don’t miss the Planetarium & Dome Theater!
Join the Aquarium for Mermaid Mondays, Yoga “Aquarium Style,” and get free admission on your birthday! Kids will love the touch tank and the sharks (but don’t worry, no shark touching allowed)!
Ride on slides, tube ride down the lazy river, and much more! Kiddie areas like Monsoon Lagoon and the Octopus Pool are great for younger kids. Don’t forget to rent a cabana for a comfortable and relaxing experience for the whole family.
BATTER UP!
Long Island Ducks, 3 Court House Drive, Central Islip, (631) 940-3825
A real old-fashioned baseball game, with fun events between every inning! There’s even a Long Island Ducks Kids Club, open to kids 14 and under, and members receive cool gifts and more!
Many Long Island beachfront towns feature boardwalks, including Port Washington Sound, Long Beach Boardwalk, Sunken Meadow State Park, or make it a day at Coney Island! But don’t forget the sunscreen!
With all these activities and more, this summer can be fun for all ages!
