In 2018 I released the results of a research study that I organized on the barriers people face finding timely access to quality mental health care. The study entailed soliciting Long Islanders’ experiences regarding their difficulty or success in accessing care.
One of the findings was that as the result of health insurers paying substandard rates of reimbursement for mental health care as compared to physical health care, many providers were driven away from accepting consumers’ private health insurance. The consequence is that someone seeking help has to either pay unaffordable rates out of pocket or keep looking when the volume of providers accepting insurance is shrinking.
The study led to press coverage, which prompted an unexpected phone call from a young woman in her early 20s who introduced herself as Nicole Nagy. She told me that she saw a clip about the project on News 12 Long Island and that she could relate to what we found in the study. She went on to tell me a little bit about herself – that she had been living with mental illness since her early teen years and that she had written a book about it. She said she called me because, “I want to get involved in some way.”
I asked Nicole if she would be open to meeting with me to have a longer conversation to which she agreed. I said, “But before we meet I would really love to read your book.” I asked her for the title and where I could buy a copy. We set a date to get together and I ordered her book.
It was a distinct privilege to read Nicole’s “Creative Mind.” Although the subtitle of her extraordinary book is “A Diary of Teenage Mental Illness,” it could have been more aptly subtitled, “A Diary of Teenage Innocence, Angst, Courage, Resilience, Humor, Heart, Tenacity, Mental Illness and Much More.”
I sailed through Nicole’s moving memoir. which was in equal parts heartbreaking and uplifting. She tells the story of living with an illness of the brain, while navigating the worlds of peers, family, school, work and therapy. The memories and reflections she shares are presented with transparency, uncompromising honesty and a healthy helping of good humor given the grueling subject matter.
On Page 31 Nicole writes about when she first came to grips with what was going on with her. “The doctors told me that anxiety is a part of depression or it had developed into it. People always say that with depression there is anxiety and vice versa. To know I finally had a reason to be feeling this way was comforting and taking medication could help me feel less depressed. I felt better knowing that I wasn’t some crazy kamikaze pilot flying off course and actually had some illness.”
It is so important when one is living with an illness of any kind to have a proper assessment and diagnosis. It is the uncertainty, the not-knowing what’s wrong that compounds one’s stress. And the strain for people living with mental illness is intensified as the result of the associated stigma and discrimination that most people with physical illnesses do not have to contend with at the same time they are working toward recovery.
More than a memoir, Nicole’s story is a declaration that we can all join the fight against stigma and discrimination. As she said, “I believe that if people share their own personal testimony of dealing with mental illness, or any type of struggles, then the world will be smarter about this stuff and do a better job of fixing it.”
Nicole is a role model – a caring young woman who has been through a lot, yet she walks the walk with her head high when it comes to advocating for change. After our initial get together she became an ombudsman for timely access to care and met with a number of local New York state legislators in the process, urging them to support the enforcement of federal mental health parity laws that were designed to improve access to care.
In the last paragraph of “Creative Mind,” Nicole celebrates her exhausting journey that led her to graduate school to study social work. She concludes her diary with this line, “This is not the end of me, this is just the beginning.”
I highly recommend “Creative Mind” to teens, young adults, college students, parents, teachers, pediatricians, counselors and anyone else who cares about young people. This is a memoir that is filled with honesty, humanity and hope; and, which will leave a lasting impression.
Andrew Malekoff is a New York State licensed clinical social worker.
VarsityR Alumni Making a Difference: Andrew Malekoff
An accomplished alumnus and a remarkable athlete during his time On The Banks, Andrew Malekoff graduated from Rutgers University in 1973. He was the definition of a hard working and committed student-athlete during his time at Rutgers. During his 4 years at the university, Andrew played 4 different sports including football, wrestling, lacrosse, and rugby. Football was the sport he stayed with for all 4 years, becoming the defensive captain in 1972 during his senior year when he was honored with the Frank Burns Award for his mental and physical toughness.
Andrew thrived in the competitive environment of intercollegiate athletics and he made lifelong friendships. When asked about a highlight of his time at Rutgers, he mentioned a period of time during his freshman year (1969-1970) when the Vietnam War had reached its peak and massive protests had started to take place around campus. During this time, he describes this political and social awakening as enlightening and powerful. As a student, he found an opportunity to listen and gain understanding of the important events happening around him. The unity and passion that emerged from this experience helped shape Andrew’s view and experience at Rutgers.
After graduating, Andrew attended free agent tryouts with the New York Jets, Eagles, and Giants and continued to play Rugby. He worked at different jobs and was not quite sure about the direction he wanted to go for his post-graduate life. In 1974, Andrew joined the AmeriCORPS VISTA and worked in Nebraska in a Mexican-American community. He helped to renovate an old church into a community center that was used to promote emotional well being and prevent drug and alcohol abuse. He then moved on to work at the Mid-Nebraska Community Mental Health Center. Here, he worked as a drug-counselor coordinator and youth educator. His work with VISTA and the mental health center helped guide him towards a field of work he was truly passionate and excited about. With this, Andrew went back to school to earn his master’s in social work and began building his career.
Today, Andrew Malekoff is a licensed Clinical Social Worker and Alcohol & Substance Abuse Counselor. He is the Executive Director and CEO of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center and Editor-in-Chief of Social Work With Groups. He has written and edited 12 books, including the third edition textbook Group Work with Adolescents: Principles andPractice. The Guidance Center is a non-profit mental health agency that works with children from birth up to 24 years old and their families. The organization prioritizes its patients and will never turn away someone in need. Andrew works tirelessly to ensure that everyone who comes to the Guidance Center gets the help they need and deserve.
For a long time, mental health has been stigmatized and pushed aside. It is not a priority when it comes to health and well-being and to some, mental illness is seen as a weakness or “fake.” Not only do people struggle to reach out for the help they need for fear of being judged, but for many there is limited access to resources, making it nearly impossible to get help they need. Andrew is a strong advocate for timely and affordable access to mental health care. Insurance companies pay substandard rates to mental health providers making it difficult for providers to accept and still be able to survive. Without insurance coverage, mental health services can be unaffordable. It is important and it should not be something pushed aside or stigmatized. Everyone deserves the opportunity to get the help they need when it comes to mental health, and Andrew Malekoff is helping to make that happen.
VarsityR members like Andrew dedicate their lives to make a difference by having a positive impact in their communities. His dedication, tireless efforts, and leadership has helped countless people and continues to make a difference in how the world views mental health. Today at Rutgers, the athletic department has made major strides in taking mental health more seriously and providing our athletes with the resources to get the help and care they need. With graduates like Andrew Malekoff, Rutgers will be able to continue to reach this goal.
North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is dedicated to providing the highest quality services in order to restore and strengthen the emotional well-being of children and their families.
Joining us in this lifesaving mission are two of our most devoted and active supporters, Andrea and Michael Leeds.
“It’s been a privilege to be part of the Guidance Center,” says Andrea, who has been an invaluable member of our Board of Directors for more than two decades. “The Guidance Center’s programs continue to grow to meet the needs of children dealing with difficult personal issues like depression, anxiety, bullying and so many others. The mission is more important now than ever during the COVID crisis, with illness, death and trauma having a devastating impact on the children and families in our community.”
All in the Family
The Leeds family’s connection to the Guidance Center has a long history. Andrea was introduced to the Guidance Center by her mother-in-law, Lilo Leeds, a Board Member for many years. In recognition of the family’s remarkable intergenerational support, in 2007 we named our Westbury location “The Leeds Place—Serving Young People.”
Michael and Andrea with Lilo and Gerry Leeds at The Leeds Place
As philanthropists, Andrea and Michael have assumed many leadership roles. They have co-chaired seven galas and served as co-honorees for our 65th Anniversary Gala in 2018, which raised a record-breaking $622,000 to support our lifesaving work.
Andrea has proudly served on many Guidance Center committees, including Steering & Development. She and Michael hosted a special evening in their home, where therapist Linda Silversmith led the discussion as grandparents shared stories and gained insight on the importance of their role in the American family.
Andrea and Board Member Jo-Ellen Hazan also co-chaired a memorable dinner where Mary Tyler Moore spoke about her life to a large and appreciative crowd. The event created awareness and raised funds to support the important work of the Guidance Center’s then-new Lucille S. and Martin E. Kantor Bereavement & Trauma Center.
Through these events, the Leeds have introduced our mission to many of their wonderful friends, with several becoming Board members themselves or serving in other vital positions.
“It’s a joy to be able to give back to the community,” says Andrea. “When you are personally involved, you receive so much more than you give.” When their daughters were young, Andrea played an active role in their school, synagogue and many other organizations, while Mike headed up publishing giant CMP Media.
“I love how the Guidance Center has provided an ever-evolving range of innovative services for children and their families—and they do so regardless of the family’s ability to pay,” says Andrea. “The new Douglas S. Feldman Suicide Prevention Project is a prime example of how the Guidance Center recognizes a need and jumps right in to make a difference.”
Adds Michael, “It’s been inspiring to see how the Guidance Center has responded so quickly to the COVID-19 crisis, pivoting from in-person therapy to telehealth so every child and family gets the help they need during this incredibly difficult time.”
Big Hearts and Boundless Energy
Andrea and Michael are very proud of their wonderful family: twin daughters Caryn and Lauren, Tracy, son-in-law Nick and grandson Samuel. While the family is now bicoastal, they spend as much time together as possible.
Andrea and Michael with their daughters, son-in-law and grandson.
“When I walk through the doors of the Guidance Center and look at the parents, I totally relate,” says Andrea. “As the mother of three girls, I understand a child in pain. I understand the relief a family can feel when treatment is helping to sort out complex, emotional situations.”
According to past Board President and current Board Member Nancy Lane, the Leeds’ compassion for others is what sets them apart.
“Both Andrea and Michael have big hearts and boundless energy, and they continue to be passionate advocates for the mental health of children and families in our community,” says Lane. “Having such a dynamic couple as part of our Guidance Center family is a real blessing.”
If your child or teen is expressing suicidal thoughts or feelings, we can help through our Douglas S. Feldman Suicide Prevention Project. To learn more, click here.
To learn more about supporting North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, contact Director of Development Lauren McGowan at (516) 626-1971, ext. 320.
In this monthly column, therapists from North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center answer your questions on issues related to parenting, mental health and children’s well-being. To submit a question, email NSCFGCexperts@gmail.com.
Question:My sons, who are four and seven, seem to be having more bad dreams than usual. They’ve both woken up during the night saying they were scared that we would die or get sick and they’d be left all alone. Any tips how to handle these nightmares?
—Up at Night
Dear Up at Night: The pandemic is impacting the daily lives of our children in numerous ways, with anxiety related to remote learning difficulties, loss of social activities and fear of illness and death creating a mental health crisis. So, it’s no surprise that COVID worries are also encroaching on their nights.
With our younger clients, we use creative ways such as drawing or playing with toys to help them express and process their fears. Many of them have been drawing scary monsters or big waves that overwhelm them, which reflects the fact that feel they have no control over the virus. Odds are that your boys are having the same thoughts.
There are several things you can do to help your kids at bedtime. First, suggest that they comfort themselves with items that help them feel safe, such as a favorite stuffed animal or a special blanket. You could also try a practice that we use with clients, called “Grounding in the Five Senses,” which involves thinking about five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. This process helps them let go of their worry of the future and focus on the here and now.
Some other strategies:
Stick to their normal bedtime routine, perhaps reading an extra book that focuses on a happy, comforting topic.
Validate their worry and other feelings so they feel seen and heard.
Model reassurance and safety either verbally (“I’m here, I will protect you”) or physically with a hug.
Encourage them to imagine happy endings for their dreams before bedtime.
Limit their exposure to COVID-related news—but do respond to any of their questions in an age-appropriate way.
Question:As the mom of a daughter who has depression and anxiety, I feel guilty thinking about spending time on my own needs. Is it selfish to want some me-time?
—Exhausted Mom
Dear Exhausted Mom: Have you ever heard that if an airplane loses cabin pressure, parents should put on their oxygen masks first, so they are able to help their children?
It’s way past time that moms (and dads, too) learn that self-care isn’t selfish, especially if you have a child with special needs. If you are depleted and neglect your own mental and/or physical health, you won’t be able to be there for your family.
Prioritize your wellness, even if you have to tell yourself you are doing it for your daughter. The basics: Get enough sleep; fit in some exercise, even in five-minute spurts (it all adds up!); add a short period of meditation to your daily routine; and eat healthy foods. Most important of all: Ask for help! Family and friends rally around you if your child has cancer. Chances are, they’ll want to be there for you when the issue is mental health.
During the pandemic, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is seeing clients remotely via telehealth platforms or, when deemed necessary, in person. To make an appointment, call us at (516) 626-1971 or email intake@northshorechildguidance.org.
