by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | May 14, 2019 | In The Media
In this file photo taken on June 30, 2018 a person holds a sign during protest against US immigration policies on the international bridge between Mexico and the US, in Ciudad Juarez, Mexico. (HERIKA MARTINEZ/AFP/Getty Images)
Just the other day I had a conversation with a young father who, along with his wife, bought their first house. He described moving from their apartment to his in-laws’ home in preparation for the big move. He spoke about how discombobulated their 2-year-old daughter was as a result.
Now, imagine if instead of a move to a new house, that child was unceremoniously taken away by strangers and placed in an unfamiliar setting, with people she never met before, for an undetermined period of time. Picturing this sends chills up my spine.
The separation of thousands of migrant children from their parents at our southern border has generated enough finger-pointing to overshadow the focus on the long-term traumatic impact of the zero-tolerance family separation policy on the children, especially the youngest ones.
The subjects of debate include which president bears the greatest responsibility for the separation policy; whether an area enclosed by a cyclone fence used to involuntarily house children is a cage or a shelter; and whether a zero-tolerance policy is an effective deterrent.
Somewhere beyond politics, the truth exists about the real impact of prolonged separation on children’s emotional well-being. Yet, even that has become a subject of debate.
Some supporters of the zero-tolerance policy argue that the separated children are probably better off because while they are detained, they’ll be more likely to get better health care, more recreational options and nutritional meals.
They forget to mention toxic stress. They will get that too.
The American Academy of Pediatrics affirmed that “Highly stressful experiences, like family separation, can cause irreparable harm, disrupting a child’s brain architecture,” and that “prolonged exposure to serious stress — known as toxic stress — can carry lifelong consequences for children.”
The consequences of this adverse childhood experience include learning difficulties, behavior problems, difficulty regulating emotions and increased and potentially debilitating physical and mental health issues.
As it currently stands, a large majority of the estimated 2,400 separated children have been reunited with their families, or placed with a relative in the U.S. following the June 13, 2018, executive order reversing the zero-tolerance family separation policy.
In viewing broadcast footage taken at several such reunifications, it does not take a trained eye to see the heightened levels of anxiety and dysregulation that the children are experiencing. Returning from what amounts to sudden and involuntary detention is just not the same as a return home after a month at sleepaway camp.
Despite the executive order reversing the zero-tolerance policy, recently released government data indicate that at least 250 children have been separated from their parents since that time.
The damage done to thousands of innocent young lives at the border was an unforced error by the United States. It was entirely unnecessary because it is not a deterrent for a parent who fears that his or her child’s life is in danger in their home country.
The fact that separating children from their families and placing them in an institutional environment can lead to irreversible changes in their brains is a violation of human rights and an atrocity.
The good news is that the children have a decent chance of recovering from toxic stress — provided that they and their parents get quality professional bilingual mental health counseling upon reunification. But what are the odds of that happening? The Refugee Mental Health Resource Network states that there is an increasing need for services for asylum seekers, and the demand far exceeds the supply of mental health professionals.
According to Allan Shapiro, a pediatrician and co-founder of Terra Firma, a nationally recognized medical-legal partnership located in the South Bronx, the office of the inspector general found that separated children placed in office of refugee resettlement care face a mental health staff-to-child ratio of 1:100. That includes staff who have not been fingerprinted or otherwise properly vetted.
To the extent that the federal government does not actively facilitate the children getting the quality mental health care that they need, we will forever bear responsibility for the havoc it will wreak on their future lives.
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center on Long Island, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. www.northshorechildguidance.org.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | May 14, 2019 | Blank Slate Media, In The Media
It wasn’t necessary for the slaughter of innocents at Sandy Hook elementary school on Dec. 14, 2012 to validate that there is evil in the world. But what it did is affirm that if the massacre of 6- and 7-year-old children is not off limits, then nothing is.
This perception has been so routinely validated since that fateful day there is the real possibility that we are becoming numb to mass shootings in America.
Psychic numbing is a psychological condition that leads one to feeling indifferent to horrific events. The quote attributed to Joseph Stalin, “One death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic,” is an illustration of that state.
The sabbath day synagogue attack in Poway, Calif., is just the latest mass shooting in America and the second synagogue shooting in only six months following the Tree of Life slaughter in Pittsburgh.
After some time passes, Poway will become another tombstone in our collective psyche, alongside all the others that have occurred in churches, mosques, public schools, colleges, shopping malls, nightclubs, business offices, concert halls and more.
Shortly after the shootings, mental health experts, clergy and educators offer tips, wisdom and spiritual support to speechless parents about how to soothe their children. Their advice always is: Be available emotionally, be compassionate, limit media exposure, reassure safety, offer distractions to prevent obsessive worry, watch for angry outbursts and depression and, if symptoms persist, seek professional help.
I imagine if parents were to speak from their guts instead of their heads and hearts, they would likely tell their children: “It’s a cruel world, evil is everywhere, toughen up, watch your back, and don’t trust anyone.”
In 2019 alone, through the end of March and before Poway, there have been 70 mass shootings, 90 dead and 249 wounded across the country. These statistics can be found in any number of publications that have taken on the task of tracking mass shootings in the United States. They include USA Today, Mother Jones, Vox and the Washington Post.
When I was a child, I was an avid collector of baseball cards. I knew all the stats of my favorite players. I checked the box scores in the papers each morning after a game. Those were the numbers that consumed my childhood. Now it’s mass shootings. How many? How many dead? How many wounded? What team is the shooter on? Is he a lone wolf?
It is sad to say but I am no longer shocked. I know Poway won’t be the last nor will the next be the last.
In an interview with Bill Moyers one year after 9/11, psychiatrist Robert J. Lifton said, “I think we all have a double life. On the one hand, we know we can be annihilated and everybody around us by terrorism, by the incredible weaponry this world now has. And yet in another part of our mind we simply go through our routine. And, we do what we do in life, and we try to do it as well as we can.”
Lifton has a most unique perspective having studied the aftermath of the Hiroshima bomb, the Nazi doctors, and the cult that released gas into the Tokyo subway, among many other horrible things people do to one another.
What he seems to be saying is that on the one hand we’re free to live our day-to-day lives, but on the other hand, we are never unmindful of these events. And, so we have a choice to make. We can let these events pass us by as a train in the night or get involved in something that really matters.
Students, like those from from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Fla., have been models for transcending inertia and taking social action, at choosing hope over despair.
As one such student from Iowa said in an interview on PBS: “Change will not come on its own. We have to make it for ourselves. The adults have proven that they are unwilling to move beyond thoughts and prayers. We must force them into action.”
Take a stand.
Make waves.
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | May 13, 2019 | Anton Media, In The Media
Is your child a picky eater? Does her or his eating create tension in your home? What was your experience in being fed growing up? Were your parents overly involved?
These are a few questions to consider if you are concerned with your child’s eating habits. Donna Fish, a licensed clinical social worker, offers parents and kids guidance in how to take the fight out of food.
I met Ms. Fish at her workshop that focused on learning how to prevent and solve childhood and teen eating problems. She advised that two questions to ask up front are: What is the problem? And whose problem is it?
These two questions are critical to understanding whether your child’s eating is problematic from a medical/developmental perspective.
If a medical problem has been ruled out, the child is not nutritionally compromised and there are no body image issues the child is experiencing, then there needs to be some better understanding about how their picky eating is affecting dynamics in the family. For example, does it lead to parents frequently fighting or to tension on vacations?
Basic parent education on nutrition and development go a long way in helping a parent to understand that their child is on a normal growth curve and that how they eat from a nutritional perspective is nothing to be worried about. Consulting with your pediatrician or finding a nutritionist is a good place to begin.
If education doesn’t do the trick, then it is helpful to understand a bit more about whose problem it is. This necessitates an understanding about the meaning of food in the family.
In many cultures food and feeding represent love, nurturing and bonding. If a child’s picky eating denies a parent a sense of nurturing it can lead to a battle of wills. In that case, a child quickly learns how their eating represents an ability to take control, which can lead to power struggles in the family.
For parents, understanding their own experiences eating when growing up can offer them some insight. For example, if their parents were overly involved with their eating it might suggest some difficulty trusting your own body signals regarding when you’re hungry or full and satiated.
If a parent makes this historical connection, it may help them to better understand the value in allowing their child to have more autonomy with eating. For example, they can be allowed to control their own meal portions. For a toddler that might mean putting finger foods on their tray so they can help themselves as opposed to being spoon fed.
In her work with children who are struggling with eating, Fish advises “You are the expert on your body. You need to be the best body detective possible. It’s your job, not your parents’ job.” This is important work that helps the child to separate emotions from feelings of fullness and comfort.
Ms. Fish sees “all food as good,” as having some value, and talks to kids about nutrition in a way that generates interest and curiosity.
Still, if your child appears to continually make poor choices, it is important that you set reasonable limits. As Fish puts it, “Parents think their job is to protect their child from disappointment, anxiety and hurt,” but it is okay for children to experience the disappointment of your setting limits on occasion. It’s just another of the many areas where parents can help their kids learn a valuable life lesson.
To learn more about Donna Fish, visit www.donnafish.com. Take the Fight Out of Food can be found on Amazon.
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org or call 516-626-1971.
![National Grid Helps Beautify Guidance Center Site]()
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | May 13, 2019 | Press Releases
Volunteers plant and paint at Leeds Place in Westbury
Volunteers from National Grid included (left to right) Malcolm Minott, Fran Di Leonardo, Kathleen Wisnewski, Alanna Russo, Susan Eckert, Lauren Benetos and Carie Manticos, pictured with Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust of the Guidance Center.
Roslyn Heights, NY, May 13, 2019 — On May 7, 2019, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center welcomed seven employees of National Grid to its Leeds Place location on Brush Hollow Road in Westbury, one of the Guidance Center’s three sites.
The seven volunteers—who brought with new large decorative planters, several beds of petunias, geraniums, catmint, hostas and juniper bushes, along some white paint—spent the day planting, painting and cleaning the Leeds Place signpost, giving the building a fresh, friendly look.
“National Grid is happy to partner with North Shore Child & Family Guidance at their Leeds Place,” said Kathleen Wisnewski, National Grid Customer and Community Manager, who was part of the volunteer team. “The planting and beautification project performed by employees from our Customer and Community and IS Teams is another example of how National Grid gives back to the community we live and work in. It’s nice to know that the people entering the Leeds Place will be greeted by beautiful flowers to help brighten their day.”
Fran DiLeonardo, Director, IT Customer Service Management at National Grid, was enthusiastic as he put his all into the project. “It was another great day making a difference in the community that we live and work in!” said DiLeonardo. “It’s always rewarding to put the time aside and make it happen; that’s why we keep coming back!”
“I love meeting new people and learning about the good work they are doing to support folks in their communities who need a little extra help,” said volunteer Susan M Eckert, IT Infrastructure and Operations at National Grid. “It was very inspiring!”
This is the third time this year that National Grid has volunteered for the Guidance Center. “We are very proud of our partnership with National Grid,” said Lauren McGowan, Director of Development, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center. “Everyone is so generous with their time and talents. The volunteers all worked tirelessly to help make the Guidance Center’s Leeds Place office an attractive place for our clients to continue on their path to healing.”
If your company would like to discuss opportunities to volunteer at the Guidance Center or support our mission in other ways, contact McGowan at LMcGowan@northshorechildguidance.org or call her at (516) 626-1971, ext. 320.
About North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center:
As the preeminent not-for-profit children’s mental health agency on Long Island, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is dedicated to restoring and strengthening the emotional well-being of children (from birth – age 24) and their families. Our highly trained staff of psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, vocational rehabilitation counselors and other mental health professionals lead the way in diagnosis, treatment, prevention, training, parent education, research and advocacy. The Guidance Center helps children and families address issues such as depression and anxiety; developmental delays; bullying; teen pregnancy; sexual abuse; teen drug and alcohol abuse; and family crises stemming from illness, death, trauma and divorce. For more than 65 years, the Guidance Center has been a place of hope and healing, providing innovative and compassionate treatment to all who enter our doors, regardless of their ability to pay. For more information about the Guidance Center, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 626-1971.
About National Grid:
National Grid (LSE: NG; NYSE: NGG) is an electricity, natural gas and clean energy delivery company serving more than 20 million people through our networks in New York, Massachusetts and Rhode Island. We are the largest distributor of natural gas in the Northeast. National Grid also operates the systems that deliver gas and electricity across Great Britain. National Grid is transforming our electricity and natural gas networks with smarter, cleaner and more resilient energy solutions to meet the goal of reducing greenhouse gas emissions by 80 percent by 2050. Our Northeast 80×50 Pathway is an industry leading analysis for how to reach that goal in the states we serve, focusing on the power generation, heat and transportation sectors.
Read more about the innovative projects across our footprint in The Democratization of Energy, an eBook written by National Grid’s U.S. president, Dean Seavers. For more information, please visit our website, follow us on Twitter, watch us on YouTube, friend us on Facebook and find our photos on Instagram.
by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | May 10, 2019 | Anton Media, In The Media
In a recent story in the Albany Times Union, reporter Mallory Moench paints a different picture about juvenile asylum seekers as compared to recent stories about caravans purportedly composed of gang members and Middle Eastern terrorists.
In the report we meet Rosa, who left El Salvador as a young adolescent after being targeted by a gang intending to prostitute her. To prevent becoming sexually exploited, she left her parents and crossed the border. She has been living in the Capital Region of New York for the past two years.
Rosa, now 17, is undocumented and is seeking special immigrant juvenile status that would enable her to apply for a green card which permits a foreign national to live and work permanently in the U.S.
Rosa understands that she could be denied and deported. More than 12,500 undocumented young people have participated in immigration court this year alone. For those without a lawyer, the odds of deportation are much greater.
According to the Albany Times Union report, “If juveniles [under the age of 21] have a relative who is a U.S. citizen or green card holder, they can apply for a family-based petition. If they are victims of trafficking, domestic violence or another crime they can apply for crime victim visas. If they’re fleeing persecution like Rosa, they can apply for asylum. If they’re missing one or more parents they’re eligible for special immigrant juvenile status.”
Former Attorney General Jeff Sessions had taken measures to fast-track deportations. Consequently, many juveniles may be sent back to their homelands—and the dangers and threats that await them—before legal proceedings are implemented.
Many of the young people living in New York’s Capital Region, ages 12 to 19, came from El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras or Mexico after being confronted with gang violence. The profile and numbers of refugees on Long Island is similar. It is ironic that with the incendiary political rhetoric of the day, many asylum seekers have been labeled gang members, when it is gangs that they are trying to escape from.
Many young migrants endured trauma in their passage to the U.S. They faced starvation, violence and abandonment.
There are only two immigration courts in all of New York. One is located in New York City and the other is in Buffalo. For many asylum seekers, the cost for transportation to court hearings prevents them from following through. For example, for those living in the Capital Region, a bus ride can be as much as $100 and more than $500 for private transportation.
This is especially daunting when they are living in poverty.
Furthermore, there is a cap on the number of visas given each year and also each month. This contributes to inordinate delays in court.
For most of these juveniles the fear and anxiety of being deported as they await a final legal determination can be unbearable and impacts their ability to heal from the traumatic journey to the U.S.
Immigration laws do need to be enforced as open borders with endless flow of refugees is unsustainable.
The challenge is how to enforce the law, dial down the divisive and hateful rhetoric, demonstrate compassion and seek humane solutions for young migrants simply looking to live without fear. We’ve strayed from that ideal. I hope we can find our way back.
Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
