“Guidance Center’s Celestial Soirée To Honor Louis P. Iglesias,” Blank Slate Media, September 26, 2019

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Oct 1, 2019 | In The Media

North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center has announced that Louis P. Iglesias, President and Chief Executive Officer at Allied World Assurance Company Holdings Ltd., will be the honoree at our Celestial Soirée, which will take place on Oct. 24 at the Garden City Hotel.

“I am proud to put my full support behind North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center,” said Iglesias. “Mental health issues are often misunderstood and can cause lifelong struggles, especially for children. Many will suffer from these issues or will be exposed to those who are. The Guidance Center deals with these tough problems head on and truly makes a big difference in our entire community.”

The co-chairs for this year’s gala are John J. Bender, CEO, Global Reinsurance at Allied World Assurance, and Wesley D. Dupont, CEO, Global Legal & Strategy at Allied World Assurance. Journal co-chairs are Nancy and Lewis B. Lane. The emcee is Stacey Sager, of Channel 7’s Eyewitness News.

“At Allied World, community support is a priority,” said Dupont. “The Guidance Center offers a vital service that benefits local families in need, and we are proud that Lou Iglesias is being honored by an organization that brings hope and healing to so many.”

Emcee Sager spoke eloquently of the need to provide help for children and teens during difficult times. “We all want our children to soar, but let’s not be ashamed to help them weather the turbulence,” she said. “As a mother of two from Long Island, it is my greatest hope that resources such as the Guidance Center can give families and children the tools we need to be at our strongest… especially when life gets bumpy!”

Guidance Center Executive Director Andrew Malekoff noted that the Guidance Center is proud of its commitment to provide essential mental health services to all children and families, regardless of their ability to pay. “The generous support of our donors and sponsors at the Celestial Soirée will help us to maintain the highest standard and quality of care to our community,” he said.

The gala will feature delicious food, live music, dancing and fabulous auction and raffle prizes. All proceeds will benefit the Guidance Center. To learn more about becoming a sponsor or an underwriter or purchasing tickets, please visit www.northshorechildguidance.org/events, call (516) 626-1971 ext. 309 or email pmadden@northshorechildguidance.org.

“Guidance Center Raises More Than $20,000 for Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court,” Blank Slate, September 25, 2019

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Oct 1, 2019 | In The Media

On Thursday evening Sept.19, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center hosted a fundraiser for its Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court. The event, which was held at Tesoro’s Ristorante Cucini Italiana in Westbury, featured wonderful entertainment by the High Note band, along with cocktails and a buffet dinner.

The event raised over $20,000 for the Children’s Center, which provides care and early learning to more than 1,400 children annually, ages 6 weeks – 12 years, while their parents or guardians are conducting court business.

Andrew Malekoff, executive director of the Guidance Center, thanked Joan Antonik and Corinthian Sistrunk, the Children’s Center two full-time staff members, along with the valued volunteers who make the Children’s Center a place of learning, fun and warmth.

He also acknowledged Laurie Joseph-Yehuda and Rene Joseph, the daughter and widow of the late Burton S. Joseph, founder of the Children’s Center. Laurie is a member of the Children’s Center Advisory Council and Rene painted the beautiful murals on the wall of the Children’s Center many years ago.

Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust, Director of The Leeds Place (under which the Children’s Center operates), thanked co-chairs Allison Cacace, Robert C. Mangi and John Zenir for their dedication to the fourth annual event.

“This fundraiser is critical for the Children’s Center, as funds for it have been drastically cut over the years,” she said. “With the help of all of our supporters, we are able to keep the Center open full time.”

“I am proud to have participated in this fourth annual fundraiser for the Children’s Center,” said co-chair Mangi. “One source of that pride is the number of family law attorneys who supported the children in this endeavor.”

Co-chair Zenir expressed his gratitude to all of the Children’s Center supporters “for helping to provide a safe place for the children while their parents are appearing in court regarding such emotionally tragic cases as domestic violence, neglect and abuse, custody, foster care and child support. For many of these kids their time at the Center helps to assure them that many people care about them and want to help them just be kids.”

The fundraiser was sponsored by an array of local law firms, individuals and other businesses, including Anita & Robert Nigro, Esq.; Aiello, DiFalco & Gianakos, LLP; Barnes, Catterson, LoFrumento, Barnes, LLP; Casino One Limousines; Dimascio & Associates LLP; Ezdrin & Woods, PC; Family of Hon. Burton S. Joseph; Gassman Baiamonte Gruner, PC; Gold Coast Funding, Inc.; Mangi & Graham, LLP; Mark A. Green, PC; Patricia Manzo, Esq.; Mejias, Milgrim & Alvarado, PC; Pessala Family; Sahn Ward Coschignano, PLLC; Spano Abstract Service Corp.; and John M. Zenir, Esq., PC.

“Loose Change and many Memories,” by Andrew Malekoff, Blanks Slate Media, September 23, 2019

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Sep 25, 2019 | In The Media

When I get change from a purchase at a store that has a tip jar on the counter I sometimes leave all or part of it.

When I check out electronically at the grocery, there is a prompt that asks me if I want to contribute some or all of my change to a worthy cause. Sometimes I do that too. I’ve heard more than a few people questioning the tip jar and electronic charity button at various stores. Also the practice of tipping in general.

At restaurants, I’m a fairly generous tipper. People question tipping as well, which reminds of a classic scene from the movie Reservoir Dogs. A group of men, all of whom have been given aliases by the kingpin, are plotting a crime. They have just finished their meal at what appears to be a diner. Here is a part of that dialogue:

Nice Guy Eddie: C’mon, throw in a buck!
Mr. Pink: Uh-uh, I don’t tip.
Nice Guy Eddie: You don’t tip?
Mr. Pink: I don’t believe in it.
Nice Guy Eddie: You don’t believe in tipping?
Mr. Blue: You know what these chicks make? They make [squat].
Mr. Pink: Don’t give me that. She don’t make enough money, she can quit. I don’t tip because society says I have to. Alright, I mean I’ll tip if somebody really deserves a tip. If they really put forth the effort, I’ll give them something extra. But I mean, this tipping automatically, it’s for the birds. I mean, as far as I’m concerned, they’re just doing their job.

When I see homeless people or street performers with cups or open instrument cases on the sidewalk or in the train station, I typically drop something in — pocket change or a bill. This is not the extent of my philanthropy, but it makes me wonder if I am a soft touch. I don’t think so because when it comes to phone solicitations I’m not so nice. I almost always think they’re charlatans.

I never had a job where I solicited or received tips. Although, maybe when I was a kid and signed up for “youth employment services,” and I’d help someone move out of their apartment or wash their windows or do whatever they needed. One of those probably threw me a few extra bucks. When I shoveled snow I don’t remember ever getting a tip, just a straight transaction with the homeowner.

Maybe that’s why I’m always delighted to find loose change on the street or sidewalk. I like to go for walks very early in the morning when it is dark out and most everyone else is inside. The street lights make the pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters shine. They’re easy to find. It’s like my tips are being mystically refunded.

Sunrise makes it easier to see the bills. I’ve found ones, fives, tens and twenties. Jackpot! Sometimes I buy lottery tickets with the bigger bills I find. And then I lose what I found. I like the coins best.

Whenever I pick up coins from the ground it reminds me of my childhood in the 1950s when you could actually buy something of value with loose change, even for a penny: a piece of bubblegum, a candy bar, a comic book — and you could even buy a hot dog, hamburger or bag of French fries with a handful of coins. It was always exciting to buy something with pocket change.

For today’s kids, it takes a $5 bill and change to buy a hamburger.

I don’t look to my cell phone when I walk in the early morning hours. I look to the ground and find memories.

Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

“Pediatric sleep workshop in Manhasset targets kids from babies to preschool,” Newsday, September 25, 2019

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Sep 25, 2019 | In The Media

Finding yourself yawning constantly because your babies, toddlers or preschoolers don’t sleep through the night? You may want to attend a free pediatric sleep workshop at 6:30 p.m. on Oct. 3 at the North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center’s Right From the Start location in Manhasset.

Certified pediatric sleep consultant Corey Wilbur of Port Washington, founder of her own consulting business called Let There Be Sleep, will talk to parents about how to help their children get the right amount of rest so that the whole family isn’t tired.

“I’m just working with families to help them get their little ones to sleep through the night,” Wilbur says. She’ll be talking about making sure the sleep environment is safe and conducive to sleep, napping schedules, and four basic methods of sleep training.

The session is for anyone from expectant parents to parents of 4-year-olds, Wilbur says; she has two boys herself, ages 2 and 4. Advance registration isn’t required; children may attend, but there is no baby-sitting available. The center is at 80 N. Service Rd. of the Long Island Expressway, Manhasset. For more information, call 516-626-1971 or visit northshorechildguidance.org.

“Mental Health Days: A Positive Proposition,” by Andrew Malekoff, Blank Slate Media, September 13, 2018

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Sep 16, 2019 | In The Media

In August 2019 the news was dominated by stories about the horrific mass shootings in Gilroy, Calif.; El Paso, Odessa and Midland, Texas; and Dayton, Ohio. In all, 41 died and more than 90 were wounded.

Among the dead and injured were children. As for the count of those who were emotionally impacted, that cannot be quantified. It transcends the boundaries of those locales.

In a familiar refrain, at the same time that the headlines screamed, the nation mourned and politicians took sides about causes and solutions. There was also a series of stories about efforts to institute mental health days in public schools, including in New York.

It’s not complicated to understand the value of a mental health day unless you are someone who denies that emotional health is as important as physical health. As it stands, New York schools can determine what constitutes a legitimate absence, but the proposed legislation would make a mental health issue an acceptable reason for a student missing school.

Laws like this have already passed in Oregon thanks to the leadership of a number of student activists who pointed to ever-climbing suicide rates. Utah and Minnesota have passed similar laws. Still, the proposed legislation has its detractors, many of whom dismissed the notion in a disparaging manner. Following are a few comments that were posted on social media:

“Of course there are students with serious mental health issues. This would/should already be recognized and documented by professional mental health practitioners. Why do we need legislation to allow [kids] who are too stressed over texting all night to take a day off?”

“Kids need to suck it up & go to school. I didn’t have mental health days; my parents raised me with manners, to respect others, go to school and never quit, and if I ever got into trouble I got punished! Kids today are not being disciplined, have zero manners & act like babies.”

“Snow-flakes have mental health issues. They are emotional wrecks over ANYTHING that upsets them… Yes, there are serious mental health issues, but cry rooms in college and days off because you had a fight with a BFF? Please, this is a MAJOR offense to the REAL mental issues like gun violence.”

“We just keep getting softer and softer… The greatest generation must be just heartbroken that we’ve let it get this bad.”

“I cant go to class today ‘ma im questioning my sexual identity.”

“LMFAO!! Bunch of pansies.”

Of course, not everyone took that viewpoint. As one parent put it, “I for one am glad. As a parent of a teen that has thought of suicide [and] actively self-harms, this will relieve some of my stress and anxiety.”

In reading the critical social media posts, I get where some of these people are coming from. I am a strong work ethic guy. As a former high school and college athlete, I learned early on about “sucking it up,” playing injured and keeping my mouth shut. As for discussing emotional issues, that was a no-no.

Times have changed and for the better. Having a strong work ethic is a question of values, which is not negated by saying when you are hurt — physically or emotionally. Being open about a mental health problem is not a sign of weakness or a sign that you’re a “snowflake,” implying an unwarranted sense of entitlement or being overly emotional.

On balance, the new legislation will go a long way toward reducing the stigma of mental illness and tempering the toxic masculinity that enabled me to keep concussions a secret during my teenage years.

The mass shootings? As the debate about causes and solutions advances, the level of anxiety and fear among our children is escalating. Would a mental health day following a mass shooting be justified? Or is that just another snowflake excuse to miss school? Let’s hope it’s the former because the day it is not is the day America cashes in its humanity.

Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

“Making Memories with Music,” by Andrew Malekoff, Anton/Long Island Weekly, September 1, 2019

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Sep 9, 2019 | In The Media

When I was a child, almost every Sunday morning after bagels, my father drove me to the bar and grill he managed in Newark, NJ. It was called the P.O.N., which stood for the Pride of Newark. One of the things I remember about the P.O.N. is its jukebox. My father gave me coins and I played my favorite song, over and over, week after week. The song was Lloyd Price’s “Personality.”

My only public solo musical performance as a child in the 1950s was at a “swim club,” also in Newark, a place with a huge pool and activities for adults and kids. I attended a day camp there. My counselor was a dancer who decided that his campers would put on a dance show for the entire membership of the club, a few hundred parents and kids. I didn’t want to participate in the dance project. Instead I convinced the counselor to let me give a solo performance of Jerry Lee Lewis’ “Great Balls of Fire.” I practiced and practiced, listening to the song over and over on a 45 vinyl turntable record player, performing in front of my mother, who helped me to transcribe the lyrics from the 45.

Music is an unforgettable part of our family life, and it brings back great memories, from growing up into adulthood.

Now I am a father of two boys, young men today, who played instruments in school and garage bands throughout all of their teenage years. There was never a time I can recall them not listening to music.

Jamie, my older son, played trumpet in jazz and Dixieland bands. My younger son, Darren, played the drums. He, together with a few classmates, formed a punk rock band, D.I.Y.-style. Because Darren was the drummer and we had the drum set, the band practiced for many years on the first floor of our house in Long Beach.

One autumn day, when Darren was about 14 years old, he asked my wife and I if his band and some fellow bands could have a concert in our side yard. We conferred and then said, “Sure,” providing he sought and received consent from our neighbors.

On concert day, scores of kids flocked to our yard, spilling out into the street. My wife, Dale, a high school art teacher, and I served as “security” for the concert. One neighbor (there’s always one) called the police. A uniformed police officer rolled up in a cruiser and told me that we had to “shut it down.” I offered to approach the complainant and make an appeal to him. I cajoled him into backing off and rescinding his complaint. The neighbor told me, “Just ask them to turn down the volume, my house is shaking.”

I promised the neighbor, but then as I turned to walk back down the street to my house, a van pulled up in front and some older teenage boys proceeded to cart out a set of speakers four times the size of the ones that were already in use. Needless to say, it was a memorable Sunday afternoon.

In Bruce Springsteen’s autobiography Born to Run, he discusses many aspects of his life, from early family experiences to his love of music to his first steps as a musician to forming a band to becoming a rock star, husband and parent. He also talks about his ongoing battle with depression. Music was the constant in his life, whether in good times or in bad.

In a new book titled Handbook of Music, Adolescents and Wellbeing, for which I wrote the foreword, Tia DeNora writes, “To the extent that it is always possible within music to be ‘young,’ music affords connection and reconnection with all of our aged-selves, all our days.” Springsteen epitomizes that in his music and writing.

My friend and music therapy scholar Katrina McFerran stated, “The pairing of music and emotions is natural and to a certain degree, unavoidable.”

Although I rarely talk about the musical memories I’ve shared here, each carries deep meaning for me. From supporting my boys’ appreciation of music to singing along with “Personality” on the jukebox in the bar with my dad to practicing “Great Balls of Fire” with my mom, I relish the way music has captured precious moments of time. Let the band play on.

Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

“We Could Use Another Paul Robeson Today,” by Andrew Malekoff, Blank Slate Media, August 27, 2019

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Aug 29, 2019 | In The Media

September 2019 marks the 50th anniversary of my freshman year in college. I attended Rutgers University in New Brunswick, N.J. I was a student-athlete.

Since football is a fall sport and 1969 marked the 100th anniversary of college football, on day one I learned that Rutgers was the birthplace of college football. The first college football game was played at Rutgers in 1869.

Being a member of the football team in 1969 was an honor. There was much history to learn. I don’t mean to suggest that my coaches spent time on teaching history, but if you were on campus you couldn’t escape it.

There were special centennial magazines, newspaper articles, booklets, parades, television and radio appearances, all devoted to the centennial celebration.

The senior football captains and coach appeared on the popular and nationally televised Ed Sullivan Show which, five years earlier in 1964 featured the Beatles for their first appearance.

It was in the fall of 1969 that I heard a name – Paul Robeson, for the very first time.

I never read about him in my high school textbooks and no teacher mentioned his name as best as I can recall. Robeson figured prominently in Rutgers football history and much more than that. This year represents the 100th anniversary of his graduation from Rutgers in 1919; leading to another centennial celebration.

Robeson, the son of a runaway slave, was the first black football player at Rutgers and the third African-American student to attend the school.

In addition to his athletic prowess, which included 12 varsity letters in football, basketball, baseball and track, he was an accomplished scholar, artist and human rights advocate.

He attended Rutgers on a four-year academic scholarship. He is, perhaps, the most accomplished of all Rutgers graduates since its founding in 1766.

A two-time football All-American and member of the College Football Hall of Fame, after graduation, Robeson earned a law degree.

Nevertheless, as reported in a recent profile by the university, he decided to use “his artistic talents in theater and music to promote African and African-American history and culture. He achieved worldwide acclaim as a vocalist and actor on stage and screen.” In London, Robeson became internationally renowned for his lead role in Othello.

Rutgers president Robert Barchi spoke of Robeson’s role in the struggle for human dignity, democratic rights, and economic justice: “He could have made a fortune [and] been celebrated in every aspect of his life, whether as a professional athlete or a singer or a scholar, but he chose to be an activist, to stick up for causes that he believed in, although they were not popular at the time.”

In fact, Robeson became an activist during a time in our nation when segregation was legal, and African-Americans were being lynched in southern states.

Among my lasting freshman memories was discovering Paul Robeson for the first time and wearing the same colors he wore on the football field some 50 years earlier. More importantly, I came to appreciate that what he accomplished beyond athletics in the fight for human rights, is his most enduring legacy.

We could sorely use another Paul Robeson today.

Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

“North Shore Guidance Center Hosts Trivia Night,” Garden City News, August 22, 2019

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Aug 29, 2019 | In The Media

It was a night filled with friendly competition, great conversation and lots of fun as North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center held its first-ever Trivia Night!

The event, which was held at Gino’s Trattoria and Pizzeria of New Hyde Park, raised money for the Guidance Center, the leading mental health non-profit organization on Long Island. The Guidance Center’s mission is to promote the emotional wellbeing of children and their families all across Nassau County.

Many of the people who took part in Trivia Night were Garden City residents, including Danielle Lalehzar and Maria Arianas. “It was a super fun night, but what was most important is that the funds raised support the Guidance Center’s work to help young people who are experiencing issues like depression, anxiety and other mental health challenges,” says Lalehzar, who has been a committee member on several Guidance Center events in the past. “It’s a real blessing to have this incredible resource.”

Another Garden City resident who attended and spoke at Trivia Night was Paul Vitale, the president of the Guidance Center’s Board of Directors. “Many years back, when I first learned that one in five children or teens will experience a mental health issue, I was stunned,” says Vitale. “It’s crucial that we get the message out that there is help for these kids that truly can be lifesaving.”

The Guidance Center clients, who come from every Nassau County community, range in age from newborns to 24-year-olds and their families. The organization’s long list of services include help for children and teens who are experiencing bullying, substance use, divorce, school refusal, suicidal thoughts, depression and trauma of all kinds. Mothers with postpartum depression also find healing through the Guidance Center’s programs.

“When one child or family is helped, the entire community benefits,” says Lauren McGowan, a Garden City resident and Director of Development at the Guidance Center. McGowan brought her husband and two teenagers to the event, and everyone enjoyed the spirited competition. “It was a terrific night, and we will definitely do this again next year,” she says, adding, “We are grateful to all those who support our work, which makes the difference in thousands of lives each year.”

To contact the Guidance Center, call (516) 626-1971, or visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

“Young Americans Grapple with Loneliness,” by Andrew Malekoff, Blank Slate Media, August 19,2019

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Aug 20, 2019 | In The Media

By Andrew Malekoff

I cannot recall precisely how I was feeling or what my state of mind was during my late teens and early 20s, when my life revolved around school, work and relationships. The word that jumps to mind is uncertainty, which is a more formal way of saying that a lot was up in the air.

Maybe a clue to how I was feeling can be found on my bookshelf. I saved very few books from that era, some 50 years ago. One that I did keep is entitled “Loneliness and Love” by Clark E. Moustakas. I recall that the author didn’t present loneliness as a disease but rather a universal condition.

Was I lonely at the time? I’m not sure, as there are different kinds of loneliness. I had close relationships and absorbing work. I didn’t suffer for a lack of company, although I did live alone for several years. As Moustakas wrote: “There are many, many kinds of loneliness, but each experience is unique and each represents a different moment in life.”

Did my late teens and early adult years in the 1960s and ’70s offer me a different moment than young people today?

In an essay that was published last month in the Los Angeles Times, Varun Soni, dean of Religious Life at the University of Southern California, spoke to the changing nature of questions that his students raised over the course of his 11 years there. As he recalled, a decade ago they used to ask, “How should I live?” Today, he says, they are more likely to ask, “Why should I live?”

“Where they used to talk about hope and meaning, now they grapple with hopelessness and meaninglessness,” says Soni. “Every year, it seems, I encounter more stress, anxiety and depression, and more students in crisis on campus.” Among the most frequent questions students ask today, he says, is “How do I make friends?”

A recent study by Cigna revealed that loneliness is at epidemic levels in America, with nearly half of Americans reporting sometimes or always feeling alone or left out; one in four saying they rarely or never feel as though there are people who really understand them; and about half feeling they have meaningful interactions with a friend or family on a daily basis.

Cigna found that the loneliest generation was not older Americans, as one might guess, but rather young adults between the ages of 18 and 22.

To address this, USC offers various campus activities aimed at advancing connection and a sense of belonging, including yoga classes, friendship courses, meditation retreats and campfire conversations, to name just a few.

I don’t remember activities like this being offered when I attended school, but there were intramural sports, clubs and volunteer initiatives that offered the same opportunities for connection and belonging.

But there is more to it, according to Soni. He says that this generation has become increasingly disaffiliated with organized religion and the comfort and community it provides. They’ve also been exposed to active shooter trainings and school lockdown drills for most of their lives. This combination has contributed to “a crippling sense of anxiety and alienation.”

The only equivalency I can think of in the ’60s and early ’70s was the Vietnam War, which generated widespread protests across U.S. college campuses, and the tragedy of the 1970 Ohio National Guard shooting of 13 unarmed Kent State University students who were protesting the bombing of Cambodia. Four died. It was a time of anxiety. However, widespread dissent and organized protests seemed to galvanize young people and guard against alienation.

Moustakas wrote, “In loneliness, some compelling, essential aspect of life is challenged, threatened, altered, denied.” This rings true in our increasingly divided nation.
For today’s youth and young adults, there are compelling challenges that cannot be solved by attending yoga or meditation classes, although I highly recommend participation in enriching programs such as these.

The universal challenges we face today are as compelling as at any time in my life. Active participation in civic affairs that address a host of issues such as climate change or common sense gun reform is one way to prevent the loneliness of hopelessness and despair.

Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, call (516) 626-1971 or visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

“Garden City Resident Named President of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center,” Garden City News, August 2, 2019

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Aug 20, 2019 | In The Media

As an Executive Vice President at The Toy Association, Paul Vitale spends his days hard at work—not, as you might think, playing with the latest game or gadget! His role is of a more serious nature as he oversees the finance and operations of this leading toy industry trade association that represents businesses that design, manufacture, distribute and sell toys for kids of all ages.

The health and wellbeing of kids and their families is a prime focus of Vitale’s life. The Garden City resident recently was named President of the Board of Directors for North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, whose mission is to provide mental health services to children and families throughout Nassau County.

Although new to the role of President, Vitale has been part of the Guidance Center’s Board for more than two decades. “There are a myriad of challenging issues facing children and teens,” he says, “but help from the Guidance Center can have a lasting effect on them and the people around them, which benefits the entire community.”

Vitale says that in today’s culture, kids face more pressures than ever before. “A lot of the same issues exist—bullying, alcohol and drug abuse, depression and anxiety—that have been around for many years, but the constant, 24/7 access to social media has made it even harder on young people,” he says. “The need for help is so great, and that’s why having a community-based agency like the Guidance Center that doesn’t turn anyone away for inability to pay is such a blessing.”

The Guidance Center’s broad array of innovative mental health and substance use services makes the organization unique, Vitale notes. “The breadth of programming is really remarkable, with programs for kids from birth to 24. We have therapists and psychiatrists in three Nassau B.O.C.E.S. schools; there’s a wilderness program for teens; and there’s even a program to help mothers who are experiencing postpartum depression. It’s such an impressive array of services and a real treasure for Long Island.”

One crucial time that stands out in his mind is the period after 9-11, when so many children and families on Long Island were traumatized. “The attacks of 9-11 impacted so many Long Islanders, and the Guidance Center’s response was such a huge help in the bereavement process,” he says.

Community and family life are at the top of Vitale’s priority list. He has been happily married to his wife Marie for 37 years, and together they have three children and two grandchildren.

“We’ve lived in Garden City for 29 years and raised our kids here,” he says. “It’s a very close knit community, and I’m proud to be a part of it.”

According to Nancy Lane, who was Guidance Center Board President until recently, Vitale is well poised for this new role on the Board. “Paul is a longtime, dedicated Guidance Center Board member,” she says. “His knowledge and understanding of the agency’s mission and financial well-being is an invaluable asset.”

Vitale is looking forward to deepening his commitment to the Guidance Center. “It’s an honor to be President of the Board for an organization that’s been around for more than 65 years and does such important work.”

“In Wake of Shootings in Texas, Ohio,” By Andrew Malekoff, Newsday, Letters Section, Aug. 11, 2019

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Aug 20, 2019 | In The Media

In the wake of the mass shootings in Texas and Ohio, we heard a White House narrative that focused attention on the role of mental illness.

Although people living with mental illness have been targets of discrimination for centuries, studies show that they are disproportionately the victims and not the perpetrators of violence.

All people of goodwill must continue to fight against stigma and discrimination and also for the elimination of race and ethnic-based fear and intolerance.

Andrew Malekoff,

Long Beach

Editor’s note: The writer is executive director of the North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center in Roslyn Heights.

“No Fear, No Shame,” By Andrew Malekoff, Anton Media/LI Weekly, August 12, 2019

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Aug 20, 2019 | In The Media

Can you imagine what it would be like to feel no fear regardless of circumstance? I am not referring to being courageous or resolute in the face of grave danger. Rather, having no physiological response to perceived threats to one’s survival. Would you like to have that capacity? Sounds like having superpowers minus the ability to bend steel with your bare hands or leap tall buildings in a single bound.

Believe it or not, there is a condition, Urbach-Wiethe (UW) disease, that creates the no-fear effect.

In UW disease, which is incredibly rare, calcium deposits take over the amygdala, the part of the brain that is responsible for emotion and survival instincts. The result is the complete absence of fear.

A few years ago, Washington Post reporter Rachel Feltman wrote an article titled, “Meet the Woman Who Can’t Feel Fear.” She wrote about a woman that she refers to as SM who has been diagnosed with UW disease.

Feltman was able to get an interview with SM, who shared a personal example of what it is like to feel no fear. “I was walking to the store, and I saw this man on a park bench. He said, ‘Come here please.’ So I went over to him. I said, ‘What do you need?’ He grabbed me by the shirt, and he held a knife to my throat and told me he was going to cut me. I told him, ‘Go ahead and cut me.’ And I said, “I’ll be coming back, and I’ll hunt you [down].’ I wasn’t afraid. And for some reason, he let me go. And I went home.”

SM also reported being held at gunpoint on two occasions and said she did not feel the need to contact the police. After all of these incidents, she experienced no signs of trauma. She said that none of the threats to her life bothered her in the slightest.

It’s not that SM didn’t realize the grave danger she was in. She is intelligent enough to know that being held at gunpoint could lead to her death, but she lacks the acute stress response that everyone else feels when they are exposed to danger.

How would someone with UW—if they were a parent—respond to a threat of danger to their child? I imagine that if SM were a parent, when a fight-or-flight response fails, she would rely on her intelligence and her fearlessness to protect her child.

Reading about UW disease made me wonder: Are there other human conditions in which there is a profound absence of fear?

For example, people with personalities that are characterized by antisocial behavior tend to have shallow emotions and a weak conscience. Such people don’t experience anxiety or sadness like most of us do, but that doesn’t make them immune to fear in the face of mortal danger.

What they do seem immune to is shame.

There have been only about 400 cases of Urbach-Wiethe disease since it was first discovered in 1908. So there are not many people walking the earth today who experience a complete lack of fear. As for a lack of shame, I’m sad to say that it seems to be rapidly on the rise.

Thousands of children have been ripped from their mothers’ arms at the border. Many asylum seekers are living in inhumane conditions, lacking basics like food and water. Journalists, some of whom risk their lives to expose criminal and/or immoral behaviors in their search for truth, are being denigrated, threatened and even killed. Regulations protecting us and our children from toxins in the environment are being tossed out at an alarming rate.

I imagine you have other shameful things to add to that list.

For the majority of us who feel both fear and shame, it’s time to speak out—even if it can be a scary thing to do. It would be a real shame if we remain silent.

Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

“Neighbor Told Me, ‘Go Back to Prince Street,’” by Andrew Malekoff, Blank Slate Media, July 15, 2019

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Jul 23, 2019 | In The Media

By Andrew Malekoff

On Sunday, July 14, President Trump tweeted that four Democratic lawmakers, all women of color, should “go back” to where they came from. When I first read his tweet, it brought me back to my childhood. My family had just moved from a predominantly Jewish neighborhood in Newark, N.J.,  to a nearby suburb called Maplewood.

My grandparents were all Eastern European immigrants from Poland and Russia who fled persecution and settled in Newark to raise their families in the 1920s and 30s.

I wasn’t familiar with the suburbs. In Newark, everything was concrete. We lived in a flat. My friends and I played on the sidewalks and in the streets. I don’t remember seeing much green. No front lawns, few trees and maybe a small patch of grass in the back.

In Newark, the stores were just around the corner. I could walk anywhere: to the grocery, bakery, hot dog joint, candy store and luncheonette. In the suburbs wheels were needed to get most anywhere.

We left Newark in the summer of 1961, so that my younger brother and I could begin the year at our new school. I started to make a few new friends. We played close to home, often in someone’s backyard or driveway, especially if they had a basketball hoop. Or, we rode our bikes to the schoolyard or park.

As fall came, the leaves blanketed front yards. Everyone raked the leaves into the street and burned them. Fire in the street and the smell of burning leaves was something new to me and now an indelible memory.

Another memory is a day during my first winter in Maplewood when it snowed so much that school was canceled. My brother and I were up early in the morning and we went out to play in the snow. Snowball fights were a staple for boys in those days.

When I threw a snowball at a neighbor who was about my age, it must have stung because he ran into his house. The next thing I knew, his mother stepped outside and hollered at us, “Why don’t you go back to Prince Street!”

I didn’t know what she was talking about except I could tell from her red face and the sound of her voice that she was angry and didn’t want us around.

We went home and I asked my mom, “What is Prince Street?” She said, “Why are you asking me that?” I said, “The lady a few houses down told us we should go back there.” My mother was wearing a bathrobe and slippers. There was snow on ground but she stormed out of the house, walked two houses down, and started banging on that neighbor’s front door and screaming. She was enraged.

The neighbor lady never came out of her house. I didn’t understand what was going on.

When my mother returned, I asked her why she was so mad. I couldn’t quite make out what she was saying. I let it go, but the memory never left me.

Years later when the incident came to mind, I did a little research and discovered that Prince Street was Newark’s version of New York City’s Lower East Side, where a concentrated immigrant Jewish population of Eastern European descent resided in cold-water tenements. According to Newark historian Nat Bodian, “Yiddish was the primary language heard on the street. Pushcarts lined the curbs on both sides of the street.”

Despite one morning of unpleasantness as time went by our families resumed cordial relations. Although now understanding where my neighbor was coming from, I have since forgiven her.

If only the animus in our nation could be so easily remedied. If only, the president’s tweet was just a fleeting expression of anger, as offensive as it was, as opposed to further evidence of a deeply entrenched pattern of racial intolerance that is becoming normalized in the U.S.

All people of good conscience on both sides of the political battleground must transcend their partisan interests long enough to stand up and speak out against such expressions.

Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families, including support for pregnant and parenting teens and their babies. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

“Valedictorian Gives Back to Local Children’s Center,” Anton Media/Plainview-Old Bethpage Herald, June 26-july 2, 2019

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Jul 2, 2019 | In The Media

Audrey Shine has excelled during her time at Plainview-Old Bethpage High School, but she has also done great work away from school. One of the best examples of this is the valedictorian’s work at the nonprofit Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court in Westbury, which has been run by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center for about a decade.

“Over the summer, I got a phone call from a friend saying they were short on volunteers at the family court and needed a hand,” said Shine. “At the same time, I was simultaneously interning at a law office. When she said family court, I associated that with my current job and said that I was interested because it was right up my alley.”

Upon arriving at the center, Shine was expecting to deal with a lot of paper work and documents, as she did working in a secretarial role at the law firm. However, she realized that her friend left out the detail that she would be working at the children’s center in the court, working with and taking care of children, aged 6 weeks to 12 years, who have been dropped off by their parents, who are heading to a court session.

“I was expecting to be searching for matching audio files rather than searching for something far more elusive like a lifeboat or a Barbie doll,” said Shine. “After a day of working with the children, I knew I made the right choice, so I decided to stay.”

“She was great with them,” said Joan Antonik, one of the supervisors who
runs the center and worked closely with Shine. “She organized us a little bit. She was a very well-organized volunteer. She was wonderful with the children and with other high school volunteers. She was a go-getter. When we get a good [volunteer], we don’t want to let them go.”

Shine learned the stories about the children and how most of them came from lower-income minority families who are fighting legal battles right down the hall.

“While the child is there, they are not focused on what’s happening with the parents,” said Dr. Nellie Taylor-Walthrust, who is in charge of the Children’s Center program. “They are engaged in children’s play. They are supervised by professionally trained staff and its a fun place for the children to be.”

Despite the intimidating setting of the court, spending more time with the children made Shine not want to leave. Then, another opportunity to help the children came when she saw that each child could go home with a book.

“Every child that comes to the center can go home with a book of their choice,” said Taylor-Walthrust.

“We encourage the parents to read to their child and, if the child is able to read, to engage them to read.”

“I asked the supervisors at the center how they were getting these books,” said Shine. “They said they relied entirely on donations. I thought that wasn’t a very stable system. God forbid the donations stop pouring in.”

As an immigrant, Shine did not have a full grasp on English growing up. Through books, she was able to better understand the language. Literacy means a lot to her, so it was at that moment that Shine decided she wanted to make a difference by starting a book drive for the center.

“By providing these underprivileged children with the same resources I had growing up, I am confident they can learn to appreciate reading as much as I do,” said Shine.

“She just took it upon herself to go out and get these books,” said Antonik. “I don’t even know where she got them from.”

She began picking up books from friends and strangers around the area, driving around to pick these books up. Some local residents had entire boxes of books that they were no longer going to use.

“Some people only had a single book to spare but that didn’t matter to me because every book was equally valuable,” said Shine. “These books were lightly-used and ranged from picture books to chapter books, which fit the
age range of the children who attended the center.”

She ran the first book drive in the fall of 2018, coming away with more than 200 books. Despite a very successful drive, Shine wanted to keep going to continue helping the children center. This past spring, she ran her second book drive, this time partnering with the Plainview-Old Bethpage Public Library.

“They cycle books every season so there’s a lot of books that are no longer in circulation that are set aside and collect dust,” said Shine. “They said it would be wonderful if this was for charitable purposes so I thought it was perfect.”

With the new partnership, Shine collected more than 300 books for the children’s center, putting the total at more than 500 books collected at both drives. But she isn’t done yet as Shine is now in the midst of her summer book drive, the final drive that she will be running before heading to Harvard University in the fall.

“I don’t want this drive to die when I leave so I am passing the torch down to one of my friends,” said Shine. “For this last book drive, I am running it as a collective with underclassman at my high school and hopefully this is something they can continue for years to come.”

The children center does more than just give out books. They also give out backpacks, strollers, school supplies and many other things to help families who are dealing with legal struggles take care of their children. With only two staff members running the center and lots of volunteers, Antonik tries her best to make the center the best environment possible.

“[The children] see a lot of negative things, so we try to be positive and let them have fun,” said Antonik. “There’s a lot of stress in their lives at such a young age. We’re here for paternity, custody, visitation and support so the parents are constantly fighting. We’re really here to be comforting to [the children] and every day we want a child walking out of here with a better experience.”

If you are interested in donating or volunteering your time at the children’s center, call 516-493-4005. For more information on the program, visit www.northshorechild-guidance.org.

“Paul Vitale, Dan Oliver Board Announcement,” June 21-27, 2019, Long Island Business News

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Jun 26, 2019 | In The Media

“Paul Vitale Named President of Guidance Center Board,” Newsday, June 21, 2019

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Jun 26, 2019 | In The Media

“Guidance Center Hosts 23rd Annual Krevat Cup,” Anton Media, June 19-25, 2019

by North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center | Jun 26, 2019 | In The Media

North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center, a nonprofit children’s mental health agency on Long Island, hosted a fundraising event at the 23rd annual Jonathan Krevat Memorial Golf & Tennis Classic.

The event, which was held on June 3, at the North Hempstead Country Club in Port Washington, raised $140,000 to support the Guidance Center’s work to bring hope and healing to children and families dealing with mental health or substance use challenges.
This year, the event honored the staff of mental health professionals at the Guidance Center.

“As they say, it takes a village and the people who are at the heart of our work healing children and families are an incredible team,” said Andrew Malekoff, executive director of the Guidance Center. “Whether they are social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, family advocates or others, they are devoted to providing the most compassionate care for every child, teen or family member who walks through our doors.”

This year’s speaker was Jennifer Pearlman, a licensed mental health counselor at the Guidance Center received her B.A. in psychology from Queens College and her Master’s in Mental Health Counseling from Brooklyn College. Pearlman shared the inspiring story of one of her young clients who came to her depressed and anxious, but after completing treatment told her, “Miss Jen, you gave me my life back.”

Pearlman described her experience as a social worker as “being there for people in their most vulnerable and desperate times in their life. It is supporting people through crisis. It is empowering people to become their best selves. It is teaching skills and helping people access their inner strength, even when they don’t feel they have it. It is being a safe space for people to share their most intimate thoughts and fears.”

The co-chairs for this year’s Krevat Cup were Michael Schnepper and board members Michael Mondiello and Troy Slade. In addition, Dan Donnelly, who was the emcee and board member, Andrew Marcell shared the auctioneer’s block.

“It’s all about the kids,” said Donnelly, a longtime supporter of the Guidance Center. “I consider it a privilege to be here today to help raise money to support the incredible work that truly makes a difference in the lives of children and their families.”

— Submitted By North Shore Child and Family 
Guidance Center