On Sunday, July 14, President Trump tweeted that four Democratic lawmakers, all women of color, should “go back” to where they came from. When I first read his tweet, it brought me back to my childhood. My family had just moved from a predominantly Jewish neighborhood in Newark, N.J., to a nearby suburb called Maplewood.
My grandparents were all Eastern European immigrants from Poland and Russia who fled persecution and settled in Newark to raise their families in the 1920s and 30s.
I wasn’t familiar with the suburbs. In Newark, everything was concrete. We lived in a flat. My friends and I played on the sidewalks and in the streets. I don’t remember seeing much green. No front lawns, few trees and maybe a small patch of grass in the back.
In Newark, the stores were just around the corner. I could walk anywhere: to the grocery, bakery, hot dog joint, candy store and luncheonette. In the suburbs wheels were needed to get most anywhere.
We left Newark in the summer of 1961, so that my younger brother and I could begin the year at our new school. I started to make a few new friends. We played close to home, often in someone’s backyard or driveway, especially if they had a basketball hoop. Or, we rode our bikes to the schoolyard or park.
As fall came, the leaves blanketed front yards. Everyone raked the leaves into the street and burned them. Fire in the street and the smell of burning leaves was something new to me and now an indelible memory.
Another memory is a day during my first winter in Maplewood when it snowed so much that school was canceled. My brother and I were up early in the morning and we went out to play in the snow. Snowball fights were a staple for boys in those days.
When I threw a snowball at a neighbor who was about my age, it must have stung because he ran into his house. The next thing I knew, his mother stepped outside and hollered at us, “Why don’t you go back to Prince Street!”
I didn’t know what she was talking about except I could tell from her red face and the sound of her voice that she was angry and didn’t want us around.
We went home and I asked my mom, “What is Prince Street?” She said, “Why are you asking me that?” I said, “The lady a few houses down told us we should go back there.” My mother was wearing a bathrobe and slippers. There was snow on ground but she stormed out of the house, walked two houses down, and started banging on that neighbor’s front door and screaming. She was enraged.
The neighbor lady never came out of her house. I didn’t understand what was going on.
When my mother returned, I asked her why she was so mad. I couldn’t quite make out what she was saying. I let it go, but the memory never left me.
Years later when the incident came to mind, I did a little research and discovered that Prince Street was Newark’s version of New York City’s Lower East Side, where a concentrated immigrant Jewish population of Eastern European descent resided in cold-water tenements. According to Newark historian Nat Bodian, “Yiddish was the primary language heard on the street. Pushcarts lined the curbs on both sides of the street.”
Despite one morning of unpleasantness as time went by our families resumed cordial relations. Although now understanding where my neighbor was coming from, I have since forgiven her.
If only the animus in our nation could be so easily remedied. If only, the president’s tweet was just a fleeting expression of anger, as offensive as it was, as opposed to further evidence of a deeply entrenched pattern of racial intolerance that is becoming normalized in the U.S.
All people of good conscience on both sides of the political battleground must transcend their partisan interests long enough to stand up and speak out against such expressions.
Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families, including support for pregnant and parenting teens and their babies. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
The summer season is upon us, with BBQs, beaches and fun events of all kinds in full swing. Whether your children are spending time in the water, playing sports, or on the playground, their wellbeing is always at the top of your list!
Water safety is especially important for infants, including time spent in pools or in open water such as oceans and lakes. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, three children die every day as a result of drowning. In fact, drowning kills more children ages 1-4 than anything except birth defects.
The good news: There are many steps you and your family can take to stay safe in the water. Water Safety for Kids:
Take a friend with you in the water
Know your limits
Only swim where an adult is watching you
Wear a life jacket on open water
Keep an eye on the weather; get out immediately is you hear thunder
Don’t float where you can’t swim
Do not run or push near the water
Never face your back to waves in the ocean
Water Safety for Adults:
Always supervise children that are in or around water
Teach kids to swim
Install a four-sided fence around home pools
Learn the basics of CPR
Don’t allow your kids to swim in the ocean if no lifeguard is on duty
Tell your children to swim parallel to the shore if they are caught in a rip current or undertow
It’s important to note that water safety isn’t just about keeping kids out of danger at the beach or pool. Bathtub safety is equally important, especially for little ones. Babies (under age 1) most often drown in bathtubs, buckets and even toilets, so never leave them alone, even for a minute. Always apply non-stick pads or a mat to the bathtub, and put a rubber cover or washcloth over the faucet to prevent injuries if your child bumps into it.
Have a happy and safe summer!
Beat the Heat
Warm weather is nice for most outdoor activities, but too much heat can become dangerous, especially for young kids. Heat-related illness may occur if one participates in strenuous activity in very hot weather. Below are some tips to keep children safe when it’s hot. Never leave children or pets in a parked car even with the windows down Dress infants in loose, lightweight, bright-colored clothing Schedule outdoor activities for the morning or evening Apply sunscreen whenever you and your child go outside Summer is tick season: check yourself and your children after being outside.
Audrey Shine has excelled during her time at Plainview-Old Bethpage High School, but she has also done great work away from school. One of the best examples of this is the valedictorian’s work at the nonprofit Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court in Westbury, which has been run by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center for about a decade.
“Over the summer, I got a phone call from a friend saying they were short on volunteers at the family court and needed a hand,” said Shine. “At the same time, I was simultaneously interning at a law office. When she said family court, I associated that with my current job and said that I was interested because it was right up my alley.”
Upon arriving at the center, Shine was expecting to deal with a lot of paper work and documents, as she did working in a secretarial role at the law firm. However, she realized that her friend left out the detail that she would be working at the children’s center in the court, working with and taking care of children, aged 6 weeks to 12 years, who have been dropped off by their parents, who are heading to a court session.
“I was expecting to be searching for matching audio files rather than searching for something far more elusive like a lifeboat or a Barbie doll,” said Shine. “After a day of working with the children, I knew I made the right choice, so I decided to stay.”
“She was great with them,” said Joan Antonik, one of the supervisors who runs the center and worked closely with Shine. “She organized us a little bit. She was a very well-organized volunteer. She was wonderful with the children and with other high school volunteers. She was a go-getter. When we get a good [volunteer], we don’t want to let them go.”
Shine learned the stories about the children and how most of them came from lower-income minority families who are fighting legal battles right down the hall.
“While the child is there, they are not focused on what’s happening with the parents,” said Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust, who is in charge of the Children’s Center program. “They are engaged in children’s play. They are supervised by professionally trained staff and its a fun place for the children to be.”
Despite the intimidating setting of the court, spending more time with the children made Shine not want to leave. Then, another opportunity to help the children came when she saw that each child could go home with a book.
“Every child that comes to the center can go home with a book of their choice,” said Taylor-Walthrust.
“We encourage the parents to read to their child and, if the child is able to read, to engage them to read.”
“I asked the supervisors at the center how they were getting these books,” said Shine. “They said they relied entirely on donations. I thought that wasn’t a very stable system. God forbid the donations stop pouring in.”
As an immigrant, Shine did not have a full grasp on English growing up. Through books, she was able to better understand the language. Literacy means a lot to her, so it was at that moment that Shine decided she wanted to make a difference by starting a book drive for the center.
“By providing these underprivileged children with the same resources I had growing up, I am confident they can learn to appreciate reading as much as I do,” said Shine.
“She just took it upon herself to go out and get these books,” said Antonik. “I don’t even know where she got them from.”
She began picking up books from friends and strangers around the area, driving around to pick these books up. Some local residents had entire boxes of books that they were no longer going to use.
“Some people only had a single book to spare but that didn’t matter to me because every book was equally valuable,” said Shine. “These books were lightly-used and ranged from picture books to chapter books, which fit the age range of the children who attended the center.”
She ran the first book drive in the fall of 2018, coming away with more than 200 books. Despite a very successful drive, Shine wanted to keep going to continue helping the children center. This past spring, she ran her second book drive, this time partnering with the Plainview-Old Bethpage Public Library.
“They cycle books every season so there’s a lot of books that are no longer in circulation that are set aside and collect dust,” said Shine. “They said it would be wonderful if this was for charitable purposes so I thought it was perfect.”
With the new partnership, Shine collected more than 300 books for the children’s center, putting the total at more than 500 books collected at both drives. But she isn’t done yet as Shine is now in the midst of her summer book drive, the final drive that she will be running before heading to Harvard University in the fall.
“I don’t want this drive to die when I leave so I am passing the torch down to one of my friends,” said Shine. “For this last book drive, I am running it as a collective with underclassman at my high school and hopefully this is something they can continue for years to come.”
The children center does more than just give out books. They also give out backpacks, strollers, school supplies and many other things to help families who are dealing with legal struggles take care of their children. With only two staff members running the center and lots of volunteers, Antonik tries her best to make the center the best environment possible.
“[The children] see a lot of negative things, so we try to be positive and let them have fun,” said Antonik. “There’s a lot of stress in their lives at such a young age. We’re here for paternity, custody, visitation and support so the parents are constantly fighting. We’re really here to be comforting to [the children] and every day we want a child walking out of here with a better experience.”
If you are interested in donating or volunteering your time at the children’s center, call 516-493-4005. For more information on the program, visit www.northshorechild-guidance.org.
ADHD has become a popular topic over the past decade. With new treatments and wider availability of mental health services, ADHD diagnoses have been on the rise, so it’s important to know the facts surrounding this condition.
Those who are diagnosed with ADHD, which stands for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, often suffer from symptoms such as hyperactivity, inattention and impulsivity, or a combination of these. Many people believe that ADHD, which is a brain disorder, is exclusively a children’s condition but, while the symptoms of ADHD typically begin in childhood, it can continue through adolescence and into adulthood, according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).
The hyperactivity aspect of ADHD tends to decrease during the teen years, but problems with inattention, disorganization and poor impulse control often linger in adults.
According to the NIMH, most children have a combination of ADHD symptoms, which can manifest in many different ways.
Symptoms often present as follows:
Overlooking or missing details
Inability to stay focused on one task for an extended period
Appearing to not listen when spoken to directly
Failing to follow through on instructions
Losing things necessary for tasks or activities
Being forgetful in daily activities
Fidgeting and squirming in their seats
Talking non-stop
Interrupting or intruding on others
Having trouble waiting for their turn
Vanessa McMullen, Supervisor at the Guidance Center’s Marks Family Right from the Start 0-3+ Center in Manhasset, says that the first step when children are brought in is to evaluate their symptoms and behaviors to determine if ADHD is the likely diagnosis.
“There is no specific test for ADHD, but we base the diagnosis on reports of behavior from the family, the child and the school,” says McMullen. For example, if a child seems very hyperactive and unable to listen to directions at home but does fine with them in school, the issue is not likely to be true ADHD but rather a behavioral problem. “Kids who have ADHD will have trouble listening at home and at school and other locations,” she explains.
The Guidance Center also uses behavioral interventions for ADHD, teaching both the child and parent ways to help increase the ability to focus and follow through, she adds. “Homework can be very difficult for children and teens with ADHD, so we talk about setting up a quiet space with very few distractions,” says McMullen. “We also help the parents learn to give directions in a more effective, simpler way that works best for their child.”
For children in school, home- and school-based therapies may be implemented to help with stress management, time management and organizational techniques.
Group therapy can also be very effective, since kids learn from others like them how to manage their behaviors.
Because ADHD has to do with the over-stimulation of the brain, both stimulant and non-stimulant medication may also be part of the treatment plan. Stimulants work because of the way the medication interacts with and produces dopamine in the brain, leading to increased attention and focus.
When stimulant medication doesn’t work, non-stimulants (such as atomoxetineor guanfacine) and even antidepressants have been shown to be effective.
Sydney, who was diagnosed with ADHD in middle school and now lives with it as an adult, describes having ADHD as though “everything is able to become a distraction; I have a strong urge to continue to move, even when in a professional setting. I know it may seem inappropriate, but for people with ADHD, especially younger people, it’s extremely difficult to control and takes a lot of self-awareness.”
She adds, “I think one of the most important things for parents and teachers to understand is that although our movements and noises may be annoying and distracting, they are as difficult for us to deal with as it is for you.”
Diagnosis of ADHD requires a comprehensive evaluation by a licensed clinician, such as a pediatrician, psychologist, or psychiatrist with expertise in ADHD. Please call North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center at (516) 626-1971 for help.
