By Tracy Brown, LCSW and volunteer with the Guidance Center

Emotions often get a bad rap. Many people were taught in childhood, either explicitly or implicitly, that experiencing strong emotions is a weakness or something to suppress. Have you ever been told to “just get over it,” “move on,” or “let it go” when you were upset? While often well-intentioned, this advice overlooks a fundamental truth: there is a reason we have emotions: because we need them!

Emotions can give us important information about a situation. They serve as signals that we are reacting to something in our environment or internally. They motivate our behavior and prepare us for action. They can help us save time when we need to act quickly. Emotions aren’t a flaw in our design—they are the design. However, it is important to understand that our emotions are often triggered by our thoughts or interpretations of events.

Every person experiences a wide variety of emotions (even if they aren’t aware of them). That’s what it means to be human. Without emotions, we wouldn’t be calm or strong or better regulated—we’d be robots. Emotions aren’t the problem; misunderstanding them or giving them the driver seat is.

So let’s talk about what emotions actually do for us.

Fear & Anxiety: Our Built-In Alarm System

Fear and anxiety were evolutionarily designed to keep us safe. Our fight or flight mechanism scans the environment for potential threats and prepares the body to respond quickly. Long ago, these emotions helped cave men to instinctively escape predators. In today’s world, they might arise when sensing danger, but they also may come up in less physically threatening situations, for example, when preparing for a presentation, trying to meet a deadline, or when thinking about an upcoming challenging social situation.

Anxiety not only motivates us to avoid or get out of dangerous situations; it also motivates us to problem solve and plan ahead. Without anxiety, how many of us would wake up on time for work, or be motivated to complete a project before a deadline?

The problem isn’t anxiety itself—it becomes problematic when the alarm goes off and we misinterpret or overestimate a threat. When anxiety turns into long periods of unproductive rumination, or leads to avoiding important tasks or activities that can actually be beneficial, it stops being helpful and starts running the show. That’s when we need to take a closer look at our relationship to anxiety, and seek help when we recognize it’s taken over and it’s not helping us reach our goals.

Still, its original purpose remains protection. So trying to suppress it is not the goal. You want to understand it, and find ways to relate to it in a healthy way.

Anger: The Boundary Setter

Anger often gets labeled as “bad,” but anger is often an emotion of information. It tells us that something feels unfair, threatening, or violating. Anger helps us recognize our boundaries and gives us the energy to defend them.

Healthy anger can lead to assertiveness, change, and justice. Unchecked or suppressed anger, on the other hand, can turn inward (as shame or anxiety) or outward (as aggression).

Anger isn’t the enemy—it’s a signal asking to be understood and channeled.

Sadness: The Emotion of Loss and Healing

Sadness shows up when we lose something—whether that’s a person, a dream, a phase of life, or a sense of safety. It slows us down so we can process, reflect, and heal.

Sadness also invites connection. When we allow ourselves to feel it, we often receive comfort and support from others. It reminds us of what matters.

Avoiding sadness doesn’t make it disappear—it just finds other ways to show up.

Joy: The Reinforcer

Joy tells us, This matters. This is good for me. It reinforces behaviors, relationships, and experiences that bring meaning and connection. Joy helps us build resilience—it doesn’t erase hardship, but it gives us something to return to.

Joy isn’t meant to be constant. It’s meant to be savored.

Disgust: The Protector

Disgust protects us from physical and emotional harm. It keeps us away from spoiled food, unsafe environments, and situations that feel deeply wrong. It’s a powerful protective  emotion, even if we don’t always recognize it as such.

When an Emotion Takes Over the Driver’s Seat

Emotions are meant to be signals, not dictators.

When one emotion starts running your thoughts, choices, body, and behaviors, it may be time to pause and get support.That doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means your nervous system is working overtime and you may benefit from support in managing these emotions.

Therapy, support, skills, and connection don’t eliminate emotions. They help you listen to them without being controlled by them.

The Goal Isn’t to Get Rid of Emotions

The goal isn’t to “fix” anxiety, silence anger, or avoid sadness.

The goal is to understand what your emotions are trying to tell you—and to respond with curiosity and balance instead of fear.

Because emotions aren’t the problem.

They’re part of the solution.

 

If your child is struggling to manage difficult emotions, you are not alone. The team at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is here to help. Call (516) 626-1971 to learn more about the programs and services offered.